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I was wondering if those who have had bigger gaps between children found that it made it harder to make the decision to try again?
I am thinking of waiting 1-2 years before trying again but I am worried I am going to enjoy the sleep (once I start getting it!!) and lack of nappies but I really would like 3-4 children.
What do you all think?
For me (and I know Seth's not in the big wide world yet LOL) I dreaded the thought of having children far apart, would they get along etc How would I cope etc. But having seen Dante with the twins, and now how Paris is with the boys I am glad we are having a larger gap now. And if it weren't for the fact we will probably stop at 2 I would do the same for #3. I just personally am looking forward to the fact that she understands when I say I'm tired. She doesn't feel in competition for my attention, because she can help and they both get a different type of attention. Also having her starting 4 y.o kinder next year means that bubs will get plenty of 1 on 1 time with mum (which is only fair considering paris had me for 4 yrs ;)) and also if I need sleep I can at least 2 days a week.
But there are pro's and cons for both, but for me this is it.
*hugs*
Cailin
I love having the 2.5yr gap and for me it was really hard to get back out of bed again 3 or 4 times a night after 2 years of solid sleep. (Kam slept through from 14wks) Especially when your toddler didn't sleep during the day !!
Love
I am also interested to hear what others experiences are on this.
Aidyn is already 1.5 years old, and we haven't even set a date for TTC again yet. Although I am adamant that I want another one, DP is not so sure.
I keep thinking I don't want any more than 3 years between my kids, but that would mean I only would have 1 more year in which to fall pg... and I dont want to have force DP to make a decision sooner than he is ready.
I am just worried that if there is too large a gap they wont be able to be 'friends' and play with each other as easily, etc.
My mum had my sister, me 27months later and then a 5 year gap before my next sister (not by choice - she had a m/c at 20ish weeks in there). I have to say that I get along a lot better with my younger sister & brother than my older.
I remember on Christmas days helping my brother make his lego models & dressing my sisters barbies for her when they were too little. I loved it! Mum did as well - she has said it was like having a little mother hen helping her!
I think the thing that DH & I have come to the conclusion was if we had another baby it would have to be in a few years because I don't think I could cope too much atm with two little ones... I have friends with 3-4 year differences & its great within their families :)
I am the same as you, Christy. I want to leave a 3 year gap. I just don't think I would cope being pregnant and dealing with Gabby at the same time.
I have a friend who has an 11 month old and she is due to have her second baby in February. She is really struggling atm because her daughter is teething and has decided to stop sleeping through the night. I just don't think I could go through that just yet.
I also joke and say that I need a few bourbons between kids ;)
hi kelly
i had only 21mths between my first two and then 4 1/2 yrs between jay and lani
i found benefits and disadvantages in both age gaps, my biggest problem is the tiredness (but i am nearly 37 lol) i must admit when i was prg with lani i felt omg why am i doing this all over again - my life was going to be nappy and baby free lol, but of course i wouldn't change it for the world.
another slight disadvantage is that most of my friends (whom i met when my first dd was a baby) have mostly finished having their families and most of the last lot of kiddies are off to kinder or school next year so they have alot of free time and grown up time - whereas i have to drag lani around everywhere, but they don't mind and they understand.
i also found that i felt like a new mum again but with more experience iywim and i found that jay is so good with her and he helps so much and understands the time that babies take up.
good luck in what you decide
We are leaving a big gap, we won't be trying until Jonah starts school. I don't really feel siblings should be close together so they will be friends and play together, I think they should be encouraged more to make friends outside the home and as long as they "get along" it doesn't really matter if they don't play together IYKWIM?
I would prefer to have Jonah have my full attention until he's a little more independant and can understand the whole aspect of having a little brother or sister. We plan to tell him about having a brother or sister right up until the time is right and get books and things and of course he will have been to kinder and been around other children and therefore learnt about sharing and so forth.
I agree with Cailin about being able to give the new baby 1 on 1 time whilst the older one is at kinder, in our case school, and when the baby is sleeping (hopefully) 1 on 1 time can be had with the older child.
But I know there are advantages and disadvantages to having them close together and far apart, I guess you just have to go with what you feel is right for you and your family.
Well I have 2.5 years between Emma & Jack and then a huge gap between Jack & Asha (almost 7 years).
The age gap between Em & Jack is good, although at the moment they are driving me crazy with the fighting!!! Emma was toilet trained by the time Jack was born (night and day) and was such a good helper. She was also able to spend time on her own playing so that I could feed Jack and do washing etc.
The gap between Jack & Asha was circumstance more than choice. There are some really good benifits to having such a huge gap, Em & Jack are independent and able to feed and water themselves so when I was feeding Asha they could look after themselves. They have been fantastic helpers and make great babysitters when I want to have a shower and do other things (few more years and they can baby sit when we go out!!!).
I did find it hard to get used to waking up during the night again and felt like a train wreck for the first few months! It didn't help that I took longer to recover form this c-section than the one with Jack (I was 6 years older). The other thing I worry about now is if we do decide to have another bay how long do I leave it. I did mention to Ryan that I wanted to start TTC again soon but he wasn't so keen on the idea. I think I will work full time next year and perhaps part way through next year we will start TTC so that the baby will be due early 2007 (Asha will turn 3 in June 2007) so the gap will be like that of Em & Jack.
Wow had lots of stuff to type! Good luck in making your decision ... I guess I am going through the same thing.
Cheers
We chose a two year gap, but it's taken so long to get pregnant, that by the time this bubs is born, it'll be a 5, almost 6 year gap! I really wanted them to be closer together in age, so they could be close, and play with each other lots etc. But now that it's turned out this way I can see the benefits. Harmony seems to be at that age where she'll be less likely to be jealous of the new bubs.
Also, she's at an age where she can ask questions about the pregnancy, about babies, about the birth, and even make a more informed decision about whether or not she wants to be at the birth. She also seems really keen to help out. We've talked about how the baby won't be able to play much at first, and have worked out things Harmony can do to entertain her, such as play peek a boo, this little piggy and other rhymes like that, read to her and sing to her. I just feel that she's at an age where she can think this way lol.
This question I guess is inherently imbedded in the gap question.. what about diapers? Is the load that much more with 2 in diapers? (I know cloth and disposable would be different.. cloth would be work load, and disposable would be more financial cost). How does this compare, having 2 in diapers, compared to one? Worth waiting for toilet training? Experiences?
ETA: I guess I could ask the same on breastfeeding.. but thats another whole thread in itself.. lol
Hi Kelly,
I have 3 years between Aaron and Corey and it is great. Aaron is old enough to understand that he must be gentle with Corey and is happy to help out whenever he can.
Aaron is able to do things for himself so it makes thing so much easier, i don't know if i could cope if i had them any closer together.
Good luck in making your decision.
Take care Leah :D
Well I can give the point of view from the child! lol
I have 6 brothers and sisters (3 of each) and my mum was pregnant with me (im the youngest) when my sister was pregnant with her first LOL
There is 21 years between my eldest sibling and I and 10 years between me and the 2nd youngest and while its extreme gaps, I will never have kids that far apart.
While I do get along with them all now when I was younger I wished I had younger brothers and sisters to interact with, That said they came in handy in my teens for lifts etc haha
I have a neice the same age as me, who was more like my sister...
Im not leaving more than 4 years at the VERY max ;)
We haven't even thought about an age gap! See what happens.
Hi - I wanted three years between children - the first had to be out of nappies and the cot before the second one was on it's way. Things haven't worked out that way and there will be almost exactly four years between.
Like someone said back there, there's pros and cons to both ... and I like the idea of the one on one time with the new baby, Cait will also be at kinda next year after he's born.
Barb.
There is a 2 year gap between my eldest two children and a 8 year gap until i had my third. It wasnt through lack of trying though. I find it great.
The elder two love their little sister and are great helpers. I have found Pheonix is learning very quickly from watching them also.
From a parents pont of view though a long gap is a HUGE shock to the system. No more sleeping in for one lol. But overall its been ok.
Hi we have a 26 month gap between first and second, 21/2 year gap between second and third and a 6/12 year gap between 3rd and fourth. I found that while it was hard work when the kids were closer together that they did get on relatively well together. I look back on those years though and lots of it seems like a blur of sleepless nights and endless nappies..LOL. This time around with a bigger gap I am able to enjoy Sammy like a first child all over again. The girls are not threatened by him at all and there is no competition like I had when the girls were born. However it has been a bit of a shock to the system having a newborn again when the girls are relatively independent. I guess there are positives and negatives to any age gaps.
Jo
We have 22mths between Mason and Angus. I did find it hard as I basically couldn't put Angus down for weeks as Mason would sit on him. Maybe this is the reason that Angus is clingier at this age than Mason was. It was also stressful for me to do two in nappies, especially with Mason being later to be toilet trained so cloth nappies go the chuck.
Hopefully Angus will be toilet trained or nearing it by the time the next one comes along. I was also considering waiting a bit longer and maybe planning on the next baby for when Mason starts in school but then the age gap may be a bit too big.
Well we too have both!
Jordan was 2 mths off 5 when Josh was born, we didn't set out to have a big gap, but as we wanted to set ourselves up bf having more and by the time we both worked for awhile and brought a house and got engaged Jordan was 3 and a half and we decided we better do something about another. Josh was 3 and a half when Jemma was born. Both these gaps was great work load wise. It never phased me the bit about going back to it, I always knew I wanted more so it wasn't even something I thought of to be honest. Jordan was at kinder when Josh was born and I was working FT. Then when Jemma came along I gave up work and stayed home with Josh and Jemma. I felt great about his cos it gave me the time to spend with Josh before kinder, even though we had a baby at home too. He could do lots for himself at 3 and a half so no stress.
When Jemma was 6mths we decided to have no. 4 and be finished by the time we were 30, and so by the time Jemma was 9 mths I was pg with Jessica. I don't think I was any tireder than any other pg, because I always worked while pg anyway. Jemma was in clothe nappies and I didn't see this as a drama. Josh was in kinder for most of my pg and that was prob the hardest bit cos kinder is terrible for being an in and out yr, and having a 1 yr old and being pg/having the baby in Sept made it tougher. Luckily for me Jemma tooilet trained in the 3 mths after jessica came along, but I found that as I was home and not working it wasn't as hard as my parenting had been when I was working, even with the 4 kids.
We were concerned for Jemma, being the one who had a close sibling, that she would miss out, but I don't believe she has and to watch the 2 littlies play together is priceless. Jordan and Joshua do argue a bit but I am not sure it wouldn't be the same even if they were close.
I liked the big gap and maybe if i had of had 2 close together first up we may not have had 4. Who knows.
Hope that helps you Kelly!
Cheers michelle
We ave almost 7 yrs between our 2!
Not by choice, but it's actually good... maddy is at school & I get all day with Indah, then I get Maddy to do her reader etc to both Indah & I, whilst I feed & then Indah goes to Daddy while Maddy & I do something, like walk to milkbar or whatever!!!
It's not how we planned it, but it's actually fine...
But I think I will try for 1 more in July/August!!!!
I also must say i feel better prepared this time & the night feeds etc are enjoyable time with Indah...
There will be almost six years to the day between mine. The gap was necessary to be on my own and then find my wonderful DH. I would like another one 2-3 years after this one ... but DH says he only wants the one more ... we'll see
We have 22months between our two, and I'm quite happy with the age gap. We planned it this way as its my easiest year at uni this year so having another baby fit in well, I didnt have to take any time off at all. Plus if I waited til I had finished uni and establishe dmy teaching career, we would have at least a 6yr gap which I personallyy thought was too big.
The first few weeks were hard while Lucy adjusted to sharing mummy, but she loves her little 'brudda' so much, its adorable. i'm really glad I had them close together so they can be friends. I grew up with lots of sisters all close in age and it was great. :D
xxxCaz
I've been thinking about it lately (*L* yup, and I haven't even had the 1st one quite yet!) and I'm hoping DH will be agreeable with a 3-4yr gap.
One of my main motivations for wanting this kind of gap is that I was SO sick with M/S during this pregnancy that I'm not sure I could cope with a 2yr old if I was to have bad M/S with the next pregnancy. I had a three year gap between me & my sister and then another 4 year gap to my younger twin brothers. I used to love taking care of my younger siblings when I was a child.
hey becka, I was worried about this too as I was quite sick with Lucy and lost heaps of weight ealry one. but I actually found it was good having a toddler around to look after cos it kept my mind off it, and I had a lot less time to feel sorry for myself, I just had to keep going, so that crappy feeling soon passed before I knew it!:
Hope you're not sick next time and dont have to worry about it!
xxxCaz
This is really interesting to me, my dd will be turning 6 next month so we will probably have a 7year gap or possibly more!
I worry about the big difference, but I know that I will be able to involve DD with bathing, feeding etc.
I worry about being used to no night time feeds, but then, DD usually wakes during the night anyway so having to do night time feeds should be no different (hopefully)
I worry sometime that because DD has spent all this time being an only child, how will she adjust to our new life. How will she cope with people arriving to see the 'new' baby, bringing gifts etc... This is a biggie with me at the moment, DH's family are really into lavishing all the attention on whichever of their children have the youngest baby! The last thing I need is them arriving on my doorstep a dozen times a day to see the new addition, especially when they dont make much effort to see my DD now.
This subject is something i think about a lot, yet I can't remember anything else at the moment!
Nic
nic,
I camn say that Maddy felt really upset & hurt about a week before Indah's due date. We had gone to a family party & EVERYONE asked her if she was excited about the new baby coming!
When we got home, I heard her crying in her room (She was also VERY tired!)
When I asked what was wrong she said "why did everyone ask me about the baby, but not ask how I was!?"
I realised then that although she is/was excited about the baby, that's really all anyone ever talked about!
So I made a focused effort to talk to her about her for the neext few weeks til Indah was born, I also now m ake sure I have asked about school, tease her about her boyfriend etc, etc!!!
But she adores Indah & I think the gap is fine!!!
Didnt have much choice really, cant turn back time!!!
Thanks for that Tracey, I will have to remember to make sure that not only us but everyone else has some sort of 'focus' on DD.
We had thought of buying DD a present from the baby, but I don't know if she would be getting a little too old for this??
Nic
I don't think your dd is too old to get a big sister present. I think Tracey is right, the key is to make sure that the other children are not left out and while they are terrific helpers at the start that does wear off unfortunately. Reassurance and ensuring she gets attention and knows she is important, and I think you'll all be fine.
Cheers michelle
Thanks Michelle!! I like the sound of a "Big Sister present" :)
Will definately remember that one.
Nic
Through choice we have an 8 year gap between our daughter and son. Initially I wasn't keen to have another child because we had virtually no support from our families (interstate and elderly). I also kinda knew my limitations and didn't think I could handle having two little ones at home at once. I don't drive and felt very isolated with my first child when she was a baby. Then when she was 4 I decided to return to uni to finish a degree I'd started as a school-leaver... that delayed further children. During my 3 years of study I worked part time at my daughter's school in their Early Learning Centre. It had a 0-2 room as well. I ended up working there for 5 years and learnt so much. Anyhow I graduated whilst pregnant with my second child! It's all been wonderful in terms of how my daughter really enjoyed the arrival of DS and how helpful she is. Now she is nearly 11 she changes his nappy, takes him for walks around the block, has a bath with him and gets driven to despair at times just like me so we commiserate together. I feel they have a very special bond which is far better than the years of fighting and competition that I had with my sister (2 years younger). Having said that we are TTC now and it will be intersting to see how the dynamics change!
Nic,
We gave maddy a tamagotchi from Indah, she'd accidentally put her first tamagotchi in the dofs water when filling the water bowl... So really wanted another....
She was also given a book about big sisters etc from my friend, so she felt quite special...
She told me this morning that she is still surprised, coz she always dreamt of being a big sister & sometimes she thinks she has just dreamed we have Indah, but when she realises it's true, she said she feels so happy!
I am sure you'll be fine!!!!
We have an 8 year (plus 1 day) gap between our two. Although we planned to have them 3 years apart, nature chose otherwise.
I love the fact that I had quality time with Vivienne whilst she was young and we have built a great relationship together. She is such an amazing girl - strong and confident, yet loving, helpful, caring and sensitive.
She loves Blake with all her heart and enjoys being a big sister, although at times she finds it hard having to adapt her life to fit in her little brother. I explained to her only this morning that it can be hard with someone else in the family and that it affects all of us - Mummy and Daddy too, but I wouldn't want to change things and not have Blake. We are lucky to have someone else to love, and to love us.
It is a matter of making sure each child gets quality time, and ensuring the older child (and the younger one when they are older) gets to do things they love with their parents - and I find particularly just me as Viv misses her time with her Mum.
We are however talking about number 3, and I hope that Blake will be no more than 18 months old when '3' arrives. Although it will be tiring having 2 under 2 and being around 37 years old, there's always enough love to go around and I'm sure we'll make it work for everyone.
Oh yeah, we also gave Viv presents from Blake. It too was a Tamagochi - Viv had been wanting one for months, so it was something really special from her baby brother. She also got presents from my mum for being a big sister (even though the day he was born it was her birthday). They need to feel special and know they're special, and not just been in the background.
wow that is so similar to us it's scary! :D Little Blake even looks like our DS when he was first born! And yes, I forgot to add that my DD also says she misses the Mummy/daughter time we used to have, especially shopping!!!
I was thinking that maybe DD would be getting a little old for a present from the baby, but now I'm confident that it is a good idea. Thanks ladies!! :D
Nic
I had a 30 month gap between DD#1 and DD#2. I found that it was a lot better to have them close and the gap is the same as between my sister and me. But there is an almost 9 year gap between DD#2 and DD#3. This has been amazing. Shannen is almost 12 and helps so much and Tayla is 9 and loves being a big sister! The getting used to lack of sleep and all of that hasnt been too bad, and I have found that most of what I thought was horrible with the others, I just love. I am not sure if I am more relaxed or what it is but I just love being a mum again. We did the big sister presents too, the girls both got a silver bracelet from their sister, which they just love! I wouldnt mind having another but think that I am getting too old now. We also worked out that Shannen will be doing Year 12 when Hayley starts prep, scary!!
Dinky, I agree the waking up that was so exhausting & irritating & I hated so much with #1, is like a special time now to me & #2! Probably knowing it does not last forever, makes you more relaxed!? :-k
We're having a 7.5 year gap and Im really happy about that. I've found this pregnancy exhausting because even though DD is 7, she's a little girl and needs my attention and help. I can't just go to bed without dinner etc, and have to look after her first. I think it probably has kept me fit, as i can't be lazy!!
Im happy that DD is learning about pregnancy as we go, it's been educational and it's been exciting to share this time with her. It was like our wedding, she was 5. Im so glad she is having these experiences. She has been worried at times that I'll have no time for her, and I've explained that we will have "our" time together. I think she'll love it, and it wasn't planned this way (due to having two different partners) but Im happy it's worked out this way. I think whatever gap someone has will probably be right for them. There is no way to say which gap is best, and as we know, nature doesnt' often agree with our plans anyway. I do like the idea that DD will go to school and I'll get time with the baby (not happy that Bub is due just before chrissy hols, but that's where the inlaws come in handy)!!!! And I have to say having 7 years with DD, just me and her has been the most wonderful thing ever. I would never want to change that. I've loved it! xo