thread: Having a bigger break between babies

  1. #1
    ♥ BellyBelly's Creator ♥
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    Feb 2003
    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, Australia

    Having a bigger break between babies

    I was wondering if those who have had bigger gaps between children found that it made it harder to make the decision to try again?

    I am thinking of waiting 1-2 years before trying again but I am worried I am going to enjoy the sleep (once I start getting it!!) and lack of nappies but I really would like 3-4 children.

    What do you all think?
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
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  2. #2
    Add Rouge on Facebook

    Jun 2003

    For me (and I know Seth's not in the big wide world yet LOL) I dreaded the thought of having children far apart, would they get along etc How would I cope etc. But having seen Dante with the twins, and now how Paris is with the boys I am glad we are having a larger gap now. And if it weren't for the fact we will probably stop at 2 I would do the same for #3. I just personally am looking forward to the fact that she understands when I say I'm tired. She doesn't feel in competition for my attention, because she can help and they both get a different type of attention. Also having her starting 4 y.o kinder next year means that bubs will get plenty of 1 on 1 time with mum (which is only fair considering paris had me for 4 yrs ) and also if I need sleep I can at least 2 days a week.

    But there are pro's and cons for both, but for me this is it.


  3. #3

    I love having the 2.5yr gap and for me it was really hard to get back out of bed again 3 or 4 times a night after 2 years of solid sleep. (Kam slept through from 14wks) Especially when your toddler didn't sleep during the day !!


  4. #4
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Jul 2004
    House of the crazy cat ladies...

    I am also interested to hear what others experiences are on this.
    Aidyn is already 1.5 years old, and we haven't even set a date for TTC again yet. Although I am adamant that I want another one, DP is not so sure.
    I keep thinking I don't want any more than 3 years between my kids, but that would mean I only would have 1 more year in which to fall pg... and I dont want to have force DP to make a decision sooner than he is ready.
    I am just worried that if there is too large a gap they wont be able to be 'friends' and play with each other as easily, etc.

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Feb 2004

    My mum had my sister, me 27months later and then a 5 year gap before my next sister (not by choice - she had a m/c at 20ish weeks in there). I have to say that I get along a lot better with my younger sister & brother than my older.

    I remember on Christmas days helping my brother make his lego models & dressing my sisters barbies for her when they were too little. I loved it! Mum did as well - she has said it was like having a little mother hen helping her!

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Oct 2003
    Forestville NSW

    I think the thing that DH & I have come to the conclusion was if we had another baby it would have to be in a few years because I don't think I could cope too much atm with two little ones... I have friends with 3-4 year differences & its great within their families

  7. #7
    Debbie Lee Guest

    I am the same as you, Christy. I want to leave a 3 year gap. I just don't think I would cope being pregnant and dealing with Gabby at the same time.
    I have a friend who has an 11 month old and she is due to have her second baby in February. She is really struggling atm because her daughter is teething and has decided to stop sleeping through the night. I just don't think I could go through that just yet.
    I also joke and say that I need a few bourbons between kids

  8. #8
    mooshie Guest

    hi kelly

    i had only 21mths between my first two and then 4 1/2 yrs between jay and lani

    i found benefits and disadvantages in both age gaps, my biggest problem is the tiredness (but i am nearly 37 lol) i must admit when i was prg with lani i felt omg why am i doing this all over again - my life was going to be nappy and baby free lol, but of course i wouldn't change it for the world.

    another slight disadvantage is that most of my friends (whom i met when my first dd was a baby) have mostly finished having their families and most of the last lot of kiddies are off to kinder or school next year so they have alot of free time and grown up time - whereas i have to drag lani around everywhere, but they don't mind and they understand.

    i also found that i felt like a new mum again but with more experience iywim and i found that jay is so good with her and he helps so much and understands the time that babies take up.

    good luck in what you decide

  9. #9
    Tigergirl1980 Guest

    We are leaving a big gap, we won't be trying until Jonah starts school. I don't really feel siblings should be close together so they will be friends and play together, I think they should be encouraged more to make friends outside the home and as long as they "get along" it doesn't really matter if they don't play together IYKWIM?

    I would prefer to have Jonah have my full attention until he's a little more independant and can understand the whole aspect of having a little brother or sister. We plan to tell him about having a brother or sister right up until the time is right and get books and things and of course he will have been to kinder and been around other children and therefore learnt about sharing and so forth.

    I agree with Cailin about being able to give the new baby 1 on 1 time whilst the older one is at kinder, in our case school, and when the baby is sleeping (hopefully) 1 on 1 time can be had with the older child.

    But I know there are advantages and disadvantages to having them close together and far apart, I guess you just have to go with what you feel is right for you and your family.

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Jun 2003

    Well I have 2.5 years between Emma & Jack and then a huge gap between Jack & Asha (almost 7 years).

    The age gap between Em & Jack is good, although at the moment they are driving me crazy with the fighting!!! Emma was toilet trained by the time Jack was born (night and day) and was such a good helper. She was also able to spend time on her own playing so that I could feed Jack and do washing etc.

    The gap between Jack & Asha was circumstance more than choice. There are some really good benifits to having such a huge gap, Em & Jack are independent and able to feed and water themselves so when I was feeding Asha they could look after themselves. They have been fantastic helpers and make great babysitters when I want to have a shower and do other things (few more years and they can baby sit when we go out!!!).

    I did find it hard to get used to waking up during the night again and felt like a train wreck for the first few months! It didn't help that I took longer to recover form this c-section than the one with Jack (I was 6 years older). The other thing I worry about now is if we do decide to have another bay how long do I leave it. I did mention to Ryan that I wanted to start TTC again soon but he wasn't so keen on the idea. I think I will work full time next year and perhaps part way through next year we will start TTC so that the baby will be due early 2007 (Asha will turn 3 in June 2007) so the gap will be like that of Em & Jack.

    Wow had lots of stuff to type! Good luck in making your decision ... I guess I am going through the same thing.


  11. #11
    froofy Guest

    We chose a two year gap, but it's taken so long to get pregnant, that by the time this bubs is born, it'll be a 5, almost 6 year gap! I really wanted them to be closer together in age, so they could be close, and play with each other lots etc. But now that it's turned out this way I can see the benefits. Harmony seems to be at that age where she'll be less likely to be jealous of the new bubs.

    Also, she's at an age where she can ask questions about the pregnancy, about babies, about the birth, and even make a more informed decision about whether or not she wants to be at the birth. She also seems really keen to help out. We've talked about how the baby won't be able to play much at first, and have worked out things Harmony can do to entertain her, such as play peek a boo, this little piggy and other rhymes like that, read to her and sing to her. I just feel that she's at an age where she can think this way lol.

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Mar 2005
    Bunbury, WA

    This question I guess is inherently imbedded in the gap question.. what about diapers? Is the load that much more with 2 in diapers? (I know cloth and disposable would be different.. cloth would be work load, and disposable would be more financial cost). How does this compare, having 2 in diapers, compared to one? Worth waiting for toilet training? Experiences?

    ETA: I guess I could ask the same on breastfeeding.. but thats another whole thread in itself.. lol

  13. #13
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2005

    Hi Kelly,

    I have 3 years between Aaron and Corey and it is great. Aaron is old enough to understand that he must be gentle with Corey and is happy to help out whenever he can.

    Aaron is able to do things for himself so it makes thing so much easier, i don't know if i could cope if i had them any closer together.

    Good luck in making your decision.

    Take care Leah

  14. #14
    Colleen Guest

    Well I can give the point of view from the child! lol

    I have 6 brothers and sisters (3 of each) and my mum was pregnant with me (im the youngest) when my sister was pregnant with her first LOL

    There is 21 years between my eldest sibling and I and 10 years between me and the 2nd youngest and while its extreme gaps, I will never have kids that far apart.

    While I do get along with them all now when I was younger I wished I had younger brothers and sisters to interact with, That said they came in handy in my teens for lifts etc haha

    I have a neice the same age as me, who was more like my sister...

    Im not leaving more than 4 years at the VERY max

  15. #15
    Registered User

    Mar 2005

    We haven't even thought about an age gap! See what happens.

  16. #16
    Registered User

    Apr 2004
    Outer East, Melbourne

    Hi - I wanted three years between children - the first had to be out of nappies and the cot before the second one was on it's way. Things haven't worked out that way and there will be almost exactly four years between.

    Like someone said back there, there's pros and cons to both ... and I like the idea of the one on one time with the new baby, Cait will also be at kinda next year after he's born.


  17. #17
    Registered User

    Aug 2004

    There is a 2 year gap between my eldest two children and a 8 year gap until i had my third. It wasnt through lack of trying though. I find it great.

    The elder two love their little sister and are great helpers. I have found Pheonix is learning very quickly from watching them also.

    From a parents pont of view though a long gap is a HUGE shock to the system. No more sleeping in for one lol. But overall its been ok.

  18. #18
    Registered User

    Nov 2004
    Western Australia

    Hi we have a 26 month gap between first and second, 21/2 year gap between second and third and a 6/12 year gap between 3rd and fourth. I found that while it was hard work when the kids were closer together that they did get on relatively well together. I look back on those years though and lots of it seems like a blur of sleepless nights and endless nappies..LOL. This time around with a bigger gap I am able to enjoy Sammy like a first child all over again. The girls are not threatened by him at all and there is no competition like I had when the girls were born. However it has been a bit of a shock to the system having a newborn again when the girls are relatively independent. I guess there are positives and negatives to any age gaps.