bedtime stress

My 10.5 month old DD used to sleep really well in her cot. She is strapped into a safeTsleep as she rolls at any opportunity and does not like being on her back. She won't sleep on her tummy either as she just crawls to play. For AGES! She has a dummy, only for when she's cranky or tired. I think she may be teething again.

We've just moved to Brisbane from Sydney, and she has a different cot. But the problem is mainly, she's completely asleep in my arms and I get up to put her down. She's sleeping soundly until I get to the cot. And she wakes up before I even put her in. She fights sleep so much. Her dad used to just let her go to bed when she wanted, or would hold her upright until she fell asleep. Two things I can't do.

I let her cry it out, and just keep laying her down until she sleeps. She has her bath in the morning because she has too much fun. Can you help with some settling ideas? TIA

I could try rocking in the bedroom and not the loungeroom.

With my DD2, I rub on some bonjella and give her her dummy and that seems to settle her if she is teething. It usually takes a few times of going back in and stroking her head and singing to her but that normally seems to work.

Are you giving her bonjella or anything if you think she's teething? It must hurt the poor little ones so much :(

I hope things work out soon :)

Already gave bonjela and teething relief at 1730 and had to wait until 2130 to give more. I just had to leave her and not check on her.

Really? I give bonjella all the time. Are you supposed to wait in between?

(By the way, your little girl is gorgeous!)

Here is what I would do:

If her teeth are genuinely bad, give some Nurofen
Swap bath time to around 6.00pm
Massage
Then pj's and a cuddle and a final feed IN HER ROOM in the dark
Rock/cuddle

Then try putting her down.

When she crawls round in her cot, is she crying, or happy? (I ask this because all 3 of mine got to a point at around 10 months where they would "chat" to themselves at bedtime, but not cry, and at first I was worried, and it even took up to 20 mins for them to go quiet and then eventually drop off, but they were happy, so I went with it.........)

(I know you said that she has a lot of fun at bath time, but if you do it at night, this may give her the opportunity to unleash all that final energy in a fun way for you both, before she can crash in a cosy well fed, well cuddled heap of sleep.......)

With my babies, if they fell asleep in my arms, they then woke and protested when I tried to put them down too. But if I let them drop off by themselves, they were fine. Kind of like all or nothing? So I knew that if I rocked them to sleep I would be holding them all night (which was fine sometimes, but not practical all the time) OR put them to bed awake and happy, and let them nod off by themselves. Just my experience.........

Good ideas Lucy!

I don't hold her to sleep anymore, I was digging my own grave and broke that habit. But last night I was trying to feed her when she nodded off.

I didn't feel like doing the bath in the morning today, so am shifting it to tonight. Perhaps the bedtime bath and bedtime oil combo will help. And the feed and then cuddles will make her sleepy enough to be put down to fall asleep by herself.

Oh, Cate, I could have written your post myself! DS went through this and it is soooo hard to sort it out.

Warm bath at night; splashing and having fun is OK! The warmth is soothing so will help.

A regular story and lullaby. I think I already told you our routine. Regularity helps soothe babies.

Do you have a sleep toy or sleep CD? Yes, it takes a little while to accept these items but once they do then it does help.

Don't fret about going down and putting herself to sleep. I've only just managed (only the last 2 nights successfully!) to put DS to bed awake and pat him to sleep. I've been trying to do that since birth without him screaming. Soon we will start to cut out the patting. It's backbreaking to carry them (I had an hour of it this morning 6-7 as I won't let DS get up until 7) but if you relax and don't push it too much then it works. Just it's hard at the time (I'm still going through it, so do have sympathies).

Other thoughts... she is sleeping quite a lot in the day. DS only has 2-3 hours sleep total - 2 more often than 3. Can you give her your old top to snuggle with? Plus changing anything after a life change is hard - which is why I'm changing feeding things AFTER Christmas as that's upheaval enough for DS!

Oh, sleepy food. Porridge before bedtime works well here.

HTH.

Cate, could you try patting her in her cot?? Rather than holding her or rocking her, maybe at the moment she just wants to know you are there with all the changes going on. Maybe sit next to the cot and see if she will settle that way?? Just an idea, hope it all gets better soon hun!

I have tried patting before it doesn't work and also I had to do it at work and the babies were too used to it and took ages to go to sleep.

I gave her a nice warm bath with bedtime wash, followed by bedtime oil massage and dinner (she didn't want it) and a bottle and a little play, and I put her down at 6.45pm and within ten minutes she was asleep. But woke a few times, I just popped dummy in, adjusted blankets and left her. She did really well. Perhaps it was the warm bath?? Or she was just really tired?

She took 2 hours to go to sleep last night. I gave her teething relief and a top up.

Tonight we have stress as we do every night. How do you get a baby to sleep who just won't lie down???

I don't know if this will help you, but my 11mth old doesn't go down till 8-830pm. We do dinner at 6pm, bath at around 7 then we dim the lights and read a story or two then its milk and bed! Sometimes she feeds to sleep, other times she's awake and we have a cuddle then I put her down and stay in her room for a few minutes and she's usually asleep!
Hope it gets easier for you, hang in there - I guess it could take her a while to settle in to her new home.

Does she have a mobile or anything like that? DD2 has a fish tank thingy with lights which plays soothing music and she loves that, she just watches it and falls asleep. Maybe you could try something like that?

There is a mobile but one of those old ones with the porcelain animals. It moves when I move it. She also has a light up poohbear. She likes something to cuddle to her face, usually a cloth nappy (not her bum ones of course!). But its the fact she doesn't like being on her back, and when on her tummy she will only crawl. Its very hard.

Catherine

Is she upset as she crawls roudn the cot? Is she crying? Or just playing happily?

how long has she been crawling for? She is at an age where there is a lot of physical development stuff happening, and bubs tend to like to practice it at night for some reason.

Also with the move and the upheaval it may take a while for her to settle into a pattern, it can be up to 3 weeks for DS to go back to normal when his sleeping patterns get out of whack.

I hope it gets better for you soon. DS is going through some sleep issues again at the moment so I can sympathise with you :rolleyes:

She laughs and yells happily and crawls and stands and shakes the cot edges (her dancing). So when I put her on her back, she gets upset. She's been crawling for 3-4 months.

Try a mobile with music, I swear by ours! Georgia still stands up and bangs on her cot at least 3 times everytime I put her to bed but I just go back in and lay her down and eventually she stops. It must be so hard for you if she can do that for a couple of hours :(

Have you tried just leaving her if shes happy and seeing how long it takes her to fall asleep by herself?

I have left her to play and then gone back to resettle her. I works, but means I should put her in her cot at 6pm and settle her down by 6.30 and hopefully she's down by sundown.

I might go buy her a mobile.

I tried putting her down at 6.00 tonight. An hour later she's still protesting. She got out her wrap only once. She is tired but I don't know how much more I can take. She won't eat much except for bread, biscuits and crackers (I limit the biscuit to 1-2 per day). She also has a weird rash. About 15 little blisters spread out over her body, mostly on her left arm and a few on her left leg.

I can't handle this. And her father rang me just now and I told him of how difficult things are atm, and he said that I will only have her for another 2 weeks and then I don't have to worry. I asked him to keep to my routine and he said "I'll just do what works". I'm furious. He's going to f*ck things up for me yet again. I think I should go to CSA and ask for full custody.

Oh **** that really sucks CAte :( Do you think maybe he is just saying that to spite you or will he really just do "what works"? This time round you could always say that she has a little rash and you don't want her away from you till it's gone...at least that way it could give you guys more time to form a routine :crossfingers::crossfingers:

Well its taking me this long to fix the "routine" which it isn't that he did while i worked for 8 days over 3 weeks. In that short time, and with me having to look for real estate, he f*cked things up. He was kicking me and and screwed up her routine. I'm at breaking point. On average it takes me 1 hour to get her to sleep each night and she fights her naps too. She's likely to be teething too. She won't let me hold her to settle her without her kicking the sh*t out of me and bucking like a wild bronco, screaming and fighting me. He managed to hold her a certain way and read to her some stupid Buddhist fairy tales (compared to the other fairy tales, they're weak) and hold her to sleep. he won't let me hold her to sleep. She used to but she's so strong now I can't. I just gave her teething relief and 15 minutes later she's still yelling and for the first time in more than 6 weeks, I gave her paracetamol. The only way I can get her to sleep easily is to rock her in the pram. But she wakes on transfer and we're back to the beginning. I'm going to make a top up and change her nappy to see if that helps.

If it were me, I would be ringing CSA.
Custody is different at her age, and especially in the circumstances you guys have, and with you being interstate. I'd be calling them tomorrow morning.

Did she used to go to bed for the night at 6 (I am assuming that was her previous routine)? Some kids just don't go til later.

When we moved into our house here it took DD 6ish weeks to get back into her routine, a move really upsets them.

I used to put her to bed between 7 and 8pm. But after several days of her taking at least an hour to go down, I kept bringing it earlier so she'd be asleep at a reasonable hour. Tonight it took two hours, water, nappy change (1.5 hours of fighting produced a lot of wee), teething relief and panadol and a top up before she finally succumbed.

She can get out of her safe T sleep within 3 minutes. I don't know what to do any more. Should I just wait for her to fall asleep, which could take hours???

I now pin it to the mattress twice. On the left and on the right. She gets out of it by wriggling out the top. And when she's out, she stands and plays and then gets very upset yet will not go to sleep. I don't know how she'll manage for her father.

I would wait. As long as she's not really upset and crying. Even if it takes an hour of her playing and then she lies down. I think if you want to have "structure" then as long as it's bedtime at say, 7pm then it doesn't matter whether or not she is asleep IYKWIM?

Just a question - is there a reason why you are still using the safetsleeper?? Maybe letting her find a position of comfort to sleep may help. My DS has just recently gone into the cot and he usually lies in a variety of positions during the night.

Well she gets herself hysterical when she's tired. And I'm not exaggerating, she really hates lying on her back but will not stay still. So I can't just put her on her tummy to sleep, she just crawls and stands and then gets very upset as she's so tired. She finally fell asleep. I think that the 5th time I strapped her in, with two pins so she can't sit up, roll over and escape. There is not much else I can do.

I just went through this with my almost 8 month old DD so i know exactly how you feel. We also moved recenty and it was getting so bad she starting fighting sleep in the day too. After trying everything... this is what works for me..

We have a routine.
Around 6- 6:15 (after she has been up since 3:30pm) she has a bath and i let her have as much fun as she wants..sometimes she is in there for up to 25 mins... after the bath its 'quiet time'. I have a bottle ready in the fridge which i made up b4 the bath...
I massage some lotion into her b4 i dress her and we pick 2 books from the shelf. I turn the kettle on and we sit down for story time.
After the stories, i heat the milk, turn the tv off, turn some of the lights off if lots r on and i feed her in the lounge room.
When she is done i take her straight to her room, we turn the cd player on, the night light and i lay her in her bed,kiss her goodnight while covering her with her wrap.
I sit on a toy box which is opposite her cot until she falls asleep. She is a tummy sleeper and at first did the whole going on her tummy to look at me and cry but i sat there peacefully ...trying not to show remorse and let her look at me..her head eventually got too heavy and she put it down to sleep. This took about 3 days for her to get use too...
This has been working very well for us for the past week and a half. We no longer have to take turns to rock or walk around the house with her.
Its so hard to see her crying but when you know she is not sick, hungry, thirsty or has a dirty nappy, when u know she needs sleep.. just being there for her is all you can do.
Try to ignore the crawling around and yelling..just watch her with not much of an expression and when she doesnt receive any attention for it, she will soon stop and go to sleep.
Best of luck, let us know how it goes.

Do you think it might be the being strapped down thing that's an issue for her? Can you try just without it for a night and see if eventually she settles into her own position? My DS lies in many different posistions a night, many of them on his stomach. He crawls around in his cot too, but eventually just settles down in the position he wants to.

She is quite old to be strapped down IMO.

If I did that with my DS, he would never sleep. Sorry if this has already been mentioned hun.

Ok tomorrow I'll try it.

hey, I hope things have improved since you last wrote. I have a near 11 month old who like you used to be a great sleeper until she learnt how to stand in the cot. Chloe won't let me leave the room until she is asleep otherwise she just stands up and cries. Some nights it takes 5 mins to settle her and I am out of the room other night we are not so lucky. This is what we have been doing and most nights it works......
Depending on what time chloe wakes up from her afternoon sleep determines what time she goes to bed at night. She used to always go to bed at 7pm but now that she does not keep still during the day we are finding that she is ready for bed at 6:30. Since putting her to bed earlier we have found that she is drifting off to sleep a lot quicker. We do our bedtime routine (bath,bottle story etc) , I put her in her sleeping bag, cuddle her and tell her it is time to sleep. Put her in her cot awake and just keep laying her down until she gets exhausted that she stays down. After I have layed her down I keep my hand on her back as a reward for staying down. As soon as she tries to get up I take my hand away and then lay her back down (hand is quite firm on her bag) after about 20 seconds of laying my hand on her I take it away etc I have tried sneaking out of the room only to find that 20 seconds later she up again. So now I stay in there until she is asleep. I think by her knowing that we are not leaving her to cry and that she trusts us that if she needs us we will respond may help her to sleep through the night, who knows!!! If she does wake during the night we do exactly the same thing, some night easy other nights not so easy. If I find she begins to play in her cot then I walk straight out of her room to let her know that it is not play time. When i leave she cries but more of a come back mum cry rather than an emotional cry. I only go back in when i have had enough of listening to her, lay her down and remind her it is time to sleep. By this stage she is so buggered she goes to sleep. It is such a difficult stage when they are crawling or standing up in their cot, I have written numerous times on other forums asking for advice and everyone says it is a phase they go through which keeps me sane, even though it is so frustrating.

I have also found that if I am really tired during the day and I can't be bothered with the constant standing then I settle her in the pram and she sleeps so well. Might be just the cozyness of the pram, who knows?

Best of luck!

Every time I layed her down on her back and put firm pressure on her chest to get her to settle, she bucks and kicks her legs to flip over. So when I try her on her tummy she keeps getting up on her knees and crawling away. What I've found works, even though it can take an hour, is every time she gets out of her safetsleep I put her back down and redo it. But she's with her dad now and of course, he does what ever the bleep he feels like, so I don't know how she's sleeping. He's told me not to call and check on her. But its ok for him to text me every 1-3 days asking how she is while we were in Brisbane. Why can't I ask how she is??? He is hurt me so much and he knows it. Putting blocks up between me and my child, is hitting me so hard.

Hi Cate,
Hope you are going ok. Your XDP does sound like he really loves her so just appeal to this side and explain to him that you need to know she is going ok. He probably just feels like you are checking up on his parenting. I agree with what the others have said about the safety strap. When DS was little he would scratch the **** out of his face and head when he was going to sleep and it would wake him up. So we used to wrap him even until he was about 6 months. It then got too hot and he got too strong but within a few days of not wrapping him, he learnt not to scratch himself. We just hadn't really given him the opportunity to learn that before. At El's age, she is so mobile and will be even in her sleep. But the more she is restrained the more likely she is to resist sleep as it will be quite a negative experience for her. The other day Iggy was so tired but just didnt want to sleep so I put him in the cot with his usual blanky and dummy and then strapped a musical toy to the side for him to play with. He played with it for about 10 mins and was then fast asleep. Its not always that easy but the days we make it relaxed and happy he goes down a lot easier.
Sometimes it is the things you dont expect that work the best. My DH is great at rocking DS to sleep - not because he is quiet and gentle but because he sings loudly and rocks him energetically. I have started doing this too as it distracts him long enough for sleep to sneak up on him.
Anyway I HTH.
Take the opportunity to get some rest while El is away.
XO Kris

Cate, I can't believe that XDP won't let you call to see how she is :angry: that bull****. I'm sure El would love to hear your voice over the phone. Is there anyone else you can call that you get on with? One of his friends or family and you can find out how they're going?

I really hope the time flies quickly for you hun :hug:

hi
i have been responding to the other thread- 'help my 18 month wont sleep' so not sure if this post will double up. We are having similar problem at night time. We have just gone to 1 sleep during the day and 'dec' has been sleeping 2-2.5 hr in this one block - so by 7-7.30 pm he is really tired and waniting to go to his cot. We do tea, bath,bottle about 15min before bed, quiet time,brushteeth, read book and music-then i sit with him till he sleeps which has been taking about 40min-(still wishing this to be cut in half the time) We have only been doing this routine for last week but he is settling better at night. --- still early days but i think the drop to one sleep seems to be suiting his patterns alot better.(with 2 sleeps he wasn't going down till 8.30 and waking at 6.30 as well as through night) last 2 days only waking for dummy asleep by 7.45pm even though showing signs at 7 of tiredness and waking 7.30am!!