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I had started a rant in the punching bag room and it's turned into a "younger" thread, heres the link for those wanting to catch up:
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ad.php?t=55796
Basically started off with a comment on baby's surnames made by my Grandma. I am sick of "well meaning" relatives putting the 2 cents in, just because I am 21 doesn't make me stupid and unable to make my own decisions!!
You went thru alot with Brendan...so for a young mum you sure make me proud :)
Chin up..ur a fanstatic mum and dont let know ones comments take over ur life
Thanks Kim, for the positive words :)
I agree with Kim, you've done so well with Brendan. I guess we just have to learn to ignore peoples thoughtless comments and opinions and know that we are doing a great job with our bubs. Age makes no difference.
You've been through so much and have made sure to not burn bridges, and have kept windows open. I admire your honesty, and courage.
I hate it when I get the incredulous looks when I mention I have a daughter. So what if I'm young, its not like its not possible.
Oh yes, I know what you mean... as for my ruddy cousin telling me "mums know best" "yes, I DO." "No, I meant our mums." Shut up! Sorry. But why do people assume that because we don't have grey hair, wrinkles and are about to hit the menopause we must not know what we're doing with babies? Sally, you are such a fantastic mum, I reckon your Gran is just jealous because you're doing better than she could have done in your situation.
Thank you so much :)
I told her last night that i was sick of the comments and that she has had her turn and now it's mine!! I AM going to do what I feel is best for MY child!
I turn 21 this month.. and I am 5w5d pregnant with my 1st bub. I am also worried about what sort of comments will come once i tell everyone. Although I know i will be a great mum and this bub was planned.. everyone is going to think it wasnt and that im "stupid" for getting pregnant this early wen i have "my whole life ahead of me"...
Thing is... This is what i want. i want to be a mum! Ive never been a big career person. and this is what i want!
my DP and I are planning our engagement as well.. Nothing could make my life better at the moment! im living my dream!
xox love b
Congratulations on your pregnancy Banx!! You might be interested in joining our young couples chatter.... it's in the younger couples area up the top :D
Take Care
Hi Sally,
It doesnt matter about age, it matters about maturity, which u have more of than your grandma, considering you know what is acceptable to say and what needs to be kept quiet about. have you ever heard the saying 'growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional'? hun, u have done more growing up than some older mums and if they don't like it then boo to them.
Thanks Ali. I agree with you. :D
Banx, here is a link to the younger couples thread: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...10#post1084717
Hiya Bianca!
Well what I'd say to those that tell me I'm stupid for having kids young, then I'll say, at least I'm not spending my life savings on IVF waiting too late and also, I'm young enough to chase after the buggers! Imagine having your first at 39, by the time they're 18 you'll be 57! And if your child waits until 39 to have children, you'll be 78! On the way to the grave and just becoming a grandmother. Our bodies are meant to have children young, that's why we have menarche young (although not meant to have children before our bodies have developed fully into adulthood).
Brendansmum! Don't even worry about other people's opinions when it comes to being a good mother etc when your "young". As they say age is a state of mind. Im 21 with my first, and i've had a few people tell me that im too young to be a mum and they also put their two cents worth in in regards of how to raise a baby etc but at the end of the day it's my child, my family, my body etc and I will make the decisions. No one should make you feel like your 'inferior' or 'unwise' just because of your age. People stopped carrying on like that with me because when they got to know me properly they saw how mature i was for my age. Don't let them take the excitement of childbirth and pregnancy away from you!!!
Hey Kristy_lee, come and join in on the younger couples chat thread in issues for younger couples :D
Let them have their 2cents worth. They can say all they want... at the end of the day, it's you that puts things into practice! ;) I'm 24 and had everyones suggestions start when I was pg. (like my sister, who rang me at 5wk pg to talk about whether I was using cloth or disposable!):
Gather any and all information you can on whats concerning you and you can make an informed decision, so if anyone objects you have backup.
Good luck ! HTH
The things I get annoyed with is when people make comments about why my 10.5 month is still needing to be burped and why my 10.5 month old isn't on proper solids (still on puree but we are getting there) I hate having to explain that because he was prem he's had troubles with eating and he still has reflux and also that he really is only an 8 month old. They make it sound like i'm stupid and don't know what I'm doing. I have had to learn so much more about my child and certain things I need to look out for, things that "normal" mothers just don't understand and thats why I get these comments. They aren't coming from just the older generation they are also coming from woman younger than me!
My point being that age is not the only factor.... If people don't understand something and something is not "normal" then they make thoughless comments without realising what they are saying sounds so stupid!
the older generation need to realise that the times have changed... 20 years ago you only had an U/S if something felt wrong to the dr or if you were over-due, ect.... not these routine checks we get. Also back then they could eat whatever they wanted, now drs are telling us we cant eat this and cant eat that.... So many things have changed and it's not fair that these things get passed down as being "because of our age"
Isn't it frustrating, people who think they know better... and it can be really upsetting... as soon as I started telling people I was pregnant, they all started with the "oh I hope you're breastfeeding" and "I hope you're getting rid of your animals" etc. etc... I really just wanted to tell people to f*** off to be honest! Everyone thinks they have the right to their say in your pregnancy and they plain and simply don't!!
I must say, even though this pregnancy wasn't planned, that I'm glad that I'm having it now while I can do it naturally than waiting until it's way too late and poses a greater risk to both myself and the baby...
The only person I have been listening to with this pregnancy is my sister in law, she's 22, a year older than me, and she's just had her second child. She has been wonderful to listen to as she has been through all the nagging and carrying on, and tells me what she did through personal experience...
Hugs to you all who are getting hassled because people think you're ruining your lives... how horrible for people to think that bringing a beautiful little being into the world is wrong... doesn't matter what age you are having kids, all children and little miracles :)
Well said Emma!
Congrats on you pregnancy :D
Congrats Emma. Use your strength to rid yourself of bad advice and comments. The strength comes from nowhere and is powerful, believe me.
Thanks :D can you tell that I was hormonal yesterday or what!! Lol
Thats ok :D You are allowed to be!! hehe :)
OMG!! I just read this thread and honestly, it sounds like me writing!!
Im 21 and have a 9 1/2 wk old girl.. She is my absolute everything and although her father helps out, he just isnt there for her like I am.. Yet HE knows whats best for her! The guy cant even get her to sleep!
When my mum found out I was pregnant and had decided not to get married yet she said "Good.. Dont get married. Not to Jnr" ??? WTF?! I went off my head at this.. then came the comment "Dont get his name on the birth certificate"!!! This is absolutely ridiculous! Everyone acts like I just met the guy and just fell pregnant! We've been together going on 3 years!?!
But MIL is the killer! They live in Sydney and decided to come visit DD for the first time at 8wks. As soon as she gets here "You're wrapping her wrong, she doesnt like that" - AHEM like you'd know!
When it comes down to it, yeah is p***es me off having people treat me like im 12, but I know it p***es them off more having given me advice, I have CLEARLY not taken it, and DD settles.. Its great! I think its fun watching someone who "knows best" not cope with a screaming baby who really just wants her mum!! LOL
Congrats on the pregnancies as well girls.. Just keep ya head up. I think no matter what age you are you'll get people putting their 2 cents in and trying to tell you what to do, but just turn and say (as my sister says) "I appreciate your advice, but i'll decide whats best for my baby". She still gets MIL telling her what to do and she's 27!! But THAT woman seriously has NO idea!! She let my sisters 16mo get blistering burnt.. yes, peeled and all - THAT has got to be safe!!! Good luck with it all girls!!
Yeah thats what I cant wait for... People TELLING me how to look after my baby..
Cant say thats going to be the most exciting or happy bit of my next year.... especially a newborn at a family xmas this year... Will be interesting
Although its only early days... Mum is already telling me what names to pick and which ones she hates...
It is cute that dad wants a grandson and mum wants a grandaughter and they argue about it alot... I just want a healthy baby..I dont care what sex it is... and I KNOW that I will care for my baby as best I can and give him/her a wonderful life...
YES even if im ONLY 21! and DP and I arnt married.. SO WHAT?!?!?!?!
Lol.. Ventings great isnt it???
Sorry if i said anything offensive to anyone
xoxo love b
Hey there jesidy! Congratulations on a beautiful Daughter! Good on you for standing up for yourself too!
If you haven't already found us, please feel free to join us in the younger couples general chatter!
Its started already for me and the best part is saying to people "If I wanted your opion I would have asked" I know its rude but it makes them stop.
The worse was DFs cousin she's 28 and never had a partner let alone kids and she's told us the names we have picked are stupid and the boys names sound like names you'd call a dog. GRRR!!! She makes me so angry!
How rude! I can't believe how rude some people are!
HUGS darl, you will pick the right name for you child :hug:
yeah thats what its like with mum and dad at the moment. they are the only people we have really told.. so we dont get anything positive from anyone else.. cept u guys on here!
its always.. thats a silly name, dont call my grandchild that..
what the??!?!? we thought this was our baby
Age has nothing to do with it Brendans mum! just cos people are 30 doesnt neccesarily mean they will be a better mum than a 20 year old. Infact, that just shows primitive thinking.
Dont worry bout your grandmas comments - its just her thoughts and she is entitled to them (even if she should just keep em to herself ;) )
Sally - do you know when she had her kids? what age?
my mum was born when my grandma was 17. I was born when my mum was 23. I was 20 when brendan was born.
I agree catrionalee! It wouldn't bother me coming from anyone else, my grandma is very "over powering" when it comes to sharing opinions.
what about MIL when she had XP/DP? Or his brothers or sisters?
You know Sally, when i get to that age ill be the same - ill say what i want when i damn well please!!!
But she should try not to hurt you at least!
And f you didnt put his name on the certificate the lil one wold probably grow up resenting you..... whos respect do you want more? Personally, it would be my bubba :)
Sal, MIL was 18 when DP was born her mum would have been about 20ish. Everyone has had babies young, and my grandma doesn't have a problem with my age, she just treats me like i'm stupid! Tells me how to look after brendan ect. anyway's Brendan is happy and i am happy and thats all that matters :D
You're right, that is all that matters.
I'm 23, finished uni, moved to Oz and a few weeks later was pregnant. That last bit kind of shot my career search all to he1l. I never really thought I'd find myself in this position, none of my friends (except the one who got knocked up in highschool) have kids or even long-term relationships, they're still blithely enjoying late adolescence. So it feels pretty weird sometimes, not that I'd give up my life here for anything.
I guess I've lucked out with family, mine is pretty supportive. My dad told me just before the wedding that he was happy about the baby and I almost cried. My in-laws here are great, they've been really careful not to tell us how to run our lives. No one tells me what to do or sticks their noses in. Though, to be honest, sometimes I wish they would a little.
I know its hard to hear all kinds of off-base (or seemingly so) things from other, older people. Especially the ones who have had kids at an early age, I think its almost like they're trying to help you out with things they've learned or decided for themselves- stuff they perhaps wish someone had told them. Just because they're giving you unsolicited advice doesn't necessarily mean they think you're too young/ an idiot, and it might not help to get your back up about it.
One of the pieces of advice I have gotten from my MIL was that I have to do what I know is right for my baby, when it is right, and not worry about it if other people tell me I'm doing it all wrong. And even though I'm not a mum to a screaming newborn (yet), that's how I've done things thus far.
I agree that people have a right to their opinions, but when it honestly doesn't apply to you then family shouldn't interfere.. I've been brought up a very independant person, pretty much have been responsible for my own actions from a young age.. DP on the other hand has been brought up to rely on family and listen to his parents (regardless of his age!) My family aren't that bad with telling me HOW to raise my daughter.. Its more the IL's.. But my family do express their opinion alot more than they should..
From my experience, which i made the best possible outcome, I didnt tell absolutely ANYONE the sex. DP & I were the only ones that had an idea of what our bundle would be. Firstly, we didnt want people telling us names and calling our bubs "JNR blahblah" after themselves, IYKWIM?! Secondly, any names we picked out we kept to ourselves.. I learnt that early.. I fell in love with the name Saraiah really early, but my sister started with the "psoriasis!?" GRRR... So i searched again and this time didnt tell ANYONE! DP only heard it for the first time the night before she was born. Then, when she arrived and we introduced her, no one was rude enough to make fun of it.. and now i have a beautiful little THIALANNI! So thats my advice to you guys that are pregnant - keep it all to yourself if you dont want anyones opinion.. it worked well for us!
FWIW I know I'm new here but I got the same thing.
My now DH and I had only been together for 4 months when I fell pregnant with my son, My mum never put my dad on my birth certificate so it was expected that I would do the same.
I stood up for myself because it really hurt my DH he is really old fashioned his parents didnt get married until he was 12 so he didnt understand why they were making such a fuss.
In the end you are an adult capable of making adult decisions so what you do is none of anyone elses business.