Narrow Minded Ignorance!

I am so upset and angry at the moment. My partner has been trying to concieve for the last nearly 3 years, our family has been very supportive which has been great. Anyway, last night we told my Dad and his wife that I am now pregnant due to my partner deciding to stop trying and for me to start. They were shocked to say the least as they didnt know I was now trying....understandable. My Dad gave us a hug and congratulated us, his wife however, who I consider one of my best friends (she is only 10 years older than me) just sat there stunned. She then proceeded to tell us that of course she will love the baby, she has just always believed in the traditional family of Mum Dad and kids! I was shocked, so shocked I just sat there and took it. I feel so betrayed. My poor wife felt like she was a dissapointment because she wasnt a "male/dad". I am still in shock that she feels this way when she has been so supportive of our relationship and has always defended us! It is comments and thinking like this that is the reason the world is the way it is! I dont know if I should talk to her about, ignore it, write a letter or what! Why are we such a problem for people!

Anyway, just needed to vent, thanks for listening.

MT

I dont blame you for being upset at all, that would feel quite horrible!
Try not to stress over it - your body is doing the most important job ever at the moment, and bubs doesnt need to feel your stress.
Big CONGRATULATIONS on your BFP, i think its great to see such dedicated parents - mix, match, whatever! You obviously have a loving, caring, commited relationship and want this baby more than anyone will ever know - and your bubs will love and respect both of you for that!!

MummyTwo... I know exactly what you are going through. Except it is my own mother.

My mum said to me a few days ago "I will love the baby, despite what you're doing" (i.e. two mum family).

My mum can't stand Shel, she thinks I am being a surrogate for her and the Shel is going to up and steal the baby from under my nose. She also thinks Shel is going to try and cut her out of our childs life, or try and take her 'grandparents rights' away from her. Luckily your fathers wife isn't threatening to take you to court for custody once the child is born.

Sorry... hijacked your post for a sec...

I am not going to say "just wait for the baby to come, she'll love her" because I know it doesn't help (can't even count how many times I've been told that!) and not only that, it isn't even the issue. I wish people were more openminded, more respectful, less judgemental towards people who are different... unfortunately they aren't. And when you encounter someone with ideas like this, its hard to know what to do or even if you should do anything.

I'm sorry I can't be of any help, but feel free to email me allie0986@hotmail.com or add me to msn or whatever, I can definately relate to what your are saying. :hugs:

I hope your partner is dealing with this... I worry about Shel and how she is dealing with it. I feel so sad, that the happiest time in our life is marred by such ignorance. And when we should be both glowing with antipiation, Shel just feels insignificant and left out by my mum.

Catrinalee, thank for your thoughts, they mean more than you know.

Alisia, I know what you mean, Vic is just really ticked off at the moment. Vic has been gay her whole life and has had to deal with the ignorance of such people, I on the other hand have been only "out" for 4 years and have not had to deal with any bigotry at all as yet. My family have all been extremely supportive as have all our friends and my two boys who love her to death! I am just focusing now on the baby, the kids and Vicki and to hell with everyone else at the moment, I just want to pack up everything and run away! Anyway, it is nice to be able to talk to someone about it. I am so very so you own mother is being the way she is, at the end of the day we cant choose our family but be can choose our life and I wish you and Shel and your baby all the peace and happiness the universe can give.

Hugs for you darl!!! Just know that it's her thing and her problem not yours ok?!? You have a loving relationship and your pregnant.. that's exciting?! people shouldn't put so much emphasis on the little things that aren't important. You are two people who love each other and who will also love and care for their child and that's all that matters.

That must've been such a shock to come up against a hidden layer of bigotry in a place where you expected joy and congratulations. Do you think she might change her tune when she's had time to digest and reflect? Maybe give it some time (for you to get over the shock) then bring up how her reaction has made you feel. If the rest of your family has been supportive some of them might also talk to her on your behalf...? FWIW my Dad was "disappointed" (his words) when I announced my first PG (I *still* don't understand why), he's now the most gleeful granddad there is - he's obviously grown past his issue. I hope your Dad's wife can too.

By the way CONGRATULATIONS :confetti: - what wonderful news! Wish you a H&H pregnancy. :)

I continue to shake my head at this, I don't understand. What a child needs is a loving home, who cares whether it is one parent or two, or what gender they are. Congratulations to you both, I'm sure you have such a loving home and will welcome children with open arms, open hearts, and joy.

WTF?! Mummytwo, and leasha I'm so sorry you both have to deal with that.
Congratulations both of you, you will both be wonderful mums and your little ones are blessed to have you as parents. Always remember that :hugs:

I was not in the same situation BUT my stress level was about the same through the cause of friends & sadly my own Mother.

PLEASE - Spend more time ENJOYING then putting your beautiful pregnant body through any worry or stress.

You want to look back on your pregnancy and know that you ENJOY every given moment ... I know it's hard ... But Stu*f anyone that is simply not happy for you both.

... And take a ton of photo's of that amazing belly growing !! :dance:

I wish you both an amazing pregnancy journey :bhcontract:... Sending you lots of great positive vibes :confetti:

MummyTwo, something which might work to get your Dad's wife thinking is to ask her this question : What do you think makes for a good parent and home life?

Most people will say the usual - loving, caring, stable relationship, security, acceptance, etc.

Very few people will say "heterosexual".

Hope she comes around :(

Hugs to you all! How rude. I dont think it matters what gender/nationality/religion/age any parent is. Aslong as that child is loved, nurtured, in a loving home and has a healthy environment why should it matter that you are both women? I say enjoy your pregnancy, share it with your partner, It is the baby you have BOTH been wanting to concieve, dont let your step mother ruin it for you.
Congrats on the pregnancy, and wishing you a H&H one!!

Congratulations on your BFP and thoughts and hugs to you both. I am very sorry that your joy has been interfered with. When my (now ex)partner was pregnant with our first son (who is now 9 and a half) we had a very hard time telling her parents who are very homophobic. When Isaac was about 5 months old we went to her side of the family christmas party. I walked into a room full of her relaitves including her father and said "Isaac, here's your Grandpa". He got very angry, saying he wasn't the grandfather as he didn't knoe the paternity of the child (the donor was known to us but not to him). I said that he was a grandfather as his duaghter gave birth to this child. He became even more angry and we had to leave. In a way the fact that my family were so wonderfully supportive made it harder to deal with her incredibly difficult and conservative family. As Isaac grew and then when Henry was born two years later the boys gradually "wormed their way into their grandparent's hearts". Although they are still homophobic atr heart they have embraced the boys as grandchildren and they have a pretty good relationship with them

MummyTwo, Of course no one knows how it will work out for your family but I would never ahve guessed that my children could have the relationship they do with these people when we first told them we were pregnant ten years ago... hang in there and keep venting!

I can't believe people are like this in this day and age, maybe she was just shocked and may calm down after she has digested it but problem is you will probably not forget it in a hurry.

Hope you have a great pg and are able to just brush off peoples ignorant comments

Congratulations to you both on your pregnancy!!! WHooohooo!!!! Im sorry that this sort of bigotry still is around....its hard to understand. Coming from the perspective of an adult daughter with a gay mother, know that it doesnt matter the sex of the parent, but the love that is around a child. You both are going to be wonderful parents. Love to you both

Jo

Thank you all for your advice and support, it means so much to us.

All our best to you all and your families.

MT

Congratulations MummyTwo, you must be so excited to become parents together!

There's a great show on Foxtel W Channel called 'From here to maternity'. Every season has featured a same-sex couple about to give birth (both women, given the subject matter!) along with about half a dozen other couples. I think it's great to see such an acceptance of a perfectly valid family in a conventional show.

Sorry I don't have any advice, but I hope you can overcome your family issues. My MIL is hell to deal with, so to a certain extent please don't feel you're any different to a hetero couple who have strained family relationships either. Just a different point to pick on! Good luck!

MummyTwo, drop me a line, I have a link to a lesbian parents site that you might be interested in (dunno if I can post the link on here).

Hi MummyTwo

Firstly congrats on your BFP, every child is a joy to celebrate. Your story really touched me as I went through a similar experience with my dad and his wife (my step mother). My dad was really happy for me and can't wait to meet the baby but his wife didn't even react when he told her, she just said thats nice and mentioned that she thought 'another' grandchild might be nice. she already has four grandchild through her two children. It really upset me but I have to be honest not for that long. You will soon see that your growing bump will draw only goodwill from others and I thick if you can give your dads wife time she will come around. And if she doesn't do you really want your child exposed to that sort of negative opinion?

Hang in there and enjoy your pregnancy. Surround yourself with those who share your joy and happiness. I wish the best for you and your bump. All the best.

Poppy

Congratulations!!!

I feel so sad that someone that has been close to you and supported you, would turn the cheek and say something like that. Maybe it was just the shock as she did not know that you were TTC, but that really is no excuse, she probably does feel that way as she said it.
I think that you should have a chat with her and explain your feelings and see how she responds. You obviously have had a great realtionship in the past, hopefull this wont change and she will become more accepting as time goes on.

Congratulations again and enjoy your pregnacy together

congratulations, mummies!

Here's some narrow minded ignorance for you - opening this thread was blocked by my work proxy server due to its "content" !!! GRRR

This is hard to write and I so hope not to offend anyone as I believe everyone has right to live thier life the way they choose.
My brother (who is also my closest friend) came "out" almost two years ago. As a family we all had an idea, but the time had to be right for him. I love him as much as ever and am very proud of him. My frustration is I have no concept of what it would be like to be in a same sex relationship. I struggle to understand the whole concept. I think sometimes such lack of understanding may be seen as ignorance. However I would support him and any other same sex couple infact any couple to persue thier dreams no matter what.
My DD was born last year and my brother was my birthing buddy he and his partner are wonderful loving uncles to my DD.
I hope this makes some sense. Could it be that the people involved in some of these situations just don't understand but still love the people just the same?????????

Good luck with your pregnancy. I have no idea why people can't be more supportive and les judgemental of others. I wish you and your wife all the best.:)

jmmum..... I defiantely wouldn't see that as ignorance. Most people who identify as gay/lesbian/bi understand that it does differ from traditional families, and we (most of us, there are exceptions but Shel and I are not them :)) also understand that it might be difficult to grasp, that you'll probably have questions about the way things will work when we parent etc. Not knowing isn't ignorance... Well we don't see that as ignorance... theres not really an opportunity to know or find out the answers to those questions unless a GLBTI person explains it to you. Don't hesitate to ask BTW, I prefer people to ask than just assume they know when they might not. To me asking shows that you have a great deal of respect for the people you are asking, as you want to know and you don't want to go around assuming.

Hi guys :wall:

I understand your feelings with this.
My Partners parents/family are not too thrilled that we are together. They prefered that she stayed single so they don't have proof that she is gay.
We have a two year old daughter ( I am biological mum) and although she says she loves her i know that if a biological grandchild came along Sarah would be forgotten.

Don't listen to them - they may be family but you are creating your own family with values you hold dear. Don't let anyone make you feel inferior - you need your positive thoughts for you baby and your "created" family.

Belinda and Jeanette :hug:

Okay, leasha, at the risk of not putting this correctly, while I don't have any qns regarding how you would parent as a same sex couple (from what I've seen parenting styles differ enormously among any couple, regardless of gender) but I have often wondered why both parents choose to be called 'mum' or 'dad', rather than using a pet term that would differentiate each of them. Does that make sense? Not that I believe one is mum and the other is not, and I'm sure the child doesn't get confused, but it kinda struck me as odd that both parents would be called the same thing. I'm more thinking of it in terms of the fact that we don't call both grandmothers 'grandma', one is 'grandma' and one is 'nana', so they are each distinctive.

??? Is this a stupid qn???

No question is stupid.

Well, Shel and I are using different names, kind of like you do with Nana and Grandma (I'm Mumma, and Shel's Mummy..... we are expecting it'll probably turn into 'ma' and 'me' but we'll just see how it works). Because we each wanted something different so theres no confusion when we're called.

I know of people who both use mum, and I think thats really confusing, just like I think calling both grandmothers nana is confusing (my SIL does that and even I get confused at who she's talking about :redface: lol). I don't really know why some people use mum for both, though sometimes it's just that that's what their child decided to call them IYKWIM.

Basically, I can't answer you're question because Shel and I both wonder that as well... we don't want to be called the same thing anyway (mainly because I want to be able to go "you're turn, she's calling you!" :lol:).

Hope someone can answer your question!

We did something completely different.

I am "mummy" and my partner Jeanette is "deddy" NOT daddy
her nickname is "neddy" and my mother in her infinate insanity suggested "deddy" (a combination of daddy and neddy) and it really grew on us - most people get it and the others well .... they are not close enough to cause trouble.
It has really worked for us but we have also had a lot of family support (my family) which has been fantastic. :hug:

You've got to do what you feel comfortable with

Belinda and Jeanette :)

Oh MummyTwo I am so sorry you had to listen to this. Sadly, there are many memebrs of the community who are stuck in their 'anal' ways of thinking as to what 'classifies' as family. Children need parent who will love, protect and nurture them, as a minimum! That family is no longer just mum, dad, and kids, Familys now come in so many different forms, two women, two men, one woman, one man, grandparents etc....I firmly believe that as long as that child is receiving those basic elements to grow and thrive in love and security, it doesnt matter who makes up the constitution of the parents. Hope that wasnt too confusing....i think i have juts confused myself!!! LOL :hug: