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Thread: Narrow Minded Ignorance!

  1. #1

    Default Narrow Minded Ignorance!

    I am so upset and angry at the moment. My partner has been trying to concieve for the last nearly 3 years, our family has been very supportive which has been great. Anyway, last night we told my Dad and his wife that I am now pregnant due to my partner deciding to stop trying and for me to start. They were shocked to say the least as they didnt know I was now trying....understandable. My Dad gave us a hug and congratulated us, his wife however, who I consider one of my best friends (she is only 10 years older than me) just sat there stunned. She then proceeded to tell us that of course she will love the baby, she has just always believed in the traditional family of Mum Dad and kids! I was shocked, so shocked I just sat there and took it. I feel so betrayed. My poor wife felt like she was a dissapointment because she wasnt a "male/dad". I am still in shock that she feels this way when she has been so supportive of our relationship and has always defended us! It is comments and thinking like this that is the reason the world is the way it is! I dont know if I should talk to her about, ignore it, write a letter or what! Why are we such a problem for people!

    Anyway, just needed to vent, thanks for listening.

    MT


  2. #2

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    I dont blame you for being upset at all, that would feel quite horrible!
    Try not to stress over it - your body is doing the most important job ever at the moment, and bubs doesnt need to feel your stress.
    Big CONGRATULATIONS on your BFP, i think its great to see such dedicated parents - mix, match, whatever! You obviously have a loving, caring, commited relationship and want this baby more than anyone will ever know - and your bubs will love and respect both of you for that!!

  3. #3

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    MummyTwo... I know exactly what you are going through. Except it is my own mother.

    My mum said to me a few days ago "I will love the baby, despite what you're doing" (i.e. two mum family).

    My mum can't stand Shel, she thinks I am being a surrogate for her and the Shel is going to up and steal the baby from under my nose. She also thinks Shel is going to try and cut her out of our childs life, or try and take her 'grandparents rights' away from her. Luckily your fathers wife isn't threatening to take you to court for custody once the child is born.

    Sorry... hijacked your post for a sec...

    I am not going to say "just wait for the baby to come, she'll love her" because I know it doesn't help (can't even count how many times I've been told that!) and not only that, it isn't even the issue. I wish people were more openminded, more respectful, less judgemental towards people who are different... unfortunately they aren't. And when you encounter someone with ideas like this, its hard to know what to do or even if you should do anything.

    I'm sorry I can't be of any help, but feel free to email me [email protected] or add me to msn or whatever, I can definately relate to what your are saying. :hugs:

    I hope your partner is dealing with this... I worry about Shel and how she is dealing with it. I feel so sad, that the happiest time in our life is marred by such ignorance. And when we should be both glowing with antipiation, Shel just feels insignificant and left out by my mum.
    Last edited by Indadhanu; January 18th, 2008 at 03:15 PM.

  4. #4

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    Catrinalee, thank for your thoughts, they mean more than you know.

    Alisia, I know what you mean, Vic is just really ticked off at the moment. Vic has been gay her whole life and has had to deal with the ignorance of such people, I on the other hand have been only "out" for 4 years and have not had to deal with any bigotry at all as yet. My family have all been extremely supportive as have all our friends and my two boys who love her to death! I am just focusing now on the baby, the kids and Vicki and to hell with everyone else at the moment, I just want to pack up everything and run away! Anyway, it is nice to be able to talk to someone about it. I am so very so you own mother is being the way she is, at the end of the day we cant choose our family but be can choose our life and I wish you and Shel and your baby all the peace and happiness the universe can give.

  5. #5
    kirsty_lee Guest

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    Hugs for you darl!!! Just know that it's her thing and her problem not yours ok?!? You have a loving relationship and your pregnant.. that's exciting?! people shouldn't put so much emphasis on the little things that aren't important. You are two people who love each other and who will also love and care for their child and that's all that matters.

  6. #6

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    That must've been such a shock to come up against a hidden layer of bigotry in a place where you expected joy and congratulations. Do you think she might change her tune when she's had time to digest and reflect? Maybe give it some time (for you to get over the shock) then bring up how her reaction has made you feel. If the rest of your family has been supportive some of them might also talk to her on your behalf...? FWIW my Dad was "disappointed" (his words) when I announced my first PG (I *still* don't understand why), he's now the most gleeful granddad there is - he's obviously grown past his issue. I hope your Dad's wife can too.

    By the way CONGRATULATIONS - what wonderful news! Wish you a H&H pregnancy.

  7. #7

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    I continue to shake my head at this, I don't understand. What a child needs is a loving home, who cares whether it is one parent or two, or what gender they are. Congratulations to you both, I'm sure you have such a loving home and will welcome children with open arms, open hearts, and joy.

  8. #8

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    WTF?! Mummytwo, and leasha I'm so sorry you both have to deal with that.
    Congratulations both of you, you will both be wonderful mums and your little ones are blessed to have you as parents. Always remember that :hugs:

  9. #9
    smiles4u Guest

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    I was not in the same situation BUT my stress level was about the same through the cause of friends & sadly my own Mother.

    PLEASE - Spend more time ENJOYING then putting your beautiful pregnant body through any worry or stress.

    You want to look back on your pregnancy and know that you ENJOY every given moment ... I know it's hard ... But Stu*f anyone that is simply not happy for you both.

    ... And take a ton of photo's of that amazing belly growing !!

    I wish you both an amazing pregnancy journey ... Sending you lots of great positive vibes

  10. #10

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    MummyTwo, something which might work to get your Dad's wife thinking is to ask her this question : What do you think makes for a good parent and home life?

    Most people will say the usual - loving, caring, stable relationship, security, acceptance, etc.

    Very few people will say "heterosexual".

    Hope she comes around

  11. #11

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    Hugs to you all! How rude. I dont think it matters what gender/nationality/religion/age any parent is. Aslong as that child is loved, nurtured, in a loving home and has a healthy environment why should it matter that you are both women? I say enjoy your pregnancy, share it with your partner, It is the baby you have BOTH been wanting to concieve, dont let your step mother ruin it for you.
    Congrats on the pregnancy, and wishing you a H&H one!!

  12. #12

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    Congratulations on your BFP and thoughts and hugs to you both. I am very sorry that your joy has been interfered with. When my (now ex)partner was pregnant with our first son (who is now 9 and a half) we had a very hard time telling her parents who are very homophobic. When Isaac was about 5 months old we went to her side of the family christmas party. I walked into a room full of her relaitves including her father and said "Isaac, here's your Grandpa". He got very angry, saying he wasn't the grandfather as he didn't knoe the paternity of the child (the donor was known to us but not to him). I said that he was a grandfather as his duaghter gave birth to this child. He became even more angry and we had to leave. In a way the fact that my family were so wonderfully supportive made it harder to deal with her incredibly difficult and conservative family. As Isaac grew and then when Henry was born two years later the boys gradually "wormed their way into their grandparent's hearts". Although they are still homophobic atr heart they have embraced the boys as grandchildren and they have a pretty good relationship with them

    MummyTwo, Of course no one knows how it will work out for your family but I would never ahve guessed that my children could have the relationship they do with these people when we first told them we were pregnant ten years ago... hang in there and keep venting!

  13. #13

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    I can't believe people are like this in this day and age, maybe she was just shocked and may calm down after she has digested it but problem is you will probably not forget it in a hurry.

    Hope you have a great pg and are able to just brush off peoples ignorant comments

  14. #14

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    Congratulations to you both on your pregnancy!!! WHooohooo!!!! Im sorry that this sort of bigotry still is around....its hard to understand. Coming from the perspective of an adult daughter with a gay mother, know that it doesnt matter the sex of the parent, but the love that is around a child. You both are going to be wonderful parents. Love to you both

    Jo

  15. #15

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    Thank you all for your advice and support, it means so much to us.

    All our best to you all and your families.

    MT

  16. #16

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    Congratulations MummyTwo, you must be so excited to become parents together!

    There's a great show on Foxtel W Channel called 'From here to maternity'. Every season has featured a same-sex couple about to give birth (both women, given the subject matter!) along with about half a dozen other couples. I think it's great to see such an acceptance of a perfectly valid family in a conventional show.

    Sorry I don't have any advice, but I hope you can overcome your family issues. My MIL is hell to deal with, so to a certain extent please don't feel you're any different to a hetero couple who have strained family relationships either. Just a different point to pick on! Good luck!

  17. #17

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    MummyTwo, drop me a line, I have a link to a lesbian parents site that you might be interested in (dunno if I can post the link on here).

  18. #18

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    Hi MummyTwo

    Firstly congrats on your BFP, every child is a joy to celebrate. Your story really touched me as I went through a similar experience with my dad and his wife (my step mother). My dad was really happy for me and can't wait to meet the baby but his wife didn't even react when he told her, she just said thats nice and mentioned that she thought 'another' grandchild might be nice. she already has four grandchild through her two children. It really upset me but I have to be honest not for that long. You will soon see that your growing bump will draw only goodwill from others and I thick if you can give your dads wife time she will come around. And if she doesn't do you really want your child exposed to that sort of negative opinion?

    Hang in there and enjoy your pregnancy. Surround yourself with those who share your joy and happiness. I wish the best for you and your bump. All the best.

    Poppy

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