gentle solutions - do they REALLY work?

I have to ask.

because, I had Tresillian around and the nurse said, you HAVE to let your baby cry or he will never learn to self settle. :( I don't want to let my bub cry, he's only 4 and half months.

but, he is very heavy (8.7kgs) and currently the only way I can get him to sleep is to rock him in my arms. argggggggggh my back is killing me.

i have the nocry sleep solutions book, and I am trying a few of the suggestions in it but I don't have a full plan yet.

I am having trouble with the graduated transitioning to cot ideas, because when bub's head hits the cot, he cries. he won't be consoled in cot with rocking or patting or singing. I can put him down happy but awake and leave him there till he grizzles, once I pick him up and calm him down, though, he seems to go back to "cot is evil" mode. :wall:

I can keep trying. but the Tresillian advice has knocked my confidence right on the head. I feel like a failure as a mum. Why bother if, as they say, he won't learn to sleep unless I let him cry?

i really just need some confidence boosting (and extra suggestions if you have them) to give me the energy to keep going with this. it's not easy going against the advice of "experts" when you are getting desperate!

hi mihnister

have you read any of the Pinky Mackay books? i've found they've really helped me with my confidence and trusting my instincts.

I had the same problem when DD was in her cradle. Before she went into her cot, I would spend some time each day in her room, with her in her cot playing with toys and chatting, so she got the idea it was a happy space. Seemed to work as she is generally happier in her cot than she was in the cradle.

Re the sore back - could you borrow or buy a good comfy rocking recliner chair from somewhere? We have a lay-z-boy and which is really well supported in the back, and it rocks, so I can do all the patting and rocking and shooshing in relative comfort. Might help?

Some really good suggestions above!

And yes, I promise you, gentle DOES work.

Olivia, Charlie and Lexie, whilst all very different in personality and sleep tendancies, have never been left to cry.......and they have all learned to self settle easily. Promise.

TRUST your instinct.

I think it depends on what you deem "let him cry".
I have never been to sleep school, for similar reasons you have stated, i dont want to let my baby cry. I dont want him to feel abandonded.
However, to a certain extent, I htink they do need to learn how to settle them selves, so, i put him in his cot, and if he crys, i just stay with him, and try to console him best i can. If he gets unconsolable, then, i pick him up till he calms down, and then, put back in again. I dont necessarily pat him, but, i keep one hand on his back, or tum, or even his forehead. Or let him hold my finger, and i keep talking to him, calm, steady constant voice. During the night i might pick him up and rock him to sleep abit more as i dont want him to wake the household up, and, i dont want him to wake up so much either.
It has worked, it has taken abit to teach him to do it himself. I focused on day sleeps first, just being there with him, and then, started on his night sleeps.
The only time he really goes off the self settling thing is when he is teething now.
I was recommended to read The Baby Whisperer books, and they where great.

ETA - I also let him have playtime in his cot, and in his room, so he associated it with a fun place to be. If he wakes, and he is happy in his cot playing, then i leave him there till he wants out. He has his teddy in his cot, and a giraffe and 9/10 times will play happily. I think that is important as well.

Seems to me he ... likes you *wink-wink* He just wants you to hold him and give him cuddles. :)

I had a 2.5 month old that for a while (ok, it was more like three months) would only sleep ON me during the day. There came a time when I was to afraid to wake her at 11pm for her last bf of the night, because I KNEW she would not settle back. Thing is ... they get bigger and they learn and they move on, so to speak. ATM I put dd in her cot with her bottle at bed time, give kisses and walk out of the room. Yes, sometimes I have to go back three of four times, just to assure her that I am still around, but most times she just go to sleep. And IMO 4.5 months are to young to "teach" them to sleep when you want them too. When he gets older, you can try leaving him fussing a bit longer. Use your instinct. If you feel like he is just moaning to get your attention, leave him a while, go in, talk to him, give him a dummy (if you use that) and walk out. In the beginning you will have to do that LOADS of times, but they do fall asleep eventually.

If you are not totaly comfortable with leaving him to cry himself to sleep, DON'T DO IT. It will make you stressed, which in turn would make him more stressed, which would drive you bonkers. Do what feels right for you and your bubba :)

You could try putting him in his pram and pushing him around the dinningroom table.

thanks for the replies everyone, I appreciate the advice and support! It takes energy to try all these new options, but if it works then it is worth it to avoid the crying.

Last night was the best in two weeks. Maybe because he had his shots yesterday?

also for the first time I put a hot water bottle in his bed while I was feeding him, and removed it just before I put him down.
I was thinking that he might be happier if I put him in a warm bed not a cold bed. He did settle straight away, but he also woke up less. because of the 4-month vaccinations. I also followed advice from no-cry sleep solutions to keep night feeds quick, so i tried not to fall asleep myself.
I think I'll try this trick for daytime sleeps today and see if it helps then too.

if you think of any more advice, please do let me know cos i will try ALL of it.

HI, sounds like you're doing a great job! I also don't want my littlie to cry (although I haven't done much reading on the gentle settling stuff). Doesn't make sense to me, though I've been told by numerous friends I should and that you can easily distract yourself for each 10 minute session! I want DD's needs met and I figure crying is her way of telling me what she needs. She's 4 months, and we've used a range of strategies from the Baby Whisperer's books. I don't follow it religiously, but I've picked some things that work for us, depending on how unsettled DD is.
I think what I'm working out is that I need to have confidence in the strategy I've picked and stick with it (I look at the clock and know that in 30 min (usually) at the most, she will be asleep. That helps me relax while I'm settling her rather than stressing over what I want to get done.
Consistency seems to be the other thing - pick your strategy & keep using it!
The other thing that helps me is thinking what she's saying when she's crying - from the Baby Whisperer "hey mum, I can't sleep, I need some help" - that reduces the stress that the crying produces and gives me more confidence.
You know your baby best, so keep going with what you're doing. Sounds like you're doing a great job at reading the cues already! Good luck!

The real question is, does controlled crying work? And HOW is really important too.

With gentle parenting it's not all about the quick/easy fix - while lots of it will work, but the reason why so many do it is because of the positive and healthy effects on their baby and the baby's brain.

Have a squizz of this article:

The Con of Controlled Crying

Lots of great advice above. Short answer: yes, the gentle approach has worked for me and I've seen it work for many others. I did controlled crying with my DD 13 years ago (when I didn't know any better) and I can't say it worked at all! And now I feel guilty about what all that stress hormone (cortisol i think it is) that is released into a distressed babies brain has done to her. The book The Science of Parenting explains it really well. With my younger two children I settled them the gentle way and the whole issue has been so much easier.

YES!

Seth is an awesome sleeper, and we never CC'd. ETA: Paris is an awesome sleeper too ;)

What really bugs me about most sleep schools is they make you feel as though even a cuddle makes a rod for your own back (I hate that saying!). Total RUBBISH! Every child is different, and with that difference they have different needs. Seth was never a cuddly baby and has always loved his bed, now he likes to have cuddles on a rocker chair in his room before bed. This lasts about 5 mins if that and I don't see why its a problem ;) He likes his door shut, Paris doesn't. Paris always wanted to read a book, and had little rituals of her own (like putting toys in special places before bed). I followed my kids leads with regards to their own sleep routine and whilst I helped them to find a settling technique that they can replicate themselves, I never CC'd. As babies I did pretty much the same thing, but it was always baby led. I never let my babies get distressed, and I would always soothe and try to settle in bed before picking up and this worked for both of them, but I was prepared to pick them up when needed and sometimes they just wanted a cuddle and other times they didn't. And I never looked at the clock, or left the room with them in their cot alone to CIO.

A gf told me recently that she had read something by a specialist who said that babies have an instinct that prevents them from understanding we will return for them if they are left. This is why babies cry uncontrollably when left as they feel abandoned. I assume this is a protective mechanism so that if something happens to a parent or a baby is abandoned the amount of noise the baby will make will alert others (probably was survival a technique tribal days). But according to this study babies don't realise that the parent/carer will return until they are older than 8 months. So knowing this there is a reason for babies crying, so why fight instinct? Its not about babies being spoilt or demanding.

Ironically, it was the nurse/middy/LC we saw at Tresillian who told me "babies wake and cry so that someone comes and makes sure they don't get eaten by a dinosaur. it's that ingrown". Makes a lot of sense when you think about it!

I've posted about this before, but the nurse we saw at Tresillian was very anti cc'ing and talked me through all the reasons why it was a bad idea. She was awesome. I'm beginning to see that maybe I was very lucky we got to see her and not someone else cause I've heard not so great reviews about a lot of their staff (and a few were even from her!!)

not much to add to all the great advice except to say that yes, absolutely, gentle parenting works, and not only that, controlled crying (that is not being responsive to your baby's distress) is psychologically damaging for young babies (copius studies of which are available from any first year psychology text book).

My son Charlie is another gentle parenting success story.

It all depends what you mean by 'work'! I used gentle methods but with mixed success, although I'm still happy with what I did.

My DS was a 'terrible sleeper' in conventional terms - he was very difficult to get to sleep and woke every 1.5 hours at night for a feed til he was 2 (when I weaned him). Even now if he wakes up in the night and no one else is in the room he'll usually come find me to be led back to bed. Those first 2 years were incredibly difficult but I regard the need to be rocked, the nighttime wakings and his need for company as completely normal. I do wish he'd been an 'easier' sleeper - daytime naps were a nightmare and he gave them up at 1.5 - but he's now a very affectionate, secure little boy and I like to think the sacrifices I made contributed to that. BUT i would never judge anyone who chose to go an alternative route, because those choices can be tough to make.

People have given you some good suggestions - try them out, read a lot, maybe join the online 'no cry sleep solution' forum (on yahoo i think) for more ideas.

Good luck!

I have a nearly 18 month old whose sleep has been through some absolutely shocking periods and even when it's "good" it's unpredictable, patchy and not really that great lol.

Controlled crying (or controlled comforting, whatever they want to call it) didn't work with him. We tried it on the advice of a private sleep consultant who is apparently Brisbane's answer to the baby whisper...we were on the very edge after 9 months of him waking every couple of hours and were desperate for it to just stop. I think we worked with her method for about 3-4 days and had zip, zilch improvement. And to boot our three year old - who sleeps 12 hours solid every night - was up half the night as well with all the noise.

I think alot of the attraction with CC is that from what I've seen, when it does work it works very quickly. A matter of a few days. But as kelly said I guess I'm not comfortable with "how" it works.

Gentle methods definitely are more time consuming, and need a longer commitment from parents to work. Change is often gradual and can be two step forward, and one step back. To me it's definitely a slower process and you do have to be committed and perservere, sometimes doing the same things for weeks before you can say it's getting better.

Hang in there, listen to your instincts. Despite what anyone is telling you to do you have to be able to integrate that into what you're comfortable with as a parent. Hard gig eh?.

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Gentle methods definitely are more time consuming, and need a longer commitment from parents to work.

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Not always, I'm one of the world's laziest parents and with my third I just don't "do" the pat pat pat thing on the bottom when they wake anymore (for example)... if it's night time my baby comes into bed with me. The crying stops the minute I lift him from his cot... I take him back into bed with me.... we both get comfortable... he instantly settles and has a quick feed, usually about 2 minutes... sometimes we both drift straight back to sleep... sometimes I then carry him back to his cot. Easy as. Some people might apply the logic that a baby will learn to prefer joining the parent in bed... but the opposite has been true with my 2 co-sleepers: they learn security a lot faster than alone cot sleepers and learn to desire their own space more quickly. My 21 month old wakes at 6am these days and comes into bed with us for the last 1/2 to 1 hour. this is very do-able. it's my instinctual way to deal with wakefulness and i'm pleased that it also appeals to my lazy parenting preference! :lol:

My two kids are also good examples of gentle settling techniques. Both of mine were rocked to sleep at first, then soothed and settled in their cots with back rubs, pats, gentle touches on their faces as they got a little older (and heavier!) Now, if they both go to bed without any trouble at 7pm. Sometimes they still do come into our bed, but it's usually if they have a nightmare or feel unwell and they need some extra comfort.

I second that, Bath! Definitely easier on everyone all round if you go the gentle road. Gotta spread love, though...
Being a hard ar$e takes energy, creates stress and stomps on your instincts. Not worth the hassle.
It's harder in terms of putting up with people's ignorant comments about rods for backs (like you, Cai! Also, I would regard a time schedule as more of a rod...what if you want to go out???), dumb things people say about co-sleeping (oh, not to mention the looks you get from them...if I said out loud what I think of separated sleeping I'd be called rude - and my ideas are backed by research - so what makes it ok the other way around?), and being given looks that imply "why aren't you just letting the child cry/giving him a smack/using 'time out' (ugh!)/yelling at him?"...and then you look at your child and realise that's it's not so hard to put up with that dumbness when you've got living proof that gentle parenting produces wonderful, secure and engaging kids. Not to say that kids who have experienced CC aren't all those things, they just (in my experience) can't be generalised as having those characteristics. Every child I know who is gentle parented has something about them - some call it defiance, I call it mutual respect.
I've been thinking about something in the last couple of days, in relation to a friend of ours whose husband does hard ar$e. I'm thinking of some way to get through to him without directly addressing the issue. I thought of this:
Respect, discipline and trust work on a demerit system. When our kids are born and just little, they automatically look to us for protection (this is evolutionary instinct in any mammal). We have their respect for our experience and ability to protect. There is no 'the kid needs to learn to respect me'...we start out with full respect. So, when kids show disrespect, something has gone awry in the parenting cycle - we've eroded a fundamental trust and respect. Every time we pretend that kids are subhuman and undeserving of the attention and consideration for feelings we afford to adults (well, most of us...I think), we lose points. Kids may not have the reasoning and sense of consequence that we have as adults, but they still have these senses - they are being shaped and molded every minute they're awake. Their reasoning is not flawed, it is based on the best information they have at the time, the best that their inexperienced brains can do with that information.
So, since I decided that I am working on the premise of a demerit system (a few days ago) I am even more careful with how I treat Oscar and how I treat his often 'inconvenient' actions.
But this is all just putting words to instinct - instinct serves a real purpose and if the warning bells are going off (like when you speak to a health professional)...LISTEN :)
BTW: I used an Ergo sling for DS to get him to sleep until recently - he's got to be near on 12 kg if not over (oops, haven't been to the maternal nurse since the 12 month check!). By the end of it, I was waiting till he was REALLY tired before putting him in, so he'd only be in for no more than 10 minutes before nodding off, cos it was getting too hard on my pelvis (I have SPD) to carry him or fight with him (he'd arch and wriggle) for any longer than necessary. Now he can go to sleep with just someone lying next to him (in our bed), often whilst attached to boob.

Thanks for all the replies. The encouragement is great :D. I think I have a few weeks to come up with a non-rocking settling method before my back can't cope, so I can keep trying the gentle methods for a bit.

I called Tresillian back and say "i'm not going to do this". The suggestion was to try letting him grizzle and just not let it get to a cry. I feel much better being for honest with them about what I am prepared to do. the problem with the grizzle approach is that his grizzles only last about 4 minutes till they turn into what I call a cry. So I am going to work on making his cot a "happy place" as suggested, and once we are there, I'll try again. I figure I should only try it when I am willing to be consistent or he will start thinking "everytime I go into my cot I will just complain till mum picks me up". :rolleyes:

I"m also going to get castors to put on his cot, so I can rock him in his cot. He might like it, worth a try anyway. The patting etc just doesn't work on him. I've tried holding his hand, he seems to like that.

i'm also buying a pinky mckay book.

And, I am going to not try and rock him to sleep for a nap for any longer than 25 min. If he takes more rocking than that, we're going for a walk instead. Kinder on my back.

BTW, the hot-water bottle trick is still great at night, but no dice during the day.

I agree that it depends on what you mean by 'work'. I still have to 'put' DS to bed, and he still requires a breastfeed before sleep (no longer falls asleep on the boob). He's been a pretty bad sleeper, waking frequently, so I wouldn't say the gentle methods have 'worked' because they were never intended to teach him anything anyway, but I believe that he's just being him.. and they DO get it eventually on their own without being taught. Lately he's been sleeping full nights.. and having one nap a day up to 2 hrs. It's a dream come true! LOL! He does come in to our bed some nights still, but we have no prob with that.

However, every baby is different. I can't try to 'put' DD to sleep, as she just gets more and more worked up. DD wants to be left alone to go to sleep (which is great) but I have to time it right. If she's overtired, then she ends up screaming in her cot :( If I pick up her tired cues right, then she just lies there and goes off to sleep.

My definition of gentle methods is really following your instinct and meeting your baby's needs. My DD does grizzle and sometimes cry to sleep.. because any attempt on my part to pick her up and comfort her just wakes her up too much and ruins everything LOL. But our methods change all the time too.. just the last few days she's taken to screaming when I leave the room, and grinning at me when I return (little bugga LMAO). Sometimes all she needs is some light strokes down her nose and a little song to calm her down and she's off to lalaland. We just do whatever works at the time.

Non-gentle methods are where you're trying to make the baby fit into something that goes against their nature or yours. They're babies, and they're dependant on us. You're doing a great job. Pfft to all those horrible nurses out there (and there are sooooo many) who make intuitive mums doubt themselves.

I guess i would say in answer to your question, that gentle methods may not necessarily 'work' if what you are wanting is set bedtimes and routines. With gentle methods, expect to be with your baby, and to be on call for your baby. Take every lazy option there is - take them to bed with you, put them to sleep in the pram if need be, wear them.. whatever! Nothing forms a lifelong habit. I won't say it doesn't create habits, coz in our experience it has, but the habits change and they do outgrow them :) If you're happy to meet your babies needs, then there's no problem :)

I had the same problem with my Toby, he always wanted to be rocked but he is a heavy boy ( 6 months and 9.5kgs) So in the meantime whilst I worked out what approach I was going to take, I bounced on a fitball with him in my arms, he seemed to love that and I was working out at the same time.
I got some advise from a sleep nurse that came to my house and I said I wanted the most gentle approach she had. We left him in his cot, never left his side though. When he would start getting upset we would pick him up and tell him that it was ok and that it was nite nite time. When he was quiet, we would then put him down again... we kept doing this until he fell asleep. Trust me, it is full on for the first 3 days but then the bub realises " oh this is how I get to sleep now " now it is not perfect but sometimes we put him in his cot with a comforter and in his sleepingbag and close the door and puts himself to sleep, but other days we have to just place a hand on him till falls asleep. I never thought we would get to this stage but it did work.
I was so sick of everyone telling me to control cry, I even went to a GP to get advise and their answer was to control cry for a week or so.... I was sooo angry ... Thank god for this Forum....
Goodluck

Thanks again for the replies. Here is an update. Sorry it is so long, I am hoping it might help someone else.

SUCCESS!!!!!!! My little darling is going to sleep on his own in his cot for most of his sleeps. He still seems to want to feed-to-sleep at the middle of the night feeds, but for all his naps and for bedtime, I can go through our little sleep routine, put him in his cot, he might make a few sweet little noises to himself and then he?s out.

God I love him. I am so darn happy I could cry.

I ended up following pretty much the method Belle suggested above.

I had a sleep nurse visit me, from Hope Cottage in Ashfield. She actually took the time to get to know my baby, tried to settle him herself, and after assessing his temperament gave me a plan.

One of the best bits of this was that she validated my instinct that this was a very volatile bub who needs his mum. and leaving him to cry for extended periods was not going to work.

We go through sleep routine (wrap, womb-music, lights, music-box) put him in cot and left him for at least one minute. If he was quiet, leave him in cot. If he got upset, pick up him, rock / cuddle till calm, but not for more than 5 minutes. Put him back in cot for at least one minute. Repeat. I could use my own definition of ?upset?.
Her suggestion for if it took longer than 5 mins to calm him was to put him back down in cot for another minute even if crying ? but fortunately it rarely took longer than 5 minutes, and when it did, I was convinced he was too upset for the plan to work and just resorted to rocking him to sleep at that point.

After trying this together, she said normally she would say, don?t give up. But she listened to his cry and said, this baby is not ever going to cry himself to sleep or self-settle while crying, he is too upset, and once he gets worked up he doesn't calm easily. So, if he was not settled within 20-30 minutes, give up and rock/feed to sleep.

So, this plan did call for some crying. A whole minute at a time. I think this still qualifies as gentle parenting, but that is for you to judge for yourself. my assessment of my baby was that I had no choice other than to do this or give up, because initially he would go into crying mode pretty much instantly he was left in the cot and did not respond to patting, singing, etc. I felt that at 4 and a half months, it was not good that he regarded being in his cot for barely a minute, even with me by his side stroking his forehead and talking to him, as a class-one emergency. Consequently, for the first day or two of this, there was some crying. But over just a few days, the crying rapidly progressed from being ?distressed OMG the world is ending? and moved to ?this isn?t fair mum? and then got to ?idle whinge? and then, stopped. I even abandoned the plan completely at times when I thought he was overtired, or just working himself up. After the first few days, I have been able to go to his rescue and pick him up and cuddle him after a minute of grizzling, so no more crying at all. I hope I never have to do that again, because even a minute felt like an eternity.

(I can?t believe that first nurse who said I should let him cry for 15 minutes. My baby would have been so distraught at that point and I would have been too. Just cruel.)

At first it was just one nap, he fell asleep on his own first go. Then it was two naps in a row. Then three in a row. And it has now been 4 days where he hasn?t needed to be rocked at all. I started 10 days ago. He is happy as larry, and his naps are getting longer.

I think all the no-cry suggestions I did helped make this work (key words/phrases, routines, womb-music, etc). I think I had to give my baby opportunities to fall asleep in his cot. If I could have my time over again, I would put him in his cot at least once each sleep before resorting to the rock-to-sleep and perhaps I could have avoided this.

All the advice about listening to my own parenting instinct was spot on. I wouldn?t advocate this particular solution as being for everyone. I wouldn?t have gone to the extreme of even one minute of crying if I wasn't desperate (9kg baby? mother going back to work soon?I hated the thought of him being in childcare, totally unable to self settle, with carers who wouldn?t be able to rock a baby for 20-30 minutes... he would have cried till he passed out :( )

fingers crossed that this continues

:) thank you all I am so grateful :)

Woohoo so glad to read that it has worked for you.

Yes, I do also think gentle approaches work. My little girl is 14 months now and up until 10 months ol, she was waking every 2 hours overnight expecting booby. Everyone was telling me "you have to let her cry or she'll never learn", "stop breastfeeding her - put her on formula and she'll sleep", and other similar things. People would tell me "its ok to let her cry for 20 minutes. Then go and settle her. Then if she cries again, let her go for 25 minutes. I just cant do it though. It didnt help that DH would stand there and agree with the person telling me this, even though he knew full well that I did not want to do it.

When she was 10 months old and I was preparing to go back to work (so in other words, I needed sleep at night) I'd managed to convince DH to HELP me with settling her over night (usually he just rolled over and put the doona over his head and pretend to be asleep or that he couldnt hear her). He'd go in and pat her bum or rub her back and hum or shoosh quietly. She'd settle really quickly, say 3 minutes. It took just over a week for her to start sleeping 8 - 10 hours over night without waking.

We did co-sleep for a while, but stopped when she learned to crawl as she had a few incidents where she's wake up and crawl off the bed, or she'd wake up and poke my face and pull my hair and DH hated that she was in bed with us (he is more a fan of CC). I still breastfeed her before bed time and then put her in her cot. 99% of the time she is still awake when I put her in the cot. I then walk out of the room. sometimes she'll start making noise (babbling loudly) but then she'll nod off. Other times she'll start crying. If crying, one of us goes in and pats her bum. I know DH just pats her bum, but I also find that stroking her forehead/hair, rubbing her back gently or just having my hand on her back works nicely.

I've also got 2 of the Pinky McKay books and they really are great and did make me feel more confident. Its good to bbe able to read a parenting book that doesnt suggest controlled crying or other cry-it-out methods.

Hey fantastic - so glad your little man is finally doing some sleeping action. You must feel like a new person.

I just wanted to add what's working for us at the moment. Last week I completely lost my confidence about what I was doing for my DD. Got stressed because she's started night-waking again, got advice from every man & his dog (mostly conflicting, although all well-meant and kind), wondered should I lose the dummy, how long should naps be etc???? I was driving myself mad, so decided I needed a plan so I could feel confident again (I know this isn't for everyone, but it's what I needed so I could feel in control and confident that I'm meeting DD's needs).
So, we've pretty much followed Baby Whisperer's pattern for the day (not strict, just the rhythm /order things happen in), but am now putting her onto the 4 month schedule, gradually. The exciting bit (and hope I'm not talking too soon) is that her strategies, which are a little similar are working - patting, pick up/put down - pick up baby as soon as starts to cry, put down as soon as calm, are working, in just a few days - we're helping baby realise that 5 am isn't a great time to start the day, and restructuring her day & teaching her to nap longer so that she can be up & enjoy a good bit of time (was only lasting an hour, then napping) and sleep at sensible times (night. - ok, this is mostly for my benefit, but i figure happy mummy = happy baby). It's going to take a few weeks to sort out the pattern (again, I like this because it's a more gentle approach, and I feel like I'm teaching her to sleep, which is what she needs). I agree with you Karina & Mihnster, leaving my baby to cry would just result in two bawling messes. & DH having to clean up after!
I just wanted to let people know that there are other ways than CC, and if you can't get access to a good nurse/sleep school to help you thru this book is great IMO. I know it's not for everyone, but I have found it so helpful that I wanted to share in case it helps someone else!
sleepy dust to everyone! :)

Just a further note, for the benefit of others,
we spent all last week trying to put DD on the 4 hour Baby Whisperer routine, and it didn't really work out. She ended up overtired & cranky & refusing to feed as a result, so am now going back to a more gentle amble towards that routine (if she even ends up there).

Our main aim now is to extend daytime sleeps and to get rid of the dummy (gently if possible).

Am trying to regain some confidence in hoping I know DD better than the books, but it's been a hard couple of weeks.

You DO know your DD better than the books, you just gotta find which brain folder it's stored in :) Your DD will thank you for it, too, and you'll help each other in the process :hug: You're on the right track!

Thanks for the encouragement - I've been finding it all hard going at the moment!
I'll hang in there...

Jus, TBH I am not a huge fan of the Baby Whisperer. Some of her ideas are ok but others I am not so keen on. If you are wanting some books which follow more gentle approaches, I highly recommend Pinky Mackay's books and also the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley (and there is a toddler version of this too).

You will get there hun, please try not to get discouraged. I know that it is easy to say. But between the two boys I have been through all sorts of sleeping problems - not sleeping at all during the day, awake all night etc, and we have come through all of them. It does take time, but you will get there in the end. Best of luck to you. Keep us updated.

Thanks MantaRay, funnily enough I just started readaing Pinky McKay Parenting by Heart & it's making me wish I'd done some things more gently (not feeling guilty about lots of cuddles, having her in bed with me etc.) & also came across an Elizabeth Pantley strategy for getting rid of the dummy which we're about to try as that seems to be part of the night waking. Who knows what the real cause is!

I guess when you get so tired you can't think straight, it's hard to keep things in perspective! I really appreciate the encouragement.

Took DD back to bed with me this morning, and we both slept better ! :)