"Oh so you cheated"

Today I was in line at the checkout in the supermarket. The lady behind me started fussing over Emma, then asked "did you have her naturally?" I said no, I had a caesarian. Her face changed and she said "Oh, so you cheated?" in a really condescending way. I said "I dont think so", then she proceeded to tell me how she had 5 natural births - well whoopty doo!!! I am not her and she doesnt know my reason for having a C/S!! Not only that, but after recovering from a C/S I dont believe that there is any way to 'cheat' and there is no such thing as a pain free birth - the pain just comes later with a C/S.

I know I should just ignore her, but it really mad me upset to think that I was being told I cheated!!! I did what was best for my baby and myself.

:mad:

OMG that must have been awful for you.

Why do people always say you "you had it easy" or like what she said "you cheated"

It makes me so mad when people say that.
I still get DH's Aunt saying that i have never given birth and that makes me so upset.

OMG how rude!

if someone asked me 'if i had my child naturally' i would tell them that it is none of their bloody business! but her response to the fact that you had had a c-section was even more deplorable. some people should be banned from speaking!

thanks everyone!!! i wish i had you all with me then!!!

OMG... that is so rude.... how can having your internal organs moved & muscles etc stitched be cheating... the pain afterwards must be horrid....

C section is not cheating..... & if it is safer for mum & baby... who has the right to judge otherwise.....

OMG Linda how much ruder coshe get

Obviously she`s never btdt so has no idea what we go through with a c/s, there is nothing easy about it and unlike a natural labour it takes us weeks to recover.

Linda, how upsetting that would have felt for you... I have had some interesting comments too from mums but what I think the problem is (which we discussed in birth class and also the conference I went to) is that these mums haven't had the proper opportunity to debrief their own births. It's so important for mums to have a chance to tell their story, in whole and uninterrupted - but who of us do?

At my birth class, we all had to do this - tell our birth stories in full, as we saw it, felt it etc. Of course this has taken forever to get through but you would be surprised the issues it brings up and the need for validation and more - some women sobbing hysterically and I was completely freaking out - what could be so emotional that it could make you sob uncontrollably? But when I had my turn, I told my story, thought about more things than I had before about the birth, then came home and sobbed uncontrolably.

Mums have a habit of being so competitive and judgemental at times. But we need to open our hearts, minds and listen with soft ears and eyes to hear each other's story. It's when our story isn't told, that we have so much inside, it can often result in destructive, unconstructive comments like this. Not to defend her comments which were out of line, but she probably had a story to tell and hasn't felt listened to. The only way to deal with it as far as strangers go, is to ignore it unfortunately. Because it's competitive people like this that make others resent pro-natural birth people and vise versa. We can believe in what we want, but not everyone who is pro-natural birth is like that - pro-intervention people can be just as distructive.

I can never understand why complete strangers need to ask such personal questions. 'How did you give birth?' 'are you breast feeding?'

Sometimes I feel it comes down to simple courtesy and privacy. I haven't had a caesarian, but have heard of many of these comments that women are subject to, such as 'it's taking the easy way out' etc. I've heard many women who've always had to have caesars say that it makes them feel like less of a woman, or a failure in some way. Not on.

I really do think, when our time comes to get our little ones out, we do the best we can with what we've got. I just wish there was a book out there to help us mums handle comments like this lol

What a nerve!!

My sister had 3 c-sections and i saw each time the absolute agony she was in and how long the pain lasted.

If i could choose, after seeing what she went thru, there is no way i would pick a c-section. How can people say that its the easy option???

I saw my cousin just after her baby was born normaly, and you wouldnt even know anything had happened to her. She was fine, she was happy and it was all over.

As far as im concerned, we are all in for hell the day our bubs come so i dont think that either way is "cheating".

Grrrrrrrrrrr what a total *****! Lemme at her!!!!!! :evil:

How rude!!!
Cheating my @ss ... it's not a competition!!!

I've shared this before but one of our friends husbands called it "too posh to push" & I nearly hit him. I couldn't believe that he would say that after me sharing my story of the 20 or so hours of labour ending in an emergency c/s after Matilda was stuck in transverse positioning. I couldn't believe how people judge you for having a c/s without history and some still do even after they know!!

*hugs* Linda, you did an amazing job & have a healthy baby!!

Linda
You did not cheat hun, you did a fantastic job. :flower:

Alan

What an awful thing to say.

I can only imagine how offended and upset you were by this - I don't know what I would have said/done had someone said this to me!!!

Having had a c section and two natural births, I feel qualified to say that a c section is far from cheating...the whole reason I attempted VBAC in the first place was that I found the c section so difficult...

When someone is asked what date they were born, they never respond "Oh, I wasn't born, I was delivered via c section" so birth is birth, no matter how it's achieved. Don't let this stupid woman detract from what is a truly amazing achievement, feel pity for the ignorant cow!

Ditto to all of the above. That was a totally inappropriate comment for her to make, and I truly hope you are just going to ignore it! When people ask me about my children, I never volunteer the information that I had two by vaginal birth and one by c-section, I have three children and bore them all, and that is that!

'cheated' my @ss. Ten weeks on after a c-section and I'm only just now starting to feel like my old self again physically. Stupid woman! *grumble*

Kerrie

ggrrrrr.. how good are you at ***** slapping?

And I have never heard of any woman who has had both natural and c/s feel that she has gotten of easier with a c/s.

OMG...That is so rude! I just can't believe some people believe they have a right to say something like this to someone they dont know at all.

After my DD was born, DH's grandmother was asking one of my nan where my mum was. When she was told that mum was helping me in the shower, she replied "Well, what's wrong with her, we've all been through it"... Witch!!!!

Hugs for you Linda :hug: Like everyone else said, you did a fantastic job. :D

Nic

OMG what a cow, like it's any of her business. It really gets on my wick when people say things like that, a birth is a birth, the baby is out isn't it?? I can't believe the people that feel a c/s is not really birth etc, and they feel that it's a competition.

Next time someone asks you that you should say "does it matter? She's out isn't she?" Or have a t-shirt made up that says "I gave birth by caesarian section, you got a problem with that?".

Ooooh, there you go Kel Bellybelly should have slogan t-shirts (besides the Bellybelly ones) with funny slogans on them.

I know exactly how you feel Linda.Firstly let me say that I (and most women who've had a c/s)wanted with all my heart to have a natural birth and its even more gutting when someone comments to me that I didn't do it properly/had it easy cause I had a c/s.Secondly I went through 23 hours of labour before having a c/s, its like giving birth twice cause your so sore from contractions then the c/s itself. My story and yours is all to familar unfortunetly and it really ticks me off these people who feel the need to make us feel unworthy as mothers.

Bug hugs to you Linda.............................

I was just like Kirsty 20 hours in labour then having a c/s- i tell everyone that i gave birth twice it felt like- Grrr at stupid women who think they know everything. Isnt it the case even when women say- oh i wouldnt let my son/daughter do that.

I honestly dont know what i would have done in that situation- good on you for keeping your cool HUGS!!

Linda - I mentioned to DH what happened to you and he said if anyone mentioned anything like that to me that he`d tell them 'How would you like a 10cm cut right across your abdomen?' Lets say he was far from imprssed

Christy - OMG @ the too posh too push

One word ... UNBELIEVABLE

I feel pitty for the poor woman who made that comment. That her life, her world and her mind are all so small that she has no compassion and nor sense of decency. Se obviously doesn't know anyone who has been thru a c/s as if she did she would know it is NOT easy by any measure. What is even worse is that When I had Kat, I had an RN I worked with say the same thing to me. AN RN for godssake!!!!! She's SEEN the results of c/s's and KNOWS it involves MAJOR surgery and yet she still thinks that!!!!

I just ignored the comment as I know I did NOT have it easy EITHER time!! With Kat I went thru HOURS and HOURS of labour only to end up c/s due to fetal distress and this time I had no choice as my baby was at risk and nothing is worth that! ESPECIALLY not someones STUPID view that c/s is "cheating".

If people who make these comments KNEW someone, were CLOSE to someone, who'd had a c/s they sure would change their minds FAST! My family and friends sure as HELL know it's not easy. I deal with pain very well yet the pain I had having a c/s the first time made me SO SCARED of the second one..... The pain cannot be discribed and the disconfort lasts for months where as after a vaginal birth, the pain fades quickly and you recover faster.....

Anyway, I'm off topic. I just wish people who have NFI about a something like this would just keep their mouths SHUT!

OMG how rude that woman was. :evil: You definitley did not cheat at all, Linda. You did what was in the best for you and bubs.

LOL Bec!! The "I gave birth by caesarian section, you got a problem with that?" shirt sounds like a great idea :D

Nic

:D would certainly stick it right up people I reckon.

I would order one :)

Bored AND stupid.... that lady must be so proud! ](*,)

Grrr @ her!

You guys are all so awesome!! Thanks so much for your support!!

ROFL Bec about the TShirt!! I think its a great idea!.....imagine all the comments then... :shock:

Indeed Linda, or you could have a suit or t-shirt for babies saying "I was born by caesarian section, what's it to ya?"

PMSL Bec!! How cute!!

Some people are so rude. That's unbelievable! [-(

I think if I had been on the receiving end of the comment I would have been in tears and probably yelled hysterically at her! I find it hard enough at times dealing with "well meaning" friends and acquaintances who still ask questions about my c/section.

I went through 30+ hours of labour attempting to have a natural birth, using only gas a pain relief. Bubs was not coming, so the OB attempted a ventouse extraction and then considered forceps In the end she came out with a c/section. When DH called a friend who was also pregnant the first thing to come out of her mouth was "Oh, well I 'M going to have a natural birth" WTF as if I had a choice, we had tried all other options and they did not work.

Even after 5 months I still get asked why I had a c/section, for some reason people seem to think the answer will change.

BTW the "friend" did end up having a natural birth, good for her, but for some reason she moves and behaves like someone who has had a c/section.

Astrid

OMG! I can't believe that woman! What an aweful, horrible and ill-informed thing to say to someone who has a little baby! Good on you for standing up for yourself, Linda!
There is nothing more infuriating than women that have had several natural births without a problem thinking that women who can't do the same are just taking the easy way out. How nice would it be if we were all able to pop 'em out in a few hours?
It's fantastic that she was able to labour so well - good on her. BUT that doesn't give her the right to make everyone else feel terrible that can't do the same thing.
As someone that's had a c-section, I know how feelings of guilt and disappointment can plague your mind because you weren't able to give birth naturally so you don't need complete strangers sticking their noses in to try and make you feel even worse!
The way I see it is, if we were all forced to labour the way "God intended" then the statistics of still-born babies and deaths during labour would sky-rocket. Some people just don't use their brains and think "Hey, maybe she had to have a caesar because her life or the baby's life was at risk". It's not like you wander into the hospital and choose one off a menu or something!!! Sheesh!!

Anyway... like my Mum said (to make light of the fact that she had to have 4 caesars after her 1 and only natural birth resulted in the baby being still-born) - at least caesar babies come out with nice, round heads! ;)

"at least caesar babies come out with nice, round heads!"
True, Debbie Lee, but only the planned ones. If you've had a caesar after a full day of labour, like a few of us here, you still get the squashed head - so no bonus there! My poor little man had a bright red, round bruise on top of his head for a couple of days from my trying to push him out - but, of course, he's perfect now!

Kerrie

Thanks Deb, I really appreciate your comments. And as for the head - Emma had a real cone head too!! The midwives couldnt believe she had been born by C/S!! hee hee :-s

LOL... come to think of it, Gabby's head was a little coney for a while too (after all, she had tried to come out the 'normal' way).
I guess Mum was just referring to her planned ones.

Yeah I'd say so Deb, I'm hoping for a nice round head next time LOL