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Thread: "Oh so you cheated"

  1. #1

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    Default "Oh so you cheated"

    Today I was in line at the checkout in the supermarket. The lady behind me started fussing over Emma, then asked "did you have her naturally?" I said no, I had a caesarian. Her face changed and she said "Oh, so you cheated?" in a really condescending way. I said "I dont think so", then she proceeded to tell me how she had 5 natural births - well whoopty doo!!! I am not her and she doesnt know my reason for having a C/S!! Not only that, but after recovering from a C/S I dont believe that there is any way to 'cheat' and there is no such thing as a pain free birth - the pain just comes later with a C/S.



    I know I should just ignore her, but it really mad me upset to think that I was being told I cheated!!! I did what was best for my baby and myself.

    :mad:

  2. #2

    Default

    OMG that must have been awful for you.

    Why do people always say you "you had it easy" or like what she said "you cheated"

    It makes me so mad when people say that.
    I still get DH's Aunt saying that i have never given birth and that makes me so upset.

  3. #3

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    OMG how rude!

    if someone asked me 'if i had my child naturally' i would tell them that it is none of their bloody business! but her response to the fact that you had had a c-section was even more deplorable. some people should be banned from speaking!

  4. #4

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    thanks everyone!!! i wish i had you all with me then!!!

  5. #5

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    OMG... that is so rude.... how can having your internal organs moved & muscles etc stitched be cheating... the pain afterwards must be horrid....

    C section is not cheating..... & if it is safer for mum & baby... who has the right to judge otherwise.....

  6. #6

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    OMG Linda how much ruder coshe get

    Obviously she`s never btdt so has no idea what we go through with a c/s, there is nothing easy about it and unlike a natural labour it takes us weeks to recover.

  7. #7

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    Linda, how upsetting that would have felt for you... I have had some interesting comments too from mums but what I think the problem is (which we discussed in birth class and also the conference I went to) is that these mums haven't had the proper opportunity to debrief their own births. It's so important for mums to have a chance to tell their story, in whole and uninterrupted - but who of us do?

    At my birth class, we all had to do this - tell our birth stories in full, as we saw it, felt it etc. Of course this has taken forever to get through but you would be surprised the issues it brings up and the need for validation and more - some women sobbing hysterically and I was completely freaking out - what could be so emotional that it could make you sob uncontrollably? But when I had my turn, I told my story, thought about more things than I had before about the birth, then came home and sobbed uncontrolably.

    Mums have a habit of being so competitive and judgemental at times. But we need to open our hearts, minds and listen with soft ears and eyes to hear each other's story. It's when our story isn't told, that we have so much inside, it can often result in destructive, unconstructive comments like this. Not to defend her comments which were out of line, but she probably had a story to tell and hasn't felt listened to. The only way to deal with it as far as strangers go, is to ignore it unfortunately. Because it's competitive people like this that make others resent pro-natural birth people and vise versa. We can believe in what we want, but not everyone who is pro-natural birth is like that - pro-intervention people can be just as distructive.
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  8. #8
    froofy Guest

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    I can never understand why complete strangers need to ask such personal questions. 'How did you give birth?' 'are you breast feeding?'

    Sometimes I feel it comes down to simple courtesy and privacy. I haven't had a caesarian, but have heard of many of these comments that women are subject to, such as 'it's taking the easy way out' etc. I've heard many women who've always had to have caesars say that it makes them feel like less of a woman, or a failure in some way. Not on.

    I really do think, when our time comes to get our little ones out, we do the best we can with what we've got. I just wish there was a book out there to help us mums handle comments like this lol

  9. #9
    mizzsocial Guest

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    What a nerve!!

  10. #10

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    My sister had 3 c-sections and i saw each time the absolute agony she was in and how long the pain lasted.

    If i could choose, after seeing what she went thru, there is no way i would pick a c-section. How can people say that its the easy option???

    I saw my cousin just after her baby was born normaly, and you wouldnt even know anything had happened to her. She was fine, she was happy and it was all over.

    As far as im concerned, we are all in for hell the day our bubs come so i dont think that either way is "cheating".

    Grrrrrrrrrrr what a total *****! Lemme at her!!!!!! :evil:

  11. #11

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    How rude!!!
    Cheating my @ss ... it's not a competition!!!

  12. #12

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    I've shared this before but one of our friends husbands called it "too posh to push" & I nearly hit him. I couldn't believe that he would say that after me sharing my story of the 20 or so hours of labour ending in an emergency c/s after Matilda was stuck in transverse positioning. I couldn't believe how people judge you for having a c/s without history and some still do even after they know!!

    *hugs* Linda, you did an amazing job & have a healthy baby!!

  13. #13

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    Linda
    You did not cheat hun, you did a fantastic job. :flower:

    Alan

  14. #14
    Melinda Guest

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    What an awful thing to say.

    I can only imagine how offended and upset you were by this - I don't know what I would have said/done had someone said this to me!!!

  15. #15
    paige Guest

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    Having had a c section and two natural births, I feel qualified to say that a c section is far from cheating...the whole reason I attempted VBAC in the first place was that I found the c section so difficult...

    When someone is asked what date they were born, they never respond "Oh, I wasn't born, I was delivered via c section" so birth is birth, no matter how it's achieved. Don't let this stupid woman detract from what is a truly amazing achievement, feel pity for the ignorant cow!

  16. #16
    Custardtart Guest

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    Ditto to all of the above. That was a totally inappropriate comment for her to make, and I truly hope you are just going to ignore it! When people ask me about my children, I never volunteer the information that I had two by vaginal birth and one by c-section, I have three children and bore them all, and that is that!

    'cheated' my @ss. Ten weeks on after a c-section and I'm only just now starting to feel like my old self again physically. Stupid woman! *grumble*

    Kerrie

  17. #17

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    ggrrrrr.. how good are you at ***** slapping?

    And I have never heard of any woman who has had both natural and c/s feel that she has gotten of easier with a c/s.

  18. #18

    Default

    OMG...That is so rude! I just can't believe some people believe they have a right to say something like this to someone they dont know at all.

    After my DD was born, DH's grandmother was asking one of my nan where my mum was. When she was told that mum was helping me in the shower, she replied "Well, what's wrong with her, we've all been through it"... Witch!!!!

    Hugs for you Linda Like everyone else said, you did a fantastic job.

    Nic

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