Just wondering what you have learned from having your baby, that you wouldn't repeat with your next one? Such as rocking baby to sleep, dummies, routines, feeding and sleeping habits etc?
I'm a new mummy trying to find my way, and you hear a lot of 'that will make a rod for your back' comments about things...
So what wouldn't you do next time around?
Well I wouldn't actually call them lessons but I agree there are things that I would LIKE to do diff - depends on baby though! That's the first thing I have learnt - even if you want something to happen it doesn't mean they want it to! Like routines - I've tried to have a routine but it simply doesn't work - I have to watch DD's tired signs and put her down then rather than watching the clock. Other things I would prob do diff:
1. DEF give a bottle daily or weekly so she stays used to it (my DD had bottle early on of EBM then stopped and now refuses it!)
2. Not get DD up at every cry because sometimes she was just protesting and not really crying
3. Not let her get overtired - we kept her up for nearly 10 hrs once thinking she was happy - DER!!!!!!:wall:
4. Give sips of water from cup earlier - maybe before 6 months
That's all I can think of - nothing major and just because we did those things doesn't mean it's all bad thoough it would be so handy if she did take a bottle! Good luck!
hmmmm i guess i have the opposite opinion than the 'rod for your own backers'...
for me i plan on cuddling, holding, feeding, rocking, singing, tickling - really doing anything that helps bubs to sleep..... i especially plan on cuddling as much as is humanly possible, as once they grow out of it you can never get it back
I'd take a year off work to breastfeed for that long at least and I'd stress less during the newborn phase and learn to enjoy my bubba more cos they grow up too fast!!
neuri
my boys are only 13 months apart but are as different as chalk and cheese, so they were so different to have as newborns.
i would be a bit firmer with night time sleep routines. also i would refrain from buying too much extra stuff, like clothes and all the fancy gadgets that really dont come in handy. people tend to give you alot of clothing and i got heaps of good cheap clothes from markets.
Dont have too many visitors when you first come home as you personally will want to settle into some sort of routine.
and i wouldnt tiptoe around as much as i did with my first. its easier to have a moderate amount of "usual" noise and activity. we were so quiet for our first but had no choice with the second, but to be louder as we had an active toddler clanging around. He slept alot easier than our first
good luck...
Ahhhh, I had such plans for my second baby...unfortunately, he didn't agree with all of them!
That's one lesson I've learnt...you can have the best of intentions, but at the end of the day you need to do what you're baby needs, and that's not always necessarily the way you want things to be.
I find I'm a lot calmer with my 2nd.
I enjoy him more and worry less, because I know he will eventually 'get it'.
He will eventually sleep, eat, be less needy as he becomes more independant, things like that.
My mum makes comments like "hmmm, you used to let B spend a lot more time on the floor and less in your arms than J" which I assume is her warning me that I'll spoil him, but frankly, B didn't have an almost 3 year old refusing to leave her alone, and if me holding him more (or bringing the bouncer into the kitchen so he can see me making dinner even though dp is more than capable of minding him) makes him feel more secure, so mote it be.
I fret less about what the health nurse says and use the desert island theory. If we were on a desert island with no graphs, no milestone lists, no 'should's, would I be concerned? If the answer is no I probably have nothing to worry about.
I wish I'd gotten rid of the dummy when I had my chance at 6 months with dd, but ds has never really warmed to it anyway, so while I keep one nearby just in case it becomes useful one day, I don't push the issue.
I find the routine really useful, and dd is still in the same one she's always had, so I try to encourage J to follow it too, but I'm less stressed if it all blows out by the end of the day.
I'm more playful this time round, too.
hth
Lara
I've learned that babies are funny creatures :cryinglaugh:
Expect the unexpected ;)
With #2 I'll try and have a stricter sit-down-for-a-meal. Atm dd is all over the place and HATES her feeding chair.
My tips!
Don't fret about dropping breastfeeds to go to work - your baby will be fine and BFing finishes waaaay too early anyway.
Don't let baby's grandparents buy things you don't like. DH hates the pushchair, we both hate the high chair and I hate the ride-on toys... take it back if they don't listen to "no".
That's it. I plan on demand-feeding, cloth nappying, baby wearing and all the rest with the next one. But, ultimately, I will do what is right for the baby, and they soon tell you what's right and what's not!
Mostly, I plan to do exactly the same which was spend as much time as possible with baby and get to know them, get to know their tired signs but mostly go with the flow.
I also plan to educate myself a lot more about breastfeeding but not torment myself so much if it's not working.
And the big one for me is if I have an unstable pelvis again, to prioritise that and make it better. Not spend two months expressing so I can't go to physio because chronic pain for six months afterwards because of the unstable pelvis completely buggered up my relationship with DP and we still haven't gotten over it.
Ignore anyone who uses the phrase 'you'll create a rod for your back'. That's the best advice anyone can give you. ;)
Ditto Suse!
Enjoy your baby :) It goes sooo fast, so just cuddle them etc as much as you want to. I used to worry a little about the 'rod' but I've quickly worked out that in most cases it just does not exist. And where it did, we sorted it out fairly easily. Their babyhood is too short to be spending time worrying about such things ;)
I couldn't agree more with what Willow said......you might want things a certain way, but your baby is a little person, and their needs may be (probably will be!!!) different to your wants. And at the end of the day, they come first :)
I totally agree with the others that giving a baby what it needs is not creating a rod for your back...it's looking after your child. :)
The main thing I did differently this time was not to let my bub get passed around - #1 got passed around a few times and it was disastrous to try and settle him those nights, he was so overtired! So when out, I carry my bub firmly against my chest in a carrier, and stuff those people who want a snuggle, they can come over when it's convenient for me and not so overwhelming for bub if a hold's so important to them.
I think I might be a bit more firm with others this time around too. I'm clearer about my wishes regarding my kids, and saying things like 'nope, that's NOT a good time for you to come around', instead of 'um, okay, that's dinnertime but that should be okay'. :)
Definately feed feed feed (when it comes to breastfeeding) at the beginning to make sure i establish a really good breastfeeding relationship asap! As i have had some issues with DD breastfeeding and have had to comp feed. Which i feel guilty about, but next time I will not stuff it up.
Also realising how important the whole "sleep" thing is, ie watching for tired signs and putting them down as soon as i realise they are tired.
We don't do things to intentionally make it harder for us - we do what we can and the BEST we can at the time for us to cope!
With DS I was very much listening to the whole - don't let him fall asleep in your arms all the time, don't spoil him, don't feed him in bed - all great MIL advice who didn't breastfeed lol. 5 years later, I gotta say he is a wonderful little sleeper ... but he would have got there anyway - he really was a good sleeper anyway but being my first I didn't know ..... until DD came along and I found out what 2 year sleep deprivation was like LOL
With DD I cuddled her all the time, fed her in bed, fed her o/n longer (she was littler) - basically we did whatever we could to make our family life happy!
We dont rock DD to sleep. We just put her in her cot after her shower/bath and she just goes off to sleep.
Oh and she does not come into our bed.
What I would do different:
1. I wouldn't be introducing the bottle so soon (or ever). DD was only weeks old when i gave her breast milk in a bottle. I wasn't comfortable breastfeeding in public. My let down was very slow (which I worked out later on) and there was no waiting for the milk to come out of the bottle, it was instant. So DD picked up on that very quickly and at 10wks refused me. I couldn't do anything to get her back on boob. I did express untill she was 4months old and then I had no more milk left. So yes that is one lesson I learnt.
2. To take the dummy away from them sooner. DD still has a dummy for bed and she got quite attached to it. Her two front teeth have now been pushed forward due to this. Her adult teeth will come through fine but yes it is something I will try and stop while they are younger.
That's about it.
Hey Kristin, I agree with Suse. Don't listen to people who give you such useless advice. Nothing is set in stone - if you or your baby doesn't like the way you're doing things, change! If you are both happy with it, don't! I'm sure you are doing such a WONDERFUL job with your little bubba :) Hang in there, and try to enjoy her as much as you can. :hug:
Well.. We're doing everything different, because she's a different baby :) Tallon fed to sleep, and still needs me to help him get to sleep (no it's not a rod.. it's just how he is). Kayla pretty much self settles with a dummy, so it's completely different. Tallon co-slept for quite a while, and still comes in to us if he wakes. Kayla tho, is always next to me in the cot that's like an extension of our bed, so while she doesn't co-sleep like he did between us, she's been right next to me from the day she came home.
*shrug*. I agree.. there's no rods for anyone's backs (unless of course it is something you don't want). If you don't mind rocking the baby to sleep, then it's not a rod is it :) Sometimes it's a pain in the bum lying down with DS to get him to sleep, but at the same time, it's our best time together to have a little chat and a laugh. And I know it's not going to last forever :)
You can't expect to have everything working in ideal ways.. life isn't like that. Cooking dinner can be a pain too, but I still do it. It's all about how you feel about doing it. And other people's opinions mean nothing, coz they're not the ones doing it.
I'll be following my instincts a lot more and not listening to other people's well meaning advice. I will go with the flow and follow my baby's cues. I will try way harder not to feel fuilty for anything i do this time
Don't listen to the "rod for your own back" comments. That I do agree with Suse on!
My first ended up on the bottle, an amount of controlled crying and other things. Second one, he's still BF and fed to sleep if he's too tired and no controlled crying. Overall he's a much more content, self settling and happy baby. Part of that is his nature, yes, part I think is he's never felt "alone". I will do the same for the next. I will cuddle and let them fall asleep on my chest. It's something which already is soooo rare (he's only just 16 months old) and I miss it. He still sleeps in our room in his cot next to our bed. Yes, my mum even told him he's spoilt. I resent that! He's not spoilt, he's well loved and that's all that matters!
So far, nothing. I've followed my instincts for pretty much everything and I'm happy cuddling him, feeding him to sleep, sometimes sharing our bed. I figure he has plenty of time to learn to sleep by himself, and I don't want to waste his fleeting infancy listening to him cry himself to sleep.
I figure if something isn't a problem for me than its not a problem.
I would have 'selective deafness' to some/a lot of the 'advice' that older people (eg grandparents) give...most of it it outdated and irrelevant...
I'd also make sure I give a bottle from early on at least once a day if I am able to breast feed again...DS took a bottle for a few weeks then we stopped for a trip to WA, then wouldn't take it again at all...he had 3 months without any milk from 12 months of age (wouldn't take any milk at all in a cup or bottle or whatever)...
Wouldn't let bub get so tired, hard with a reflux baby who's in pain but I guess I know more these days about tired signs too...