DADS... opinions please? Cutting of cord. Am I being unreasonable?

Hi, I'm after some opinions, especially from Dads as I'd love to hear whether I'm being unreasonable or not from a males point of view....

DH & I have been unable to agree on who gets to cut the cord of our next baby. DH got to cut the cord with DD & I said I'd like to do it this time as its the lifeline between the baby & myself & is kind of special to me.

It would mean ALOT to me to be able to cut the cord.

DH says I'm being selfish because I get to "feel" the baby throughout the pregnancy when he only gets to feel little bits of movement from the outside.

I told him I cant help that, if he was able to carry the baby I'd let him as its not a walk in the park. (& I'd also be fair, if I carried first he could carry second) but thats impossible so its up to me to carry it if we want babies. I didnt make the rules.

I brought it up again tonight as I said to him it may be up to him to let the midwife know that I'll be the one cutting the cord as its usually Dads. He said he's not happy with that, I'm being "selfish".

I said I think I deserve to be able to do it this time after having such a hard pregnancy (HG sufferer along with other things) & he got to do it for DD.

Dads, what is your honest opinion? I think he's the one being selfish....

I already missed out on having a "support person" there with me as DH read the Harry Potter book through my last labour & was hardly any support at all, I had to call out to him just to hold my hand through a contraction even though he would have known I was coming up to one due to my heavy breathing but he decided to read instead. I almost felt like I was "putting him out" by asking him to leave his book & hold my hand.

So I said this time I'd love my mum to be there aswell as I'm HER baby & she's been through it all before so I know I wouldnt have to ask her to help she'd be by my side all the way.

He said no to that because its "his moment" because I've got to feel the baby inside me all pregnancy, when the babys born he has to be the first one to see it & hold it etc, anyone else there (besides midwives) takes his moment away from him.

This to me is selfish on his part aswell as I think I deserve to have all the support there I want to help me through the labour & make it as easy as possible for me as I'm the one doing ALL the work (All worth it of course but YKWIM)

So needless to say I'm feeling really peeved at the moment with DH. It's bad enough he doesnt help me around the house or with DD while I'm PG & wont be any help once the new baby arrives (unless other people are around, then he's father of the year) but to tell me whats going to happen when bubs decides to arrive really erks me! :angry:

Thanks in advance

sorry im not a dad but i really felt the urge to answer your post.

it is your birth, your body, your baby (even though he is the father)

You need a birth SUPPORT!!! Please hun for you sake get your mum in there with you!!!

You Dh needs to pull his head in, i think that having the right support with you (and i too am a mummy type of girl my mums was at my births) is vital in having the birth you want
He is def action 110% selfish, does he want to cut the cord cause its what dads do or does he want to do it cause it means something.

Personally i would tell him to bugger off, and wouldnt even let him in the room with that sort of attitude. You are the patient have have somplete say in what happens to you and who is with you during this time.

I am under the assumptiont that most dads are only there cause they think they are meant to be there or its the right thing, but omg i have heard some stories on how useless and unsuportive they are (my exH was a twat)


With regards to the cord thing, umm I never even thought about cutting it myself.. I was two busy holding my baby .. cause im pretyy sure it would be very awlward to hold bubs and cut at the same time and i wasnt putting her down at all!!!
But your reasoning is beautiful and i really hope for your sake you get to cut the cord becuase i have a feeling you will regret it if you dont.

My exH cut the cord with the first two girls only cause i basically told him he should, with my third baby i had my support partner do it and she was very honored.


any way i have no idea if i have asnwered the right thing :lol: got a bit carried away


BUT

Please Please Please get a support partner for you

Yep, not a dad either but could not read this and then not post.

First of all huni HUGE hugs for you :hug: What a pita your DH is being for you atm.

In regards to cutting bubs cord. My DP cut Tehya's, but he really didn't care either way. I told him he had to do it. And with Abbey I did. I put the clamp on and I then cut her cord. For me, being that Abbey is my last baby, it was a very bittersweet moment. Transitioning us from a life as one to a life seperated now. I had a hard time cutting it tbh. Not physically, more emotionally. I just did not want to break that tie. Of course it's just a symbolic thing.

Of course there is also a comprimise, if you are willing to make it. (personally I am so stubborn I wouldn't, but then I'm a b!tch) One of you could clamp the cord and the other could cut it ? Tell your DH he can clamp it (in hosp there may be less chance of this being "allowed") and you can cut, you know for sure this is permitted.

I had no problems doing it physically, while balancing a baby in the pool !

As for a support partner. I cannot stress how much of a difference this will make to you and your labour. If you have a partner in there who is not supportive your chances of intervention are so very much higher. I am sorry that you haven't been able to get a doula, but by the sounds of it your DH may have made things a little difficult. It's quite normal for dads to feel that the other support person there will take it away from him. This is far from the truth too. Rather it's the other support person who can do the menial tasks of getting you drinks, towels etc and he can stay and support you. He can do the massages and clean up spew ;)

I think he's being selfish acting like a pork chop over it all.

I hope you can come to some sort of agreement. The last thing you need is going into labour with unresolved feelings, they have the potential to hold up your labour.

Also not a dad but please, do what you feel is the right thing for you.

If you want your mum, then ask her. Seems you need all the support that you can get as you DH leaves a lot to be desired during labour and birth!! It is your labour and you need to feel as comfortable as possible.

As for DH, tell him straight out that as he was so unhelpful (ok, useless!) during the first labour, then this time you are going to make it an experience that you WANT to remember. That means mum is coming and you cut the cord. As soon as he can carry a child for the 10 months (no, 40 weeks is NOT 9 months - sorry but my family seem to love overcooking the kids, not one of them has been born by EDD, all have been 11 days or more after), then he can tell you whether you are being selfish. Until then, his opinion is unfounded and completely irrelevant (maybe word that a bit better in the 'talk').

In my case, me DH has decided that he won't cut the cord as he wants to stay at the "head end". Sounds weird I know but he is very phobic about hospitals (has had some tramatic experiences involving them). I was amazed he lasted through my first labour and did a spectacular job.

It is very important that you feel comfortable during your labour and birth so please, ignore his selfish demands and do what you need to!

Ok - another non-Dad here.

I think that it is absolutely your birth and you can choose anything you want for it and do deserve wonderful support from whoever is your support person.

Have you really discussed this in depth with your DH? Does he realise that you weren't satisfied with his performance last time and have you discussed ways that he could improve.

Does he get along really well with your Mum. I wouldn't want to see a situation where they went into competition as to who was the better support person so you got a little crowded out (as happened with a friend of mine - there were almost a punchup at 8cm dilation)

I'm not sure about cutting the cord as I have no strong feelings towards it generally but I really think that you need to calmly sit down with him and really talk about it without getting into who deserves to as each of you have perfectly valid reasons and you have to find a compromise.

Again, not a Dad, but I just had to second what everybody else has said. You need a support person with you who will be there for you and help you while birthing, not someone who is putting themselves first. I had both my Mum and DH with me and when things started to go wrong DH panicked and was running around like a headless chook while Mum was the one to calmly talk to the midwife and talk about what my options where. So sit DH down and calmly tell him how terrible he was last time and this time you want to feel more important than Harry Potter so your Mum is coming in unless he can give you an iron clad guarantee that he will devote 100% of his attention on you.

Good luck and be firm!

PS hate to be pedantic but I can't help it, it's actually only 38 weeks of real pregnancy (the first two are the two between the end of your last period and ovulation) and there are 4.33333333 weeks in a month so 38weeks = 9 months. Unless you go right over of course:doh:

Would it be possible for you both to cut it? Your hand over his or the other way round?

I think if it is something you want to do, you should definitely stand your ground.
I cut the cord with my first baby, and it was like Trish said... very difficult emotionally for me because it meant that he was then seperated from me for the first time in 9 months. It was an amazing experience that I am glad I got to do.

i think you should definately have your mum in there, but i reckon you should let him cut the cord. :-)

Personally, I think it's a tough one. There's not a lot dads can do directly with the baby. Some dads are very clueless as support people (my DH watched a movie on his puta and politely paused it while I had contractions LMAO - I was ok with this tho.. I didn't want him pampering me.. that would bug me! So having him being his normal self actually kept me relaxed! LOL). Anyway.. my point being, he may be useless support, but he obviously still wants a part in it, which I think is fair enough.

Definitely insist on proper support though if that is what you need. But it doesn't mean the support person is going to catch the baby. They are there to support the mother, not to catch the baby. He's probably feeling pushed out of the scene entirely.

As for the 10 months - LOL - I can't let it go either ;) There are 13 weeks in 3 calendar months.. so 40 weeks is 9 months and 1 week. So yup, we're pregnant for 9 calendar months :)

Can I suggest a compromise? He can cut the cord if you can have your Mum to support you.

Maybe he can be down the business end of proceedings and help the baby out ie be the first person to hold the baby and you are then freed up to cut the cord. If he is doing that then explain that you will need your mum to look after your head end (ie. manage your emotional state) during proceedings.

Or compromise as Dach said - he gets to do the cord if you get to have your mum.

If I were you I would be really upset and angry. These feelings are not good for the baby though. I think dachlostar's compromise is a great idea. For me having my mum there would be a lot more beneficial than cutting the cord. I really think you need your mum there because he will probably do the same thing at this birth that he did at DD's.

I just ask DH his thoughts & he said while he can understand your DH's feelings of it being his thing, he wouldn't be offended if I said I wanted to cut the cord.

He also thought it was amazing yoru DH could sit there reading a book while you were in labour & that it sounds like you really should get to have your Mum there if thats what you want.

wow thats a hardie you both have very good valid reasons can you BOTH CUT CORD together 1 2 3 then cut yes no? share the xperiance maybe thoughts?

If it means that much to you (and i know it does) to cut the cord yourself then i believe that you should. Maybe Dh can hold him while you do it and then he can be the one to place bub on your chest.

As for having you mum with you - the same. If you want to have extra support to help you through your labor then you are entitled to it. Could your mum give the baby a quick kiss/cuddle after dh does, then quietly leave the room so you two can bond alone with ds?

Dani, i really feel for you, you dont need your dh stressing you out anymore. Just tell him that's how its going to be and leave it at that (i know it wont be exactly that wasy). You've done a great job so far of trying to explain and that hasnt worked so just do what you need too. Its a very important and special occassion and you need not to have any regrets :hug: mwah xoxoxoxox

TBH, I was thinking that you were being a bit unfair at first. As Liz said, there's not alot dad's can do to be directly invovled with their baby. I understand you wanting to do it, but I can see his side too. I'm sure my DH would be really disappointed if he couldn't cut the cord.

BUT....then I saw that he read a Harry Potter book during your last labour and thought "pffft"!!!!! I think he needs to show that he can be a wonderful support to you during labour before you decide that he can be the one to cut the cord. HIS moment? He needs to participate if he really feels this way, not just jump up when the baby is crowing.

So as the others said, maybe compromise........he can cut the cord if you can have your mum there. Or, have both your hands cutting?

another thought, let him read the replies about how we all feel about him readin g during your labour!

I think it is more selfish that he wants to be the first one to hold the baby and deny you immediate skin to skin contact and have your babe at your breast - those first moments are integral to the breastfeeding relationship.

Oh gosh, I completely missed that bit! Wherever possible, mum should be the first to hold bub, I couldn't agree more Trillian.

Yes the mother should definately have first contact with the baby.

With all 3 of our kids DH cut the cord. I wanted him to be involved & feel like he did help in some way. He was pretty useless during labour, but he tried.
I had my mum & MIL there for my 1st & wished my mum could've been there for my other 2, but she couldn't. Having someone who WILL support you is something you need. I couldn't have gotten through it if there was noone there. I mean my DH slept for a few hours for the first - it was an 18 hour labour, & I still wasn't happy!
All my babies were passed straight to me & had a bf before going to DH. I think I'd feel pretty peed off if I went through all that hard work for my baby to be handed to someone else. Even if it was my DH.
Maybe you could cut the cord together as some of the others suggested.

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I think I'd feel pretty peed off if I went through all that hard work for my baby to be handed to someone else. Even if it was my DH.

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Couldn't agree more Skye!

hmm.. i didn't read that as him holding the baby before mum. Just that he wants to be the first to see & hold the baby out of everyone else, which again, I think is fair enough.

But he could still have first cuddles even if there is a support person.. it's only right that the daddy is next in line after mummy!

ETA: Thought I'd just add.. is it possible he really does want 'his moment' with his wife & baby? If so, tell him it's important that he learn how to support you and how to be involved properly. Men don't like to feel useless, but does he actually know what you need? Perhaps put the time in and explain to him what you will be needing, and ask if he's prepared to step up and be there properly this time. If it is just that he's clueless, it wouldn't be a nice feeling to be pushed aside and 'replaced' and not have a chance to try again iykwim. Of course I don't know you guys personally, just thought I'd suggest it that he might need more instructions. My DH isn't very intuitive, but follows instructions well LOL.

hello this is a dad speaking squidipas other half

i feel that you should cut the cord this time as he has his turn with the 1st child i mean it is you body afterall and you are the one that has carried this baby around and had to put up with all the stuff for the last 9 months or so.
As for not helping around the house i totally understand that hubbies do get sick of running around after their wives all the time with can you do this and you get me that can you pick this up but come on got to think of your wife and all that she is going through i mean it took two to tango so hubbies i feel dont have the right to be slack and say or think right your preggger it is your problem now.
it does makes me mad when i hear the hubbies are not pulling their weight and helping out when they know they should be.

so as i said i feel that it is your turn to cut the babies cord or at the very least both of you cut it together you have every right to want to cut it and IMO i think you should cut the cord. well that is my ten cents worth.

Another non-dad but . . . I actually think your DH should cut the cord if he wants to. Yes, the cord is the physical connection between me and my babies, but I saw my DH cutting it as a symbolic joining of him into the relationship I had previously exclusively had with my daughters if that makes sense.

TBH I never thought about cutting the cord myself - I was upset when DH initially said with DD#1 that he didn't want to do it. When the time came my OB just assumed he was doing it so DH clamped and cut both our girls' cords. He really enjoyed doing it and I loved his involvement.

Having said all that, if my DH had behaved the way yours did during either of my labours I would have chucked him out - of the delivery room at least and quite possibly my marriage. That is absolutely unacceptable as far as I'm concerned. Given his past performance you definitely deserve to overrule his wishes in preference of your own (and not be selfish in doing so) and have your mum there for support. I would also put your DH on notice that unless you get proper support from him during the birth this time he's out and you will cut the cord yourself.

I think you need to think about you this time in regards to the labour and support.
If you want your mum there, then she should be there. Since it's ultimately you doing the hard work and it's a tough thing to go through anyways with support, let alone without any.

With DS#1 I had my mum, my twin sister and DP. They took turns with being with me through the long hours. So my DP could go home and have a sleep, yet he was still moody and angry at me, while I was in labour, cause he was tired. After the birth and all that I was disgusted he acted like that towards me, and trying to make it all about him.
So I was glad to have other people with me at the time, for the support I needed.
This time I told my DP outright I was having my mother with me aswell as him, cause that's what I needed. We had a few arguements over it, not to mention loads of tears on my part, cause he wanted it to be just us... which yeah, I'd love that but I just couldn't leave myself open to no support at the time when you need it the most.
I think he finally could see where I was coming from and accepted that's how I wanted it.
(Yeah, I know it was very selfish of me, but it's not like I could pass the hardwork and pain along from someone else to do it for me)

Re; the cord cutting. My DP did that both times. He said he didn't mind if he did it or not this time around, but for me I felt like he was involved and it was special to me. I actually never thought about cutting it myself, I just assumed that my DP would do it.

Good luck with whatever outcome you guys have.
Sorry for my rambling.

xx

Why not have 2 pairs of scissors and both cut the cord at the same time - from either side.
As a mummy and daddy welcome you into this world. Perhaps decide on a nice little poem or short phrase you can say together before the cut :)
I think this would be very special between all 3 of you!

Hi,

Well I have to say I can see both sides of the argument.

As far as the labour goes, well I'm going to be very generous in this situation and say that maybe your DH just doesn't know what to do. I think you really need to get an indepth birth plan going (you would include in here who u want to cut the cord) and include all the options of pain relief etc you want to include. I would also go through all these methods and get DH to practice with you.

Practice the different positions u think you might or could like to use and that way he will know them and iu won't have to feel like you are trying to choreograph a musical when u want him to help u in a particular position. Practice massage and the gentle talking or relaxation techniques. Get him involved in the music and oils u will use, if you are going to use some. There are some good articles on here to prepare ppl to be good birth support ppl. Make sure your know what u want and that it's written down and DH knows it off by heart.

I would really think about what you want out of a birth support person, what u DO NOT want out of a birth support person. Explain this to DH, yes it is a very important event for DH but it is you that has to go through it so let him know that this is what u want and get him to be involved and take steps to show he will be that and if he is not willing well then explain to him u will have someone there who will be what you need.

Also maybe look at a doula. It might help to have someone there who can help show DH what to do and get him more involved so he has a good experience but to make sure u r taken care of. Also maybe he would be more comfy with this seeing as it is just another professional such as a midwife there.

As far as the cutting of the cord, would u consider doing it together? Or is there something you could compromise with? Like u cut the cord DH does the first bath? Or u could ask if DH could catch the baby? I have been at hospitals where they r comepletely fine with this.

Goodluck!

You can all cyber scream at me for being so blunt....

But Danielle - WHY are you with this man (boy)?

You are not just commenting about his desire to cut the cord - but you are basically telling us that he is not doing anything at home, leaving you to look after your first child, alienating your family from something that you want them present for, and you are already convinced that he will not help with this new baby.

I think that the cutting of the cord should be the least of your worries. I would be getting him online so that he can have a read about how his wife REALLY feels. Your overall frustration at him will not end with the pregnancy, so get the issues resolved before the baby arrives. And I would be spelling it out in a birth plan that you wish to cut the cord - and make sure that the midwife is aware of this. If after the birth you change your mind, then sobeit. But you are the one in control of the situation.

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hmm.. i didn't read that as him holding the baby before mum. Just that he wants to be the first to see & hold the baby out of everyone else, which again, I think is fair enough.

But he could still have first cuddles even if there is a support person.. it's only right that the daddy is next in line after mummy!

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Yeah sorry everyone, thats what I meant, bubs gets put straight on my chest after being born. With DD DH got to deliver her (midwife told him when to catch DD & he's the one who bought her into the world so to speak, I'm pretty sure he'll do that again which I dont mind) He just doesnt want anyone else there to "see" the baby as soon as he's born I suppose thats the best way to describe.

Sorry I was upset last night so didnt word it very well at all. I'm very tired today so still not thinking very straight LOL

Thanks for all your responses, I'd still like to cut the cord this time but I may meet him half way & cut together? MAYBE lol.

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hello this is a dad speaking squidipas other half

i feel that you should cut the cord this time as he has his turn with the 1st child i mean it is you body afterall and you are the one that has carried this baby around and had to put up with all the stuff for the last 9 months or so.
As for not helping around the house i totally understand that hubbies do get sick of running around after their wives all the time with can you do this and you get me that can you pick this up but come on got to think of your wife and all that she is going through i mean it took two to tango so hubbies i feel dont have the right to be slack and say or think right your preggger it is your problem now.
it does makes me mad when i hear the hubbies are not pulling their weight and helping out when they know they should be.

so as i said i feel that it is your turn to cut the babies cord or at the very least both of you cut it together you have every right to want to cut it and IMO i think you should cut the cord. well that is my ten cents worth.

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Thanks so much for a mans point of view (especially since its what I was hoping to hear LOL :redface: )

I agree with the "it takes two to tango" & I do remind him that DD is OUR child not just mine etc, I just think he likes taking the easy way out & I know this is my fault too for letting him do it.

Just so everyone knows I have told him many times about him being no supprt last time & he says he'll try more this time but I'm scared that he just wont once we get there, it will be "too hard" & I'll be stuck with no support again. My mum cant come now, she's in Townsville & works full time so no way she can get here now.

Thanks again for your replys :)

Hi,

I asked my hubby about the cord thing and he said rubbish you should be able to do it there is plenty he can do during and after the birth.

Just to let you know my hubby actually birthed the bub ie caught bub, and cut cord and then brought her up onto my chest and after first feed he was the one to put her on the scales and dress her etc so hubby can do alot of first that you will prob be to tired for.

I had the same experience with DS, I was so utterly let down by Dp that I DID kick him out of the birth suite for the next one.


Well I very nearly did. I was absolutley NOT having him there again, so I got a doula, saw her on my own, gave him ALL the reasons why he couldn't be there. When he saw how serious I was he was quite upset and begged me to be there, which I ended up allowing ONLY because my Doula was there and she was aware of the situation with him. He was to leave the room the MOMENT he p!ssed me off.

My doula ended up supporting him to support me and it was just brilliant, he still cant stop raving on about how wonderful I am, he felt terrific that he could help me meaningfully.

In any case if you feel so strongly, show him you do. It might give him cause to see what you are on about. I would NEVER risk having my birth experience marred by the one person I thought I could count on...

GLxoxoxoxo

I just want to add Dannielle that outside the delivery room my DH is useless too. He was really good during all 3 of my labours. He's a pack a day smoker & went without & tried everything I told him to with out getting the sh*ts with me when I pushed him away.
But at home he is I think alot like yours. He doesn't help around the house, he rarely looks after the kids, when we fight they are 'my' kids.
He actually makes comments all the time about wishing it was just us & DS. He odesn't let the other's hear him, but it hurts me pretty bad. He won't put out the rubbish, won't take the bin out on bin night. I am raising the kids on my own. 98%.
He isn't always like this. Over the last 3 years he gotten better & better. Because I made him. He might act like that alot, but when it all gets too much for me, he does realise & wake up to himself & will do something to make it up to me. eg, clean the house for me, get up to the kids & let me sleep. Only when I've screamed at him about how I'm just about to lose it & I can't do it anymore.
The last episode was coz of a tooth ache. I actually looked at rental houses where my mum is & got an application form emailed to me. But he's since snapped out of it.
He does get it when I drill it into him. I think you need to sit your DP down & talk to him. Ask him the things you really don't want to know the answer to.
Do you want to be a Dad?, Do you want us gone?
Tell him if he doesn't wake up to himself & grow up a bit & accept HIS responsibility, you'll leave.

I'm not telling you to leave. Just maybe he needs a bit of a 'slap' to wake him up. You are a person who has feelings too.The shock of you going to stay with your mum for a few days & telling him he won't see his baby born if he keeps it up might be enough to get the love & support you need & deserve.
Tell him what you need. You can't do this alone.
Until I explain it to DH as if he is 5 years old, he just doesn't get it.

I really hope you guys work things out.
Sorry to go on & on. I just think he needs a good talking to.

WOW - what a thread. My initial reaction is that he should cut the cord because its one thing they can do and they can still do it without holding the baby - the baby can be put on you straight away. BUT.....he sounds like he isn't a very supportive husband at all so I really don't know. I don;t think it should be an argument though - if you fight over this what else do you fight over? it's a tough one. Some of the other girls have great suggestions - I hope it works out for you.

I asked my hubby what he thought and he said that the hubby has little real involvement throughout the pregnancy and if this is the way he feels connected then hubby should be able to cut it.

i agree with him. We're the ones that feel it move all the time and are constantly thinking or reminded of being pregnant and all the Dads get is what we are telling them is happening and the way we ask them to participate is by helping around the house. Although we think its fantastic that they increase help, its not really feeling or bonding with the baby.

Having said all that, I think its up to both of you to decide whats right for you.

With the support person, I would definetly say have who you want in there, come on, labour isn't easy and the guys don't really understand.

Hahahahahaha Marc was initially saying nah thats fine. Then I asked him if he thought that was a bit unfair given I got to experience everything myself, he agreed. His suggestion was "Do it together".

I know I'll get flamed here but I think it is a bit selfish in some situations. I mean we get to experience everything not because we want to but because we have to. And its not all bad yes pregnancy is tiring but its also a beautiful experience. I really couldn't take that away from my husband if he really wanted to do it.

BUT...

Your experience is different, Marc was extremely supportive through both pregnancies and both births. In your experience I would tell him to go read "The little red hen" You don't help you don't get to eat cake simple as that.

So I think you should do what you like LMAO!

I have to say I have never really given it much thought I have always been happy for the support person to cut the cord.... my BHL couldnt be there for the birth of DD2 so my mum was and so she got to cut the cord which she says that it is something she will never forget, she actully said the seeing the birth from the other point of view for the 1st time was quite dornting( sp? ) as she said she felt helpless to help my pain and didnt know if what she was tring to do was helping or if it was annoying me ( I guess as she has been on the birthing side where sometimes things just p!ss you off ) So maybe thats how your DH felt, maybe he felt like he couldnt help so distanced himself with reading a book maybe this time you will have to tell him what you want him to do like GET ME ICE CHIPS NOW !!!!

I guess what I am saying for me it doesnt bother me I go in expecting the support person to be the one cutting the cord as after all I get the 1st cuddle as baby is alway put straight on our tummys and that is where the cord is cut from... But do what you feel you are comfortble with, but dont leave you DH out or he might resent it... Talk to him let him know how you felt last time....

Danielle, I have spoken to my DP, I read out your thread to him. Here is his response. I have worded it slightly nicer than he said it ;)

In his opinion Yes your DH is being unreasonable. He cut the cord first time around, it's only fair you get it this time. For him he felt it wasn't a "huge" deal cutting the cord, whereas for a woman we hold it more symbolic. His words, Get Over It.

On the subject of support, it's simple. You want it, you have it. It's your birth, and your the one that needs the support. Besides that, it's family. You are wanting your mother, not the next door neighbour.

So maybe my DP is different to some of the other males. He was pretty damn useless at supporting me in Tehya's birth, but tbh I think now he was just scared as it was a HB and he'd never witnessed birth before. Luckily for him, after a swift toe in the bum he was better with Abbey.

Goodluck hun and I hope you get it sorted before bubs birth :hug: