Male company (or lack thereof)

. . . It's getting to me. :(

When I go for walks, I always see guys running and it's like, w00h00! I'm forever thinking who i'd . . . like the company of . . . and who I wouldn't; yes no yes no yes no. Actually, that's a lie, it's more like, Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes no yes yes yes yes yes. Whenever I smell mens cologne, my heart sinks.

*sigh*

I know this is better than being with exP. For the first time in years, I don't feel strangled by his family's ridiculous antics,or by his complete lack of ability to deal with any responsibility whatsoever, or by his hands around my neck when he's having a violent episode. I can finally be ME for the first time in as long as I can remember, but I got so used to the male company, to the (although infrequent, by the time I left) physical interaction and intimacy, to, well, the sex! Oh GOD the sex! That is one thing I cannot fault him on. And now its gone! :(

I'd be open to dating except I honestly don't believe anyone else would want to be with me because I put on so much weight, and even if they did, i'd be too self-conscious. I actually made a promise to myself about this - once I can fit into pre-preg pants, its on :lol: Shame i'm not losing much weight anymore, bugger.

I'll get over it, I just needed a rant. If I didn't have DD i'd be lost, luckily I can always get cuddles from her :D And it's not tinged with feelings of "I know I don't love you anymore but I don't know how to get out of this situation."

/end rant

So either I'm the only perv here or everyone is getting laid but me!

LOL probably moreso that you posted at 3am ;)

Can totally understand where you're coming from. :hug:

It's all fun and games with little bubs, eh? Aurelia's been sick so her sleeping has gotten even worse! argh!

Go and buy yourself some sexy underwear and a nice new outfit. It's amazing what a bit of lace can do for your self esteem!

Can you have a girls night out maybe?

You're not the only one that feels that way, while I'm not entirely interested in male company or anything that goes along with that.. I have found myself "noticing" guys a lot more.. I think I even have a crush on my dentist LOL. And going to uni every day is bad since there always seems to be some random guy who is doing sports medicine, construction or is even in my maths class who is worth noticing and having a perv on heh. I get lonely, but with everything going on I know that it would do more harm than good to even let anyone in for a brief time.. And I don't really feel like anyone would be interested in me since I can't afford nice clothes, I dress for comfort moreso than for how I look lately, and I feel like I have gained some weight too.

So I just admire from afar, and feel like a complete loser LOL

A girls night out is a good suggestion. Would that be at all possible for you?

Thanks for your replies, ladies! Glad to know I'm not the only one lol.

A night out might be difficult but I randomly spoke to a friend of mine I haven't seen since pre-preg and we're planning to get together on a weekend. She wants to go out pubbing etc. I don't think my folks would mind looking after bub But I don't know if DD could handle it. SO I'm hoping we can organize a day activity. As much fun as going out pubbing/clubbing would be, it might be a bit unrealistic unfortunately. But hey, anything is better than nothing! I lost all of my friends after I fell pregnant, simply because I couldn't go out drinking and things anymore.

Oh, and in terms of buying clothes . . . hehe. I just bought 2 new pairs of hotmilk bras + briefs (a few probs with the website but overall I'm happy with them) and have a dress and top on layby. Arrrgh! I have to stop spending money! But I can't help it. I've lost weight, am starting to feel better about myself, and my clothes are getting too big. I need to buy things! LOL!

hi ladies
i can totally understand where everyone is coming from, i was single from 5 months pregnant so i've had absolutely no male interaction (except for my dad and uncle...) for six months now and its kinda driving me nuts... i moved up to brisbane from sydney so i lost all my friends and now i'm up here, fat, with no friends, and nowhere to go...
i feel so fat and floppy, all around my stomach, back & a$$ is still wobbly from gaining all that weight during the pregnancy (23kg to be exact, a few too many donuts i think) and 21 year olds arent supposed to have saggy boobs!!! i had such perfect boobs and now theyre ruined! damn gravity... and stretch marks, OH DON'T GET ME STARTED ON STRETCH MARKS.. i have them on my boobs, stomach, sides, thighs, inner thighs and on my butt too!! i'm a collage of stretch marks... no beach for me this summer...
i think its going to be a loooong time for me to feel like a 21 year old again... i'm still in my clubbing years and i'm stuck at home feeding bubs and watching friends re-runs! not that staying at home with bubs isn't great, don't get me wrong it's awesome! i love being a mummy! but once in a while it would be nice to get out of the house with some friends and have a pash or two with a complete stranger... i miss the freedom sometimes... i cant just jump in my car and go get my hair done or go out for a drink with mates on 5 minutes notice...
yes now i'm sure everyone is sick of reading my sob story
i'll go see if i can go buy some cute baby clothes off ebay to console myself

ciao

mel move closer to me!! lol in victoria :p
we can be fat and saggy boobed together! I gained about 30kg in pregnancy :redface:

haha yeah i wish i could cookiemonster!:cryinglaugh:
but on a serious note, if i ever did move down to victoria it would be to bendigo...
loose ends need to be tied in that town! a 'what if' story...
i need to find some saggy friends up here i think!
or maybe i could just get off my fat a$$ and exercise so i'm not fat, and get a boob lift for the sagginess... *sigh* it all sounds too hard!

The boobs do adjust! Give it 12 months after you stop BFing. I was having flip-outs about mine but my mum said it improves a helluvalot after a year. I was an E before preg, went up to a G while preg, then my H cups were too tight at the beginning of BFing and now I'm an FF. Very traumatic on the girls! And HA! You think you've got stretch marks? You aint seen nothin' honey! I have stretch marks eeeverywhere, I have stretch mark *on my calves and upper arms* grrr. I don't know how much I weighed when I fell preg but I imagine I gained about 17kgs >.< I've lost almost all of it now, so you can imagine what a delicious jellybelly I have from all the left-over skin. BUT that gets better as well I'm told. Our bodies have done amazing things, ladies! We should be proud of them!

I have stretch marks between my butt cheeks :redface: And thighs were mostly because of fluid, still yucky though!
I love my baby so he is all that matters.

If it weren't for contraception no-one would EVER have perky boobs - the minute you got into puberty and started DingTD you'd be up the duff - BAM! You'd have mother's breasts when you had your first bubs at 15 or 16 and never even consider that they should be perky. In a way it's pretty unnatural really, if you think of it like that.

I find exercise makes a massive difference to me. I have a DP (he doesn't live with me, so i'm semi-single - a single parent, but not single, if that makes sense) and am thinner than i've been since the age of 17 and certainly fitter than i've ever been, but i still have extra belly skin, wobbly love handles, big thighs, saggy (and HOW!) boobies. Yesterday i got up at 8am (DD was at her daddy's house), went for a 7.5k run, then went and swam 0.5k using only my arms, then walked 6k all over the city doing various errands. Sure it's not how it was when i was 15, but i'm not sure how much more i could reasonably expect of my body, you know?

Even if i'm having a fat day i feel way better after exercise. Running made a difference to me, but i took up bodypump and wow, even though i only do it once a week i sure did begin to get visible results after a few months! Before i exercised regularly it seemed like too much hassle but now you could NEVER NEVER NEVER get me to give it up!

Bx

I felt the same way. That no one would want me now my body had changed so much. I am a 18G in my bra's and when i start breast feeding again i'm sure i'll need the F cup size. Whilst Preg the first time i gained 22kg and have never been able to shed to much of that. Stretch marks gailor on my stomach thighs and upper arms. It was like i longed for male company even though they had hrt me so much in the past. So when i did meet this guy i fell for him right away. Fell pregnant 3 months later then he left me. I knew my life was to good to be true. So my warning would be make sure it's love not lust and that the man feels the same way. Although it feels great to be wanted i made the mistake of not reading between the lines. He didn't want me just the family i could give him so now starts the custody battle :doh: . PS my boob's look great in a bra but very disappointed in what they look like when i take it off :( .

miranda,
definately a valid point there, thats why i'll be investing in lots and lots of contraception when i eventually get back into the dating scene...
how old is your second? if you're still breastfeeding then you've got some leverage on him, no judge will take away a breastfeeding baby from its mother... and even if you're not, how will they ever know??
yeah i look pretty good in a bra too! until i take it off then it's flabby abby i tells ya!
to be honest, i wont be trusting men for a very long time i think... it was hard enough for me to trust a man before i had bubs, and now that i'm a mother theres NO WAY IN HELL any man is going near him or me for that matter, until i can see he's genuine...
us women gotta protect ourselves!

Hi there i have two son's aged 2 and 4 i breast fed till they were 14months i weaned the first because i fell with the second and weaned the second to get him out of my bed lol he liked his boobies on demand night and day. I got fed up with him latching on by himself through the night. I am now 28 weeks with the third and another boy!! The father is threatning that he has full coustody from birth and i can travel the 4 hours north for the 1 -3 hours visitation. lol What a load off bull s***t in his dreams. He calls me his incubator. That's all he wanted from me was a child. My ex husband the father of my other two is gay i found out with him cheating on me with another man. I was so devo. So yes no trust left for men at all!!!! It also get's me mad when i did go to the pub to play pool with my family i got comments like "at least we now she puts out boys" My dad ended up in a brawl with us all having to leave. So now i stay at home unless i have to go to antenatal check up's or to do things with my boy's like the park where i do meet other mums and single mums which is great.

what i would suggest you do is cut contact with this a$$hole, change your number, change your address, and don't tell him when the baby is born and definately DO NOT put him on the birth certificate.
oh and as for him thinking he will get custody from birth, um i'm thinking maybe he's got a few too many birds on his antena! my ex tried to threaten me with **** like that too, he said he would get a court order to be present at the birth! YEAH RIGHT, like anyone in their right mind would give that right to any man! even a man judge wouldnt let him do that!
but yeah, i cut contact with the ex when i was 5 months pregnant and i'm tellin ya it was the best damn decision i ever made, i never changed my number tho, i moved interstate(which he already knew about) but he didnt know exactly where i was going so he'll never be able to find me, and as for my phone number, i just ignored all his calls and messages and eventually he just gave up because he had no other way of contacting me.

i just hope for your sake that this guy comes to his senses and realises that its YOUR baby, not his. a mother will always have more rights than a father, i have a lot of family friends etc who were very decent men and still had trouble getting any kind of custody of their children, in one case, my friend's ex wife was a complete nutcase, and it had been proven in court, and she still got custody of his son! so if that helps, i'm pretty sure you're not phsyco, and you're capable of taking car of a child (duh), so no judge will take you're son off you.
and if you can, dont put his name on the birth certificate because technically, if he's not named as the father, then he has absolutely NO RIGHTS to you or your child whatsoever, and that'll make it so much harder for him which is what we want! make him cry!

oh and as for those w@nkers in the pub, go shove the pool cue up their a$$! or if thats not possible then just walk up to one of them, smile and punch him in the nose! that always gets my point across :lol:
oh oh oh and another thing, WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN! when it comes to court, and you have recorded everything he's said and threatened and done, and he has just 'his word', guess who's gonna look like a fool!
i'd give you my lawyer's number, she's the top female divorce lawyer in queensland and hates men... good combination hey... but she lives on the sunshine coast... bit far from you i think!
seriously tho, write down all these stupid things he's saying, because in the long run, the more he threatens you, the more unstable he will appear to a judge... trust me
and you must keep me posted on your journey from now on!
us women gotta stick together... :hug:
it'll turn out ok, you watch, karma will come back and bite him on the a$$ big time

take care

You got alot of good points there. But i still can't help worrying till this is all over. I live near Mackay NQ and i have the best lawyer in town everybody just hates her unless you got her on your side cost a packet but it's all worth it. Both my ex's hate hearing her name mentioned when we have a disagreement. I got diaries on both men to they do say alot of stuff i also include emails which i print out, chat coversations on msn and i can print out text messages on my mobile to so they are just writting their own bullet's which i'll use in court if i have to.

I just not quite sure on what to do about the birth cert because in looked it up through the births deaths and marriages site and they say he can go to court to put his name on it and get his parental rights. I would like my son to know his father and get to spend time with him just not to much to fast. And i don't want to look like i slept around and don't know who my babies daddy is. But i'll ask my solicitor when i go in next what would be best. I am going to mediation before the baby is born and having the birth written into the orders. I think if we didn't come to an agreement and we had to go to court it would take months to acually get to court because of the waiting list people i have spoke to up here said they waited 18 months.

I still email the dad and give him small updates on the baby after i've been to antenatal appointments this was his request and i have done it for him but he still not happy if he reply's he just wants more info and that would mean telling him about my body and what i'm going through so i refuse that. I even email him the scan photo's because i have a heap of them, i let him come to the 18week scan to find out the sex of baby as soon as we walked out of the room he started in to me over his name, I picked out Brodie John for a boy and Claire Grace for a girl he hated them. Just something else he wishes to take me to court about he say's it his baby and he'll have the custody so he gets to choose the name. (Oh i am a country person lived in the bush most my life now in a little town that's why the country names my other boys are called Clayton and Travis)

Anyway i think i have been more than fair with this man and he just likes to stress me out. This male should be avoided like the plague. lol !!!!

Oh who cares if it took 18 months to get to court! Baby will be older then he he he.
NEVER ask me for legal advice by the way.....

This guy is totally nuts. You will have to put his name on the Birth Cert but that DOES NOT give him parental rights, it legally acknowledges his responsibilities to SUPPORT the child finacially. I think you have been rather fair to him in the face of his idiocy.
WTF is he doing calling you 'his' incubator? Do you have a hard copy of him doing that? I'm sure that would go down like a lead balloon in court.

He doesn't get 'naming rights' oh gawd you probably know all this - it just makes me rant about it ;).

Tell him to fark off - it seems you are clear that you will try to build a relationship for the sake of the bubba....but I would NEVER in a million years give him unsupervised access.

I do not plan on letting him have unsupervised visit's at all. I think if i gave him the chance he would take bubba and run. If he did i would be so devo and wouldn't rest till i had my bub back and he was in jail for kidnapping. I am not denying him access like he wants to do to me but i do want it limited and supervised. I am asking that he does a parenting course which i made my ex husband do before he got my older boys. I would also like him to have regular contact say 2 or 3 times a week but only for max 2 hrs while i'm breast feeding. No over nights till i finish. Then progress up to 4 nights a fornight at 4 years old and not to be able to take bubba no more than 2 hours away from our home town till he is of 4 years old then for no longer than 1 week till school age where i will allow 2 week holidays twice a year with other holidays in between just not for that long. Well that is what i would like to happen but courts may have another plan.

very true lulu2 - i wouldnt let him touch my child with a 10ft pole!
to add to my rant from last night, if he actually thought he could get ANY woman to hand over her rights to her child than there's something seriously wrong with this guy!
oh by the way, do you have any contact with his family?? if you dont, i suggest you do, because if anyone can get him to see what he's doing is wrong, it will be his family...
and if they turn out to be on his side, and repeat what he says, well i would definately stay away from these people...

also, to emphasise his lack of rights - even if everything went to court and he got the best lawyer in town and made you look like a crap mother(which you definately arent), but if he does all that, he will still only get DS every second weekend... and maybe half the school holidays when DS is old enough... and THATS IT! we are very lucky that the laws in australia favor mothers, thats what i love about being a woman, no man can ever take away your child. It just makes me so angry when i hear about men that think they can take children off their mother!

so what made you fall for this guy in the first place? was he completely different before you got pregnant??
anywho, i have sleep to catch up on... dont we all...

take care

Miranda, are you worried at all by this tool and his view of things? I mean, your plan seems totally and utterly reasonable and I cant see ANY court not agreeing with you. I'd be pretty confident if I were you.

Im glad he lives miles away...

I'm glad somebody shares my anger about these men inparticular. His family will stand up for him. I fell for him because he treated my older boy's great and we had so much in common we spent every minute together when he was home from work. I felt worth something again and enjoyed the attention of a male which i thought i would never get. Stupid me fell for it hook line and sinker.

I am avoiding men till i have got my life on track and raised my kids. I will never fall for it again. He not only hurt me but my two boys who still ask where he is. I don't know how to explain things to them they will see him again when the bub is born and wonder where he has been and why he has only come back for the new baby, hope it doesn't make them get to jealous of bubba. Got any hints on how to explain this to a 2 and 4 year old. This will continue to hurt them and for that a hate what he has done. I was lead to believe my life was going to be happy and heading forward.

I do see what he is doing but i don't want to instill in any of my kids my hate for this man and i do realise the importance of know your real father. If only he would work with me on this and stop thinking about himself. At this point in time the only things i know about his where a bouts is his mobile number and an email address he tells me nothing about his life only what he is going to do to mine. I will be confident when i have seen my solicitor she is so busy my next appointment is 4th of sept so i'll let you all know how i go. So for now i fear him.

have you asked him to still come and spend time with the boys? if he refuses, thats another thing you can use against him! :D he will look very irresponsible and self-centred if he is unwilling to keep the relationship with your boys... cause really, its all about the children... and if a judge is not sure whether he will always put his children first then he will never get anything more than a kick in the a$$

but your plan is pretty flawless and i'm with lulu2, no court will disagree with a fair plan like that...
you've got nothing to worry about girl, just keep telling yourself that you're a good mother, and start looking forward to this bub being born! you're 28 weeks pregnant remember!! start paying more attention to yourself and spend less time worrying (cause you have nothing to worry about!). i know its hard cause of all the hormones and everything, but u gotta try!

when i was pregnant with DS, the whole time i was worrying so much about what XP was doing, if he was plotting to take bub, if he got a lawyer and was planning to take me to court, if he would ever leave me alone... it eventually dug me into a hole so deep that i had a breakdown while pregnant and couldnt go to work for a week, and was very very close to having post-natal depression... so remember to think positive, it takes a lot of guts to start thinking about yourself only, BE SELFISH!

everything will be ok

i also repeat what i said last night - move house, change your number... give him the exact treatment he's giving you! he wont find you...

oh i've had an idea, how bout you go and break one of your windows in your house and call the cops n say it was him... he lost his temper... pretty stupid idea but i'm forever thinking of ways to sabotage men... I CANT HELP IT

Can you get an AVO against him. It would send a strong message that you wont take things lying down. I take my hat off to you and the way you are handling this.

I'd feel pretty ripped off too Miranda.....and I'll be doing the same as you, concentrating on the kids for a while first. I really think differently about things now, I've managed to not be soooooo p1ssed about how things have turned out and am on the move forward again :dance:

Thanks again i'm not as down as i used to be learning how to laugh it off. I was going to do the AVO but it would make it harder for him to be around me for the supervised visits. I'm just waiting on using all the stuff i have been collecting against him. I will not backdown if he does get it to court.

thats awesome miranda
i hope everything goes as well for you as it has ended up for me, you deserve it!
thats great to hear that you're feeling better now
remember you'll always have all of us here at BB waiting to talk to you, console you, give you advice, make you laugh, listen to you, and if needed - wait for him in the back of an alley to teach him a lesson!
all the best
keep us posted on your journey with or without the w@nker

take care

Thank you all so much i will keep you posted. Every step of the way.