Why me again?

I don't really know where to begin with typing this post and nobody needs to reply - I've just got to get these thoughts out somewhere.

I just feel so very sad. I feel like PG is the hardest thing in the world for me to achieve successfully. Why does it have to be this hard? Why did it have to happen to me a third time? And why at Christmas time? This is meant to be a time of joy and celebration and all about family. There I was thinking that our family was about to grow and how exciting Christmas Day would be with that in mind and now all I can think about is how awful this time is. Now I feel like there is 'one less' in the family than I thought there would be tomorrow.

I feel so out of control ATM as I sit here knowing that it's just a matter of time before AF arrives and I pray that it's sooner rather than later so that I can start moving forward a bit, if that's at all possible. My stupid stupid body......I just hope it gets on with it sooner rather than later so that I can deal with the physical/emotional aspects that this AF will bring.

Where to from here? Is it worth TTC again if this is going to happen to me yet again? I can't live in fear 24/7 of losing more babies. So do we keep trying or forget the whole idea? I desperately want another baby to complete our family and for Jacob to be a big brother.

I feel so stupid. Why did I test when I did? Well I know the answer to that, it's because I felt symptomatic. I just wish I didn't, then I'd be none the wiser and would just think that I'm having a long cycle (as I've had a few over the past year that are around 33 days). And then I just would have gone on to TTC next month.

Why is it so easy for some other people to fall PG, even when they haven't taken optimal care of themselves? Here's me doing my best to look after myself and whammo, it strikes me again. What is it that I'm doing wrong? Do I not deserve another child? Doesn't Jacob deserve a little brother or sister?

Melinda i am so sorry that this has happened to you again, of course you deserve to have more children, and Jacob also deserves one day to be a big brother, i don't have much advice for you sweetie because this has just happenend to me again too, i just want you to know that i am thinking of you at this time.
Take care hun :hug:

Oh sweet my heart broke when i saw you had posted in here.

Of course you deserve everything wonderful in the world and especially what a little one brings.

I dont know what to say to help you feel better but i just want you to know that Jacob and DH are very lucky to have you and your new little one when they come along will be oh so lucky too.

Please take care of yourself sweet- i'm always here for you.

:cry: Oh Mel, honey... I am so sorry. Sending lots of big squishy hugs to you.

Melinda - I'm sorry :( I know it seems sometimes like the world is ganging up on you - and its not the case.
You deserve good things - so do lots of people. It may seem like others have it easy sometimes, but just remember there's good with bad for everyone. Some people might fall pregnant easily, but then there could be negatives for them around the corner.

You will have another baby, sooner rather than later, and it will be a happy joyous time for you. Try not to dwell on this tomorrow. Enjoy the special time with your lovely family.

Hugs to you.
Fi

*shakes fist in the air*

ITS JUST NOT FAIR! I am so sorry mel, and ditto to what everyone else has said, of course you deserve this. But I too know how you feel and it is very hard to even contemplating getting back on the wagon when you are going through this. And what a lousy time :( I know there isn't much I can say to console you but I want you to know I offer my thoughts.

Thinking of you.

*hugs*
Cailin

Melinda I just want to give you a big hug!!!!

I am so sorry for your loss.
You do deserve to have another baby. Dont give up. We are all here for you.

I agree with Fi. Everyone has issues. So just becasue other people fall preggy easily they still have things to deal with.

try not to think about the fear ( easier said than done) To go though that emotion is worth the true joy you will have when you do have your long awaited bub.

Try and relax and enjoy christmas with your family.

Melinda i am so sorry :hug:

You deserve to be happy and one day you will have a baby brother or sister for Jacob to love and play with.

Please don't give up i know it is hard knowing it could happen again but it may not.

Part of me so wants to give up as well but i know in my heart i want more kids and i have to take the pain with that knowing i could go on and have another m/c.

Love to you all

Oh Tootsie Roll, my heart broke when I saw you had posted in here...

Please accept my sincere condolences and heaps and heaps and heaps of hugs at this time. If there is anything I can do or say, consider it done and said.

Jacob will be a great big brother, and it WILL happen, sooner rather than later.

Lots and lots of love and :hug:

Oh Mel, I am so terribly sorry :hug: It's simply unfair and I so wish that it didn't happen to you, or anyone else for that matter. Please take care.

Love ya matey :hug:
xoxoxoxox

Melinda, I am terribly sorry that this is happening to you again and at a terible time of year as well. You definetely deserve another baby and Jacob certainly deserves a little brother or sister. If I could I`d take away your pain but that`s impossible so please take peace in knowing I`m thinking of you and sending my love.

Awww Melinda, I am so sorry your are going through this again. :hugs: It is just not fair.

Please do not give up. I am positive you will have another healthy bub one day and Jacob will become a big brother.

You are a wondeful person and deserve so much.

Please take care of yourself matey.

You, DH and Jacob are in my thoughts.

:hug: Melinda I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. My thoughts are with you at this time.

Take care

Oh dear,
I feel so bad for not popping in earlier!!!

Toots, I hope your having some family time & are being spoiled with love from Dh & Jacob (no doubt you are!!!)

I will have to search nowfor a funny to send your way to atleast put a smile on your face!

I dont have any words that can make you feel better or your pain any less, but matey I wish I did!!!

I know how you feel & in time the pains eases slightly, enough for you to reconsider & start TTC again!!!

Best wishes at this most painful of timeS!!!!

NO WAY.

Bugger it all Mel, I'm so sorry. The timing couldn't be worse either.
It will happen for you, I know it.

It's not over yet, stop kicking yourself over testing early.

Biggest hugs in the world

Still thinking of you loads & sending big hugs your way.

Melinda you are so nice and you do deserve better. Sux that it happened at xmas time, life is so cruel sometimes. I am so sorry for your loss and I feel your pain. Sending you truck loads of kisses and hugs, but I know that nothing I say or do will make you feel any better, unfortunately it is just time. I just know you will be a mother again and Jacob will be a big brother real soon.

Thinking of you, hope you feel a little better real soon.

xxxooo

Mel ~ I don't know what to say, other than I hope that AF passes quickly for you, so that you can get on with TTC for Dec/Jan.

I know (that you say it was "just" a chemical pg) but it was still the start of something great, and that's upsetting. I know that this sadness with pass as the bleeding eases.

Please stay strong and know that one day very soon you will be pregnant and all will be fantastic!

I don't know why we have to endure this, I know exactly what you mean: I look over my back fence to the single woman nextdoor who has 6 healthy children and here I am trying and praying for #2. Sometimes life just doesn't seem fair darl.

Keep posting, and I hope you're feeling better soon.

Beccy

Mel - you have done so much for me in these past few months, and there a lot of other girls in here that you have helped aswell.

You are a gorgeous, strong beautiful woman who deserves every bit of happiness in your life as much as the next person.

Don't give up, because I am sure your little angels will continue to look down on you and try their hardest to make their mummy happy.

(((hugs)))
Tamara

Im so sorry I know exactly how you feel! *hugs*

Mel, my heart just broke when I found out your very sad news. I'm so angry and upset for you that it had to happen again to such a wonderful person!
I know there is nothing I can say to take the pain of this away, but just wanted to let you know how much you have been in my thoughts the last week...I wish I could just wave my 'fairy godmother' wand and make it all go away.
You WILL have another precious baby, I am sure of it!
Just know that I, and so many others are here for you!

Thank you everyone for your kind words and all your thoughts. I really appreciate it and am so grateful for each and every one of you taking the time to reply to my post.

I'm getting there - up and down a bit, but getting there. Trying desperately to focus on the future, but it's hard. I feel pretty anxious, but I guess I just have to keep trying.

P.S. You're a gem, Dan, thanks for popping in!

It's a pleasure Mel..I want to help you get through this as much as I can.

Thinking of you sweetie..I'm only a text away!!

I know, you're such a great friend! What would I do without you.

Reminds me, I must reply to your e-mail (and get MSN back you goose!)

I know, I know! Will get Paulie onto it..promise! 8-[

Mel - Im so sorry to hear of your loss, I could be reading my own post here. Hugs mate, what a terrible time of year to happen, chin up, we cant let this beat us, we just have to battle on and know that we want our kids to have a sibling.

Hugs
Melinda

I've just seen your thread Melinda. What a horrid way for the pair of us to have to start 2006, huh?

It's just not fair is it.

I hope the pair of us have much better luck going forward. Sarah and Jacob both deserve siblings!

I sure hope that the 2 of you have a much better year for the rest of it.

I agree with Kirsty- i really hope the two Melinda's have much joy in the coming weeks. HUGS

Thanks for the lovely thoughts guys - I appreciate it.

Couldn't happen to nicer people I reckon.

Ditto, to what Kirsty said. :)

Melinda - I am so sorry... I've only just seen this thread now. I am so sorry for yet another loss for you :( That sux!