Daughter being harrassed

My daughter is in Year 4 and I found out that the boys in her class are harrassing her. She has been saying for a few weeks that they swear at her (well she has said they've sworn for the whole year) and I just told her that they are boys and they must like her....

Anyway, today she came out crying and said the boys had just cornered her in the locker room and said "You are a b*#tch, you hump boys". The teacher was in the computer room so they obviously thought it was their chance. She then told me that last week one of the boys had said "do you wanna s*ck my balls". I can't believe it. Anyway, I went to the teacher. Now he is a male and is the only male in the school and I had heard a rumour that he got all the difficult boys BECAUSE he's a man. So the girls in the class just have to suffer. I also realised it's the "average" girls, because they wouldn't put the top of the year or their work could suffer (grrr I get so annoyed when I realise this).

So, I went to the teacher who ways "we delt with the sucking issue last week"/ Oh ok, well I didnt' know. And then he said to get my daughter (who at this point had gone off to dance class and didn't want to tlak to the teacher) to see him tomorrow and tell him what happened.

My husband says this would be sexual harrassment if it was in the work place, and that they should suffer severe consequences. I am sure this isn't the only two times and Im going to go to the principle. Do you think tha'ts sufficient or is there something else I should do. Has anyone experienced something similar?

Thanks xo

OMG Webbmag that is disgusting and completely unacceptable. no little girl should have that said to her especially not by her peers.
If it was me I would go straight to the principal and then the school board if your not happy with the response.
I hope your DD is ok ...

Good luck
xoxoxox

Absolutly go to the principle and if you are not happy with what is done take it further. That is totally not acceptable behaviour and should never be allowed. My mum always tells me you are the only one with your childs best intrest at heart and will fully protect her. So go with you gut instinct!!.
I really hope she is ok . xoxo

Go to the principal!!!! They will have to take it more seriously than that.
Just horrible, your poor DD :hug:

As a teacher many issues get dealt with at school, alot of the time without parents being aware of what has happened unless their child goes home and tells them. This works majority of the time, as usually both parties are somewhat at fault and dealing with it at school means that is usually the end of it and builds resilience in the kids. HOWEVER the nature of what has been said to your DD should have been discussed with you, and the kids who have been doing this should have pretty severe consequences. I would definately get your DD to talk to the teacher tomorrow, then after school, I would talk to her to find out what he said/did, then bring it up with the teacher again and find out what happened or what his response is. If it still seems like he is giving you the brush off(which to me it sounds like) I would then let him know that you aren't really satisfied with the way the school dealt with it and make an appointment to see the Principal.
Hope that isn't too long winded and you get to the bottom of it. The boys should have parents contacted and then be dealt with according to school behavioural policies (writing an apology note, yard duty etc.)
Good luck.

Oh hun that is awful. I wouldn't let it stop with the teacher, i'd be bringing it to the principal's attention and asking the offending children's parents to be brought in and told about the incidents that are occuring. We had a similar thing happen to my DD1 a couple of years ago and the school reacted very strongly, offending children were suspended and not allowed to return to the classroom until they had apologised in full to my DD and her friend, and only once my DD and friend indicated they were happy for the boys to return to the classroom. That's how serious this sort of thing is and that's how seriously the school should be taking it. Our school cluster is a leader in 'restorative practice' which is the current best practice for bullying and harrassment and I must say it was very empowering for my DD to come through this process and have her rights protected and upheld.

OMG, that is absolutely not on. Your poor DD (and you).

Going to the principal is a great idea, does he/she even know about the 'sucking issue"? If they don't, it might be helpful for it to be brought to their attention, and if they do know, why did they not contact you about it?

Have these boys parents been informed of their behaviour?
What is the school going to do to ensure this doesnt happen again, (as it sounds like it has and will be an ongoing issue)

goodluck, hope you can sort this out quickly.

Nic

PS Make an appt with the principal first thing in the morning and when you see him/her make sure they understand that you want to know the outcome of whatever process the school takes. If they don't take it seriously I'd be ringing the state education department.

I would be seeing the principle IMMEDIATLY, and there is a chance he doesn't even know, if the teacher is keeping it quiet.

I would also be demanding that the boys parents be brought in to discuss their sons behaviour, and ask the principal what action will be taken against the boys. Your DD needs protecting, and when at school, that is there job.

These boys are around 10 yrs old, and need to be taught NOW that this behaviour is not allowed. And there parents need to be aware of the disgusting behaviour.

Our school has a ZERO tolerance for anything like this, and just last year 2 boys fighting OUTSIDE of school hours, but in uniform and on the grounds, were expelled. That may be harsh, but thats why my kids go there!!! ;)

I agree with the others. Go to the principal and if you are not happy with his/her response, go to the Education Dept ASAP. Tell the principal that you are NOT happy that you weren't informed about the sexual harrassment of your daughter.

Also I would be requesting counselling for the boys if that is possible. The must have picked it up somewhere and if it is at home, then they need to be protected too.

I agree go to the principal even if it's just to let them know that you're not going to take this lightly.

Poor DD and poor you :hug: - and someone needs to teach these boys some manners - gosh I'm dreading the school years already :redface: - little $hits

OMG... I couldnt believe what i was reading ... I really hope ur DD is ok.... I have a DS and would be mortified to find out he was behaving like this...And a DD and would be freaking out if it were her. i think that the parents of both/all kids involved should have been notified especially because of the nature of what is happening... No one should ever be in this position especially not someone in Yr4

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My husband says this would be sexual harrassment if it was in the work place, and that they should suffer severe consequences.

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If this was done in high school even it would be delt with as sexual harrassment... It is no way at all on...

I would see the principle.. But also have a good chat with your DS... Hopefully this is the first and last of this situation... i just wanna give her a BIG hugs... poor girl... what a horrible thing to go through.

Hello - My name is Stewart. The computer was on when I got home from work. As a secondary teacher (3 dd's ??) I know exactl how you feel. As a male (and a dad) like everyone says .. this is not on. Fact is - its bullying. Bullying in most schools (in wa anyway) is a suspendable offence. Give the school a day to listen to your little one's story and see how they respond. Ask the principal what was the consequence of the behaviour. If it is a suspension - then usually this calls for a conference before the students are allowed back into school. This is where you inform the parents of your side of the argument. Insist that you go. If these boys arent suspended - ask why, and ask loudly and often.

I hope this is of a little help. Unfortunatately - this advice is coming from a male. My daughter attends the same high school I teach at. The one incidence of bullying this year she had my response was to line up the little sod and give him the true story of how Dads look after their daughters (which would end up in a negative manner for him !!!!!) My 12 year old was more worried about me doing that then anything the bully said.

Good Luck - and remember, dont stop until you are satisfied with the outcome.

At this age those kind of comments can sometimes indicate that the children themselves have had some kind of sexual harrassment/abuse. I would go to the principal or the Primary assistant principal and talk to them.

:hug: your poor little girl. What a horrid experience.
I disagree totally with the teacher's assesment that it was dealth with because if it had been properly dealt with they would be aware of how totally unacceptable such behaviour is. As a society, if we don't teach boys what kind of sexual behaviour is acceptable we're letting them and our daughters down. I think that for your daughter's sake and for their sake you should approach the principal and insist on stronger measures for innappropriate behaviour - you're doing them a favour in the long run by sending them a clear message.

Meg, I can't believe poor little Tilly is having to go through this. What gets me most is what appears to be a very blase attitude of her teacher towards the whole situation.

Can you organise an appointment with Tilly, the teacher and yourself? It doesn't sound as though she feels very comfortable discussing what was said with the teacher (what little girl would?!) on her own and maybe needs your support?

Thank you all for your responses!
I have called the school and am waiting for the principle to call and book an appointment with me.
I found out a few more things yesterday. Apparently alot of the harrassing is to a group of girls, so mostly it's not just DD (still DISGUSTING, but at least it's not JUST my daughter being targetted). They are obvioulsy showing off. MrsMac I did think that it could possibly be a result of sexual abuse too but I do also realise that some kids are allowed watch whatever they want on TV and there is some CRAP out there. So I will voice my concern to the principle, but wouldn't want to assume anything. But yes, that is how the cycle seems to continue. It also concerned me because I don't want my daughter brought into that cycle and thinking it's normal and then acting out infuture (sexually) because of this abuse.
There are also some issues with girls in DD's class and I have a feeling because of the boys behaviour over the year, the girls are starting to use the bad language and getting a bit of a reputation with the parents, so I want to make sure it's not DD and also if it is, for me to be able to work on that. Honestly, why so difficult to bring up kids!!!!!
I do think this male teacher has been lumped with a bunch of difficult boys and he has NO idea how to deal with it. He's not a psychologist or behavioral expert and I am annoyed he's been given all the "naughty" boys. What a joke, particularly for the girls. But at the same time, he does have a responsibility and I feel he has not dealt with this problem all year and now the parents are suffering.
I've also heard that parents of girls in other classes are GOSSIPING about our class (my goodness, no wonder kids are such gossips) but Im wondering if it's to make themselves feel better about their kids and their kids imperfections. My attitude is to take a look in your own backyard first!!
Thanks Stewart for your input. I do believe that bullying should be zero tolerance in all schools. I am not sure why they chose not to take it further. I will be asking.
I did find out that one of the girls fathers went to the boys mother and told her what her son had said, so at least she is aware. I want to know why the school didn't inform her, it wasnt' just a "boy" thing it was a GROSS comment that he probably doesn't even know what it means and is going to get into alot of trouble in the future if he keeps it up.
Anyway, will let you know what happens, and thank you all again! xo

HOw awful!! I dont think it is appropriate that your daughter had to go and tell the teacher what happened - I know I would have been v embarrassed to say something like that to a teacher (let alone a male one) and she has done nothing wrong so why is it put in her court to discuss in depth with the teacher. she told you so you can help her. when i was in high school someone flashed at me pretty aggressively on a bus on the way to school (and a friend). we told the teacher and then had to describe in depth to police and our school principal. i was SO embarrassed and justwanted to drop it... woudl have been a lot more comf if my mum could have handled it for me (and iw as a lot older than grade 4)
i think at this age all parents need to be involved, it isnt even that the boys are 'bad' - they are just learning, mimicking bad behaviours and there is an opportunity to stop it now before they are older and more impactful.
let us know how you get along.

Even letting your children watch sexually exlicit movies is abuse Meg so there may be cause for concern about these boys in that respect.
I think its annoying that this man has been given the "naughty" boys and the poor girls in the grade have been made to suffer, if the school is any good they will ensure that those boys are spread throughout the classes next year and the girls that have been with the worst of them do not have to be again (sort of share them around IYKWIM?)
BTW if he is a good teacher he will be able to deal with these boys unless he is very inexperienced.

Not good enough by the teacher I would be seeing the principal and sending a letter to the parents assoc do all parents are aware. I was harressed at school at a older age but similar talk to your daughter and I was too embarrssed to talk to anyone eventually Mum found me crying talked to a few people but it wasn't till the PTA got involed that we realised how many other kids it was happening too and how bad it was.

Good on you for standing up for your girl

The P&C have no power or say over things like this and getting them involved will alienate the teachers and principal and also cause more gossip. This is a matter for the teachers, the assistant principal or the principal. If you are unsatisfied with the way it is handled at a school level you need to contact the SED of your district. (If you need any help finding out who to contact PM me, I notice you are in Sydney too. I am a teacher and can get onto who would be best to speak to in your area)

I still cant get past "the sucking issue" WTF????

Thats what makes me think at least one of the boys have been exposed in some way to stuff they shouldn't which means the school legally MUST report their concern.

Glad you decided to follow up with the principle WM. That is absolutely not acceptable. And like others say, it should be delt with now before it turns into a bigger issue for all involved.

Your poor DD and her friends. Its great she was able to come to you and let you know what was happening.

Did you get an appointment yet?

Yes, my DD seems to be good at telling me things, although it took her a week to tell me all the details. but I know that is better than not telling me.
The principal rang and we had a long chat on the phone. She said that although she knows the boys just think they are SOOOOOOO funny, it' is not acceptable and she will be doing something about it. So the teacher hadn't told her (which I think is a little strange, but it's his call I guess).
I dont know where he was before this school, but it's his first year here and he may well be capable, but I have a feeling he's overwhelmed. But yes, he probably thinks he's dealing with it in the best way he knows how. At least now he knows that however he did deal with it, it didnt' stop it for long.
I do believe that the boys probably watch alot of crappola on tv and that is most likely where it comes from (that or they have older brothers....)
As it turns out the mother of the main one has been told by another parent, so that is good because I have NO idea who she is (we've only been at the school a year and a half and I haven't met so many of the parents).
Anyway DD has said she will tell me each afternoon how school was that day. She also knows now that she can talk to the principal if need be. I think it's opened a new door for her, and also for her and I.
Thanks for all your input everyone!
I feel that at this point it's being delt with and I will be following up on what is happening. The principal also told me not to listen to the gossiping mothers and that they obviously have nothing better to do. I gathered that they drive her nuts ()the ones that probably turn up to her office day in day out to complain how their princess is being treated)!! So I won't be listening to the adult gossip anymore!! What are we, year 4 ourselves?????
thanks again xoxo

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My daughter is in Year 4 and I found out that the boys in her class are harrassing her. She has been saying for a few weeks that they swear at her (well she has said they've sworn for the whole year) and I just told her that they are boys and they must like her....

Anyway, today she came out crying and said the boys had just cornered her in the locker room and said "You are a b*#tch, you hump boys". The teacher was in the computer room so they obviously thought it was their chance. She then told me that last week one of the boys had said "do you wanna s*ck my balls". I can't believe it. Anyway, I went to the teacher. Now he is a male and is the only male in the school and I had heard a rumour that he got all the difficult boys BECAUSE he's a man. So the girls in the class just have to suffer. I also realised it's the "average" girls, because they wouldn't put the top of the year or their work could suffer (grrr I get so annoyed when I realise this).

So, I went to the teacher who ways "we delt with the sucking issue last week"/ Oh ok, well I didnt' know. And then he said to get my daughter (who at this point had gone off to dance class and didn't want to tlak to the teacher) to see him tomorrow and tell him what happened.

My husband says this would be sexual harrassment if it was in the work place, and that they should suffer severe consequences. I am sure this isn't the only two times and Im going to go to the principle. Do you think tha'ts sufficient or is there something else I should do. Has anyone experienced something similar?

Thanks xo

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I hope this doesn't offend you but I think that saying "they must like you" when they treat her badly is problematic. Some psychologists think that it contributes to a mindset girls have of accepting domestic violence, "He hurts me because he loves me" etc. I know it's meant to make her feel better when she's upset but it's not something you'd want her to carry into adulthood. Again, hope that doesn't offend, JMO.

I absolutely agree with your husband that this is TOTALLY unacceptable. Not only is it sexual harrassment, it's violence. Cornering her and making sexual advances is absolutely a physical threat and there's nothing to say that these boys wouldn't actually hurt her. I know mothers who have found out their children (one as young as four years old) have been sexually assaulted, often repeatedly, while in childcare and and at school. I would take this as a serious threat to her safety and at the very least, demand that your daughter be moved into a different class. If they won't do it, take her out of the school and make a complaint to the education department. I would also go to the local police station and speak to an officer. They might be able to come to the school and tell the boys off and hopefully put the fear of God into them. If they get away with this with a slap on the wrist they'll just keep doing it. They need serious consequences or the behaviour will escalate.
It's great that your daughter can talk to you and that you and the principal have an understanding. I'd still move her out of class though, up to you though.

This is an old thread. Not sure why it has been brought up again.

The action is not good enough, go straight to the principle and get a better answer and a better action result if you are not happy have her removed from the class this is rotten behaviour and should not happen, I agree with your hubby if this was in the work place they would be fired and further action would be taken. Just think if it were you in the work place cornered by a group of men would you be scared and upset? i could not imagine how scared you daughter is .

If the teacher has all the rotten boys suggest that it be a all boys class and stopped subjecting the girls to this sexual harrassment and might i add you better let the principle know if this continues you will take it further be firm you are your daughters protector.
kath

I know it's been a year and a half, but how did everything turn out? Might be worthwhile to bring this up again now, since it's the start of a new school year - new students, new bullies, etc...

How interesting that the girsl using bad language get a bad reputation and yet no one discusses the boys doing it! RAmpant misogyny at that age is really dreadful. This stuff is the reason I began home schooling my daughter in yr 5, the teacher refused to deal with it adequately, the bullying continued, and my daughter started getting in serious trouble because of it. She left the school with a few of her friends one day to get away from it, and it was her and her friends who were nearly suspended over the issue. The girls were told that the boys were doing that because "that's what boys do when they like girls" and I SPAT CHIPS. TAlk about laying the firm foundations for domestic violence later in life!!!!

These boys need to be pulled very harshly back into line. If the trouble continues (I do realise home school isn't everyone's cup of tea ;) ) you need to go above the principal's head to someone higher up in the food chain. Don't stop until your daughter feels happy again because it's simply not acceptable. Your husband is absolutely right, this behaviour would result in legal action against the participants and against the company who refused to deal fully with the problem.

Best of luck to you xxxx don't stop until it's fixed!

ask the teacher what the consequences for the student concerned was. Was it a talking to or detention?
Record down when you spoke with the teacher and what transpired.
Meet with the principal. Record down what transpired during the meeting.
Ask the principal what strategies he is using in the school to eliminate harassment.
Ask the principal what is his short term solution to the problem, and if it is not fixed, where to then.
You could ask your that your daughter be moved to another class.
The rumour you heard is more than likely true, as many educational reports have identified the need for male teachers to act as a 'role model' for troublesome boys, as female teachers are often ineffective at corrective their negative behaviour. The class will probably always be a tough one for the teacher.
If you are still unsatisfied with the results, take it to the district office. Usually complaints are acted upon when it is taken there.
Remember to record EVERYTHING (some bureaucratic organisations don't like to put things down on paper). Harassment is illegal, and you have a right to push until appropriate action is taken that helps all parties involved.

the thing is i think the teachers let them get away with too much and this kind of behaviour needs to stop. i only have to think this week of the poor little 12 year old boy who has had his life cut short because of a bully.
it is not acceptable and as your DH said it would be harrassment in the workplace.

if we let them get away with it at school then they just keep this behaviour up.

good luck

Sadly these days the teachers have very little power especially when a lot of parents refuse to believe that their child is a problem. You have no idea the amt of abuse we cop for trying to discipline some kids at school. Many parents seem to be of the belief that their child can do no wrong and must never be disciplined which makes it damn hard I tell you.

The thing that strikes me about this is why on earth are 10 year old children even saying things like "do you wanna suck my balls?" Aren't they supposed to be chilldren, riding skateboards, building cubby houses and climbing trees? How sad that we have a society where our children become sexual at 10 years old??
I sincerely worry for my children. I know I can't turn back the clock and I can't protect them from everything but sexual harrassment at 10 years old - there is something seriously wrong with that...

I'm very very sad to hear this. I hope your little girl is OK.