Daughter being harrassed

[Mumma2three]

My daughter is in Year 4 and I found out that the boys in her class are harrassing her. She has been saying for a few weeks that they swear at her (well she has said they've sworn for the whole year) and I just told her that they are boys and they must like her....

Anyway, today she came out crying and said the boys had just cornered her in the locker room and said "You are a b*#tch, you hump boys". The teacher was in the computer room so they obviously thought it was their chance. She then told me that last week one of the boys had said "do you wanna s*ck my balls". I can't believe it. Anyway, I went to the teacher. Now he is a male and is the only male in the school and I had heard a rumour that he got all the difficult boys BECAUSE he's a man. So the girls in the class just have to suffer. I also realised it's the "average" girls, because they wouldn't put the top of the year or their work could suffer (grrr I get so annoyed when I realise this).

So, I went to the teacher who ways "we delt with the sucking issue last week"/ Oh ok, well I didnt' know. And then he said to get my daughter (who at this point had gone off to dance class and didn't want to tlak to the teacher) to see him tomorrow and tell him what happened.

My husband says this would be sexual harrassment if it was in the work place, and that they should suffer severe consequences. I am sure this isn't the only two times and Im going to go to the principle. Do you think tha'ts sufficient or is there something else I should do. Has anyone experienced something similar?

Thanks xo

[LaDeeDa]

OMG Webbmag that is disgusting and completely unacceptable. no little girl should have that said to her especially not by her peers.
If it was me I would go straight to the principal and then the school board if your not happy with the response.
I hope your DD is ok ...

Good luck
xoxoxox

[foreva*your*mummy]

Absolutly go to the principle and if you are not happy with what is done take it further. That is totally not acceptable behaviour and should never be allowed. My mum always tells me you are the only one with your childs best intrest at heart and will fully protect her. So go with you gut instinct!!.
I really hope she is ok . xoxo

[Heaven]

Go to the principal!!!! They will have to take it more seriously than that.
Just horrible, your poor DD

[Beach Mama]

As a teacher many issues get dealt with at school, alot of the time without parents being aware of what has happened unless their child goes home and tells them. This works majority of the time, as usually both parties are somewhat at fault and dealing with it at school means that is usually the end of it and builds resilience in the kids. HOWEVER the nature of what has been said to your DD should have been discussed with you, and the kids who have been doing this should have pretty severe consequences. I would definately get your DD to talk to the teacher tomorrow, then after school, I would talk to her to find out what he said/did, then bring it up with the teacher again and find out what happened or what his response is. If it still seems like he is giving you the brush off(which to me it sounds like) I would then let him know that you aren't really satisfied with the way the school dealt with it and make an appointment to see the Principal.
Hope that isn't too long winded and you get to the bottom of it. The boys should have parents contacted and then be dealt with according to school behavioural policies (writing an apology note, yard duty etc.)
Good luck.

[AnyDream]

Oh hun that is awful. I wouldn't let it stop with the teacher, i'd be bringing it to the principal's attention and asking the offending children's parents to be brought in and told about the incidents that are occuring. We had a similar thing happen to my DD1 a couple of years ago and the school reacted very strongly, offending children were suspended and not allowed to return to the classroom until they had apologised in full to my DD and her friend, and only once my DD and friend indicated they were happy for the boys to return to the classroom. That's how serious this sort of thing is and that's how seriously the school should be taking it. Our school cluster is a leader in 'restorative practice' which is the current best practice for bullying and harrassment and I must say it was very empowering for my DD to come through this process and have her rights protected and upheld.

[AnyDream]

PS Make an appt with the principal first thing in the morning and when you see him/her make sure they understand that you want to know the outcome of whatever process the school takes. If they don't take it seriously I'd be ringing the state education department.

[nic]

OMG, that is absolutely not on. Your poor DD (and you).

Going to the principal is a great idea, does he/she even know about the 'sucking issue"? If they don't, it might be helpful for it to be brought to their attention, and if they do know, why did they not contact you about it?

Have these boys parents been informed of their behaviour?
What is the school going to do to ensure this doesnt happen again, (as it sounds like it has and will be an ongoing issue)

goodluck, hope you can sort this out quickly.

Nic

[Pretty Butterfly]

I would be seeing the principle IMMEDIATLY, and there is a chance he doesn't even know, if the teacher is keeping it quiet.

I would also be demanding that the boys parents be brought in to discuss their sons behaviour, and ask the principal what action will be taken against the boys. Your DD needs protecting, and when at school, that is there job.

These boys are around 10 yrs old, and need to be taught NOW that this behaviour is not allowed. And there parents need to be aware of the disgusting behaviour.

Our school has a ZERO tolerance for anything like this, and just last year 2 boys fighting OUTSIDE of school hours, but in uniform and on the grounds, were expelled. That may be harsh, but thats why my kids go there!!!

[Chocaholic]

I agree with the others. Go to the principal and if you are not happy with his/her response, go to the Education Dept ASAP. Tell the principal that you are NOT happy that you weren't informed about the sexual harrassment of your daughter.

Also I would be requesting counselling for the boys if that is possible. The must have picked it up somewhere and if it is at home, then they need to be protected too.

[DiannaQ]

I agree go to the principal even if it's just to let them know that you're not going to take this lightly.

Poor DD and poor you - and someone needs to teach these boys some manners - gosh I'm dreading the school years already - little $hits

[JBM]

the thing is i think the teachers let them get away with too much and this kind of behaviour needs to stop. i only have to think this week of the poor little 12 year old boy who has had his life cut short because of a bully.
it is not acceptable and as your DH said it would be harrassment in the workplace.

if we let them get away with it at school then they just keep this behaviour up.

good luck

[mrsmac]

Sadly these days the teachers have very little power especially when a lot of parents refuse to believe that their child is a problem. You have no idea the amt of abuse we cop for trying to discipline some kids at school. Many parents seem to be of the belief that their child can do no wrong and must never be disciplined which makes it damn hard I tell you.

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

My daughter is in Year 4 and I found out that the boys in her class are harrassing her. She has been saying for a few weeks that they swear at her (well she has said they've sworn for the whole year) and I just told her that they are boys and they must like her....

Anyway, today she came out crying and said the boys had just cornered her in the locker room and said "You are a b*#tch, you hump boys". The teacher was in the computer room so they obviously thought it was their chance. She then told me that last week one of the boys had said "do you wanna s*ck my balls". I can't believe it. Anyway, I went to the teacher. Now he is a male and is the only male in the school and I had heard a rumour that he got all the difficult boys BECAUSE he's a man. So the girls in the class just have to suffer. I also realised it's the "average" girls, because they wouldn't put the top of the year or their work could suffer (grrr I get so annoyed when I realise this).

So, I went to the teacher who ways "we delt with the sucking issue last week"/ Oh ok, well I didnt' know. And then he said to get my daughter (who at this point had gone off to dance class and didn't want to tlak to the teacher) to see him tomorrow and tell him what happened.

My husband says this would be sexual harrassment if it was in the work place, and that they should suffer severe consequences. I am sure this isn't the only two times and Im going to go to the principle. Do you think tha'ts sufficient or is there something else I should do. Has anyone experienced something similar?

Thanks xo

I hope this doesn't offend you but I think that saying "they must like you" when they treat her badly is problematic. Some psychologists think that it contributes to a mindset girls have of accepting domestic violence, "He hurts me because he loves me" etc. I know it's meant to make her feel better when she's upset but it's not something you'd want her to carry into adulthood. Again, hope that doesn't offend, JMO.

I absolutely agree with your husband that this is TOTALLY unacceptable. Not only is it sexual harrassment, it's violence. Cornering her and making sexual advances is absolutely a physical threat and there's nothing to say that these boys wouldn't actually hurt her. I know mothers who have found out their children (one as young as four years old) have been sexually assaulted, often repeatedly, while in childcare and and at school. I would take this as a serious threat to her safety and at the very least, demand that your daughter be moved into a different class. If they won't do it, take her out of the school and make a complaint to the education department. I would also go to the local police station and speak to an officer. They might be able to come to the school and tell the boys off and hopefully put the fear of God into them. If they get away with this with a slap on the wrist they'll just keep doing it. They need serious consequences or the behaviour will escalate.
It's great that your daughter can talk to you and that you and the principal have an understanding. I'd still move her out of class though, up to you though.

[HotI]

This is an old thread. Not sure why it has been brought up again.

[mygirlsmummy]

ask the teacher what the consequences for the student concerned was. Was it a talking to or detention?
Record down when you spoke with the teacher and what transpired.
Meet with the principal. Record down what transpired during the meeting.
Ask the principal what strategies he is using in the school to eliminate harassment.
Ask the principal what is his short term solution to the problem, and if it is not fixed, where to then.
You could ask your that your daughter be moved to another class.
The rumour you heard is more than likely true, as many educational reports have identified the need for male teachers to act as a 'role model' for troublesome boys, as female teachers are often ineffective at corrective their negative behaviour. The class will probably always be a tough one for the teacher.
If you are still unsatisfied with the results, take it to the district office. Usually complaints are acted upon when it is taken there.
Remember to record EVERYTHING (some bureaucratic organisations don't like to put things down on paper). Harassment is illegal, and you have a right to push until appropriate action is taken that helps all parties involved.