Anatomy Scan - To find out or not to find out....

:stork-boy: or :stork-girl:

Hi Mums and Bumps :)

I'm curious as to who's finding out their Baby's Sex at their Morphology/Anatomy Scan around 19/20 weeks and why or why not?

I definately am - Cos I just cant help myself!!! :hooray: I honestly dont care what baby is, as long as he/she is healthy and happy! But I am amazed at the amount of people who feel its their right to tell DH and I that we are ruining the surprise. Well its our baby, our surprise and our choice. It has amazed me the number of people that have asked us if we are finding out and then forced their opposing opinions on us - sheesh (needing to vent!)

For me personally - Its still a suprise, just at 20 weeks instead of 40 weeks so I dont see the big deal .... Pretty sure as a first time Mum that labour will be a 'surprise' for me in itself (hahahahaha), as will holding my son or daughter for the first time .....

However, on the flip side, I do completely understand (and respect) that lots of people also want to wait until birth and good on you as thats what suits you and your situation - perhaps you've had the reverse and had people comment about you not finding out?.....

So Mums to be.... are you finding out? :D I have my scan on Dec 23rd and am hoping baby reveals him or herself LOL If not, then so be it!! :)

Naomi
:bellyrubs:

I never found out with my first cos i wanted the big surprise when she was born...im VERY happy i never found out.

Due to already having a DD i choose to find out with my 2nd as i really wanted a boy. It turned out a girl and i had extremely bad gender disappointment so again, glad i found out as i tried to deal with it before she was born.

Same goes for my 3rd...i wanted a boy badly. Id swayed for a boy....and i got my DS (well i hope he is still a boy...3 weeks to go)!!

For me....1st babies are a surprise...and the rest i need to know...maybe #4 i wont find out...LOL

found out first baby this time not gonna find out. i had a feeling it was a girl first time round and wanted to confirm that because didnt want to bond with the baby for the whole pregnancy and then a boy come out. i have been really annoyed that everyone asks 'are you finding out?' as if its something that everyone does nowdays and i should too. its so annoying having to say the same response 'no, want a surprise this time'. i dont have a bias either way just want to see whats its like both ways.

I didn't find out with DD and one of the most compelling reasons I'd heard was that it can give you extra strength in labour to get you over the edge if you don't know the sex because you'll want to find out.

Must say, that didn't happen for me!

I think actually I would have been more excited (that's not the right word) in labour if I HAD known the sex because he/she would have become a real person in my mind much earlier.

So next time I may do it, dunno.

We didn't find out with our first baby and i am so pleased i didn't as i had a long labour and i think the fact i knew i had a surprise (my baby ) at the end of all the hard work was something i really look forward to getting.

Second time around we found out at 35 weeks when i was sent for a late scan due to a huge difference in my fundal measurments and it was all hanging (excuse the pun!) there, there was no mistaking, it was a boy!!

Would i change it ? Absolutely not i am happy with the way we did things but at the end of the day it's up to you to decide...no-one else can tell you what you want to do!

Goodluck darl, i hope bubby co-operates so your able to find out what flavour your little bundle is :smile:

Jeremy and I aren't finding out cause he want's to have something to tell everyone when he rings them :D I wanted to find out and not tell anyone but Jeremy just looked at me knowing that I couldn't keep my mouth shut :D

I guess the thing is, we've told so many people the names that we've picked that if we found out the sex then all Jeremy would be doing would be ringing people and saying "well he/she has arrived"

Anyway's just us I guess. I think that the decision to find out/not to find out is a very personal one and people should respect your decision and not feel they have a right to put in their two cents worth! IMOA

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:stork-boy: or :stork-girl:
But I am amazed at the amount of people who feel its their right to tell DH and I that we are ruining the surprise.

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It astonishes me to realise just how entitled people feel to be as intrusive and rude as they like when it comes to pregnancy. We seem to have a distinct lack of emphasis on the social mores to do with being polite and considerate with pregnant women, and it is irritating me more this time than any other. Perhaps I'm just a grumpy old pregnant woman! I suspect that many people find that the pregnancy of another person brings unbidden to the surface many of their own unresolved feelings, and they project a lot of their expectations, fears and insecurities on the woman (or couple) without really understanding what they are doing. It's more about them than it is about you.

That insight has given me some comfort when I've felt like ramming my building pass down some stupid clod's throat at work who has made some bizarre and tactless comment.

In the end, it is up to you. The surprise may be important, it may not. What's important is to consider what your response may be to news of any sort, whatever you decide. If it's gender news you are not expecting, you may have to give yourself permission to feel a bit disappointed, and not feel guilt over that. We didn't decide until we were actually in the office and the tech asked... and I didn't think I cared, but in reality it hit me like a ton of bricks and I'm very glad I found out, to give me time to get used to the idea of a boy after five girls, rather than waiting until delivery.

Dh and I were divided on whether to find out or not - I felt that I needed to find out, though I wasn't quite sure why, and he was adamant he didn't want to know. I knew I'd never be able to keep it a secret, and he went with what I wanted, which was very sweet. Now he's glad he knows. Each couple is different. Each pregnancy is different. Each mother is different.

I hope that you get a perfect scan and that whatever you have, your baby is healthy and growing well :)

we want to find out - for us. having the 'gremlin' is cute, but i'd like to be able to bond with our baby properly, by naming it and embracing whatever we're having. not sure how many people we'll share with, as soooo many people have the attitude of "noooooooo, you'll ruin the surprise, don't do it" - i dunno, i think after what we've been through (which would be similar for you too Naomi) - the surprise was getting a BFP and holding the baby so far - getting to know the gender of the baby at 20 weeks instead of 40 is our choice! and one of the few things we get to choose!

i've said to people they don't need to know what gender the gremlin is - it's not about them - it's about us. my folks are rather old fashioned but have been really supportive about us finding out. they've said they're happy to not know if we keep it completely secret from everyone, but if we're sharing with friends, they'd like to know. i think we'll tell the people that knew at 4-5 weeks - they're the ones that supported us all the way through this journey, and have already asked. a couple are very crafty people, and want to know for making stuff! they don't know names though - a couple of BB girls know, my bro/sil and my mum are the only ones that know at this stage

"it's not about them - it's about us."

Hear hear!

DP & I wanted to know what we were having. This is our first baby and IMO, there are so many things you DONT know when it comes to your first pregnancy and birth that I found it comforting to have control over that part at least - yes maybe I am a control freak ;)

If we have a second bub we have decided that we won't find out, that way it will make the second pregnancy different from the first (I know they are all different but YKWIM).

I totally agree about how opinionated people can be on the subject... DP's SIL had a great time telling us we 'ruined' the suprise for everyone by finding out what we were having. But thats a whole other vent.... :rolleyes:

We are going to find out. Both of us have really wanted to from the start. I am abit of an organised freak, so will be nice to know the sex so I can plan with abit more detail.
Either way we will be happy and the whole birth thing will be suprise enough for us first time round! :)

Good morning all,

We are also going to find out - if bubs allows us tomorrow!!!

I am so excited.... though we don't care what we are having, I like to personalise my pregnancy and when I rub my belly, I can call he/she by their name.

I think it is personal choice and every decision is the correct one for them...

xxx Sue xxx

We didnt' find out with DD1, mainly because it just wasn't common practice then. We did with DD2 mainly because DD1 had her heart set on a girl and I wanted to prepare her if it wasn't a girl. I found it to be a really special time for bonding. It was wonderful both ways. THird time we havent' found out and I am finding that Im not so interested in the pregnancy. With DD2 I shopped and bought things for her, but this time I have no desire as I dont know who Im carrying.
As for people giving their opinion, I truly believe people will say what they did. So if they didnt' get the opportunity to find out, they will have a go at you for finding out. Everyone wants to be right. I just take it with a grain of salt. People want to know that their choice was valid, and if you're doing something different, it may say to them they were wrong. JMO, but I have thought about it alot as I have an inlaw that is sooooo like that!!
Good luck with finding out, I think it's one of the most exciting days EVER and I can't say it was any less exciting finding out at 20 weeks than it was at birth. Both just as special xoxoxo

I have only ever found out with DD1 as we were living in the tropic's and she is a may baby so knew if I didnt find out at 20 weeks then by the time she was born there would be no summer clothe left if she was a girls ( I still had DS clothes so were right if it was a boy ) well she was a she so I got to do a lot of sale shopping :dance:


but with the other two I didnt find out... with DS I had every person under the sun telling me I was having a boy so it wasnt really a shock to see that he was a boy...

But with DD2 everyone even the midwife while I was in labour thought she was a he so it was a truely wonderful surpise to see she was a she and not a he that we all thought she would be.... so much so that when I rang BHL ( who was away at the time of birth ) to tell him he had a DD he thought I was joking and didnt believe me until he got to see her for himself....

Sue - I am finding out tomorrow as well! 8.30 am :dance:

We wanted to find out for the same reasons as BG, to name and bond with our bub.

I feel the same, you mention to anyone that you would like to find out the sex, and they are all over you like white on rice in a snow storm. I didnt find out with my first one, but I was sure he was going to be a boy, although we had a namepicke dout for both, but I knew we were having a boy. As for this one, Im sure I am having a girl. Mum done the ring trick thing on me and showed I was having a girl, but at the end of the day, its all good, as long as they are healthy and have 10 fingers & toes....

my DD is almost a year old now but we found out and named her before she came along, it suited us but everyone is different :D

We didnt find out. I had a strong feeling I was carrying a girl anyway so I just kept on telling myself it was a girl. Everyone (as in friends, family and other random people) kept on telling me they thought I was carrying a boy. We decided to keep the gender as a suprise and find out on her birthday. We werent fussed either way, but we just thought it would be nice to have it as a surprise.

I think that we will find out, mainly because we lost our first at 8 weeks and never knew whether we had a boy or girl. This time round I think it will be both reassuring and special to my fiance and I to know at the 20 week mark, because I still worry that something may go wrong with this pregnancy too - so the time we get to share with each other and bubs (before they come into the big wide world) knowing whether it's a boy or girl would have special meaning to us.

I don't have any problem with people finding out though, most of my friends and family did. But we didn't find out and I would not find out if and when we go again. I loved looking forward to finding out on the day, as at the pushing stage all I could think about was we were about to find out if we have a boy or girl (distracted me from the pain a little). I still felt bonded to him regardless of whether I knew it's gender.

I just like to wait til the day, and quite often explain it like waiting for christmas day to open your presents, even though you can see them sitting under the tree. I've always been happy to wait for the day, and let the excitement build even more.

I've also heard of a few people (friends of friends) who have been told it's 1 gender, then to find out it was another on the day and they went through a few feelings of disappointment and then there was cost of buying everything again, as they had bought and washed all the clothes and stuff for the other gender. So I would want them to be fairly sure before they told me then (like 99% would do me).

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you and your little one shows you exactly what you want to know.

I'm due for my 20 week scan early Jan and I am undecided. At I really wanted to find out - I thought it would help both me and DH with bonding with my child. But DH really doesnt want to know yet - even though I think it would help him bond with the baby. He hasn't been so interested in this pregnancy and I'm sure it would help.

But now after reading Bec's comment that sometimes they get it wrong........ that would be awful! Not because it really matters whether its a boy or girl, but because you would have built up this image of your child and then you'd have to readjust all your thoughts. CLothing doesnt really matter for me because I figure boy or girl, they are wearing orange and purple!!

hi mummy naomi,

we are the opposite, we chose not to find out, cause we TTC for a long while and decided we wanted the big surprise, however we got so many people telling us they couldn't believe we didn't find out and we're living in the dark ages.
our families are very excited we didn't find out, and of course everyone has their opinion on what it's going to be (me included :) but still it was our choice not theirs.
But yeah i couldn't believe the amount of people who said to us they can't believe we didn't find out and they couldn't wait that long.
Actually at our scan the sonographer said to us we we're in the minority and 90% of couples nowadays chose to find out the sex and she said good on us for not.
but i think it's your choice whether you do or not, nobody elses...! You could always find out and not tell anyone you know, then laugh at all the times people try and tell you what they think it is by the way you carry etc...ha ha.

Both times I have chosen not to find out as I have always thought that it is the ultimate surprise. The best thing was when DD was born and DP said to me "it's a girl". I felt it was really special to have him be able to announce the gender of our baby. I also know of one woman who has been told the wrong gender for 2 of her babies so I'm not sold on the reliability either!

In a peverse way I like annoying people like MIL and SIL who desperately want you to find out because they want to know - and I don't want to give them that satisfaction :lol:

However, each to their own and if you want to find and tell everyone, or keep it to yourself or not find out at all then you do what you feel comfortable with.

We'll be fiding out. We did with DS, and will again this time.
I agree with a PP who was talking about labour being enough of a surprise, and not once during my labour did I think 'oh I can't wait to meet my boy'. Um, no. It was 'OMG this hurts', and 'breathe in, breathe out' Along with my fave 'and it burns burns burns.... the ring of fire.....' after the middie mentioned crowning. LOL

I have a son already. Whilst I am not at all fussed if I have a boy or girl, I think knowing will actually help it feel more real to us. We seem to sit back and not do alot until the morph scan. This way, we know we have to chose a name for one gender, get clothing etc, and have time to bond with the little on inside a little more.
I am usually 'told off' by people for deciding to find out.
It doesn't matter what you do, there will always be someone telling you differently;)

We decided not to find out this time (our first). Our reason came down to the fact that we had gone through months of fertility treatment and IVF/ICSI to fall pregnant. I felt like all the "spontaneity" of falling pregnant was taken away from us. Everything was so micro managed that even though it was such a wonderful moment when we found out we were pregnant, it wasn't the same as if we had done it naturally.

So, I wanted to regain some of that surprise factor. It was such a hard thing for me to do though! It was so tempting at our 20 week scan to find out... but my DH and I had made a committment that we would wait.

I think it is such a personal decision and people shouldn't judge either way.

Janie xxx

With #1 - we definately didnt want to know. It didnt matter either way and we were excited about the baby if it was a boy or girl.

With #2 - DH didnt want to know, and I did. We were now in our own home and i was decorating and wanted tonkow if i kept DD's things or not from her babytime or if i should go blue lol. Dh said it would ruin the surprise.. i told him we didnt even ask if DD was a girl or boy as we were more excited to see if the baby looked like me or DH (we are very different lol... me redhair and pale and DH is greek hehe).... so that was more of a surprise than gender for us... like a competition on whos genes were stronger! ahahahahahha


Anyhow .... We decided to find out.

My reasoning for DH was - we only get one life to experience, we didnt find out the first time, and now i wanted to experience seeing something ont he scan and getting excited earlier!!!

Also we were bad at names and i didnt want to fight over a gender;s name if we didnt need to lol... so finding out it was a boy was better so we only needed one name! (no we didnt use the same name from #1 if it was a boy either lol).

When we saw the little peepee i could tell how excited dh was to actually find out.
We kept is a secret from EVERYONE (sorry my belly group lol).. even our families dont know to this day we knew.

It was a wonderful special secret just for us :)

:itsaboy:

Hey Ladies - thanks for all your comments - this has been such an interesting post

We had our scan today and I am very proud to announce that we have a beautiful healthy (very active) baby boy on the way

Baby was so active for most of the scan it took the poor sonographer almost 2 hours to get the pictures and measurements needed!!!

Anyway - it was amazing and even more amazing to find out we are having a son as our first bubs!!! It really makes it feel more real and baby is now a HE!! We both shed a bit of a tear when we found out!!

Naomi

congrats on your baby boy naomi!!!

yayayayayay

oh I had to know!! I wanted to get all set up before they were born. Everyone asks did I want a girl but I was happy with boys, hand-me-downs rock and I didn't have to worry about them sharing a room lol

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:stork-boy: or :stork-girl:

Hi Mums and Bumps :)

I'm curious as to who's finding out their Baby's Sex at their Morphology/Anatomy Scan around 19/20 weeks and why or why not?

I definately am - Cos I just cant help myself!!! :hooray: I honestly dont care what baby is, as long as he/she is healthy and happy.

So Mums to be.... are you finding out? :D I have my scan on Dec 23rd and am hoping baby reveals him or herself LOL If not, then so be it!! :)

Naomi
:bellyrubs:

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Hey belly buddy! We are due that same day! Me, DF and DD (lol) are definately going to find out the sex of the baby. Tommorow as a matter of fact! But everyone (family and friends) wants to know because there are so many girls in the family that everyone is anxious for a boy to hop on and can't wait a full 9 months!

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It really makes it feel more real and baby is now a HE

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.........i think thats why we found out with #2 and #3 - it felt more real if that makes sense. But i must admit, the ultimate suprise is when you look down, or your DH calls out 'its a .....'. Thats why....for our first baby, and our last baby we wont be finding out......

Congrats on your lil boy though......