Anatomy Scan - To find out or not to find out....

[MummyNaomi]

or

Hi Mums and Bumps

I'm curious as to who's finding out their Baby's Sex at their Morphology/Anatomy Scan around 19/20 weeks and why or why not?

I definately am - Cos I just cant help myself!!! I honestly dont care what baby is, as long as he/she is healthy and happy! But I am amazed at the amount of people who feel its their right to tell DH and I that we are ruining the surprise. Well its our baby, our surprise and our choice. It has amazed me the number of people that have asked us if we are finding out and then forced their opposing opinions on us - sheesh (needing to vent!)

For me personally - Its still a suprise, just at 20 weeks instead of 40 weeks so I dont see the big deal .... Pretty sure as a first time Mum that labour will be a 'surprise' for me in itself (hahahahaha), as will holding my son or daughter for the first time .....

However, on the flip side, I do completely understand (and respect) that lots of people also want to wait until birth and good on you as thats what suits you and your situation - perhaps you've had the reverse and had people comment about you not finding out?.....

So Mums to be.... are you finding out? I have my scan on Dec 23rd and am hoping baby reveals him or herself LOL If not, then so be it!!

Naomi

[visitor1]

I never found out with my first cos i wanted the big surprise when she was born...im VERY happy i never found out.

Due to already having a DD i choose to find out with my 2nd as i really wanted a boy. It turned out a girl and i had extremely bad gender disappointment so again, glad i found out as i tried to deal with it before she was born.

Same goes for my 3rd...i wanted a boy badly. Id swayed for a boy....and i got my DS (well i hope he is still a boy...3 weeks to go)!!

For me....1st babies are a surprise...and the rest i need to know...maybe #4 i wont find out...LOL

[2CheekyMonkeys]

found out first baby this time not gonna find out. i had a feeling it was a girl first time round and wanted to confirm that because didnt want to bond with the baby for the whole pregnancy and then a boy come out. i have been really annoyed that everyone asks 'are you finding out?' as if its something that everyone does nowdays and i should too. its so annoying having to say the same response 'no, want a surprise this time'. i dont have a bias either way just want to see whats its like both ways.

[fionas]

I didn't find out with DD and one of the most compelling reasons I'd heard was that it can give you extra strength in labour to get you over the edge if you don't know the sex because you'll want to find out.

Must say, that didn't happen for me!

I think actually I would have been more excited (that's not the right word) in labour if I HAD known the sex because he/she would have become a real person in my mind much earlier.

So next time I may do it, dunno.

[westy]

We didn't find out with our first baby and i am so pleased i didn't as i had a long labour and i think the fact i knew i had a surprise (my baby ) at the end of all the hard work was something i really look forward to getting.

Second time around we found out at 35 weeks when i was sent for a late scan due to a huge difference in my fundal measurments and it was all hanging (excuse the pun!) there, there was no mistaking, it was a boy!!

Would i change it ? Absolutely not i am happy with the way we did things but at the end of the day it's up to you to decide...no-one else can tell you what you want to do!

Goodluck darl, i hope bubby co-operates so your able to find out what flavour your little bundle is :smile:

[Melbournemumma]

Jeremy and I aren't finding out cause he want's to have something to tell everyone when he rings them I wanted to find out and not tell anyone but Jeremy just looked at me knowing that I couldn't keep my mouth shut

I guess the thing is, we've told so many people the names that we've picked that if we found out the sex then all Jeremy would be doing would be ringing people and saying "well he/she has arrived"

Anyway's just us I guess. I think that the decision to find out/not to find out is a very personal one and people should respect your decision and not feel they have a right to put in their two cents worth! IMOA

[Toomanytoomany]

or
But I am amazed at the amount of people who feel its their right to tell DH and I that we are ruining the surprise.

It astonishes me to realise just how entitled people feel to be as intrusive and rude as they like when it comes to pregnancy. We seem to have a distinct lack of emphasis on the social mores to do with being polite and considerate with pregnant women, and it is irritating me more this time than any other. Perhaps I'm just a grumpy old pregnant woman! I suspect that many people find that the pregnancy of another person brings unbidden to the surface many of their own unresolved feelings, and they project a lot of their expectations, fears and insecurities on the woman (or couple) without really understanding what they are doing. It's more about them than it is about you.

That insight has given me some comfort when I've felt like ramming my building pass down some stupid clod's throat at work who has made some bizarre and tactless comment.

In the end, it is up to you. The surprise may be important, it may not. What's important is to consider what your response may be to news of any sort, whatever you decide. If it's gender news you are not expecting, you may have to give yourself permission to feel a bit disappointed, and not feel guilt over that. We didn't decide until we were actually in the office and the tech asked... and I didn't think I cared, but in reality it hit me like a ton of bricks and I'm very glad I found out, to give me time to get used to the idea of a boy after five girls, rather than waiting until delivery.

Dh and I were divided on whether to find out or not - I felt that I needed to find out, though I wasn't quite sure why, and he was adamant he didn't want to know. I knew I'd never be able to keep it a secret, and he went with what I wanted, which was very sweet. Now he's glad he knows. Each couple is different. Each pregnancy is different. Each mother is different.

I hope that you get a perfect scan and that whatever you have, your baby is healthy and growing well

[briggsy's girl]

we want to find out - for us. having the 'gremlin' is cute, but i'd like to be able to bond with our baby properly, by naming it and embracing whatever we're having. not sure how many people we'll share with, as soooo many people have the attitude of "noooooooo, you'll ruin the surprise, don't do it" - i dunno, i think after what we've been through (which would be similar for you too Naomi) - the surprise was getting a BFP and holding the baby so far - getting to know the gender of the baby at 20 weeks instead of 40 is our choice! and one of the few things we get to choose!

i've said to people they don't need to know what gender the gremlin is - it's not about them - it's about us. my folks are rather old fashioned but have been really supportive about us finding out. they've said they're happy to not know if we keep it completely secret from everyone, but if we're sharing with friends, they'd like to know. i think we'll tell the people that knew at 4-5 weeks - they're the ones that supported us all the way through this journey, and have already asked. a couple are very crafty people, and want to know for making stuff! they don't know names though - a couple of BB girls know, my bro/sil and my mum are the only ones that know at this stage

[Toomanytoomany]

"it's not about them - it's about us."

Hear hear!

[lilcosmo]

DP & I wanted to know what we were having. This is our first baby and IMO, there are so many things you DONT know when it comes to your first pregnancy and birth that I found it comforting to have control over that part at least - yes maybe I am a control freak

If we have a second bub we have decided that we won't find out, that way it will make the second pregnancy different from the first (I know they are all different but YKWIM).

I totally agree about how opinionated people can be on the subject... DP's SIL had a great time telling us we 'ruined' the suprise for everyone by finding out what we were having. But thats a whole other vent....

[Mrs BB]

We are going to find out. Both of us have really wanted to from the start. I am abit of an organised freak, so will be nice to know the sex so I can plan with abit more detail.
Either way we will be happy and the whole birth thing will be suprise enough for us first time round!

[sryan]

Good morning all,

We are also going to find out - if bubs allows us tomorrow!!!

I am so excited.... though we don't care what we are having, I like to personalise my pregnancy and when I rub my belly, I can call he/she by their name.

I think it is personal choice and every decision is the correct one for them...

xxx Sue xxx

[Mumma2three]

We didnt' find out with DD1, mainly because it just wasn't common practice then. We did with DD2 mainly because DD1 had her heart set on a girl and I wanted to prepare her if it wasn't a girl. I found it to be a really special time for bonding. It was wonderful both ways. THird time we havent' found out and I am finding that Im not so interested in the pregnancy. With DD2 I shopped and bought things for her, but this time I have no desire as I dont know who Im carrying.
As for people giving their opinion, I truly believe people will say what they did. So if they didnt' get the opportunity to find out, they will have a go at you for finding out. Everyone wants to be right. I just take it with a grain of salt. People want to know that their choice was valid, and if you're doing something different, it may say to them they were wrong. JMO, but I have thought about it alot as I have an inlaw that is sooooo like that!!
Good luck with finding out, I think it's one of the most exciting days EVER and I can't say it was any less exciting finding out at 20 weeks than it was at birth. Both just as special xoxoxo

[New Dawn]

I have only ever found out with DD1 as we were living in the tropic's and she is a may baby so knew if I didnt find out at 20 weeks then by the time she was born there would be no summer clothe left if she was a girls ( I still had DS clothes so were right if it was a boy ) well she was a she so I got to do a lot of sale shopping


but with the other two I didnt find out... with DS I had every person under the sun telling me I was having a boy so it wasnt really a shock to see that he was a boy...

But with DD2 everyone even the midwife while I was in labour thought she was a he so it was a truely wonderful surpise to see she was a she and not a he that we all thought she would be.... so much so that when I rang BHL ( who was away at the time of birth ) to tell him he had a DD he thought I was joking and didnt believe me until he got to see her for himself....

[Maruschke]

Sue - I am finding out tomorrow as well! 8.30 am

We wanted to find out for the same reasons as BG, to name and bond with our bub.

[huggabug75]

I feel the same, you mention to anyone that you would like to find out the sex, and they are all over you like white on rice in a snow storm. I didnt find out with my first one, but I was sure he was going to be a boy, although we had a namepicke dout for both, but I knew we were having a boy. As for this one, Im sure I am having a girl. Mum done the ring trick thing on me and showed I was having a girl, but at the end of the day, its all good, as long as they are healthy and have 10 fingers & toes....

[queenbee]

my DD is almost a year old now but we found out and named her before she came along, it suited us but everyone is different

[Karina]

We didnt find out. I had a strong feeling I was carrying a girl anyway so I just kept on telling myself it was a girl. Everyone (as in friends, family and other random people) kept on telling me they thought I was carrying a boy. We decided to keep the gender as a suprise and find out on her birthday. We werent fussed either way, but we just thought it would be nice to have it as a surprise.