where do I go wrong?

The past 6 weeks have pretty much been hell for me.
DD who is 9mths just wont be pleased. I do everything for her, but I still have a sooky, crying baby.
For 9mths she has been a difficult baby, and we always figure her out, and then she goes changing or a new problem appears.
Now we have this one, and I really cant do it any more. I feel so unappreciated. I do everything for her, i feed her, i change her, i bath her, i entertain her, i put her to sleep and get her up from sleeping. I do EVERYTHING.
So why isnt she ever happy. Why does she sook no matter what? WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WRONG? Or what is wrong with her.
I dont know what to do. I thought it was teeth but its not. If it is then panadol, neurofen, bonjella and everything else does nothing to help.

I just dont feel that I can do this any more. My body aches and I dont have a break, ever. I literally feel like im going insane and there is nothing I can do about it. We have tried everything, used everything available to us, EVERYTHING.

So what the hell am I missing?
Maybe Im just not cut out to be a mum :( who ever said parenting was gonna be hard was wrong, its BEYOND hard.

HELP!!!

You poor thing, i'm sure you are a great mum! It certainly sounds like it. I have encountered other parents at work(child care centre) who have gone through similiar experiences then all of a sudden when their child gets a little older they improve. I think it's just some children's temprement but in saying that have you had her checked out for physical causes? Maybe you need some outside help like Trecillian or Karitane, I think they help with issues other then sleep.
You can do this! I really hope that things improve for you. Good luck!

OMG I have felt the same thing the past week. My DD has stopped kissing me (she always loved it from me) and hits me on the head instead :rolleyes: she is a gorgeous little girl but she is so cranky lately. She was immunised on Monday so I am wondering whether it is that. I love her sooooooooo much and do everything for her, bath her, feed her, change her, spend time with her and cuddle her so much but sometimes I feel I am doing something wrong too! I am here if you ever need to chat. xx

First of all you are probably doing nothing WRONG - just some things may need a tweak. If at all possible you need to have someone - anyone you trust, watch your daughter for a good couple of hours or more and give you some sort of a break. OBviously a regular break would wonderful but just start with that. I promise you that after a sleep or an afternoon to yourself you will come back and see your daughter and feel heaps better!!

Secondly like the others said maybe a trip to the docs to rule out any physical causes just to be sure. Is she sleeping well? I mean is she in a decent pattern (not routine!) where you know how to read her tired signs and get her down? My DD who is 15 months was quite sooky and irritable for a couple of months so we put our foot down and got her sleep sorted. Now that she is having 2 day sleeps plus 12-13 hours at night she is soooo muc happier.

I hope things work out for you. See your GP for you too if you feel the need - there is nothing wrong with that. I definately think a break here and there will help your sanity - we ALL need that! Best wishes.

I hear you. I could have written your post myself.

I am curretnly on the wait list for Torrens house. I know it may not be miracles but hopefully it will help. I feel better knowing I am doing something. But my DS doesn't sleep well and he does have some happy moments. It may be separation anxiety too and she just loves you so much she wants to be with you all the time. Does she ever have any happy moments on the floor playing or do you need to play with her all the time?

I agree with the PP you need a break. Though sometimes I find that I jsut feel more frustrated than before. So you need to have a rest/sleep in that break. I have also joined weight watchers online and am trying to get my weight under control. Though i am a healthy weight the kilos were jsut coming back, and I wasn't eating as i should and I was/am unhappy with the flabbiness and clothes not fitting. I was so sleep deprived that if I wanted a chocolate etc I would have it . It is hard but will be worth it. It has only been a few days and I feel better. But Ihave been having some afternoon naps so that has helped. hence why I am still up now though.

You need to somehow find time to do something for you. IT is hard but worth it.

When someone I met at a dinner a year ago I saw recently said motherhood was the 'best job ever' I could not believe it. I have found it hard and it can be rewarding but there are times where I want to sell my DS on ebay and I don't know if we will have another child ever. Certainly not anytime soon.

I guess you jsut need to look at her pattern and try and make sure she is getting enough sleep and food. Definately talk to your CYH. You need to do something before you fall apart. Don't feel ashamed, I do/did but it is normal as my DH keeps reassuring me. You are not alone.

Feel free to PM me.

Ahhhh I could have written that post too!!!! And mine is nearly 2!!! He's always been a cranky little bugger... and I'm still waiting for him to be a happy little man....:rolleyes:

Luckily his sister is the most perfect, happy little bub.... otherwise I would get a complex ;)

its the bub, not the mum

Some kids just own cranky pants. You're not alone.

Hey
Thanks every one for your replies.
I ended up taking DD to docs this evening, and she is 100% healthy. Apart from the 4 top teeth that are threatening to cut any time soon, within a week of eachother. So that is probably why my DD is being so irritible, poor darling.
DF and I have discussed briefly about possibly putting DD in day care once a week just so I can have at least one day in the week for myself. We will discuss it a bit more next week when we have some more time. I know a few friends that I trust that work at a few centres close by so if they have some vacancies I wouldnt hesitate in booking her in.
I dont really have any one else that can help.

where do you live? maybe there are some bb members near you?

Could you book into tresillian? I know that for me it was amazing support. Also the tresillian or other parenting help lines are great.
Im reading a book too at the moment that you might find interesting. It talks about babies and what we should do when they just sook!! Sometimes they just want someone close. Do you have a sling you could put baby in and wear around with you? The book is called Heart to Heart PArenting by Robyn Grille.
But definitely a main point of the book is that you need support. So if you need a day, have a day and put DD in daycare. Dont' ever feel you need to justify that. It would mean you are a better mum which is the most important. Especially as you have no one avail to help (not including DH's who are out working most of the time anyway...).
Best wishes and remember "this too shall pass". xoxo

Huni, at 9 months old your baby is too young to even know how to show appreciation to you. Hell my 17 year old still rarely shows it.

Being a mum or a parent means that we give ourselves thanklessly over and over again to our children. I know it's hard, no one knows it more than me, well ok, there are others out there that have it harder, but ykwim.

This stage will pass on, and another will begin, will it be better or worse than the last stage, who knows but it will pass through.

There are some days where I wish I could just go away and time to myself, but I know even if I did that all I would be thinking about it my babies.

I agree though, it really does sound like you need an outlet, how about you going to a mum's group or something like that. I find days are harder when I just stay at home with a grumpy sooky baby. Even getting out of the house for a walk with bub in the pram is a nice break. Or when your DH get's home from work go out for a couple of hours, find a hobby, scrapbooking etc, find a local place and go scrap, go to the movies, go do coffee with a gf or 2. Or don't go anywhere and get your DH to take bub out of the house for a while so you can have some quiet me time.

Hugs to you. It does get better.... I'm sure it does ;)

Dont really have any advice for you, just wanted to say im sure your doing a great job and i hope you sort your problems out soon. Sometimes when im in a bad mood dd picks up on it and we both sook!! So maybe if you find a solution to getting some time to yourself and feel happier everything might improve.
Big hugs.

DB, it' not you.

DS also went through periods of being "cranky pants" (I LOVE THAT!!)

She'll probably just turn in to an angel one day and you'll wonder what the heck is going on there. They are so completely unpredictable - think Jekyll and Hyde.

My DH keeps asking - "Is he sooky, or is it just me?" Yes, he's sooky this week - next week he'll be our angel.

The teeth probably have a great deal to do with it - especially if they are the top ones. They are THE most painful ones to come through. She probably just feels decidedly crappy and wants you to make her better. DS had all four top ones come through at once - not a great time in our babyhood.

I find when I take her out she goes to sleep a lot easier, and isnt sooky at all. Maybe she gets bored at home?
I took her out today and I feel good and so does she.

So glad you had a better day today!! I go for about three or four walks a day (lol) (when its not pouring with rain or sweltering hot) otherwise DD gets 'cabin fever' and gets very cranky!! When we are out she just sits there, looks around, very happy!!! i think sometimes she just gets bored of me!
Sometimes i get abit annoyed when i try so hard all day to make her laugh/smile/have fun and DH walks through the door and she cracks up and laughs for ages with him! Its nice really and i shouldnt be upset, but its hard when you try all day and tell DH ''ive had a hard day with her'' or ''she has been grumpy all day'' and all he sees is this giggling, smiling angelic baby.:lol::rolleyes:

DB- I have to get me and ds out of the house every day. Try things like swimming lessons, Gymbaroo, a mum's group or story time at the library. All guarenteed to tire a baby out ;)

But I agree strongly with Mel here- some babies are just cranky pants :dunno: My grumpy little pork chop is one of them!

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Huni, at 9 months old your baby is too young to even know how to show appreciation to you. Hell my 17 year old still rarely shows it.

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Oooh Trish ain't that the truth!

DB, I agree that it's not you. Some bubs/people just aren't as "happy and outgoing" as others. We notice it in adults more but with bubs put it down to maybe teeth etc. If it works to take her out for a bit each day then do that, especially if it makes you feel good too! Oskar and I go out most days, even if it's just down the road to Woolies to get some bread :)

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Maybe she gets bored at home?

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im not sure how a 9 month old could be bored... You say she has been like this always... is it possible she is over stimulated & over tired? maybe your missing her tired signs?

Also maybe its worth asking about things like autism?? that may sound extream but if you have tried everything & can't find an obvious reason?? what about food intolerance?
Going of the quote in your sig Im thinking she is FF. Is it possible the formula she is on upsets her or she is lactose intolerant or something?

My DS loves to play outside. My mum got us a play pen that is like a portacot but bigger and has a shade over it as well I am happy and he is happy to be left out there for about an hour. It is a break from the 'norm' of playing inside and he really loves it. Just a thought.
:hug:

Hun Matilda was a difficult baby from 10 days old... she screamed 6-8 hours daily until... well... she was 3 yrs old. Now she still has screamy days but not as much. I've spent years going to health nurses, paediatricians, Triple P courses, Social workers, allergists, behavioural paediatricians, Occupational Therapists, Child psychologists....

A few things really set Matilda off. The biggest thing we've found is she has 2 things diagnosed so far, one is a severe allergy to cows milk, the other is she has "Sensory Integration Disorder" and we are in the diagnosis process for Asperger's Disorder.

As your bub is only little, I would suggest trying something like a food elimination diet, cows milk is nearly impossible to avoid in a FF baby unless you get a script from your GP for an elimental formula to rule it out. You can use goats milk formula, its probably the closest thing to breast milk anyway.
Often times if you catch the food issues early on, you can avoid further issues.

Jovie is allergic to cows milk as well, but doesn't have the issues Matilda has.

Something like a food elimination diet may sound sort of airy fairy... but maybe check out the "fail safe diet" it rules out foods that are known to cause behavioural issues. One Asperger's woman I know says that when she has any dairy, her IQ drops 30 points... she can't focus and has meltdowns. Its worth seeing if its food now before she has access to any others ;)

Goodluck :hug:

Hey DB,

Hugs to you. My DD has been a pain but only for the last couple of days and its already taking a toll on me!

Anyway, have you tried going to a playgroup? I took my DD to play group from 6mths and she loves it. She doesnt do much but i think its the interaction with other babies she loves.

It is also good for the mothers. We chit chat away and you will find that alot of the mothers are in the same boat as you.

Hope things work out for you soon *HUGS*

Hey,
WOW look at all the replies! Thanks so much!
See I did bring it up with the doc about her being intolerant of her formula, and he asked me a few questions, one being if ive changed her formula in the last 2 months, which is a no coz she has been on this formula form the day I started FF. and she hasnt had a issue with it ever. He said he doesnt think its a intolerance to the formula.
Another thing he asked was what she eats during the day. She only has 2 meals a day, one being baby museli or weetbix for brekkie, and then meat and veg in the evening, and I dont seem to have a problem with those, i dont see why the past 5 or so week would be any diff?

The fact that babies teeth for 6 weeks on average, the time line is right. I guess Ill wait it out for a few more weeks (if it goes on for a few more weeks) and if things dont imporve then ill get her checked out more thoroughly.
She has NEVER been sick, always been 100% healthy, not even a allergic reaction to anything, so I dont know, can she be allergic to something, without showing symptoms?

Its either teething or a phase, she is starting to crawl, especially the past few days. I guess Ill find out sooner or later. Ill try get her into swimming lessons, but atm im a bit reluctant as we are going to be moving cities and most swiming places here want you to pay for the full 10 lessons, and what if we pay for the full 10 lessons and have to move? All the places dont give refunds :( I will have a look out for some other activities for babies her age to do, maybe join a mothers group (im awefully shy!)

ALSO another thing I just thought about, she has recently dropped a day sleep, so is at 2 day sleeps, so her sleeps are all out of whack, maybe this isnt helping much?

I took her out to my parents house tonight, but she got cranky and I came home early, they have 3 cats so cat hair every where, and her being a baby and putting stuff in her mouth and also wanting to crawl, and she seems to have a hair fettish (sucks her fingers when she has a strand of my hair in her lil hand) so I didnt really want her crawling on the floor, putting stuff in her mouth, and possibly swallowing the cat hair, eugh. So tonight wasnt any better.
Maybe Ill take her walking in the evening and drag myself and DD out of bed at 6am in the morning, maybe thatll put her into a better routine. Ive kinda taken her lead the past 5 weeks so I prob havent helped her much.

Ill stop babbling now.