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Just wondering if anyone else has totally gone off sex & being intimate with DH/DP?
We haven't been intimate since mid december, and even then it was a huge struggle for me. It's really statrting to cause alot of tension and problems between us.
I couldn't care less if we don't have sex or be intimate for another 6months.
Anyone else feeling the same? How do I deal with it?
Thanks,
I'll be interested to see the responses to this one. C'mon ladies please be honest - my marriage is almost falling apart over my lack of interest and I don't know what to do.....
When I was pregnant with DD1, from about 4 months I had no interest what so ever.
I know its wierd, but I did my best to act into it on occasion.
I didn't enjoy it again til she was 4 months old.
DD2 & DS were completely different. I couldn't get enough with DD2 & DS was around normal. Don't ask me why!
Totally gone off it here and DH is pretty annoyed I think although he doesn't say much. I can just think of nothing I'd like to be doing less!! (well there's a couple of things, including putting kids to be for hours... but i have no choice in that). I try to explain to him that when I FINALLY get a minute to myself I want it to be BY myself!!
At least if we say there are others out there in the same situation, they might not take it personally.
But I hear ya and sometimes I even get annoyed about the whole thing and think stuff it, Im growing a baby here, I deserve to choose no sex!
I just try to explain to DH how Im feeling and why. Let your DH's know that this is normal (for SOME), some go the opposite way, but don't say that!!
Im not sure what else to say because I was wondering only yesterday if it's grounds for an affair if your wife is pregnant and doesn't want sex!?
What about if your wife (me) isn't pregnant and the interest in sex thing has ben MIA for over 12 months? I'm just exhausted all the time, I'm up with DD 2 - 3 times a night and also have to entertain a full on and I mean FULL ON little boy during the day. I work 3 days a week and when the kids are in bed I just want peace and space! What can I do I don't want to lose my marriage - should I just simply fake it??? My DH has run out of patience and we are hardly even speaking now. I know the only reason he's still here is because he knows if he leaves I'll go home to NSW and he wouldn't want to be away from his children. Sorry to hijack this thread but there it's out now, I've been wanting to say "MY MARRIAGE IS PRETTY MUCH OVER" for a while, but it's just so scarey:cry:
What a terrible thing to be going through. I can honestly say that I have no interest either. When it comes to bed time I just want to sleep! I work full time and also take care of horses and also am pregnant and at the end of the day it is the one thing I am not always interested in. Most of the time I will give in occasionally and that is just to make my partner happy and then he can leave me alone for another 2 weeks :redface: I am very lucky that I have a great and understanding partner so If I say no, he will not get to upset or angry. I am also not very affectionate because I really enjoy my space but occasionally I will like a cuddle and it always helps to show some affection back even though you may not be feeling like it. I try hard even though I tend to be a bit grumpy and naggy all the time.
I would love some affection as I love a snuggle but my DH just won't give me any "free" cuddles. He always tries to sneak a hand down my pants or under my shirt, I feel like I'm 16 all over again, I mean really, we're not teenagers! We can't go to counselling as we have no support here in Melbourne so there is know one to look after the children so I feel pretty trapped and resigned to the fact that eventually he will leave and I'll go home and my children will grow up without a full time father. I know I'm rambling and I know I'm off track and I know I've totally hijacked this thread but I'm in a very very lonely place right now.
Have you tried giving in and seeing how it all goes? Maybe if you try to get back into it occasionally things might change and you might enjoy being intimate again?
Krisp, I never feel like it either, even when not pregnant. Sometimes I get turned off by the idea (I may be very strange, but that's how i feel). I will give in only so he doesn't run off else where, but not often (maybe fortnightly). And again, same as you Krisp, DH can't just have a cuddle, there's always more to it. I know that's because he's frustrated, but it means I dont' get what I need either. So he misses sex, I miss intimacy... I do really wonder how long it can go on that way.
Oh wow ladies. I know some of what you are going through. When I was preg with DS I wasnt allowed to have sex due to preg complications. Then when DS was born he was very sick and needed lots of heart surgery which as you might imagine was horrendous.
My DH and I had sex when DS was 5 weeks old (c-section delivery) and it hurt! I didnt want to after that for a while and then life was too stressful to have the energy or desire. I think we didnt have sex for around a year, then a couples of times in the second year. I did have counseling about stress etc and my counselor said that if we were having regular sex with the amount of stress we were living with there would be something wrong.
DS was also a rotten sleeper - up six times a night on average for 2.5 years and slept in our room until he was 14 months. My DH and I have both made and effort to get some intimacy back. Just cuddling and more touching WITHOUT it going anywhere. I think that is really important just to feel safe in cuddling and kissing without thinking it has to go somewhere else.
If you are preg, raising young children and sleep deprived - you are going through major changes. It is not reasonable to think other things in your life are also going to go through changes. My DH and I are back to having and enjoying sex (currently 6 wks preg so too scared to have sex!) and we are glad we made the effort to rebuild that part of our lives.
I dont think a reduced sex life means the death of the marriage necessarily. End of communication means the death of a marriage. Believe me ladies there will come a time when your body and mind are ready for sex again. I didnt think I would ever want to do it again. Its such a big adjustment though having kids and such a drain on your energy.
Rachel
Have you tried talking to him about it, directly? I experienced the same thing really early on and it was as much of a shock to me as it was to him. We didn't talk about it at all for the first few months, but the underlying tension was so present that we had to sit down and discuss how we were both feeling, honestly.
It was difficult to articulate how I had become this person who was quite indifferent to sex and intimate contact, but he understood. And he explained to me that he felt as though he was being rejected as a result of my indifference, and that in fact despite how I was feeling (i.e. slightly awkward and constantly nauseous in those early months) he loved me and was attracted to me. Perhaps if you think about his behaviour as testament to his desire for you, it makes a bit more sense?
I came to realise that men can't really ever understand how physically taxing pregnancy and new motherhood can be, at any stage, so his initial sulkiness made a little more sense to me then. But...it was difficult for a while there, and he was hurt and upset and cranky, at times. I really think speaking about it openly, and clearing the air, might help things. Personally, I don't think you should have to feel as though you need to 'give in' to his advances - imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed, and you discovered that he had been, essentially, suffering through it just because he knew that you wanted to? That would feel quite crushing.
Really, I think the best thing is to talk about it - what do you have to lose? And imagine how much better you will feel when you no longer feel weighed down by guilt, and he by confusion? Neither emotion is a known aphrodisiac, anyway! Good luck!
i've not gone off sex during pregnancy (though it's not frequent cos DH knows how much worse the ms gets after) - but for a fairly decent period of time last year before the BFP, i just wasn't interested - after miscarriages, assisted conception, depression etc, i just wasn't there. i felt terrible, and intimacy wasn't on my list at all. so i would say to DH to tell me when he was getting REALLY antsy, and if i didn't feel like it, i'd give him a "helping hand" - it wasn't ideal, but he got his release, and for however long after that (anywhere up to four or five weeks) i'd get the snuggles etc - when the snuggles happened for that period of time, i would start to feel like being intimate sexually as well as emotionally because i wasn't being pressured.
i'm pretty lucky now in that DH won't pressure me at all - if he kisses me and i say i'm not up for it, he just cuddles me, and that understanding in turn helps me to feel more responsive to him and his "needs". i don't always finish for me when we DO have sex - but more often than not, i do because he has learnt over a period of time to be patient with me through all the crud i've been through - it was a long time getting to this point though!
i do agree, talk to your partners - tell them where you're at. TELL THEM that being groped isn't helping, expectations aren't helping. it just messes with your head even more and makes you MORE reluctant to be intimate with them...
I can relate to all this too. After our losses last year and IVF and things I just really lost the desire...it just went away ...I know it's been hard for DH but he doesn't ever pressure me. I think more regular intimacy would be more healthy for us though and I am making an effort...at least for more physical close time and snuggles, which all helps with closeness and to get in the mood.
With DS I lost interest in sex at about 12 weeks. I hated it and resented DH every time he touched me. He though when he was giving my boobs a grope etc that it was a turn on for me. Took a while but I set him straight. I found though when he started doing more ie cooking, washing etc and giving me a little 'non sexual' tlc it actually put me in the mood. He worked this out but it was only good for now and again.
With this pregnancy it's so so. I haven't lost interest but I want sleep more then sex. I think DH has worked this and he waits for me to let him know if I am in the mood. And if I am not at least he doesn't pressure me, thank god!
While I am pregnant or breastfeeding, I go completely off sex. All I can suggest is to talk openly with your partner, and maybe get him to come on belly belly so that he can see that this is normal and that it doesn't actually have anything to do with him.
My first pg, my DH really struggled with this. we had some big conflicts and ALOT of tears from me. by now (3rd pg) my DH is 'used ' to it. he knows that it isn't because of him, that it is just the hormones doing stupid things. he is realistic in accepting that while I am pg sex will be few and far between.
On my part, I have tried to be more intimate in other ways. And if there is even the slightest inkling that sex isn't completely out of the question (ie, the thought of it doesn't make you want to hurl) - I jump at it, even if i'm not actually 'in the mood' (sometimes I have to warn him to be quick, before the mood passes). Even then it can be a month or two between DTD.
Also if you don't mind 'other' pursuits, there are other things you can do which don't actually involve sex. Personally if I am turned of sex, that means everything - but if not there are other ways to have fun - IYKWIM.
Last time i was preg i wanted it all the time, this time it's the opposite. But then last time we didn't have a child already and i didn't get glandular fever just before falling preg.
I have explained to my husband that i am tired, and also i feel resentful to him for not helping out as much as he should since i work full time too.
I do find quite often even though i don't feel like it i get into once we've started. But dh has a bad habit of coming to bed when i go to bed for sex and i am all ready to go to sleep. We've discussed that and i've said he can't do that when i am all set for bed. i've also told him he needs to just come out and tell me that's what he wants so i don't get "the hand" where his trying to suss out if i am interested or not which annoys me.
I do notice the tension builds up if we have had sex for a while so we try to do it at least twice a week to avoid fighting.
Yikes! Hugs to you all. I guess I am lucky. My situation is reversed, my husband doesn't want it b/c he is afraid he will hurt me or the baby. Even after we spoke with the obgyn who said it is ok, he wants to wait.
My DH and I haven't DTD since i got PG (3 months ago)!!! For a variety of reasons I guess - tired and a bit sick and SCARED of causing spotting or bleeding! My sense of smell and DH's eating habits don't help put me in the mood either I have promised DH that the second semester will see a resumtion of "relations" so he's counting down! Thats officially Thursday - so guess my time is up! I am lucky tho that he hasn't put any pressure on me at all.
I've tried talking to him, I've tried to get to understand that it's not that I don't love him I just need some space. Plus I've got some serious body issues I need to sort out. I breast fed both my cherubs from one side due to breast cancer and now I have very very different breasts. One is a completely different shape and size and I feel like a bit of a freak so I hate him to see me naked. I'm sorry to unload all this but I haven't talked about it before so it's kinda all gushing out...
krisp - maybe you need to seek counselling for you in regard to the body issues - not sure if you've done it before, but i get the feeling that you unloading in here is the first time you've "fessed up" what you're feeling. it's not great to have body issues (i'm a big person, and i have some serious body issues - hate anyone seeing me in anything LESS than full attire - even DH most of the time) - i have had counselling about a lot of other stuff, and we dealt with this as well
as my DH is always saying to me - he's not attracted to a particular part of me - he's attracted to ME as a whole - personality is what started it (i swore at him first time i met him!) and my body is simply a part of me - he finds the whole package attractive - your DH is probably very much the same, and doesn't have any hang ups about your body - but because you do, it makes sense that it is impacting your relationship.
i really hope you can find a way to work around this and maybe come to some sort of "happy medium" where both of you are happy - it would be horrible for a relationship to breakdown over lack of intimacy if that is the only issue you have kwim?
i havent been intersted in sex since the birth of our daughter 2 and a half years ago! i feel bad but there's nothing i can do, i eat well i excersize and still dnt feel the need!
this isnt a good thing when ur trying to have another one but what do i do?
DF carry's on about it a fair bit but he still gets sex atleast once a week even if i dont feel like it. so ur not alone
i'll admit i've gone off sex. and DH gets freaked out when we do DTD and blip moves around, as he can see it/feel it.
I've talked to him about it and explained i dont really feel 'sexy' right now. and that its MY issue, i love him for who he is (he has some body issues too) and i always tell him that if he needs a "helping hand" i'll offer it. DH has also worked out that cuddles are better then sex for me, and after he's 'finished' we cuddle, just as we would post DTD, plus he's not freaked out when we do cuddle feeling blip move.
i think i stoped wanting sex around 26weeks and wanted it again around 32weeks...but getting 'bigger' made it harder for my fav DTD possie :(
I agree with the other posters and i'd suggest talking to your DH, see if you can reach some kind of middle ground with him, where he's happy and so are you, you both need to be happy for your kids to be happy. i think it may also help if he understands where YOUR comming from (EI the brest feeding) and i guess you need to understand he wants to be intermate with his mate, becuase after all DTD is about making babies...
I hope it works out...if you want to talk PM me...i may not understand but im happy to listen :)
I can't tell you how relieved I am to have come across this thread and know that it's not just me. Since I got pregnant I have next to no interest in sex (except for the occasional saucy dream, but I can't convert that to my waking hours :wall:).
I've had sciatica from very early on, which has been a real physical deterrent, but even when it isn't acting up I have very little desire. My poor DH is so understanding, but I can't help but feel guilty... I try and make the effort once a week or so and if I really can't I will try and help in out with my hand. But, when we do DTD I find that it is quite uncomfortable initially and just doesn't feel the way it used to. Don't get me wrong I still end up coming and stuff, but it is just not the same... I really hope this changes after the baby comes :pray:
Krisp- Just wanted to let you know you are NOT alone i could have written yours post back in October. My marriage got so bad because of the same issues that DH even went as far as to tell me he didnt think he loved me anymore as i all i ever gave him was rejection. He felt like i treated him like a brother not a husband etc and all we had in common were the children etc. TBH i dont know how to fix these issues but since our big blow up/s I know i have been trying as has he. I told him things that would make me "want" to do it more such as more help around the house, more "me" time for going to the gym, having my hair done, more help around the house etc etc. Although i didnt feel like i had a problem i was just not interested iykwim looking back i think i just need some attention in a different way if that makes sense. Even if the attention was from my self i needed to take some time out to figure out who I was again. We have children virtually the same ages so i know how demanding it can be and its so hard to lose yourself amongst all the mothering and housekeeping. For me i still i have a low sex drive BUT by taking time to put me first every now and then and having DH helping me with day to day things i can certainly say things are on the up. One of my biggest probs b4 was that i felt DH only wanted me for sex sounds silly but like you say every cuddle, kiss or anything remotely close to intimate caused for his hands to wander and me to reject when realisticly i wanted the cuddle the kiss etc just not the expectation that sex must follow.
SOrry if i have rambled a bit but feel free to PM me if you want some one to chat with. It sounds like we have a bit in common :hug:
Hoody
I'm sorry it's causing so much tension :( I'll preface this by saying that I'm pretty opinionated about this ;):
The problem isn't, imo, that you don't wish to be intimate... it's that your dh can't accept it. It's okay to go through phases of not wanting sex, whether it's the man or the woman who goes off it. And pregnancy, when your body is acting weird and you're tired and your hormones are all different, it's a perfectly natural thing to go off it. It's just a few months of frustration and there are other ways of expressing intimacy and physical closeness ... and he's presumably got two good hands ;)
You can help your dh come to terms with it, perhaps by finding other ways of showing that you love him and find him attractive, and then using alternate methods of giving him some satisfaction. But he's a big boy, he's not going to die from lack of sex. If he can't come to terms with this, I strongly, strongly recommend some couples counselling. The issue of libido doesn't generally go away with the birth, babies have a way of getting in the way for quite some time.
No-one should ever be made to feel bad because they don't wish to have sex. And really, would he *really* want you to do it just to please him? Could he really enjoy it knowing that you didn't really want to and it was just about pleasing him? That'd be the question I'd ask him.
lately yes and ive started to get bigger and its more uncomfy. My DH can be a typical male and thinks with the wrong brain on the odd occasion but usually he is very understanding and thoughtful.
Sometimes i dont wanna cuddle cause i know he will be thinking and trying to get it to lead to something more which puts me off even more. im up @ 7.30am i have to try and entertain a 2 yr old stubborn boy with too much energy., i cook,clean and also in the process of packing up to move. my Dh knows by now not to even argue with me about it
sometimes males just dont get it.
I havent gone off sex as such...I want sex but my entire body has lost all sense of feeling anything except pain and discomfort when hubby touches me in any way...so that has been a total and utter turn off.
Doula Mumma I am also feeling the same. I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant and DP and I have dtd 3 times during the pregnancy. I just couldn't think of anything worse to do at the moment! To make it worse, the times we have dtd, it hurt so now even when I'm feeling guilty and that maybe we'll do it just as a treat for him, I get anxious of the pain so I don't go there! Even prior to being pregnant, I was very uninterested and it was more for him than anything. I'm very much like you when you mention that you couldn't care less if you didn't have sex for another 6 months! DP has cottoned on to my feelings and he is very understanding and does not pressure me at all - in fact he doesn't even bring it up. We still hug and kiss and he knows I love him and it's nothing personal (although I've even gone off kissing!) Maybe try to talk to your DH and like somebody else mentioned, get him to read these posts and hopefully he'll realise it's very common for relationships to have sex-less periods ;)
Thank god! I had no idea how normal No sexy time is. I was starting to feel really bad!
I have totally no desire what so ever and i did promise DH that I would not close the "cookie jar". The last time we did it was before I knew we where pg and it really hurt, i have no idea why but it did. So since then i have just not felt like it. I know its not dangerous to have sex while pg but I have read that air going in can cause issues. In the whole process of sexy time there is usally a moment when air comes out kind of like a fluffy (sorry i know to much in) so that worries me but how do you stop that happening? DH read about the air thing too so he is a bit freaked out and is too scared even when i suggest it.
I also have some pain/discomfort when having sex, not too bad, but still very uncomfortable... Is this normal when you're preg? I never had any problems beforehand....
Hi ladies,
I have to say that I have no interest in sex at the moment either. But fortunately for me Hubby is overseas and so it's not an issue.
Going off sex has been strange for me as I'm the more sexual one in our relationship ;). I love sex and I love making love to my hubby so it feels kinda weird for me that I don't want that. However, in saying that, going off sex has probably been a blessing for me bacause of hubby's absence.
When he comes back we'll see what happens. I know that at least the first day I'll want to make love to him and he'll want it too, but knowing his libido he'll probably be happy after the one time :clap:.
I guess this doesn't really help any of you who are struggling, but knowing that you aren't alone is always a reassurance.
Krisp - along with everyone else I would definately suggest counselling. Even if it's just for you at the moment. And if you can't get into a counsellor maybe you could contact a counselling hotline like Salvo Care Line or something. Just having someone to talk to may be the first big step.
Praying things work out for you :pray:
I've kind of experienced this from both sides. I was very up for it when I was pregnant but DP wasn't because he was scared of hurting the baby and/or the idea just freaked him out. I DID understand and didn't push him, I just said I wish he'd warned me so that it hadn't come as so much of a change (he knew he'd be like this because he was the same with his XW when she was pregnant). Even though I understood, I did feel a tad rejected so I can empathise with blokes who feel this.
When DD was born, his libido came back and mine disappeared - mostly because physically I was in a lot of pain from lingering pelvic instability which means even rolling over in bed was excruciating for the first six months and even now, still a bit uncomfortable 17 months later.
We are slowly getting there but I think these issues are very, very common judging by some of the chats we have in our Mothers Group.
I think the key is that sex is a physical expression of the love we feel for someone so when the sex disappears that person can feel unloved. So you need to keep reassuring them that they are still loved. For blokes, especially, sex can be the main way they express their love.
Krisp - DP and I go to a counselling service in Melbourne that has a creche that could look after your kids. I'm not sure if the creche is open after hours but it's definitely open in the arvos. PM me if you'd like the details.
Oh geez im glad I came across this thread, so sick of seeing books that say your libido goes up and I was thinking "why not me?"
DP and I have only had sex 3 times since I got pg (im almost 25 weeks) and everytime has been semi forced...its like I enjoy it once were DTD but initiation is either by him after days of whinging (like that helps!) or me forcing myself...to make it worse, when we finally DTD, he says "you don't even want it do you?" :(
I really hope my libido comes back (I used to want sex every day twice a day at least) and im so depressed I feel like im not a woman anymore...
And continuously having dreams of sex with other ppl (ex's, celebs etc)...not sure if this is normal during pg??
Ahhh so nice to be able to vent :)
I'm not that far long too, and i just haven't wanted anything to do with sex since day 1.
I don't have kids to take care of, i don't work, i stay at home all day and just keep the house clean and do my own thing. But i still just don't want anything to do with it.
Dp hasn't really shown an interest in it either.
So i guess in a way i'm lucky, i don't have a partner nagging me for sex.
But yeah, don't want it now or anytime soon
OMG yes, i have lost all interest in sex!!! i feel so sorry for my partner but it soo hard to get in the mood when u have a little one kicking and squirming in there!!
Wow this thread is making me sad :(
I know exactly what everyone means about the lack of libido! I go to a mothers group twice a week and every mum there is in the same boat. Kinda scary really - because in the end it really does some damage to relationships.
I don't mean to give TMI, but i don't want sex. I'm not 'randy' ever. But my DH is. I try and satisify him (oh god this is embarrasing :redface: ) about once a week through a 'hand shandy', haha. It keeps him happy and it means i don't really have to do the deed.
A couple of mums and I have been wondering about the 'up the nose and away it goes' for women. Has anyone tried it??
i really want to know how it is, if it does actually make women horny?? :D
I have the reverse problem. I am interested, but he isnt. Its EXTREMELY tough. When I am pg, I get HG so I am sick, exhausted and he tends to think that makes me fragile too.
When I am not pg - I am annoyingly fertile and could end up UTD making me sick, exhausted and extremely fragile. I can't take the pill because it makes me sick too. So his solution - just don't do it. Trust me to go and get UTD easy and prove him right. Ugh.
Thankfully for DH, I am more about the intimacy than the act. We havent dont it since the time we did it that got me pg, so thats saying something. First tri I was indifferent, now I am more keen, but getting stonewalled. I do try not to push because I know that he is worried for me and that doesnt help him get in the mood at all - but its very sweet and i cant help but appreciate it.
What helps though is those little things he does that show his love. Cuddles for no reason. Gifts of food every time he shops. Stroking my hair in bed. Not sure if it will help you guys, but here is hoping.
Normally ? I have a very very high sex drive and DP doesn?t want it nearly as much as me. He is more than happy with once or twice a week :o But since being pregnant it is like role reversal! I cant think of anything worse! And he is like a sex starved maniac! He loves the way that my body has changed (and that he did it! Lol) and it turns him on! Which is great for my confidence on my days when I feel like a blob, which is about every second one at the moment!
My Advice is just talk about it. We are very open and have talked about it quite a great deal. He knows where I am coming from and I know where he is coming from. It doesn?t really help the situation but it makes it much easier to deal with because there is no animosity between us about it. DP knows that I will instigate it when I am ready, and we are still intimate ? just not sexually. We still cuddle all the time and he rubs moisturizer on my belly every night so we still have that contact. He has even got quite inventive about doing things to relax me and hopefully get me in the mood! Some nights while I am showering he will light a dozen candels in our room and we lay in bed cuddling listening to a CD, or he will surprise me with a full body massage ? no strings attached. Yet sometimes these are just the things I need to make me interested! It?s a bit hit and miss but he gets it and luckily doesn?t push.
My biggest issue is I think ? I have very low blood pressure, and it makes me really tired along with shocking headaches, in addition to almost constant thrush.
But I am praying like mad that it comes back with the baby and everything goes back to normal ? except of course DP?s new obsession with sex!
We DTD last week!! It was quite fun.
I wasn't convinced but went along with it, and it was quite nice.
It is VERY diffcult to DTD when there is someone sitting on your bladder though. So, I can understand why people go off it. You don't feel so "turned on" when there's three people involved - erm....... one of those being a baby on your bladder. I had to say that just in case people started to scew what I was trying to imply.
after reading everyones posts I just want to cry. It's not fair. I am the COMPLETE opposite. My Fiance has completely lost interest in having sex with me. We used to have one of the best sex lives I could ever ask for. We used to have sex almost every day. Than when I became pregnant I started to notice a change that happened gradually. In the beginning of my pregnancy our sex life only changed a little bit and when I asked if it was because I was pregnant he just said he was tired. As I progressed through my pregnancy more and more he was "tired". I have even walked in on him masterbatng (embarrasing) or looking at porn on our computer. Keep in mind my fiance is not a pervert at all. And he knows my take on porn is vulgar and demeaning to women. I have even confronted him and told him I feel really insecure now because of this. I have even put on some lingerie. He has never had the guts to say to me it is because I am pregnant. He just says he is not in the mood. It is causing so many problems between us. It hurts to know he would rather look at porn than make love to me. I feel unattractive and a little unloved.