Playgroup - are my expectations to high?

I am not sure quite where to put this thread - the playgroup section seemed more about creating playgroups, not questions about them, so, please move this if you need..

So, when Aiden was born, i went to the health nurse, and from there, did a session a week for 5 weeks with mums and new borns in the area. From there, 7 of us formed a playgroup. All babies within about 2months of each other in age.

We joined a local playgroup, but, we have our own session, so, we have a hall, and all the toys and facilities available to us.

But, my problem is, that we do NOTHING.. it seems to be more of a mothers group, then a playgroup. We pull out the same old toys, the kids play, the mums sit in a circle and discuss their lives, and everyone elses. Some of them are quite opinionated about how others live their lives.. (unless of course you point this out, at which they deny it). We have access to outside play facilities, and, in the 18months we have been been meeting, we have been outside Twice.

Everything is an issue. We had to change the times, as our original meeting was from 1 till 3, but, that started to interrupt nap time. I was one of the first to drop a sleep, so i had to start missing sessions, as it wasnt worth it, for what i went thru with Aiden due to the break in routine.

So, now we meet at 11.15 till 1.15, which means that we have to bring the kids lunch. This is a huge issue for some. Maybe there is something wrong with me.. i always carry on a daily basis with me fruit, musli bars, and about 3 -4 different types of snacks, cause, my theory , you never know what he is going to want to eat. So, for lunch, i do the similar thing, all of the above, plus more. We spend about an hour doing lunch, most of which is taken up of 1 lady in particular stating loudly and often how "she packed her daughters favorite, but, she just wont eat it" other mums comments like "i wouldnt give that to my child..i dont think its good enough for him" or.. "this is my latest purchase from the 100% organic, persertative free, additive free, colour free etc etc section"..

We constantly discuss outings, and how we should do activities, but, nothing ever ever changes.

I understand that people do put alot of emphasis of 100% organic, persertative free, additive free, colour free etc, and that doesnt phase me in the slightest, what upsets me is that they are so openly critical of others decisions to not do the same. I do try to ensure that most of Aidens snacks are from the persertative free, additive free type variety, and lots of fruit, home made meals etc, but, i dont follow it to the wire. I dont critise or tell other people how to raise their children, and i dont expect people to tell me how to raise mine..

So, i decided to start looking for a new playgroup..

I tried a new one on Wednesday..

Huge group, about 15 to 20 kids. I was informed "there is the art stuff over there, but, none of us could be bothered pulling it out" hmm... wasnt happy with that. Was also informed that "all the familys, except one, send their kids to 'private school'". Nothing against that, but, I am not, and i dont want this to become an issue, and for me to be outcast because of that. This was a huge hall, and huge outside area, the kids, ranging from 1yo, to kindy age, ran riot, while 75% of the mums stood around and drank coffee, and about 2 or 3 actually supervised the kids. I seen kids drag other kids to the ground, bang into each other and knock each other over..
It just wasnt what i was expecting..

What i would like, is to walk into a big room, we all pull out the toys, and various crafty activities, and do group play stuff, some craft stuff, play outside etc.. maybe sing some songs. Just something with abit of organisation and structure to it, not an opportunity for people to drink coffee, brag about their latest trips, and not have any idea of where their kids are, or what they are doing.

Am i expecting to much??

((Wow, that was really long.. sorry ))

I don't think you're expecting too much, the playgroup I go to is much more structured - could you keep an eye out for playgroups that are run by a group? For example, my playgroup is run by a church, so there is a co-ordinator who reminds parents to supervise their children, and tells us when it's time for inside play, outside play, morning tea, songs.

yeah it sounds like what you are looking for is an organised play group session run by some sort of community group. have a look into places like churches, universities that run teaching courses, YMCA, maybe C&K. you could even go to a music themed place such as kinder musik, kinderdance, forte music etc that run little sessions for the kids related to music/dance etc. sometimes your council library has story telling days and you could easily become friendly with the parents and kis that go there. ummm... cant think of any ideas at the moment bt it sounds like the play group you go to at the moment are more for the parents which is fine but doesnt sound like what you are looking for.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. What you are wanting is what I would expect from a playgroup. I will watch this thread with interest as to advice you are given :) I imagine at some stage I will be looking for a playgroup for DD as we don't know many people in this area

Our playgroup has free play, but the parent is supposed to stay with the child cause we are on kindergarten grounds. Not all parents do that, and I am guilty as charged but being playgroup co-ordinator plus the president of the Kindy there was always something for me to do there so one of the other mums would usually watch Ashton.

10am is fruit time, and we all bring in a piece for fruit to share. So there is no "my food is better than your food"

We then go back to free play. Free play consists of sandpit outside, crafts if you want to do craft, painting, or just playing with toys inside or outside. One of the mums last year introduced song time at the end of each session. So that is now done as well :)

Shop around.

I LOVE our playgroup. We pay $95/term for 1 x 1.5 hr session a week. But it is basically Kinder but we stay. They have free play, very involved activities (could be cooking, present making you name it!) as well as a new craft activity each week, painting, play-doh, puzzles, stories, the pretend corner (which has been a shop, an office, a hospital, a campsite and many other things...), trains, blocks, dressups, dollhouse and many many more activities. We also have a story, a sing a long and outdoor play which is also partly structured.

The lovely lady who runs the playgroup has been a kinder teacher for nearly 30 years. She is absolutely gorgeous, she was also one of Paris' Kinder teachers and will be one of Seth's. Our playgroup runs from our Kinder but I would definitely recommend looking at Pre-School or private school run playgroups for more of a structured plan.

I don't think you are asking too much - a lot of what you have mentioned in precisely why I left my local playgroup. I was looking for something a bit more structured, not just ditch the kids on the floor and b*tch about stuff or gossip. I am not interested in that in the slightest, and I felt I was probably being talked about too, when wasn't there, as a strange cloth loving, full term breastfeeding hippie :) he he. Anyway. I found a wonderful Steiner playgroup. It is quite a drive but we make the effort at least once a fortnight.
Basically we arrive and the children and parents sit around a small table and knead a piece of their own dough, making a shape/bread roll. After that the kids have free play with the beautiful steiner toys. After that we wash hands and prepare for morning tea. We have fruit and the freshly baked bread rolls. Afterwards we have a little more play time and then pack up all the toys and have circle time - a few songs and maybe a story. It is all very nurturing and parents are involved, not seperate. Also as the playgroup is steiner inspired we have little songs that transition the children from one activity to the next (which the children love and sing along to), making it a really harmonious and enjoyable morning!
Maybe you have a Steiner playgroup near you?

We have a playgroup in our area (I live rurally) and it's great. the first Wednesday every month, we have a lady from a company called Hey Dee Ho, who comes out with musical instruments, songs dances and a few bit and bobs and sings songs with the kids for an hour or more. All the mums join in with their kids, and the kids LOVE it! It costs us $8 each time, but it's well worth it.
We have a roster system for activities, where one person has to set up an acitivity that is different to most other weeks. I did some pasting with magazine cut outs (nothing too flash). We all pitch in to help pull out all the toys and pack them up.
We all take a peice of fruit each week to cut up and share between the kids. DS is mega fussy, so I always take something for him but try him with the fruit first.
We also havea roster for a different person to provide morning tea for the mums.
We are all really laid back and there's no chatter about how bad such and such is etc, but I might just be lucky because we are all reasonably isolated.
We also have a playground outside the hall which the kids run out and play on for half an hour.
Our group starts at 10am and goes until everyone is ready to go home. It suits some sleep patterns, but not others. If someone needs to leave early, it's no drama.

I have no idea if that's what you would expect or not. hehe. That's just what happens here. We also have a few fundraisers throughout the year for new toys etc.

I don't think what you are asking is too much. I would call a few and ask exactly what you get for your money. I went to our first playgroup last week run by a local church.
They had different 'stations' with different activities such as painting, drawing, playdough, duplo/lego, and then other toys.
After free time play, all the kids sat down and had morning tea which we bought ourselves then had outside play, then come inside for a short story and songs.
Time is from 9.30 til 11.15.
We pay $40 a term and in addition they ask that you help with some fund raising during the terms so they can upgrade toys etc...

thanks girls.. i was starting to worry it was just me.
I dont expect to have someone ring a bell to say its time to move to the next activity, but, just more "station" type things set up, as well as general toys etc.. just as you girls have said you experience.
I did try the last playgroup in my suburb today.. no one was there. There is a suburb only about 10min away, that has more church & school based playgroups, which i guess might be my better option. I just worry then that if it will be an issue as i wont be sending my kids to that school.

Hi

As part of some research i was doing, i did a tour of a large number of play groups. I was really surprised by how different each one was. Some were really structured, some spread out inside/outside, different rooms being used at same time, small groups/big groups..... A snack of fruit was probably the most consistent thing across the play groups.

So, shop around if you haven't found the one that works for you.

kate

Here's what I did when I helped run a playgroup.

Set up toys. Some mums would arrive up to 15 minutes early and say my toy selection was not full enough (usually "too boyish" - well hello, I have a boy and want to keep him busy while I find the doll's house!).

Drinks and biscuits, provided and bought by volunteers, at 10am with story and songs.

Craft activity set up in another room for older children (which was usually the mums doing it anyway, which I object to - I don't want a MUM to stick on stars or whatever, I want the CHILD to do it even if it's "wrong".

Everyone notice when I start packing toys away 15 minutes AFTER it's home time and people are told this but few people help.

Some are still here while I'm trying to vacuum the playgroup room ready for the baby group in the afternoon. Not feeding mums, which is fine, just chatting mums while 3-year-olds run around and are bored and, tbh, a nuisence because they've just scared DS who now wants me to comfort him and not clean.

This is why playgroups aren't organised more! You get people not wanting to help due to the work involved. And this was a group with up to 30 mums/carers and 40-odd kids. A lot of mums just sat and talked and ignored their children and new people - that's why the people who helped out would make a point of introducing new people at story time and chatting to the new mums, just so they'd have one friend at least.

Then you get complaints the group doesn't run in school holidays, can we all meet up at the park? Which again is just an excuse to chat and ignore the children and even "are we not doing stories? I didn't bring a drink because you provide them."

Just my experience! People expect a LOT from playgroups but not everyone wants to muck in and help.

We got a lot of people in who lived miles and miles away, not to mention those who had no intention of ever going to the church that provided the facilities. So that wasn't a problem for us.

we just started playgroup on thursday, and i remembered this thread! i was so impressed with the playgroup, i really hope you do find one that is structured and suits you better.

our session runs for an hour and 15 mins. there is toys/activites galore, music playing loudly! we have free play for the first 10 mins, then we have song time. more free play, then snack & story time. after that she brought out paints, play doh, etc and that went for about 25 mins.. then it was time to go home.

its $9.20 per session, and that includes a swim in the pool before or after our session. its held at the leisure centre, where i would normally pay $4.40 for a swim.

oh debbie, i think it is such as shame that you had a bad experience with your mother's group/playgroup. i have been meeting with my first born's mother's group for over two years now. and i have to say they are a fabulous bunch of women. however, we do treat mother's group as a mother's group. it is for us to talk openly about any concerns or problems or successes we want to share with each other. we have been meeting at each other's houses which means it is a safe environment and allowed the children free play for the morning that we meet. from my experience mother's group has been so rewarding for not only my son, but also for me. i have formed friendships that i know will last a lifetime and my son has made buddies that he too will have for the rest of his life.
however, i do understand your desire for something more structured for your boy. my son gets his structured play from other activities such as gymbaroo and mini maestros. i don't know if this is an option for you, but these sessions are great, because they are playing and learning at the same time. each week we learn a new song to sing at home or a new activity to practice at home.
i hope you find what you are looking for...

I don't think you are expecting too much. The playgroup i take my two to - they have play time and there are usually different toys out every week but the one that is always out is the play dough lol. Then they have morning tea and mums usually have a coffee and some cake/biscuits whatever is brought in, then it is craft time then after that it is singing time and then story time although we do usually go over the time.

I would look around for another playgroup - i joined mine through playgroupnsw.

I understand! Sounds like my mothers group! When all our babies were about 3 months old they were discussing which private schools their babies were on the waiting lists for - they're mostly professional mums and I dont know, I dont really fit in anymore - when we were all shellshocked with newborns there was no social divide, but I feel like I've got nothing to say to them anymore... and when they found out from facebook I was only 21 one of them quite loudly 'outed' me and everyone turned to look at me like I'd suddenly sprouted a 3rd arm!

A friend of mine goes to a playgroup where she pays $5 and there's a 'teacher' who does activities and music and dance with the children, then they have tea, coffee and bickies while the children play with the toys so the mums can have some chit-chat time. Its run by Vinnies I think, I'm not 100% sure. Its in sydney also, and sadly as I dont drive its too impractical for me to go to, otherwise I'd be there with bells on!

We are trying to find a venue to set up a playgroup with our own mothers group as getting hard to catch up as kids all over the place and weather is not favourable for outdoor cafes and parks now.

I am having issues finding a venue, but after reading this sounds like a group ran by a church or organisisation is way to go for activities etc.

Currently all we are after is a place with toys where kids can play and we can chat but i am sure when kids get to 2 and 3 this will change.

Good luck with finding what you want

No your not expecting too much. FWIW I've tried more than 10 different playgroups before I found a decent one :D

Keep shopping around so to speak, you will find one you like :)

wanted to add that that we do other things too which are great for the kids and also for me to socialize with adults :lol:

Library does reading group and a baby rock and rhyme
The council runs kindagym
The local neighbourhood house runs playgroup, reading group and chat and much (basically food and adult chat while the kids play)
We also do prekinda once a week.

All these things are great, some are all about playing with the kids, others are sitting back and letting the kids play while the adults chat.

I think the thing with some playgroups is you have to realise that these are parents that probably don't have another outlet or much other adult conversation. Sometimes it's nice to go to a playgroup where it's relaxed and the kids play.

And unfortunately as mothers, we automatically critisise others choices. Most of the time it's not to their face... that's a little rude, but most people do it to other people (partners, family, other friends)... I know I do it :( I don't think less of the person, just that I wouldn't make those choices (for example my bestie feeding her 2 year old fizzy drinks like coke ) and I've said it to mum and the boys father but I wouldnt' say it to her, I still love her the same it's just something I wouldn't personally do!