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I am curious to see if other partners help out around the house?
A friend of mine was shocked when I told her that my DP does nothing.
I literally do everything, right down to taking the rubbish out and wheeling the bin down the driveway.
I dont do it because I want to, I do it becuase if I didnt it wouldnt get done.
Pffffffft, yeah right.
It's like I've committed a crime just by asking.
I had a thread a little while back, about encouraging 'partnership within the home', there were some great suggestions about how to get DP involved, I just don't have the patience for them to work. Oh, and I don't know how much your DP is in terms of stubbornness and uselessness thanks to gaming, but I attribute most of my D's laziness to that.
GL, it's a PITA. :hug:
Mine does more than help out - he pretty much does most of the work. He cooks, he cleans and will feed and change Sam if he's at home.
A lot of it comes down to the fact that with my health issues, I simply can't do it all. But even before I became very ill, DH would be great around the house.
I know I'm very, very lucky to have got such a great bloke!
BW
My partner does everything, She cleans, does the washing, the gardening, the lawns, the rubbish and if i am a lil run down she will even do the cooking, (she used to be a chef so I get spoilt). I'm not even pregnant yet but she is absolutly wonderful :)
In turn I do all the grocery shopping, pay all the bills, do the filing, dust, make the bed daily and give her all the attention in the world.
We have been together for nearly 6 years and I work longer hours than her so it works well for us.
These things are not expected of each other, we just do it :)
Goodluck, sorry I dont have any suggestions
xx
B
I cant wait to read more stories.
I complain that DH doesnt help me enough.I dont think thats entirely true though... I think its just that I want him to do more and more? Im so lazy :(
He gets DS dressed for bed, nappy changes, helps out with bathing or showering him and puts him to bed every night.
He doesnt cook at all, but i dont want him too. Last night was the first night he has done the dishes in months--- only because my back wouldnt let me stand up anymore :(
He does help with hanging out the clothes on the line and general tidying.
Motiviating him is the hardest part. But deep down I do forget he works really hard all week :(
I wish I could say my DH does more... but he doesn't :(. I do everything inside the home... apart from DH changing an occasional nappy (if I ask) and sometimes doing the dishes (again, only if I ask - and you should see the sad puppy dog eyes he gives me when I do :rolleyes:). DH does a bit outside - he takes the bins out, and sometimes mows the lawns... but not all the time (I paid my brother to do it last time cause I was sick of the long grass).
I don't mind doing most of the housework cause he's at work all day, but he really should help more when he is home.
My DF has his usual jobs of taking out the rubbish each night, he'll do the dishes for me(well stack and unstack the dishwasher!) and mow the lawns and all that manly stuff etc etc. We usually watch over the bills together, but sometimes he takes over because money stresses me out ><;;
I'll cook, do the washing and generally keep the house tidy (although a bit hard sometimes during the week when we both work). Sometimes DF will chuck a load of washing on for me, or if I ask he'll hang it out...
We don't have a bub yet, but I think when we do all that stuff will be my responsibility and I wouldn't expect him to do any of it (except taking out the bins, yick! - mans job!). I would expect him to be a hands on dad though when he gets home from work and such and not just sit on the couch and watch TV once he's home and ignore me and bubs, and I'm pretty confident he'll do that naturally.
My DF does the dishes everyday.... I hate them.
he also does washing, he is a domestic goddess
My dp doesn't "help out" any more than he "babysits" when he's looking after the kids on his own - this is his home, too, and he takes as much resonsibility for it (if not more!) than I do. Even when I was a sahm he wouldn't hear of it being my sole responsibility to keep the house in order. When he lived on his own he took care of his home, and he wasn't going to change that just because he got married.
He does most of the cooking, I am doing more and more of the laundry now that I've finished working. We share the cleaning (although now we are also paying my eldest daughter to come and clean twice a week). Generally the load is pretty much 50/50, with our work arrangements dictating which bits fall into which person's lap. The only thing he doesn't see himself having an equal responsibility for with a baby is breastfeeding. We share all the bedtime stuff as much as we can. We're both very happy with the arrangement.
Personally I wouldn't accept a grown man expecting someone else to take the majority of the responsibility to look after his home and family, and I'd have been unlikely to get involved with someone who had that kind of attitude and expectation.
IMO that is just not good enough of your partner. You are not his slave!!!
My DH doesn't do heaps but he definitely does help out. He usually does the rubbish and bins. He usually baths Flynn while I wash the dishes. He usually puts the dishes away in the morning when they are dry. He mows the lawns and looks after our cars. He occasionally does the laundry (but only his own clothes cos I'm a bit pedantic about the laundry!!) and will bring in washing if I ask him to. He doesn't cook but that is not one of his strong points! I don't expect too much of him housework wise because he works outside of the house so that is generally my domain. I feel that we have a happy medium going on.
Perhaps you could ask him to do a few things (at leat the bins for a start). I don't think guys tend to see things which need doing and do them. They need to be alerted to the fact that something needs doing and you would appreciate them doing it!
HTH :)
My DH does a fair bit around the house:
- lawns
- bins
- cooks a couple of nights a week
- washes up when I cook
- floors (but only about 3 weekly, I sweep in between times, wish he would do them more often)
- bills & filing
I do
- washing and folding
- bathrooms
- dusting
- majority of cooking
- general tidying
- garden stuff (other than lawns)
Thngs like dishwasher emptying just get done by whoever has time or is doing the washing up that night after it is clean. Ironing is typically done just for ourselves, he does his every few days, I save it up and do it in a big bunch and do his at the same time (he finds my stuff really fiddly).
Shopping used to be both of us, but since DD we don't do that as much. All during summer he would do it after cricket training so that was really good!!
DD care is shared pretty equally, although I tend to do all her food stuff. If a nappy needs changing either one of us will do it.
That actually looks like I don't do that much, it sure feels like I am doing more as he gets a lot more chance to read the paper!!
I don't appreciate him as much as I should, my BIL and other friends do so much less around the house. And judging by the above, most other men!
BIL looked after niece for a couple of days last week when my sis went back to work - he told her it was like a holiday. She got home and there was toys everywhere, no washing done, nothing done for dinner etc..... Yeah, I bet she feels like she's had a year's holiday - NOT!!
Iam very lucky I think, DP and I share just about all of the household jobs. We both cook and do the dishes, sometimes we take it in turns but usually we do it together. We generally also go to the supermarket together as well. We both do each others washing if its there to be done. I generally vacuum, mop and clean the bathroom, and he mows the lawns and takes care of the gardens, and the rubbish bins. :lol:
The one thing that I love is that there is appreciation there, on both sides.. we thank each other a lot, which might sound silly but its something we have done from the start and will keep doing. Its nice to be thanked when you have cooked dinner, or done the dishes and there is no assumption of who is 'supposed' to do what job.
Toomany - I agree, I wouldn't have got involved with someone who wasn't willing to help out around the house. DH lived by himself for about a year before I moved in, he had been with his parents for a while but had lived by himself previously so he knew what needed to be done around the house.
Jng - good point re appreciation. Very important in a relationship, DH and I are trying to say thank you to each other a lot more lately and it does help.
I also find it is simple little things that can help. ie I will put toothpaste on his brush while I am doing mine, will get his breakfast bowl out when I get mine out.....
My DH is OK. He generally puts bins out, does lawns, cooks most nights, is fanatical about a clean kitchen and fridge and vacuums sometimes. What I have found works best if I want him to do something is if we do it together and we have a 2 hour cleaning frenzy together. for example I work 4 days a week and have friday off to shop and clean so I can spend the weekend with dd and dh without having to worry about cleaning. but I have found that if I don't tidy and vacuum on Friday and then we all do the tidying and vacuuming together on saturday or sunday he is much more likely to help without too much coaxing.
Wow, thanks for all the replies!!
I have no issues with doing the housework, I'm a SAHM and he works 50+ hours per week (more in busy times, seeding, harvest ect)
I do wish that when i do ask him to help that he would just do it instead of whinging worse than our 2yo :lol:
He wont do nappies, but he will sit with Brendan while I do dinner. He will also look after Brendan on a thursday night (if hes home in time) so I can go do the shopping in peace. Little things like that which do help.
We pretty much have an understanding.
My hubby works really hard all week to provide for his family and so i can be a SAHM, so the last thing i expect him to do is cook & clean, I do all the cleaning provided he puts his dishes in the sink and picks up after himself, I wash the clothes provided they are in laundry if they are left on the floor in the room then thats where they will stay until they make it to the laundry.
DH takes the rubbish to the tip, mows the lawns, looks after the stable/paddocks like cleaning the stables and fixing fences and stuff.
I feed horses at night he feeds them in the morning.
Ditto to the appreciation - dh and I regularly thank each other for the various things we do.
You know, the approach dh and I have taken has trickled down to the kids as well - no matter how small they are, we all consider we bear responsibility for maintaining our home and caring for one another. While dh and I cook the meals, the children are all responsible for cleaning up afterwards and they have plenty of chores each. They do a pretty shocking job of them most of the time though! LOL.
Yep, that's what I think as well. By the time DF gets home he's done a 13 hour day. When I become a SAHM (:pray: please be soon!) I wouldn't expect him to do dishes or any washing or things like that, but I would expect him to spend quality time with our child. All his manly stuff, he can keep doing though! ;):
My hubby works really hard all week to provide for his family and so i can be a SAHM, so the last thing i expect him to do is cook & clean
It's interesting this all got bought up, we were discussing it amoungst all the girls at work!
Sally - The only help I get here is he`ll dry the night dishes but it took me over 3 years to get him to do that, oh and he`ll pack the dishwasher for me, for some reason I hate packing it!!!! Other then that he will not do anything at all, yes right down to taking the bins out and cutting the grass. Unfortunately he also doesn`t spend his free time with me or the boys which does upset me :cry:
:yeahthat::
Pffffffft, yeah right.
It's like I've committed a crime just by asking.
I had enough, broke down and everything and DP stil cant see how much of a lazy ass he is.
He takes the rubbish out and does the lawns but thats it. He has only ever once changed a nappy. He never baths the kids. He leaves his clothes where he takes them off and shoes too. If i ask for help all i get is "i go to work"
I dont expect help all the time but maybe helping out watch the kids while i cook or maybe watch them in the bath or unpack the dishwasher. Better yet put your dirty stuff in it when ur finnished with it. He has never looked after the kids alone. He holds DD for 10 mins and thats it.
my DH is away at work anywhere from 5 to 10 days at a stretch, so our house keeping routine is, well, anything but routine!! i maintain everything while he's away, and when he's home, he does a hell of a lot. because it's only me at the moment most of the time, there isn't a lot of washing etc - he understands that i struggle to move baskets around with wet clothes, and to hang stuff out, so washing gets done between us when he's home. he will mow (i've been forbidden to do it after five angel babies), but i will get out and weed the gardens and prune things - this tends to happen more when he's home cos we do it together.
cooking - i will cook up massive batches of food while he's away - just choose a day and cook to my hearts content - then freeze meals for him to take. when he's home, he either cooks (he loves it) or we cook together. it's fairly rare for me to cook dinner when he's home (lunches are more my domain!). DH will load and empty the dishwasher and do the dishes without prompting, and last night went and picked tomatos to make sauce, apples for stewed apples, and some peaches - just took himself into the kitchen and came back when it was on cooking to tell me what was happening!
i can't complain about DH and how much he helps out - he is more domesticated than most guys i know. there is nothing he won't do, but he does ask me to look after the money side of things - no biggie there!
i think when Gremlin comes along, he'll do as much as he can - obviously if i bf, he can't help with that - but he's been talking to me at length about how to best set up the nursery for convenience for both of us, what we should put where so that it's easy to get to etc...
My DF does heaps, cleaning, cooking & caring for DS but he isn't working at the moment so he has the time. When he was working he did the washing, cooking on the nights he was home and all outside work.
The thing that bothers me is when i was working a 9-5 job i still had same responsibilities. Before the kids DP would cook 1 night a week and maybe a BBQ on weekends. Help with cleaning everynight we'd take turns washing or drying dishes.
Once our 1st baby came he was all excuses with bubs. He's too small to bath, i have a weak stomach i cant change him, i breast feed for 3 months so i got i cant feed him then it was he doesnt like it when i feed him, he likes you to put him to bed, he doesnt like me he wont go to me... Blah blah. Then cos i was home all the house hold stuff was done. (being only 18 everyone said i would fail and need help so i fought to do EVERYTHING without anyones help) Then i started part time work and still no help (i mean nothing except the bins to the curb and mowing the grass... oh and he does a bad job too) He doesnt even take his plate out after dinner.
Now after 2nd bubs i'm struggling to fit things in and sleep is minimal. I asked for help and i get "well you did ok with DS, or "i go to work"
Yes he does work so i can stay home but the way i see it if i was in a paid job i would be Child care worker or Cleaner. DP wonders why there isnt US time but if i got a hand every now and then i would have US time and ME time aswell... Its just being in a partnership. Yes some days i can do it all myself Others could it hurt to give me a hand.
I do most of it....he will wash the dishes when hes home (shiftworker). But then again im a SAHM, he works two jobs, one as a firefighter, other job running his own motorbike business which allows me to stay at home in the first place. So i kinda think it is my job to run the house so to speak. But in saying that, if i do need help at any one time, he is always there.
......mine did this too, he left all his stuff in the bathroom (like its soo much effort to toss them in the washing basket in thebedroom- the next room). SO i just didnt wash his clothes...he soon complained when he had NO UNDIES for work. But im sorry, if he cant pick up his dirty socks and undies and put them in a bloody basket, them frankly he doesnt deserve for them to be washed....NOW, they get put in the basket every time.....;):
He leaves his clothes where he takes them off and shoes too.
I did alot of the work around the house ... about two years back his sole responsibility was to SHARRAP!!!!! That's it. I would do EVERYTHING, but he is not allowed to say a word, moan or critisised (sp)
NOW I feel we have a good balance. He does the garden (could be nicer) takes out the trash, BBQ twice a week, shower with dd, put dd to bed. He even started dinner last night :o on his own!! He still does not throw his papers in the bin or his clothes in the wash, but that does not bother me anymore .. picking up stuff has become a speciality with me, having kids and all.
I'm old fashioned .. I believe that if you are a SAHM, it's your job to look after the kids and the house. It's the man's job to bring home da bacon - BUT that does not mean that he can't help out now and then ... out of his own accord .. or just say that he SEES what you are doing and that you are doing a good job and are a good mommy/wife/lover/friend/woman. I feel that 90% of women would not mind doing 100% of the work if they get the recognition for it .. and the odd bunch of roses ;)
I don't have a DP but he will have a lot to live up to with my dad for an example! As a child, Mum was a SAHM, dad always did the lawns and stuff though, I have never seen my mum use the mower! When I was in highschool, they bought a post office (where dad worked all his life) and ran it together - at that point my dad started doing alot more.
They are now retired and dad still helps with loads of washing, vaccuuming and he actually irons! Yep they have ironing boards, mum does the 'hard stuff' at one and he does the 'easy stuff' at the other!
He also always buys mum flowers and gifts and cards for all celebrations! He is rare and hard to match.
Hell no, am I'm super jealous reading about all the one's that help.
DF even classes Bella as a bit of a chore too :rolleyes:, don't think there's been a day where he has actually held her in his arms for more than 5 minutes. He even watched me on crutches, 8 months pg and packing to move into our new home.
OK, nuff said, me thinks u get the pic - he's mega lazy...
My DP is pretty good. We both cook and all that, after dinner one of us deals with the boys and bedtime, while the other cleans up. DP usually does the bath and bedtime deal and I clean up, then come help him when I'm done. It works well.
I feel lucky to have someone that helps out.
xox
My DP is a gem! He changes nappies, baths DS every night, will help out during the night and with any chores, especially if I have had a not so good day :D. I really appreciate everything he does, he is a wonderful man.
my DP doesnt do much, but he works 6 days a week so i dont expect it. i see it as he does his job, i do my job (house stuff). hes good at his job and brings home $$, im good at my 'job' and the payment is a beautifully clean house, clothes, food...which makes both of us happy.
since ive been pg DP has helped by doing the following:
dishes once a week...but i usually end up redoing half of them...they get all streaky and stuff when he does them
carries out washing basket and helps me hang washing on line/bring it in (still trying to teach him to peg under the arms though...most my shirts come in with peg marks in the middle of the boob area when hes done the pegging LOL)
takes out rubbish to bin and puts on bins on bin day
our lawn for some reason just doesnt grow...weve been renting this place for almst a yr and have only mowed it once...so just before rent inspections he and his brother do a quick weeding.
DP just inst any good at housework...he genuinly tries sometimes but i just dont think his cleanliness standards are as high as mine...but thats fine cause im sure i couldnt do his job very well at all.
so it works for us :)
i have to say i feel a bit sheepish because my DP is very good to me, he does the dishes as well as cleaning out my car. he is on a mission to rid the house of ants at the moment. he's definately a keeper:dance:
We must be the lucky ones Butterfly_warrior, my husband is fantastic and does most of the work as well. I never feel 100% and am always very run down and he is fantastic!:
Love him to bits :loveshower:
My DH does heaps as well. Sometimes I think he does more than me lol.
My Dh does so much around the place.. but so do i..
we both think we do more then we should and both think we need a longer rest or 'free time " then the other... but it wont happen.
i wouldnt have married someone who cant hold thier own in the housework department.. i think its unfair that any part of a partnership wouldnt want to help the other partner..
but then again.. some days i wish i was the type of woman that could do it all for him.. i love that he provides for us financially i wish i could provide completely in the household..
My DF & I actually share EVERYTHING.. we share the cleaning, the cooking, kids, etc etc
We do have certain thing's which are just his or just mine i.e bins are HIS, but toilets are MINE.. Kitty Litter is HIS, food shopping is MINE....
So yep he does..but really we share everything. We are a TEAM and we both know when one of us stop's doing their share, it really affect's us all in a very negative way..so we dont get away with it really!!! lol
But in saying that, i have to deal with all the outside world stuff.. DR'S, APPOINTMENTS, BILLS, LAWYERS, INSURANCE,PHONE CALLS, CREDITORS ETC ETC - ANYTHING EXTERNAL lol