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thread: Does your DP help out?

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Follow Early Kids On Twitter

    Oct 2007
    Eastern Wheatbelt WA
    3,282

    Does your DP help out?

    I am curious to see if other partners help out around the house?



    A friend of mine was shocked when I told her that my DP does nothing.
    I literally do everything, right down to taking the rubbish out and wheeling the bin down the driveway.
    I dont do it because I want to, I do it becuase if I didnt it wouldnt get done.

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Jul 2007
    Melbourne
    3,660

    Pffffffft, yeah right.

    It's like I've committed a crime just by asking.

    I had a thread a little while back, about encouraging 'partnership within the home', there were some great suggestions about how to get DP involved, I just don't have the patience for them to work. Oh, and I don't know how much your DP is in terms of stubbornness and uselessness thanks to gaming, but I attribute most of my D's laziness to that.

    GL, it's a PITA.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Dec 2005
    6,706

    Mine does more than help out - he pretty much does most of the work. He cooks, he cleans and will feed and change Sam if he's at home.

    A lot of it comes down to the fact that with my health issues, I simply can't do it all. But even before I became very ill, DH would be great around the house.

    I know I'm very, very lucky to have got such a great bloke!

    BW

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Nov 2007
    Where we swim in glitter and play on rainbows
    630

    My partner does everything, She cleans, does the washing, the gardening, the lawns, the rubbish and if i am a lil run down she will even do the cooking, (she used to be a chef so I get spoilt). I'm not even pregnant yet but she is absolutly wonderful
    In turn I do all the grocery shopping, pay all the bills, do the filing, dust, make the bed daily and give her all the attention in the world.
    We have been together for nearly 6 years and I work longer hours than her so it works well for us.
    These things are not expected of each other, we just do it
    Goodluck, sorry I dont have any suggestions

    xx
    B

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Nov 2005
    in a house!
    6,125

    I cant wait to read more stories.

    I complain that DH doesnt help me enough.I dont think thats entirely true though... I think its just that I want him to do more and more? Im so lazy

    He gets DS dressed for bed, nappy changes, helps out with bathing or showering him and puts him to bed every night.

    He doesnt cook at all, but i dont want him too. Last night was the first night he has done the dishes in months--- only because my back wouldnt let me stand up anymore

    He does help with hanging out the clothes on the line and general tidying.

    Motiviating him is the hardest part. But deep down I do forget he works really hard all week

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Add Sterla on Facebook

    Jun 2008
    Tasmania
    3,011

    I wish I could say my DH does more... but he doesn't . I do everything inside the home... apart from DH changing an occasional nappy (if I ask) and sometimes doing the dishes (again, only if I ask - and you should see the sad puppy dog eyes he gives me when I do ). DH does a bit outside - he takes the bins out, and sometimes mows the lawns... but not all the time (I paid my brother to do it last time cause I was sick of the long grass).

    I don't mind doing most of the housework cause he's at work all day, but he really should help more when he is home.

  7. #7
    Registered User
    Add helle on Facebook

    Sep 2008
    Bunbury, Western Australia
    3,963

    My DF has his usual jobs of taking out the rubbish each night, he'll do the dishes for me(well stack and unstack the dishwasher!) and mow the lawns and all that manly stuff etc etc. We usually watch over the bills together, but sometimes he takes over because money stresses me out ><;;
    I'll cook, do the washing and generally keep the house tidy (although a bit hard sometimes during the week when we both work). Sometimes DF will chuck a load of washing on for me, or if I ask he'll hang it out...

    We don't have a bub yet, but I think when we do all that stuff will be my responsibility and I wouldn't expect him to do any of it (except taking out the bins, yick! - mans job!). I would expect him to be a hands on dad though when he gets home from work and such and not just sit on the couch and watch TV once he's home and ignore me and bubs, and I'm pretty confident he'll do that naturally.

  8. #8
    SugarDust Guest

    My DF does the dishes everyday.... I hate them.

    he also does washing, he is a domestic goddess

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Apr 2007
    Inner South East suburbs Melbourne
    1,213

    My dp doesn't "help out" any more than he "babysits" when he's looking after the kids on his own - this is his home, too, and he takes as much resonsibility for it (if not more!) than I do. Even when I was a sahm he wouldn't hear of it being my sole responsibility to keep the house in order. When he lived on his own he took care of his home, and he wasn't going to change that just because he got married.

    He does most of the cooking, I am doing more and more of the laundry now that I've finished working. We share the cleaning (although now we are also paying my eldest daughter to come and clean twice a week). Generally the load is pretty much 50/50, with our work arrangements dictating which bits fall into which person's lap. The only thing he doesn't see himself having an equal responsibility for with a baby is breastfeeding. We share all the bedtime stuff as much as we can. We're both very happy with the arrangement.

    Personally I wouldn't accept a grown man expecting someone else to take the majority of the responsibility to look after his home and family, and I'd have been unlikely to get involved with someone who had that kind of attitude and expectation.

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Jan 2008
    Euroa, Victoria
    438

    IMO that is just not good enough of your partner. You are not his slave!!!
    My DH doesn't do heaps but he definitely does help out. He usually does the rubbish and bins. He usually baths Flynn while I wash the dishes. He usually puts the dishes away in the morning when they are dry. He mows the lawns and looks after our cars. He occasionally does the laundry (but only his own clothes cos I'm a bit pedantic about the laundry!!) and will bring in washing if I ask him to. He doesn't cook but that is not one of his strong points! I don't expect too much of him housework wise because he works outside of the house so that is generally my domain. I feel that we have a happy medium going on.
    Perhaps you could ask him to do a few things (at leat the bins for a start). I don't think guys tend to see things which need doing and do them. They need to be alerted to the fact that something needs doing and you would appreciate them doing it!
    HTH

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Jan 2006
    by the beach,NSW
    1,767

    My DH does a fair bit around the house:
    - lawns
    - bins
    - cooks a couple of nights a week
    - washes up when I cook
    - floors (but only about 3 weekly, I sweep in between times, wish he would do them more often)
    - bills & filing

    I do
    - washing and folding
    - bathrooms
    - dusting
    - majority of cooking
    - general tidying
    - garden stuff (other than lawns)

    Thngs like dishwasher emptying just get done by whoever has time or is doing the washing up that night after it is clean. Ironing is typically done just for ourselves, he does his every few days, I save it up and do it in a big bunch and do his at the same time (he finds my stuff really fiddly).

    Shopping used to be both of us, but since DD we don't do that as much. All during summer he would do it after cricket training so that was really good!!

    DD care is shared pretty equally, although I tend to do all her food stuff. If a nappy needs changing either one of us will do it.

    That actually looks like I don't do that much, it sure feels like I am doing more as he gets a lot more chance to read the paper!!

    I don't appreciate him as much as I should, my BIL and other friends do so much less around the house. And judging by the above, most other men!

    BIL looked after niece for a couple of days last week when my sis went back to work - he told her it was like a holiday. She got home and there was toys everywhere, no washing done, nothing done for dinner etc..... Yeah, I bet she feels like she's had a year's holiday - NOT!!

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Nov 2008
    Victoria
    507

    Iam very lucky I think, DP and I share just about all of the household jobs. We both cook and do the dishes, sometimes we take it in turns but usually we do it together. We generally also go to the supermarket together as well. We both do each others washing if its there to be done. I generally vacuum, mop and clean the bathroom, and he mows the lawns and takes care of the gardens, and the rubbish bins.

    The one thing that I love is that there is appreciation there, on both sides.. we thank each other a lot, which might sound silly but its something we have done from the start and will keep doing. Its nice to be thanked when you have cooked dinner, or done the dishes and there is no assumption of who is 'supposed' to do what job.

  13. #13
    Registered User

    Jan 2006
    by the beach,NSW
    1,767

    Toomany - I agree, I wouldn't have got involved with someone who wasn't willing to help out around the house. DH lived by himself for about a year before I moved in, he had been with his parents for a while but had lived by himself previously so he knew what needed to be done around the house.

    Jng - good point re appreciation. Very important in a relationship, DH and I are trying to say thank you to each other a lot more lately and it does help.

    I also find it is simple little things that can help. ie I will put toothpaste on his brush while I am doing mine, will get his breakfast bowl out when I get mine out.....

  14. #14
    Registered User

    Jan 2004
    Melbourne, Australia
    1,002

    My DH is OK. He generally puts bins out, does lawns, cooks most nights, is fanatical about a clean kitchen and fridge and vacuums sometimes. What I have found works best if I want him to do something is if we do it together and we have a 2 hour cleaning frenzy together. for example I work 4 days a week and have friday off to shop and clean so I can spend the weekend with dd and dh without having to worry about cleaning. but I have found that if I don't tidy and vacuum on Friday and then we all do the tidying and vacuuming together on saturday or sunday he is much more likely to help without too much coaxing.

  15. #15
    Registered User
    Follow Early Kids On Twitter

    Oct 2007
    Eastern Wheatbelt WA
    3,282

    Wow, thanks for all the replies!!

    I have no issues with doing the housework, I'm a SAHM and he works 50+ hours per week (more in busy times, seeding, harvest ect)
    I do wish that when i do ask him to help that he would just do it instead of whinging worse than our 2yo
    He wont do nappies, but he will sit with Brendan while I do dinner. He will also look after Brendan on a thursday night (if hes home in time) so I can go do the shopping in peace. Little things like that which do help.

  16. #16
    Registered User

    Sep 2008
    South West Vic
    275

    We pretty much have an understanding.

    My hubby works really hard all week to provide for his family and so i can be a SAHM, so the last thing i expect him to do is cook & clean, I do all the cleaning provided he puts his dishes in the sink and picks up after himself, I wash the clothes provided they are in laundry if they are left on the floor in the room then thats where they will stay until they make it to the laundry.
    DH takes the rubbish to the tip, mows the lawns, looks after the stable/paddocks like cleaning the stables and fixing fences and stuff.
    I feed horses at night he feeds them in the morning.

  17. #17
    Registered User

    Apr 2007
    Inner South East suburbs Melbourne
    1,213

    Ditto to the appreciation - dh and I regularly thank each other for the various things we do.

    You know, the approach dh and I have taken has trickled down to the kids as well - no matter how small they are, we all consider we bear responsibility for maintaining our home and caring for one another. While dh and I cook the meals, the children are all responsible for cleaning up afterwards and they have plenty of chores each. They do a pretty shocking job of them most of the time though! LOL.

  18. #18
    Registered User
    Add helle on Facebook

    Sep 2008
    Bunbury, Western Australia
    3,963

    My hubby works really hard all week to provide for his family and so i can be a SAHM, so the last thing i expect him to do is cook & clean
    Yep, that's what I think as well. By the time DF gets home he's done a 13 hour day. When I become a SAHM ( please be soon!) I wouldn't expect him to do dishes or any washing or things like that, but I would expect him to spend quality time with our child. All his manly stuff, he can keep doing though!
    It's interesting this all got bought up, we were discussing it amoungst all the girls at work!

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