We got a letter home from school today saying they would like to get a guidance counsellor in for Ethan (8) As he has low self esteem
I am sitting here feeling like the worst parent in the world.. I feel like I have done something wrong by him
I know I am busy with the other kids and do tend to let Ethan do more for himself then I would normally or maybe the things I get him to do are normal things..
I feel like I have done wrong by him by having 4 children which is silly but I feel like I don't have enough time for him. I try to make the time I really do but to be honest usually by the time I have finished what I need to do with the other kids I am tired.
I worry I should have really pushed the issue with this bullying at school more instead of letting it go and letting the school deal with it. We have approached them numerous times about this one kid. The response is always the same.. They just don't get on (no sh*t sherlock) and they need to work together..
Has anyone elses children ever had Low Self esteem? and what did you do..
Tonight I sent an email off to Boy scouts hoping that something like that might be fun for him.. He does Touch Footy on Wednesdays as well.. but other then that no other out of school activities..
Have you read Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph? It's a great book - easy to read and very informative. Maybe getting your hands on a copy might give you some ideas about building self-esteem.
What about his Dad? I can't help but to feel that going fishing/fixing the car/working in the garden/whatever with his Dad a few hours a week might be more beneficial than Scouts. Of course if your DH already spends one-on-one time with him reguarly then feel free to ignore me lol.
I have heard of that book.. Might get to the library tomorrow to check it out.. Thanks for that
Dh doesn't generally do any one on one time with any of the kids, neither do I really. We always do things as a group.. I am thinking we really need to do things separatly.. We do go fishing ect and do fun things.. I am unsure of the scouts thing it was just an idea. I wouldn't even have a clue what they were about, I just see the ads on tv and thought it might be good
Please don't take me the wrong way. I wasn't dissing Scouts I think they have an emphasis on learning new skills and achievements are always good for self-esteem. I was just trying to say that sometimes if someone is feeling left-out the best cure is some time doing day to day things with someone who cares about you and values you just because you're you.
Oh no I knew what you meant.. I think if I sent him to scouts he would feel as though we were pushing him away..
I much prefer the idea of "making" one on one time with him
I think Ethan needs less of a competitive enviroment.. I am only assuming this would be how scouts went.. like who has the most badges kwim? He needs to be steered away from that sort of thing
Please don't beat yourself up Nic. We all do the best we can. I think Dach has a point though. I have read that each parent should have one on one time with each child at least once a week. Personally I think whoever wrote that didn't have four kids, but it's still a good goal to aspire to. I think if you can somehow find a way for each of you to have even half an hour one on one with him, doing something he enjoys, or even just talking, it could make a huge difference. Time really is a great gift to give someone you care about.
And please let go of the guilt. You have done a great job and are obviously a caring and devoted mum. He is a lucky boy.
Hey nic
Hope you arent beating yourself up too much over this!!
I had really low self esteem as a kid, and a teenager, its not fun!! But I had a thought - you said ethan does touch footy? Do you all go to that and watch and cheer him on? I just remember one of the things that has really stuck with me (and quite frankly still upsets me) is that my older brother had footy and cricket and he and dad played nintendo games together ...I played netball. And nobody would come to my games, just drop me off, and the one time they did come my dad read the newspapaer the whole time. I was so upset.
My point is, I would have felt more 'important' if as big a deal was made about my meagre attempts at netball as was about spending the entire saturday at the footy club (with smelly boys!! lol)
If you already do, then feel free to ignore my rambling!!
The other thing is martial arts is great for a kids self esteem and self confidence too
Low Self Esteem
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Have you read Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph? It's a great book - easy to read and very informative. Maybe getting your hands on a copy might give you some ideas about building self-esteem.
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