Do you see this as an intimidating comment by a teacher?

[Calluna]

I mostly agree with you LMS, I see valid points from both sides. Sure it could have been a one off, maybe the teacher was particularly stressed that day, but that doesn't make it "ok" to speak to a student like that. It is drilled into students that the school yard should be a safe place for everyone (or at least it was drilled into us). If it was another student who said it, there would have been repercussions. The same should go for the teachers.

The other thing to consider is maybe it's not a once off? It may have been the first time Dianne's son was exposed to it, but who knows what he's said to other students before. If no one does anything about it then he will continue to get away with it.

I wouldn't suggest that Dianne's son speak directly to the teacher, but I think some kind of communication needs to happen, maybe a meeting between the principle, the teacher, Dianne and her son? That way there is someone present from both sides and everyone can (hopefully) get a full picture of what happened and find an appropriate way to deal with it.

[Phteven]

If you want to follow it up I think it is better to approach the teacher first. There are two sides to every story and I doubt that a teacher whose MO is threatening students without good reason would last very long in the profession. TBH parents who undermine teachers by rushing off to the Principal every time their children come home and complain make it very difficult for teachers to do their jobs especially in schools that already have discipline issues.

[OceanPrincess]

Had some time to think about this and reading all the responses, I agree with Onyx - approach the teacher first. I'd be going in saying something like "I understand there was an incident with DS and friend being somewhere they were not supposed to be, can you please explain to me what happened?"

Try and ascertain whether this was the first time or if it is a repeated thing... get some more background.

[LizLemon]

I have to say I agree with N2L, Rouge and Onyx. If you are concerned, then I think definitely speak to the teacher first to clarify, and if you still aren't happy, speak to the principal.

but...

To be honest, if that had happened to me at that age my parents probably would have said "well, best you don't go in there again". And my parents were supportive, vigilant people so it wouldn't have been a case of not being concerned about my welfare. Kids have to learn that there will be people in their lives who are intimidating, rude etc and as long as the teacher hasn't hurt him physically, belittled or bullied him, or broken the law in some way I'd be inclined to let your son deal with it his own way.

Having said that, my DSs are still young'uns so who knows how protective I will be when they are at school. In the same situation I could be out for blood...

[~*familyof3*~]

I was going to pretty much say what onyx said. I would first go to speak to the teacher and find out for myself their version of the story. I think theres 3 sides to every story eg...your son's side...the teachers side......and the truth is normaly inbetween each of those. There may be a lil more to the story....but then there may not. So i would think it best to go to the teacher in question first.

[delphmoon]

Yes I think the comment is inappropriate and yes I would mention something. Infact I would speak directly to the teacher to find out in what context it was said and flag to him that perhaps it wasn't the best comment for him to make.

If I am seen as "that person" ...pfft...I am a mum and I will protect my children so I really don't care and as for teachers being people too- yes they are, but like all professionals there is a code of conduct to adhere to and I don't think this kind of comment meets this expectation. Teachers are role models and indirectly show our children how to manage situations and how to cope etc....something this teacher has done badly.

[Zee]

I think bugsmum pretty much said what I was thinking. Goodluck with what you decide to do and I hope it doesn't happen again.

[PumpkinZulu]

Our kids aren't made of glass though. We're talking about a 13 year old here, not a little kid. I will fiercely protect my daughter, but no, I won't be the person making complaints every time my child finds themselves in a situation they don't like. Like I said, if this is an isolated incident I'd leave it be. I'd explain that it's probably not a good idea to be going out of bounds, and to try and stay off of that teachers radar. By 13 I'd hope my daughter has a small sense of who people are and how people react, I'd just say you know what, Mr. X was pretty blunt when he spoke to you, try to stay out of his way from now on. If he says something like that to you again, let me know and I'll have a chat with him. I honestly do not want my kids going through high school with teachers so professional and infallible that my children go off into the real world unaware that sometimes, people in a higher position than you will sometimes also be jerks. I want them to know how to deal with that, professionally and emotionally, so that it's not so much of a big deal. I dunno. If this guy wasn't picking on my child on more than that occasion, I'd chalk it up as a lesson learned about the nature of some people and move on.

[LizLemon]

Our kids aren't made of glass though. We're talking about a 13 year old here, not a little kid. I will fiercely protect my daughter, but no, I won't be the person making complaints every time my child finds themselves in a situation they don't like. Like I said, if this is an isolated incident I'd leave it be. I'd explain that it's probably not a good idea to be going out of bounds, and to try and stay off of that teachers radar. By 13 I'd hope my daughter has a small sense of who people are and how people react, I'd just say you know what, Mr. X was pretty blunt when he spoke to you, try to stay out of his way from now on. If he says something like that to you again, let me know and I'll have a chat with him. I honestly do not want my kids going through high school with teachers so professional and infallible that my children go off into the real world unaware that sometimes, people in a higher position than you will sometimes also be jerks. I want them to know how to deal with that, professionally and emotionally, so that it's not so much of a big deal. I dunno. If this guy wasn't picking on my child on more than that occasion, I'd chalk it up as a lesson learned about the nature of some people and move on.

Yep, what I was trying to say but nowhere near as well.

It actually reminds me of a teacher at my school. He was so strict and scary and as lower school students we all thought he was the rudest bleep of a human being. And boy on the occasions we ever came across him did we stay in line. Then come year eleven I had him for I think it was physics. I was terrified and so not looking forward to having him. But he turned out to be the best educator I have ever come across. By the end of the year I worshipped this man, for while he was intimidating and probably not disimilar to the teacher in this instance when someone did something wrong, his ability to impart knowledge and to reward those doing the right thing was amazing. And as a 16 year old I was able to see that most of the supposedly scary things he was saying to the naughty or younger kids was actually tongue in cheek and he was just having a laugh while still disciplining. As a younger kid I wasn't able to see this.

I guess I'm saying as adults it's hard to get a genuine idea of the teacher through the child's perspective, as they will always be a bit intimidated to begin with. If you feel you must pursue it, which as a caring mother you have every right to do, go and have a chat to the teacher first. You never know, if he's anything like my teacher he could've been saying it all tongue in cheek and walked away with a bit of a chuckle.

[Sunny Love]

I'm going to go against the grain here, and say no, its not intimidating. It sounds from the OP that the teacher used an example from life that the boys would listen to and remember, I don't think he was saying 'im going to bite your neck' as such.
I like N2L's post, she pretty much typed it WAYYY better than me!! And I also wouldn't make a complaint against this teacher, but would honestly like to hear what they're opinion and take on this situation was. Teacher first-then Principal-if it were me

[Mother Goose]

I'm not going to comment on the comment because enough ppl have. But can I just say DS, I am so impressed that your son told you and is comfortable enough to talk to the principal. It just shows what a great job of parenting you are doing!

[diannescruffy]

Thanks for all your replies, very appreciated. The day I posted this our internet crashed, was down until yesterday. I ended up speaking to the Yr 8 co-ordinator who agreed the comment was inappropriate. He also spoke to all the pod teachers to allow the children a little grace as the pod is huge and they are still unsure of the boundaries. He spoke to the teacher concerned and had a chat to DS and asked if he wanted to take things further to which DS said no.

Regards,
Dianne