Im sitting in the dark clutching Aiden while he sleeps and sobbing my eyes out because his dad just walked out again. Im crying not just because Ill miss him, but because Im terrified of what will happen next.
We seperated not long after Aidens birth as we felt our whole relationship was based on Aiden and we shouldnt feel trapped in a relationship. A couple months later we thought we would try again but slowly. For the last couple weeks he has been staying here sponging off me as he has no job and no money. I have been supporting him and then he demanded I quit my job and just live off my centrelink. That would be impossible for me so I refused and that started a fight. He packed his bags, threw mine and Aidens things out of his car onto the front lawn and left. He didnt even kiss Aiden goodbye.
I have no idea what to do. I have work in 5 hours but I havent slept. Im scared to leave Aiden with family or friends in case he takes him. I cant call in sick or Ill lose my job (I called in sick on Sunday because he threatened to take Aiden). I have no idea what to do. I know I need to get it together for Aidens sake but I feel like everythings falling apart. I know its forever away but all I can think about is having to explain to Aiden where daddy went. I know its stupid to think it as well but I cant help thinking no one will want someone with a kid. I feel so alone not just as a parent, but as a woman. I have no one I can call at this hour, no one to cry to, to scream with. I just wanna bury myself under my doona and never leave the safety of my bed.
I know Im being melodramatic and part of me hopes if I get this all out then when the sun comes up, Ill feel ok, Ill feel like I can cope. Lets hope I do.
I just dont know what to do....