I'm having a slightly rough few days, even though I promised myself 2010 would be the beginning of a new start for me and the little one (who is due to arrive in 2 weeks today).

As I said in my last post, XP has just started seeing someone else, and whilst I sent him a few emotional text messages finally telling him how I felt (about us both being her parents and wanting him to make more of an effort), he started sending me daily texts asking how we're both doing and apologising for the hurt he has caused me. I've always tried to keep composure with him and never let it turn ugly and become the crazy X, so my texts are always sent in a nice way.

Since NYE I haven't heard from him, even after sending a friendly 'HAPPY NEW YEAR' text, so I couldn't resist sending a couple of 'dig' texts like 'ok i guess you're with your new girlfriend and she probably doesn't know about the baby and I. Sorry if I disturbed you'. Still nothing so I text again 'Is this how it's going to be when i'm in labour or after she's born? What if I need to contact you urgently?'. Still nothing 2 days later.

We used to talk on the internet, but he doesn't have that anymore and I can't remember the last time he phoned me, so all we do is text. Even as a texting enthusiast, still seems a bit odd to me when we're going to be parents. I phone him maybe once a month just to catch up properly, but not since I found out he's seeing someone, so the next call will be rough I think. Calls from UK-Oz are not cheap when we both only have mobiles.

And, I just caught up with an old friend from high school and told her I was having a baby. She was excited for me at the start, and then when I told her that I was doing it on my own she said 'wow, I can't imagine having to go through that'. I know she didn't mean harm, and maybe it's just me, but do people know that when they make comments like that it feels like i'm set for this awful impossible task? I want to hear something positive about it not being such a big deal, people do it all the time and that i'll still be fine. Is that weird?

Also, I've been living back with my parents for 6 months now and whilst we get along well, I really miss having my own place and independence. People's habits that never bothered me before are now starting to grate on me even though they're doing nothing wrong. I don't want to become a pain to live with, but sometimes I feel like I need space or I will scream.

Sorry for the rant. Thanks for reading if you got through it. Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope it's full of happiness and good health for you all x