Male company (or lack thereof)

You got alot of good points there. But i still can't help worrying till this is all over. I live near Mackay NQ and i have the best lawyer in town everybody just hates her unless you got her on your side cost a packet but it's all worth it. Both my ex's hate hearing her name mentioned when we have a disagreement. I got diaries on both men to they do say alot of stuff i also include emails which i print out, chat coversations on msn and i can print out text messages on my mobile to so they are just writting their own bullet's which i'll use in court if i have to.

I just not quite sure on what to do about the birth cert because in looked it up through the births deaths and marriages site and they say he can go to court to put his name on it and get his parental rights. I would like my son to know his father and get to spend time with him just not to much to fast. And i don't want to look like i slept around and don't know who my babies daddy is. But i'll ask my solicitor when i go in next what would be best. I am going to mediation before the baby is born and having the birth written into the orders. I think if we didn't come to an agreement and we had to go to court it would take months to acually get to court because of the waiting list people i have spoke to up here said they waited 18 months.

I still email the dad and give him small updates on the baby after i've been to antenatal appointments this was his request and i have done it for him but he still not happy if he reply's he just wants more info and that would mean telling him about my body and what i'm going through so i refuse that. I even email him the scan photo's because i have a heap of them, i let him come to the 18week scan to find out the sex of baby as soon as we walked out of the room he started in to me over his name, I picked out Brodie John for a boy and Claire Grace for a girl he hated them. Just something else he wishes to take me to court about he say's it his baby and he'll have the custody so he gets to choose the name. (Oh i am a country person lived in the bush most my life now in a little town that's why the country names my other boys are called Clayton and Travis)

Anyway i think i have been more than fair with this man and he just likes to stress me out. This male should be avoided like the plague. lol !!!!

Oh who cares if it took 18 months to get to court! Baby will be older then he he he.
NEVER ask me for legal advice by the way.....

This guy is totally nuts. You will have to put his name on the Birth Cert but that DOES NOT give him parental rights, it legally acknowledges his responsibilities to SUPPORT the child finacially. I think you have been rather fair to him in the face of his idiocy.
WTF is he doing calling you 'his' incubator? Do you have a hard copy of him doing that? I'm sure that would go down like a lead balloon in court.

He doesn't get 'naming rights' oh gawd you probably know all this - it just makes me rant about it ;).

Tell him to fark off - it seems you are clear that you will try to build a relationship for the sake of the bubba....but I would NEVER in a million years give him unsupervised access.

I do not plan on letting him have unsupervised visit's at all. I think if i gave him the chance he would take bubba and run. If he did i would be so devo and wouldn't rest till i had my bub back and he was in jail for kidnapping. I am not denying him access like he wants to do to me but i do want it limited and supervised. I am asking that he does a parenting course which i made my ex husband do before he got my older boys. I would also like him to have regular contact say 2 or 3 times a week but only for max 2 hrs while i'm breast feeding. No over nights till i finish. Then progress up to 4 nights a fornight at 4 years old and not to be able to take bubba no more than 2 hours away from our home town till he is of 4 years old then for no longer than 1 week till school age where i will allow 2 week holidays twice a year with other holidays in between just not for that long. Well that is what i would like to happen but courts may have another plan.

very true lulu2 - i wouldnt let him touch my child with a 10ft pole!
to add to my rant from last night, if he actually thought he could get ANY woman to hand over her rights to her child than there's something seriously wrong with this guy!
oh by the way, do you have any contact with his family?? if you dont, i suggest you do, because if anyone can get him to see what he's doing is wrong, it will be his family...
and if they turn out to be on his side, and repeat what he says, well i would definately stay away from these people...

also, to emphasise his lack of rights - even if everything went to court and he got the best lawyer in town and made you look like a crap mother(which you definately arent), but if he does all that, he will still only get DS every second weekend... and maybe half the school holidays when DS is old enough... and THATS IT! we are very lucky that the laws in australia favor mothers, thats what i love about being a woman, no man can ever take away your child. It just makes me so angry when i hear about men that think they can take children off their mother!

so what made you fall for this guy in the first place? was he completely different before you got pregnant??
anywho, i have sleep to catch up on... dont we all...

take care

Miranda, are you worried at all by this tool and his view of things? I mean, your plan seems totally and utterly reasonable and I cant see ANY court not agreeing with you. I'd be pretty confident if I were you.

Im glad he lives miles away...

I'm glad somebody shares my anger about these men inparticular. His family will stand up for him. I fell for him because he treated my older boy's great and we had so much in common we spent every minute together when he was home from work. I felt worth something again and enjoyed the attention of a male which i thought i would never get. Stupid me fell for it hook line and sinker.

I am avoiding men till i have got my life on track and raised my kids. I will never fall for it again. He not only hurt me but my two boys who still ask where he is. I don't know how to explain things to them they will see him again when the bub is born and wonder where he has been and why he has only come back for the new baby, hope it doesn't make them get to jealous of bubba. Got any hints on how to explain this to a 2 and 4 year old. This will continue to hurt them and for that a hate what he has done. I was lead to believe my life was going to be happy and heading forward.

I do see what he is doing but i don't want to instill in any of my kids my hate for this man and i do realise the importance of know your real father. If only he would work with me on this and stop thinking about himself. At this point in time the only things i know about his where a bouts is his mobile number and an email address he tells me nothing about his life only what he is going to do to mine. I will be confident when i have seen my solicitor she is so busy my next appointment is 4th of sept so i'll let you all know how i go. So for now i fear him.

have you asked him to still come and spend time with the boys? if he refuses, thats another thing you can use against him! :D he will look very irresponsible and self-centred if he is unwilling to keep the relationship with your boys... cause really, its all about the children... and if a judge is not sure whether he will always put his children first then he will never get anything more than a kick in the a$$

but your plan is pretty flawless and i'm with lulu2, no court will disagree with a fair plan like that...
you've got nothing to worry about girl, just keep telling yourself that you're a good mother, and start looking forward to this bub being born! you're 28 weeks pregnant remember!! start paying more attention to yourself and spend less time worrying (cause you have nothing to worry about!). i know its hard cause of all the hormones and everything, but u gotta try!

when i was pregnant with DS, the whole time i was worrying so much about what XP was doing, if he was plotting to take bub, if he got a lawyer and was planning to take me to court, if he would ever leave me alone... it eventually dug me into a hole so deep that i had a breakdown while pregnant and couldnt go to work for a week, and was very very close to having post-natal depression... so remember to think positive, it takes a lot of guts to start thinking about yourself only, BE SELFISH!

everything will be ok

i also repeat what i said last night - move house, change your number... give him the exact treatment he's giving you! he wont find you...

oh i've had an idea, how bout you go and break one of your windows in your house and call the cops n say it was him... he lost his temper... pretty stupid idea but i'm forever thinking of ways to sabotage men... I CANT HELP IT

Can you get an AVO against him. It would send a strong message that you wont take things lying down. I take my hat off to you and the way you are handling this.

I'd feel pretty ripped off too Miranda.....and I'll be doing the same as you, concentrating on the kids for a while first. I really think differently about things now, I've managed to not be soooooo p1ssed about how things have turned out and am on the move forward again :dance:

Thanks again i'm not as down as i used to be learning how to laugh it off. I was going to do the AVO but it would make it harder for him to be around me for the supervised visits. I'm just waiting on using all the stuff i have been collecting against him. I will not backdown if he does get it to court.

thats awesome miranda
i hope everything goes as well for you as it has ended up for me, you deserve it!
thats great to hear that you're feeling better now
remember you'll always have all of us here at BB waiting to talk to you, console you, give you advice, make you laugh, listen to you, and if needed - wait for him in the back of an alley to teach him a lesson!
all the best
keep us posted on your journey with or without the w@nker

take care

Thank you all so much i will keep you posted. Every step of the way.