I just joined the forum after coming across it. I'm a single father to my son who turns 3 in a couple of weeks. It?s just been me and him since his mother and I separated when he was 2 weeks old. I have been the sole carer of him since then. She doesn't play any role in his life, we haven't seen her in 2 years. I know a bit of a strange situation. But my son and I are both happy and I wouldn't change a thing.
Being a single parent has its ups and downs, but it all worth it in the end. But lately I find myself thinking about the future and wondering about having more kids or not. I have always wanted more than 1 child. But after my last experience, it has left me a little scared about the whole idea of trusting someone enough to have a child with them. As i don?t want to have another child then have a failed relationship. If I knew we would last and be happy, I would love to have another child.
As I said my son is about to turn 3. I never really wanted a large age gap in between my kids. So I'm starting to think that even though I want more kids it may be off the cards for me. As if I were to have another child, for starters I would need to meet someone (obviously), then have a strong enough relationship and be sure that it was the right person to have children with again. So this could be no sooner than at least 2-3 years down the track. By that stage my son would be coming up to being 7 by the time the next child would be born. Which I think is a rather large gap in between kids.
But I suppose this doesn't really matter as I'm only turning 22 this year. So my age isn't going to be a factor. Just don't want to make my situation even more complicated, by risking having more kids, sadly by seeing how many relationships actually last these days. But then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Plus I keep finding myself so clucky when I see newborns in the super market.
So was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation before and how things turned out for them. Or if you have any advice? Well thanks for reading
I am thankful that I am not a single father - we have three children. But I just wanted to pop my head in as another guy and say hi, and welcome to the forums, and also to mention how nice it is to see a 22 year old guy as down to earth as you. Especially to be coping as a single father of a three year old. Good on you.
Good on ya for giving a child what they deserve for starters under pretty demanding circumstances.
You're only 22, with such a world ahead of you and the chance to meet the next person to sweep you off your feet. I'm clearly not aware of you previous relationship, but you will know when the time is right with the partner you are right for.
I'd say in my humble observation, don't let the age gap in children deter you, with some more time ahead of you, think much you'll have learnt as a dad! A big brother and sister might be a wonderful blessing.
There are enough opinions here to draw enough to get you going but get uot there and learn...single fathers are so unrepresented; I think we don't show enough for you blokes.
I didn't want a huge age gap either...but it ended up being 12 years! As my little one got older I had more time to get out there and do things, build a career, get a nice car, savings etc.
I had a few different relationships but none of them were right for children in the end and I am thankful I didn't end up tied to an ex through their child - the bunfights, the access visits, the arguments.
You will meet someone but you know you can't force it, and you know whats at stake by rushing into having a child.
So - I ended up waiting 12 years (my choice though, lets get that clear!), and had two more. In fact my eldest was there when her brother was born and it had such a positive effect she wants to be a midwife
I'm single again, but again my choice and the ex is someone like me who puts the kids welfare first, sees them whenever he likes and supports me to stay home with them (as much as he can) - so it's the next best thing to a 'proper' marriage/relationship...and actually far better than a lot of marriages I know.
So the upshot - it works out ok in the end. Life can be messy no matter what you do but it's lots less messy when kids are born into a happy home.
Wow congrats on being there for your Son and being the kind of dad I wish my son had...
Although a female I know EXACTLY how you feel... I grew up as a only child and while it was ok at the time as mum was a single mum.. she re married when I was 8 and had 2 other kids 3 years apart.... they are now 17 and 14 and I really wish I had a sibling around my age.. I often dont feel totally apart of the family when im around them.. i feel like the odd one out... and I dont want to have that feeling passed onto my son should I find someone down the tract.
I never really wanted kids but now that I have my son a family is just what I want, although I would like to have another before im 30.. im 26 now so that doesn't leave me a whole lot of time.. ha ha
I think that if you dont stress out about it something good will happen.. your only 22 you have PLENTY of time.. for now you just have to be the best dad you can be for your little boy...
Hi Im a single mum of one and I tried dating and got pregnant again. By the end of this year Ill be a single mum of 4. Age was never a factor cz you never know your son could cope better as a big brother with a bit of an age gap. Im worried cz my DS is so young lol
I understand what you mean with regards to having a new relationship as DS' father has very little to do with him using the excuse hes only 24 and shouldnt be tied down with kids and the triplets father is a very violent and controlling person I dont want near me and my kids.
Sorry for the ramble but chin up darl. If things are going to happen theyll happen and worrying will do you no good
hi and welcome, sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your little boy, well done!
I have similar felings to you about more children. My DS turned 3 in May and like you I am very clucky and would love more babies one day, but I do worry that if i ever find someone good enough to have babies with, there will be such an age gap that DS will feel the odd one out. I think the best thing we can do is concentrate on our DS' and take life as it comes. I am certainly not looking for another partner, but I am open to another relationship in the future if it comes my way. For now we need to do the best we can with what we have
Single dad unsure about more kids ?
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks