Support For New Mothers

[jakodai]

I'm sure this tpoic has been covered a million times before, but I couldn't figure out where to start looking...

Basically, I'm 30 weeks pregnant, and after seperating from the baby's father, we sold our house and I moved in with my parents. I thought this was going to be the best option for me and the baby, but I was very mistaken! My parents have gone a little crazy and controlling and now it feels like I'm carrying their child. Yesterday my Dad got annoyed when he found out that I will be taking the baby to his father's place so he can spend time with his father and grandparents (we have seperated, but things are quite good between us, and we are able to spend time together like this). Dad said something along the lines of 'I won't be taking him out every night'. Last I checked, the baby is mine and my XP's, we make the decisions, not them.

Anyway, I am starting to realise that my life living with my parents is going to spent asking for permission to do things with my own child, and that is quite simply not going to work, so I want to get my own place before the baby's born. Financially, I know what support I'm entitlement to, and that's not a problem, but I know when I tell my parents that I'm looking for my own place that I'll be told how hard parenting is and how I won't be able to cope on my own, etc, etc etc... (I'm constantly being made to feel like that I can't do this on my own and I need my mum to do it for me).

Basically, I want to know support I can access if things go wrong, so to speak.

I can't rely on my mum for breastfeeding support, anyway, because she's never done it (and basically always tells me that it's hard and I probably won't be able to do it, and always makes me feel like I've only decided the breastfeed because the baby's father prefers it, which isn't the case - I prefer it, too), but I know there's support through the hospital and the breastfeeding association to help with breastfeeding (but anything I may have missed would be greatly appreciated...)

Things I'm worried about is if I can't get the baby to settle, and things like that, is there a support group or something that I can contact? If I am 'armed' with this type of information, my parents will at elast see that I'm prepared and will give me a little less crap.

I know it's going to be hard, I'm not expecting it to be easy, but my parents (my mum especially) are trying to make me believe that I am completely incapable of doing this on my own, which I think is because they would prefer me to stay with them so they can have the baby whenever they want.

Another thing that really bothers me is that I want to do things my way, but 9 times out of 10 when I say something to my mum, it's rubbish (example: I said only want fitted sheets in the baby's bassinet because loose sheets can increase the risk of SIDS - I know they have to be really loose and stuff, but it still something that I don't want to have to worry about - Mum said 'Rubbish, we'll just use normal sheet's', but I have to do whatever she wants her way.

Anyway, that's my vent / plea for help! Any assistant would be very much appreciated!! Thanks!

[Lulu]

If you are on good terms with X, can he stay with you for the first few weeks? In your own place of course....

Your mchn will put you in contact with a mums group, you have BB - what about your friends?

[jakodai]

If you are on good terms with X, can he stay with you for the first few weeks? In your own place of course....

Your mchn will put you in contact with a mums group, you have BB - what about your friends?

He probably will, but that won't go far with my parents. They don't think much of him, which drives me nuts - but that's a WHOLE other story...

Sorry, but I'm not sure what mchn is...

As far as friends, I'll have some friends I can ring, but no one really in the area, as I'm looking at moving quite far away (probably about 1 - 1.5 hours). This is where the baby's father works, and it will be much easier on all of us. We are trying to work things out, and even if it doesn't, I still want him to have a major part in our baby's life.

Mum's groups, I hadn't thought of those... that will be really helpful, too. Thanks!

[Lulu]

too fricken bad if they don't like him, it's not going to change babys DNA...

I think it would be far better for you to be closer to YOUR friends and support networks, not his work. I understand he wants to be involved etc, but it's up to him to travel. Don't make it easier on him (free agent) if its actually going to make it harder on you.

xoxo

[ladybird11]

Not sure where abouts you're from, but in SA we have a 1800 24 hour parenting hotline that you can call and ask questions for immediate advice and support too. I would assume they have similar services interstate also .

P.S - I think its great you and your X are on amicable speaking terms!

P.P.S - I agree with Lulu - make your own support network, don't base it around your X...although I dareseay he could be part of it...

Good luck

[jakodai]

Lulu - that's pretty much my attitude at the moment, and I said as much last night. And at the end of the day, as long as I'm happy, should it really matter?

There's a few reasons I want to move over to that side of town. Firstly, because the real estate agent who sold our house, his girlfriend has a rental property that's nothing special, but it's quite cheap and perfect for the baby & I (and XP if we get back together) and our dogs, as it has a huge backyard. And also because I really want ot break away from my parents. I feel like I'm living in their pocket and I need to move away to grow up. My best friend (no children) works in the city, so we would still meet up, and most of our contact is via phone anyway... And 'next' best friend (with children and is a MAJOR support for me) has family over my side of town and comes over quite regularly anyway.

leesa - that's exactly what I'm after, someone to contact in the middle of the night when the baby won't settle, or something like that. I'm in Victoria, by the way. I know we have a nurses line, so maybe something like that. I'm having the baby at the Mercy in Heidelberg, they'll be bale to help with support networks and the like, won't they? You can't half tell this is my first baby, hey? ;-)

[Claire_A]

Good on you for taking the step away from your parents. It won't be easy but you sound like your a strong woman and I'm sure you can do this on your own if that's what you want. The MCHN is the maternal and child health nurse. When you have your baby the hospital will hook you up with a MCHN who you see every few weeks to weigh and measure bubs and answer any questions you have. They also have a hotline you can call 24 hours and will organise a mothers group for you. My MCHN also did talks for 6 weeks on different things like settling, babies first foods, child safety etc.

Good luck hun, I wish you all the best