Considering #3... how to balance the time between them all?

[sasha]

So we're just "keeping an open mind" about the possibility of #3, but wouldn't start ttc until next year - probably 10-12 months' time. This would mean the new baby would arrive when S was 4 and T would be 2.5 years (plus a few months, depending on when we got pregnant - assuming it happens when we planned it to, of course!)

My biggest worry is how I will manage to balance everything, and I know people do it all the time, but I can't get over the fact that I feel a bit greedy wanting 3, and that I love my 2 so much that it seems mean to them to introduce another, and that three's a crowd, so someone will always be left out (I'm the 3rd by several years in my family, perhaps that's where this fear comes from), and most of all, that S will be starting pre-school while I'm either heavily pregnant or about to give birth, and I worry that I'll fail him by being so preoccupied with that (Ok, even as I write that last bit down it seems a little silly )

I know we have a long time to think this over, and all the concerns I have still don't really take away that little niggle that I don't feel like our family's complete yet. How do you all cope with other children's needs while you're pregnant/ with a newborn?

[Trillian]

It's not silly to think that at all It does just seem to fall into place, because the duration of the pg gives everyone in the family to adjust to the idea that yeah, there will be a new little person soon but also that life just continues on kwim? I think that when we think about situations we see it as it would be if we added a newborn into the mix now, not when our children could be 9months (or more) older. My first three were all 20mths apart and it was great - we never had 3rd wheel issues and they all got along really well as littlies most of the time - not so much now they are older and they bicker and carry on LOL, but for the most part they are great, just into different things now.

Sometimes you do seem to 'get back on the horse' quicker with the daily routines by the time you have #3 and they really don't seem to notice it - it's hard to explain exactly, but I know with my kids they weren't worried at all that I was a bit tired at the end of pg or had Dr's appointments because I explained everything to them and why I was tired, why I couldn't do xyz with them and they were fine. once the baby was here, it is just about getting your timing right. If you know bubs is going to be due for a feed when it's lunchtime/bathtime for the other two, you just give bubs a feed a bit earlier, or make bathtime a bit earlier that day. I just went with the flow and it seemed to work. If you find it tricky at first to predict your baby, predict the other kids and have lunches ready to go, or get dinner organised earlier so you just have to turn the stove on etc.

But it will all work out in the end and you will wonder what you were so worried about in the first place Good luck.

[sasha]

I think that when we think about situations we see it as it would be if we added a newborn into the mix now, not when our children could be 9months (or more) older.

You're so right there! I can't imagine what things will be like with my two even 6 months from now Thanks for giving a positive perspective!

[Macca79]

Im about to have my second and I feel the same way. I would guess you would cope the way your did when your second child came along.

[sasha]

I guess I did wonder how I would cope with two... memory's short isn't it?! With three I'm also feeling like I shouldn't - and yet I want to. So there's a feeling that I'm being kind of spoilt by wanting a third baby, when my logical side tells me I should be happy with the two gems I have. Ahh. But we all know there's nothing logical about babies and wanting them, right?

Good luck for your birth!