What would you say to someone who said co-sleeping with your bub leads to them not knowing how to go to sleep by themselves?
I have been cosleeping with dd for 6mnths now during the night, it has been working up untill a few weeks ago now she keeps waking and geting unsettled etc. im just feeling disheartened as my mum has been saying she shouldnt be sleeping in her cot etc or 'all my kids slept in there cots' blah blahblah.. i just got really upset because i feel like im doing the wrong thing.
Not last nite but the night before i tried puting her in her cot, and i must admit i did it and she was really good put her down at 6 slept till 11 then woke again at 3 for a feed then woke 7am the next day without much fuss. It was great but last nite wasnt so easy let her cry for a bit, and went on to try to distract myself for a few minutes from DD crying and saw that my mum had gotten her out of bed...
im really annoyed as im trying hard to get her to sleep in her own cot after her telling me i shouldnt be sleeping with her blah blah i just dont no what to do, i ended up sleeping with her last nite cuz i was so tired and mum just ruined any progres i thought i had made this probably more of a vent more than anything but what would all u co sleeping mummys say if someone said co-sleeping with your bub leads to them not knowing how to go to sleep by themselves? do u think its true?
That they don't know what they're talking about. Evidence shows that babies who co-sleep feel more secure, and make the transition to independant sleeping easier.
We've had that experience, we moved Jazz to her own room on the weekend, and the first night was a bit up and down, but shes back into her sleep pattern now, one wake-up and sleeps soundly. We've done some form or another of co-sleeping since birth, most recently its been bring her into our bed after her night feed, but now we put her in her own bed, in her own room, and she is fine.
She DOESNT put herself to sleep though, unless she's exhausted, but I'm at peace with that. I'd rather feed her to sleep peacefully than let her cry. She'll learn eventually. As with EVERYthing else, she does it in her own time. Your DD will get there. In reality, she's been in this world gfor less time than it took to make her, so really, when you look at it like that, of COURSE she still needs to be near you KWIM? She's really still transitioning to this world, and if co-sleeping is what gives you both comfort for now then, why not? Ignore anyone else, and listen to you and your daughters needs
Last edited by Indadhanu; September 24th, 2009 at 12:10 PM.
lol i think i just confused myself too( very tired here lol) no i mean like making it harder for them to be able to go to sleep without you there, like in a cot for example.
Well, firstly your mum needs to back off I think. And you do what YOU are comfortable with and what YOU want to do babe, she's your daughter. With regards to cosleeping, dp and I ended up being un-intentional co sleepers. Ava has never been a good sleeper through the night and so dp would just get up and bring her to bed with us when she was teethign REALLY bad. And then it became habit. Getting her to go to sleep in her own bed now is chaos. Because she knows all she has to do is wake during the night and start crying and she gets to sleep with mummy and daddy. But that's just OUR situation it doesn't mean that all co sleeping ends up as that kwim?
Thanks leash im just finding it hard atm i have someone saying i shouldnt do this shouldnt do that and im just at a loss with even knowing if wat im doing is right
Hmm. Well, like I said, Jazz doesn't put herself to sleep. i either have to feed her, or one of us rocks her or pats her. She'll also go to sleep if one of us is next to her, which we'll do if she has a bad night or soemthing.
I guess... if someone said to me right now "thats because you co-sleep", I'd probably just say... well, co-sleeping gave her almost 14 months (plus we still bring her into our bed if she needs us) off loving comfort, security, and knowing we were always close... if the trade off is that she doesn't put herself to sleep... I'll take co-sleeping any day. No, i wasn't willing to let her CIO in any way shape or form just so she could 'learn' how to 'self-settle'. Jazz knows security, not abandonment.
It is a pesonal choice -as for what to say depends on how you feel. To people who are just going to give me their opinion/ideas rather than have a discussion I usually say - Thanks, that is interesting/a good idea.....insert other positive but non committal response, with no intention of following through. It may seem like giving in but honestly sometimes these people just want you to acknowledge them and their experience. If someone is interested in how things work and has some hints/ideas rather than judgements then I would perhaps flesh things out further - generally though these are people who share the same ideas or who I know will be supportive no matter what.
DD1 is a shocking sleeper - still at 3. We never really coslept. DD2 has coslept pretty much since birth and she has just transitioned to a cot recently - as it would appear we were keeping her awake, lol. She is a fabulous sleeper and a really settled baby - but that could just be her personality!
All bubs are different - all families have different needs and ideas. You should do what suits you both best - honestly I wish I had ignored all the 'helpful' comments with DD1 and trusted my instincts. You are doing a great job!!!
I was also an un-intentional co-sleeper....I figured out that my DS HATED his cot with a passion (as did I, so my Mum tells me). Not until I put him into a BED did things change. Initially i took the rails off his cot, then transitioned into a bigger bed. DS was about 21 months when he started sleeping through the night going to sleep on his own and in his own bed. It was a slow transition of me staying till he fell asleep till eventually saying goodnight and leaving him to roll around and play with what seems like 18 dummies!
Co-sleeping didn't harm him, or make any transition harder. You just have to roll with it sometimes. What worked for your Mum might not work for you. So just tell her that you are doing what you feel is right for you and your DD and not to interfere.
I'd love to see their evidence for co-sleeping leading to a baby/child not knowing how to put themselves to sleep. By that analogy, should we not put them in nappies, in case they never learn to use the toilet? Or how about breast or bottle feeding them - how will they ever learn to feed themselves??!
Load of rubbish, spouting a line that most likely validates their reasons for not choosing co-sleeping.
Like all developmental things, babies make the transition from being babies, who need constant care, attention, feeding and cuddling, to being children who won't even wave goodbye when you drop them at preschool in so little time!
Co-sleeping will not impact whether or not your child will learn to sleep on their own, although it might affect when they do so and their emotional response as a result.
(I should add that I write this as a mother who has never fully co-slept with her baby!)
Last edited by Jennifer13; September 24th, 2009 at 01:52 PM.
If people ask us when we will be moving DS out of our room, we simply say, hopefully before he is 15. Then just change the subject. It rarely comes back up in conversation.
Does anyone really need to know in the first place? If it comes up I wouldn't say anything simply because it's none of their business - just as the way their child sleeps isn't really any of your business either kwim? It's not something you should 'hide' by not saying anything, but I would just shrug it off - you have to do whatever it is that gives both of you the max amount of sleep you can get - for some that will be co-sleeping and for others it will be cot sleeping because not all babies will do what you want them to do because they don't read parenting books
We actually have our youngest back in our room in his cot because he sleeps better in our room than he did in with his brother and I don't know when we will move him back. He wont have a bar of cosleeping anymore so I don't push the issue because there is no point.
Yes, continually aiding a baby to sleep CAN lead to a dependency and that baby not being able to put themselves to sleep (until they are much older and can obviously be told and understand) or wake between sleep cycles wanting what it was that put them to sleep in the first place - but if you are happy to co-sleep still under those circumstances then that's your choice.
Bub having said that, lots of baby's can be fed, rocked, co-slept whatever to sleep and stay asleep and not have any of those problems so you can't just uniformly say that your baby will be one of that will experience those kinds of sleep issue and if they do, you can always deal with it then.
FWIW - I think the biggest problem is more your Mum's not supporting your parenting decisions - whatever way you go consistency is a key and your support people need to follow your lead.
We don't co-sleep here though - DD claws at my face and giggles and wants to play and does wake between sleep cycles whereas she doesn't in her cot where she feels secure, knows I will come and get her if she needs me and has a little comforter bear - different things work for different people.
Im living with my parents atm so i feel like everything i do gets questioned, but i know im doing the best i can. for me co sleeping has given me abit more sleep during the night as dd feels more secure and safe with me next to her and so up untill now it has felt like the right thing for me to do. i kno my mum means well but it is knocking my confidence.
so true though DD wont be sleeping with me forever one day she will grow up and be independent of me but for now im just making the most of her cuddles wen we do co sleep thanks everyone for your replies even though i prob didnt make much sense lol
Last edited by Butterfly Child; September 24th, 2009 at 02:23 PM.
People are so affraid of fully embracing their children, in fear of them being to 'relient' (SP)
Annabelle co slept for ages! And still sometimes does, but boy does she let me know when she wants to sleep on her own.
I have got to a point with people where I turn around and say "im not afraid of nurturing and loving my child."
I know I have got nasty but I dont believe for a second co sleeping can be anything but good for your bond.
I mean really is she going to be sleeping with you whens she's 20??? No she's going to have her own life, enjoy her while you can
As long as you teach at the same time, inderpendance etc
We co-slept and copped the negative comments too, especially off family members. DS has slept perfectly even when he was put into his own bed. So much for people telling us he would be in with us until he ws 21.
There is nothing nicer than sleeping with your baby, especially when it allows you to get more sleep! DH and I are quite sad sometimes that DS is a big boy and would prefer to sleep by himself. We talk alot about when he slept with us, and some nights DH will say "Let's just go get him and put him in our bed. I want a cuddle".
Or he will just go in and watch him sleep. It is such a special time - don't let other peoples opinions make you doubt yourself!
I so agree with Kass ... we by choice because we wanted to rather then feeling like we had to co-slept with our DD until she was 2.5 ... DP & i both loved it as the bonding feeling was magical and we were open to people knowing about.
In the early days as a newborn she slept in her bassinette at night next to my side of the bed, we didn't have her in our bed then as we had a fear of rolling on her but later on when she was older she slept better in our bed ... and everyone was HAPPY !!
I found at times (and i'm a night owl mind you) hoping into my bed earlier than usual just to feel DD's warm little sweet body (and a little gentle cuddle whilst she slept) & just to hear her breath happily away sleeping ... felt so lovely, and i know i cherished those times as i knew it wouldn't last forever.
During the daytime she slept in her basinette as a baby and in her cot as a toddler.
DD's transition to her single bed was surprisingly not hard ... for the first 2mths she would wake at about 1 or 2am crying and end up in our bed but that was a small price to pay for the wonderful 2.5years she spent co-sleeping with us.
(Mind you about once a week or fortnight now that she is 3 i like to hop into her bed when she has a arvo nap, especially after her one day at Kinder on a Monday & have a cuddle with her ... or allow myself to have a lil nap with her once in a blue moon just to have that feeling of waking up with her.)
I didn't co-sleep with my first 2 kids & did with my third.
All shockingly bad sleepers, lol.
So I don't really think it would have made that much difference, kwim?
I am encouraging Arlea to go off to sleep on her own at the moment & it is working very well (for now ) but I also bring her into bed after her nightime feed, it's just a lovely thing to be able to do.
I have a bit of an issue ATm with people who force you to explain your parenting choices - as long as they are happy & healthy & it's not hurting anyone, it's your choice, right?
lol, Mimimax & hippymummy - I was talking to my neighbour the other day & she complained about the criticism she is getting for cos-leeping & I told her the exact same thing...he won't be doing it when he's 12
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What would you say?
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) but I also bring her into bed after her nightime feed, it's just a lovely thing to be able to do.
- as long as they are happy & healthy & it's not hurting anyone, it's your choice, right?
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