What do you do with unwanted sleep advice?!

[{sarah}]

It's common knowledge around here that Z is still having problems with his sleep & we're now actually booked in to see a neurologist in a few weeks to see if we can get to the bottom of his issues. So as a result we get lots of advice on what to do, from CIO to putting him to bed earlier / later etc etc. Usually I just smile & say we have tried that, because honestly I think we have tried everything! Though now I have started just saying "thank you" and moving on. Even today I was advised to try a website dedicated to sleep. The site is run by someone I would never in a million years consider listening to (no need to say her name don't want any issues again ), ordinarily I would tell the person exactly that & why, but I chose to just say "thank you, I'll check it out".

So what do you do? Do you tell people you have tried that already or say no I won't try that because xxxx or do you just say thank you & ignore it?

Just curious

[Rouge]

For a start Zander's sleep issues are NOT him being in need of ANY sleep training.

It drives me crazy that people automatically go for the parents lack of "training". Some people need to think before they speak. He's an awesome kid, and his sleep patterns are not consistent, I have known him to go days without waking.

I would say no I won't try that because xxx, and then say but thank you anyway and leave it at that.

[{sarah}]

I'm just so sick of it after 4.5 years people giving advice over & over. Do they really think we haven't tried everything possible?!

As for days without waking.... Weve had four in a row this week. He's such a clever little man

[Rouge]

There ya go! Awesomeness And you are an awesome mummy don't forget that

[Arimeh]

OMG - 4 days without waking?!?!!? Can you send him here to teach DS cos he still wakes up every night!!!!!

[aimz78]

Hi Sarah,
I must admit I will often just say thanks because those people are trying to help and I also don't want them to feel like I am "judging" their techniques or parenting style if I tell them we would not consider, say , controlled crying or whatever, IYKWIM? I am a bit wussy lol! Even though i am quite passionate about what i want for my child, I often just keep it to myself as these people arent sleeping in my bed so I figure its none of their buisiness. I hope the issues get sorted soon x

[Astrid]

For me I respond based on how the advice is given, how often and how insistent they are. If someone recommends to me "she who will not be named" I have to admit I do not hold back on saying what I think about her.

So normally I will just say "I am not comfortable with that" and if they push it I become less polite. I had someone harping on about how unsafe co-sleeping is and I ended up snapping back at her "well babies still die in cots by themselves, I think you should back off."

[Mak]

Sarah - I feel your pain!! DD is 3.5 and has never been a great sleeper. We have tried EVERYTHING and for long periods of time. Nothing has worked and too be honest I am sick of people suggesting that we need to try things - or just be firmer .
You are definitely not alone and it is hard work. I have given up explaining or trying to justify our position and I just say 'Thanks that sounds interesting'. Very wussy and non commital but in the end easier for me.
Good luck at the neurologist - I hope there are some answers for you all. Try and take care of yourselves too. xxx

PS 4 nights in row is fantastic - hang on to that, I always do in hope it happens again soon, lol.

[boomba]

Oh Sarah I know exctly what you mean

Like parenting isnt hard enough wihtout well meaning family friends and sometimes strangers making even harder.

In the end I just never spoke of Ds sleeping habits and when people asked i would jsut say he sleeps like any other baby.

I am soo glad i stuck with my gentle techniques and my way as now Ds sleeps all night in his own bed and you know what he did all by himself.so hopefully the light is ther for you somehwere too

So I hope Z will work it out too and you can brush off all the comments.
xx

[~Kim~]

mate.
Deprnds on how fragile I'm feeling on the given day. Like Aimz I usually smile and say thanks as I've nearly had my own family disown before because I actually said what I thought about a suggestion.
FWIW though. Z is a lovely little fellow and his sleep is none of anyone eles business. I have told a few people that in my time too

[rufalina]

I apply the nod and smile, and thanks... and usually file it away in the recesses of my brain, never to be accessed again... Until you see them again, and they ask you how you are going with the issue

Good luck with your appt sarah. Hope you are able to fund the answers you need... xo

[Phteven]

I usually blast them into 1000000 tiny bits with my special death ray that I keep for such occasions.
If I've left the death ray at home I just smile and nod and try not to hear them.

[Rouge]

*Chuckle*

I like that one the best I think

[Indadhanu]

I pick and choose...

if my SIL starts to tell me for the millionth time how her youngest 'only' had to cry for 4 nights in a row and then slept through... I turn my ears off.

If its someone random telling us to try this, that or the other, I usually do let them know that we prefer 'gentle' techniques.

If someone tells me that she's got us wrapped around her little finger, and she needs to 'learn who is boss', then I usually start my tirade. No holds bar for them

[Olive]

I usually blast them into 1000000 tiny bits with my special death ray that I keep for such occasions.
If I've left the death ray at home I just smile and nod and try not to hear them.

thats priceless!!

hun

[Janie]

Sarah, I actually didn't realise you had issues with Zander's sleep. It's hard going, I know, and my DS is alot younger! TBH, I don't tell that many people that we have any sleep issues to start with, so that saves alot of unwanted advice and comments. Those that we do tell usually don't offer advice, because it's obvious that we've worked to improve things for DS, so they're sensitive enough to realise that! And for those that we do get unwanted advice from, well, I pick and choose my responses. Sometimes I just nod and smile and say 'oh that sounds like it was helpful for you' (like I did this morning to someone who asked if we'd read babywise ), sometimes I explain that we're not into CIO, and sometimes I just say that we think that our DS is simply not a good sleeper, and now that we've accepted that life is alot easier! It really depends on who it is, and whether or not I can be bothered explaining our history, and reasoning behind our decisions.

I hope you can find some solutions Sarah, it is hard going, especially when the 'well-meanings' try to help. I had people suggesting all sorts of things a year ago, and then we found out that DS had allergies and sensitivites that were seriously affecting his sleep, and sometimes behaviour. Once we removed them he was soooooo much better, and I could say to people 'wow, wasn't it great that we didn't leave him to cry, when all that time he had something that was bothering him!'. That felt really good, I can tell you . I hope there is a similarly simple solution for you guys . And if it turns out that he's just not that great a sleeper (as I suspect my DS is), well be comforted with the knowledge that you won't be the one to live with it forever!!!!

[Curly]

I just learned to pretend like it didn't worry me and say "well, he's hardly going to coming in to sleep next to me when he's 15!" or "I'm sure he'll sleep beautifully when I need to start getting him up early to go to school!"

I found that once I started going into detail about what was going on I got the unwanted advice which I suppose is fair enough...people generally do want to help (or feel superior because they think they know everything and their methods are the best ) so best not to engage in the discussion in the first place.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

Take it all in. Educate yourself on other peoples ideas. Not just for yourself, but down the track, a friend might be having a few issues and from everything u have read and people have told u, u can get them to check out the websites etc. I NEVER dismiss advice. People are just trying to help.