Have you/would you lie...

[Sterla]

...to your MCHN?

I have always told the complete truth and as a result have left a few times feeling quite deflated because I wasn't doing what I was 'supposed' to be doing - this is usually related to sleep.

I feed DS to sleep. I have tried other ways, but feeding to sleep works the best for us and I'm happy to keep doing it... but because it's not what 'they' say to do, I guess the MCHNs feel the need to make me feel crappy about the way I'm doing things. I'm thinking next time they ask about sleep I might just say "Yup, he sleeps fine - gets to sleep on his own", etc. I mean, it's not like I'm doing anything wrong, just not by the book.

Has anyone else done this because their parenting style doesn't follow the 'norm'?

[Patooties]

I think if you're happy with the way you're doing things, I'd just say "Yes, we have no problems with our sleep routine, we're all happy ". Hopefully the mchn will leave it at that. I too have fed all my bubbas to sleep, then went on to rocking them to sleep. I miss those days

[Michelle71]

Yep - I didn't go to the MCHN this time However, if you would like to keep going there is always the option of answering honestly, listening to their *suggestions* and then look them straight in the eye and ask if that is the ONLY way to deal with sleep / solids / BF / FF etc etc etc If they answer yes, simply state that unfortunately you and your baby fail to comply with the instruction manual that was handed out at birth but you are doing very well without it, thank you. Can you tell my first exposure to the MCHN was not a completely positive one

It is unlikely they can honestly say there is only one way to deal with sleep / solids / BF / FF etc etc etc but is does give you the chance to say "well that is a rather limited repertoire of options isn't it". All good teachers (be they the *real* sort or of the health care variety) need to have a variety of teaching options available for their client base because we don't all fit into little square boxes and we don't all learn the same way.

P.S. You keep doing whatever it is that is keeping you and your baby happy and healthy And raspberries to anyone who suggests otherwise.

[~Kim~]

Yes Sterla I do. I try to answer in as few words as possible, but I always go prepared knowing how long he 'should' be sleeping, how many feeds he 'should' be having (when in reality some days it's still 8-10).
My MCHN with Darcy was fantastic and open to all options. With Nate however, new MCHN and totally closed to different parenting opinions.
All I want to do is have him weighed, ask for advice if I need it - not to be told I'm a terrible mother.

[mbear]

Yep....this time with H, i find him sleeping in our bed allows me to get some sleep....DH was for the first 12weeks out on the lounge.....it workd for all of us. At 4wk check uo with H, when i told nurse he was in bed with me. she said 'i would be getting outta that routine by 8 wks'.....i felt so much pressure to do this...even though what we were doing was working. So the 8 wk mark came and went and i just said he was in his cradle, in our room. - lie, lie, lie .

And for what its worth hun...ive fed all my babies to sleep , and now they are generally good sleepers....

[Winter]

My MCHN said the most brilliant thing to my mother's group : do what works for you and we'll cross that bridge IF & when it becomes a problem. Don't worry about what MIGHT become a problem, as all babies want to grow up and whatever you are worried about, might NEVER become a problem.

All MCHNs are different and their advice & "shoulds" are different too. I would take what you think will work for you from yours, and discard the rest...

HTH

[Just Me]

Yes Sterla I do. I try to answer in as few words as possible.

I do this too. I just don't feel like arguing and justifying myself. They all have different opinions about what is right and wrong to do with a baby and I never know what they are going to say from one appointment to the next. They contradict each other.

I usually don't feel like a lecture so I just say what I think they want me to unless there was a real problem (like my baby losing weight or being sick). It is not worth the argument and the inevitable lecture even if I am completely sure of myself. I just sit silently and wait till it is over. Then I leave and continue to parent in the way that suits me.

If I have questions about things, I have found other mums to be a far more valuable source of information than some of the MCHNs are. Other mums have real experience with real babies and their advice can be invaluable.

[AliBaby]

I will admit I lie to mine. Havnet been in a couple of months but I never told them about feeding to sleep or DD co-sleeping or when I started solids.

Every person I talk to about their baby does things differently and from that I fidured there is no one way or no "text book" baby. I find that mchn's try to tell you how to make your baby a "text book" baby and it just didnt work for us.

I do find the info I get on BB better than that from the mchn.

[{sarah}]

I have a question for you all.... Why go if you're going to lie?

I don't mean that in a nasty way because I used to do the exact same thing with Alexzander & when Juliette was smaller. Her eight month check was just horrible so I stopped going. I was worried that I would get into trouble, which is why I struggled through with Zander & went to eight months with Juliette. Really though, if I had any concerns I'd go & see someone, either an MCHN or our GP.

Dunno, I just don't see why we *have* to go to MCHN appointments anyway....

[AliBaby]

I only go to get DD weighed and measured.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I know people who do lie. I never bothered and just told them what I was doing. My first one retired and she was ace - she always said to keep it simple, which is what we intended to do anyway The next has been a total flake - she argues with me over best practice (last time, it was something I'd read in a paediatrics journal through the uni database only a couple of weeks before and she insisted it wasn't what she was told and that it wasn't right!!), and I have avoided going back. I went back once, knowing she was on leave and there was a replacement...who was so ace, I just wanted her to be permanent - not so much for my sake, but for all those new mummies who believe what the twit nurse says!
They'll say things like "if you follow my advice you can't go wrong cos it always works"...yet if you were to follow up with those mothers, you'd probably find a lot of them just nodded, said they followed but really did their own thing If they know from the start what you're doing and that you're happy, and if everyone was upfront with them, they might back off their regimes and start to realise there is no one size fits all.
"By the book" - depends on whose book you read...I prefer to go by the likes of Pinky, who doesn't prescribe methods at all
Alibaby - me too!

[Epacris]

I don't go to the MCHN at all. Our GP does all the official checks in the blue book for our kids. And FWIW, he's a pediatrician (what a bonus ) and is totally supportive, and even encouraging, of gentle parenting methods.

[Just Me]

I was going to have my kids weighed and measured and also a couple of times for immunisations and once because I wanted a referral to the lactation consultant. FWIW I didn't lie to the lactation consultant, I find them more realistic in their expectation and a little more understanding.

I haven't been to the MHCN in a while because I go to my GP for immunisations now and I don't get around to weighing my babies much anymore. It is a very involved process to get all of us organised to go in. I just check on our bathroom scales that they are gaining weight. It's rough but it gives me an idea.

[BhoysGirl]

I went for the measurement & weighing, and the basic check of developmental progress, cos I do find that stuff pretty interesting. Mine was an ok MCHN, not brilliantly inspiring, but certainly a long way from the horror stories you hear. Though even if she had been a horror story I think I'm probably lucky because I have always had enough confidence in what I'm doing (or arrogance ) to not worry about what was said. I get more grief from my mum, so I'm used to pretending to be a duck's back.

[LimeSlice]

My MCHN said the most brilliant thing to my mother's group : do what works for you and we'll cross that bridge IF & when it becomes a problem. Don't worry about what MIGHT become a problem, as all babies want to grow up and whatever you are worried about, might NEVER become a problem.

All MCHNs are different and their advice & "shoulds" are different too. I would take what you think will work for you from yours, and discard the rest...

HTH

I don't see the point in lying to them - are you ashamed of what you are doing? Or unsure you have the information and knowledge to explain your routines if asked or questioned?

My MCHN was pretty good, she had her expectations and I had mine - thankfully she was pro the big picture I had, despite any insignificant differences.

Be honest and if they have a 'problem' with something you are doing you can listen and take from it what you will or politely tell them that you are happy with your status quo and move on.

Besides, explaining yourself may just lead to a little bit of MCHN education and they may have better attitude for those that follow you

[Snacks]

My normal MCHN doesn't ask the usual questions- just asks what I want to talk about. Last time we went had a different one and I lied about feeding to sleep. I suspected she wasn't going to look favourably on it when she asked how many feeds/day P was having and I answered, "lots". The look she gave me was very telling. She asked how she settles and I just said, without too much fuss.
I like going for the measuring and also if I have specific questions - like P used to turn her head in one direction more than the other.

[briggsy's girl]

i haven't and wouldn't lie - i don't see the point. but then, i am not someone to be told how to do things. i had fill in MCHN's for two appointments - they were useless. i just didn't talk to them much about anything - the normal MCHN is brilliant - i was there on Friday, she asked questions, i answered honestly and she was supportive. her attitude is very much "if it works, keep doing it". she is more concerned about the overall health of the kidlets and parents, not how you go about achieving it which i find really helpful.

i am not someone that fits into a schedule myself, so i can't expect my girl to do it! and if i felt something i was doing wasn't fitting what i "should" be doing, i'd defend myself and my right to do it my way! as an example, i feed E at least 20 times a day. she is a snacker, she is a very chucky baby. i know how long she feeds (which isn't that long), i know how much she chucks - i know that she needs those closer together feeds. i wouldn't lie and say she's on a certain schedule to fit their model, cos we're not - and it's working for us so who cares!

[Sterla]

Thanks for your replies girls . Haha - so I'm not alone with my dislike of MCHN appointments then?

Sarah H: I was going to my MCHN monthly, but am not going to bother except for the bigger checks now I think, unless I'm worried about something or want DS weighed. I'm starting to realise those checks aren't really as 'necessary' as they make it out to be.

LimeSlice: I have been honest with what I'm doing so far, and I'm not ashamed of what I do - but I get so sick of the lectures/disapproving looks. It feels like more trouble (and stress on my part) than it's worth - though you make a good point .

What I find really frustrating is that I seem to get a different MCHN every time I go, and every one of them has different ideas about what to do/not do, etc. One or two have been lovely, and have basically said "just keep doing what you're doing", whereas others have been so awful, and went so far as to tell me I was rocking/soothing DS wrong and gave me step-by-step instructions on how to rock/soothe my own baby (and btw, what she was telling me didn't work at all).
It's so awful - being a new mum you're already concerned enough and questioning everything you do... then to have an MCHN completely shake your confidence. Some of them seem to be on a bit of a power trip to be honest!
... sorry, that turned into a bit of a vent/rant .