When do you stop demand/request feeding?

[Indadhanu]

Just wondering...

I still feed Jazz on request, some days she'll have 4 feeds. Some days she'll feed like a newborn, and feed A LOT!!!

I don't necessarily have a problem with it. It's just been what we've always done so its not like its anything different for us, just same old same old LOL.

Just wondering... is this ok? Or should I be starting to hold out on her. Sometimes I do, but not to the point of her being distressed, we just go and do something else, distract her etc.

Ok... ok... I'll be honest. I'm nervous about the coming week. We are going away, visiting some family, who are in the majority (unfortunately) and can't see why I'm still feeding, and see this holiday away a a great time for me to wean
And I'm not feeling very confident in my demand feeding.
And ESPECIALLY since I am looking for work now, and rather than wean her, plan on expressing a feed for while I am at work (not that they'll be long hours, I'm only planning on part-time for now). I have already heard the "oh, that'll be good for weaning".

It's also hard now she's starting sleeping through sproadically, to say to someone after a night where she's woken once or twice "Oh I had to get up and feed her last night" and get the repsonse "she's slept through though right, so she CAN go without it, if she wakes up she doesn't NEED you to get up and feed anymore...?". Well, technically, probably not, but ARGH I hate that repsonse. She doesn't NEED it. Well how the bloody hell do you know?!?!?!
( sorry, bugbear of mine...)

It's funny because I never thought I'd be ok to bf past 12 months. Honestly, I didn't think it was for me. But now, I can't see why I need to wean before she is ready... but I have trouble explaining that. Some people just can't see past the (apparent to them?) *grossness* of a 14mo coming up to mummy and patting her boobies and kissing them. To me its just the cutest thing ever, and a relief that she has emotion and attachment to something because she doesn't have a favourite toy or blankie... (anyway, thats my issue LOL!).

Anyway... looking for personal experience here... is it not too unusual that I still demand feed /request on request? Often its not really a feed, just a few quick comfort sucks, a little cuddle together, she pats my booby, and then continues with her play, just like a 'touch base, reconnect, recharge' kind of thing i guess. And I have no problem with that, in fact I recall in "The Science of Parenting" that its a healthy thing, and so I often feel like I am really responding to her deep biological urge to be cloes to me, and feel really great about it. But the fact that its not even a real feed gets people saying "she doesn't really need that you know..." even though, I feel those quick sucks and the closeness is just as important as her 'actual' feeds...
Like I said, I can distract her, but my instincts tell me theres no real point in letting her become distressed by holding out on her and only feeding her at set times...

Thats ok? Right?

[Barb Glare]

You and your baby sound completely normal! No need to change a thing. There's no age limit for demand feeding - they give up in their own time.
Chances are, your little one will be more distracted with new people around and won't even ask for it. But if she does - good community education opportunity - you'll be helping us all out. At 14mnth she's just a baby.
It made my day when, yesterday, a pregnant friend said of her older child. "he just weaned....and he wasn't even 3 yet"
Maybe one day breastfeeding will just be considered the norm.

[boomba]

Aww Lessh its so hard wiht family members giving their oppions and making you second guess yourself!

Yes she can sleep through but sometimes she wakes and you are the one looking after her so why does it bother other people.

If you feel you need to wean do it gently. I found by not offering but not refusing helped alot! I really thought Ds would be feeing till he was 5 cause he loved it so much even now he tries to have a go cheeky monkey!

but my instincts tell me theres no real point in letting her become distressed by holding out on her and only feeding her at set times

there is your answer hun! Trust your instincts ...we seem to firget they are the best thing to go by! Your doing a wonderful job and should be so very proud xx

[kelebek]

Hoping Skye pops in and answers as this is what she does.

I cut back our feeds to one after his nap, before bed and mulitple times through the night (which I am working on cause at 18mnths I need some sleep lol). I got a lot of pressure that he didn't need it so often through the day. DS doesn't really ask for it at other times anymore unless he is sick and I would never deny him when he is sick (and this includes teething). I wish I didn't sucumb to thier pressure and wonder if this is why he still wakes so often through the night.

When people like my dp and mum asked why I was still feeding 'as he didn't need it' I would always ask them why they thought another animals milk is better then my/human milk. Lot's of people sip at a bottle of water so why would it be different for our little ones and your instincts are right that 'touch base, reconnect and recharge' thing is just as important if not more then the real feed. I was also told I was overfeeding him because I was feeding so much (he is bigger then his 3yr old nephew) but I ignore that.

As for sleeping through the night... there are plenty of people who don't go to bed before midnight and have a drink before bed, our LO are in bed for such a long time it is hardly surprising they will be thirsty especially if they were distracted through the day and didn't drink much. There are also people who have a cup of water by thier bedsides to drink throughout the night.

It doesn't sound like you are really comfortable 'weaning' her through while on holidays? look at it as an opportunity, like Barb said, for some community education. I didn't think I would still be feeding at 12 mnths let alone 18 mnths, my mum use to think it was gross (she still might but doesn't say anything) but she said to me the other day "that dr's are recommending that you bf until at least 2" and that she believed that my SIL, who has a 6mnth old, is still feeding cause I am and I helped her push through some tough times.

As for work, she will be waiting for you when you get home I went to work 3 days a week when DS was 11 mnths from 8am to 6pm. I would feed him before I went to work and he was waiting as soon as I got home He started to drop that morning feed himself and then eventually the feed when I got home. BUT on the days I didn't work he would feed as normal so it didn't really effect it that much.

Like I said, I can distract her, but my instincts tell me theres no real point in letting her become distressed by holding out on her and only feeding her at set times...

Thats ok? Right?

Of course it is ok to feed her when she wants, you would give her a solids meal when she wanted or a cuddle or a toy? If you decide to keep feeding while you are away I look forward to hearing all about your family's reaction



ETA: you should google tribal baby - it talks about EC but has a lot of information about extended bf that I read in the early days and it really inspired me to keep going. Talks about the sort of feeding that Jazz does

[Janie]

Oh hun, . If Jazzy is happy, and you're happy, then don't worry about anyone! She's just a baby, really, and it's no one's business anyway. I totally get where you're coming from, I went through very similar stuff, and feeling uncomfortable with the demand feeding in public. But I decided to get over it, and after about 18 months DS didn't feed much during the day anyway (nights were another story LOL!).

It's okay to change your goalposts too.....lots of breastfeeding mums do. I was one of them, if you'd told me when I was pg that I would feed my DS until past 2 years I would have said that was GROSS . Many mums think they'll feed to 6 months, or 12 months, but anything beyond that 'just isn't for them'. But when they get there, they find that it feels wrong to wean their baby, just because of a time limit (usually imposed by society). It seems that mum and baby/toddler are happiest when left to their own devices . You guys have done a brilliant job, just keep on doing what feels right for Jazz. I can promise you that this time will be over SO quickly. I thought DS would never wean, that we'd be tandem feeding etc, and them BAM he just did it, when I least expected it! Enjoy for now hun, and try not to let the rellies get you down. Education is fantastic, if it's something you're comfortable with. But if not, just feed in any discreet way that makes you relaxed .

[Visitor8]

your doing a great job!! Keep at it hun

Ashton has 1-2 feeds a day at 13 months, he cut back on his own. I trust he will wean when he is ready and I wont be removing it from him.

[Indadhanu]

Thanks everyone, good to know we aren't doing anything unusual

[feeb]

DS still feeds anything from 1 to 4 feeds in a day but is not generally a feed more a few sucks cuddles and off again to terrorise the world!!!

He will try and lift up my top when he wants it.

Good on you for still BF dont let anyone talk you into weaning till you and or Jazz want to.

[~clover~]

We do it just the way you do

Should see me trying to do our new found fitness thing - pilates with baby on boob...lmao! Would love for someone else to see it!! My friend & her 16 month old DS, me & Jesse...boobs everywhere!!

Jesse's 19 months. Occasionally sleeps through, mostly doesn't, lol. I roll over give him boo & he sleeps. Perfect excuse, too tired & lazy to listen to him scream for hours on end without it. Noone else would be able to sleep in the house either!

He's recently stopped going to sleep on it. Only the last 2 - 3 days, so will probably start again. Mostly doesn't wake during the night for it, til just on daylight (I'm guessing 5 - 6), but thats only been the last few days too.

Its so easy here. Out of about 8 of my friends, only one came home from hospital & switched to FF. 2 have babies younger than 6 months bfing, 2 fed till 16 & 18 months & only stopped due to one owning a business & the other about to have another baby.
3 of us are feeding over 1 year olds. 5 or 6 of us feeding all up. Its just normal with us..everyday thing you know. Would think a FF mum would feel extremely uncomfortable & left out (not saying we'd make them feel like that iykwim).

Anyway, a month ago I went back home. Back to where I was a 'they don't need it past one' person. Felt a bit like a hypocrite, but not one person said a thing. I fed him to sleep at the pub at home & noone said a word. MIL used to always complain about a friend who's DD was 14 months & still BFing, but was fine with me doing it. (This woman did other odd things though)

Had a mate of DH's ask when I'd run out of milk, so got to educate a bit lol, told him you don't run out as long as you feed. He spun out!

She'll probably be a tad distracted with all the new exciting people around & won't feed so much anyway. Don't let them worry you. The rolled eyes are pretty easy to ignore.

IME noone has the balls to actually have a go at you for it. (I feel very lucky about this though! Never had a negative comment really.)

Your doing the best for Jazz. She's the one you have to raise & do the best for, not them. She's your responsibility, not how comfortable they are with you feeding her.

And yes, you are doing perfect! You are doing exactly what is right for you & your family

[Jennifer13]

I'm another of those who (when pg) thought I would certainly stop when DD could walk and talk. Needless to say, she can and I haven't. So it's mothers like you who break down that expectation and normalise bfing for everyone else. If they ask, tell them the things you've said here. You've got a very articulate way of explaining all the benefits in bfing Jazz, so be confident and let them know. It's not their fault they don't understand, our whole society is not geared around bfing the way it should be.

[Salsa]

I was about to ask a similar question, so slight hijack - continuing of discussion here.
DS is nearly 10months and demand/request feeds. We have tried getting him to sleep through the night without needing feeds. Typically he will wake 1 -3 times a night. We can get him to go back to sleep without a feed some wakes - and he has gone through some whole nights without any feeds, but other nights he just wont settle back to sleep properly unless we give him some milk. We have tried settling him, but he will just grizzle on and off for hours some nights until we give him milk.
I suppose we just keep doing what we are doing, but its hard to know when he actually is thirsty and when he is just needing to go back to sleep. I guess Im hoping someone can offer advise about how to deal with the nights? I was wondering if we should keep a bottle of water by his bed so if he dosent settle back to sleep after a short while then we just give him some water?, as Im sure its thirst and not hunger during the night at his age.

[Jennifer13]

Salsa, at 10 mths I'd be reluctant to offer water to stop the night time feeds. He may still need those feeds for nutrition, as well as comfort. He's still just a little baby, hun. If you would like to cut back the night time feeds there are settling strategies you can try, but if he's genuinely hungry/thirsty I'd suggest it might just cause you more frustration!

If you can possibly ride it out, this will pass soon enough.

[tan32]

Hey Leesha Im just popping in to give you hugs and a great big pat on the back.

Our breastfeeding journey seems to be at the same path at the moment. Isn't it sad that a few comments can start us questioning what we felt was fine and right.

Gather your strengh and all our hugs and gain the confidence to continue what you and Jazz are happy with, I have

[skeetaboat]

If you have no problem with it, what you're doing is totally fine and it's really the most natural thing. One of the greatest benefits of extended BFing is the ability to easily soothe a busy or upset toddler. If it's right for you, it's right.

You mentioned weaning, but it sounds more like circumstances and other people are pushing for it rather than you yourself... do you want to wean her or is it more because of outside pressures?

If you do want to wean, a busy weekend in a different environment might be useful for distracting her from feeding, but being in a strange environment might also increase her need for comfort & connection with you.. I guess it just depends on the situation and her temperament.

My advice would be to follow her lead. Don't try to wean her in that (already stressful, it sounds) environment if she is not ready, it'll just stress you both right out and it won't work.

As for dealing with other ppl's ignorant and unhelpful anti-breastfeeding comments, I think the best way to deal with it is to feed loud and proud, and if anyone comments, ask them what research they've been reading that contradicts the World Health Recommendation to breastfeed until AT LEAST 2 years of age? or 'breastfeeding works great for us, why would I stop now??' or 'you really should have a look at the benefits of extended breastfeeding' or 'I can understand that you're ready for me to stop, but Jazz isn't, so her vote outweighs yours, sorry!' or 'it's very unhelpful when other people try to involve themselves in our breastfeeding relationship'. Or just say nothing and smile. Say whatever you feel you would like to say, but don't let them shame you. Be like rubber and let their ignorant comments bounce right off and fall to the ground; don't let them stick.

As others have said, she's at an age where she'll just cope without booby while you're at work, so you don't need to worry about that.

ETA: At about 16 months I decided that I wanted to start weaning, but I had a reluctant weaner on my hands. He was still feeding anywhere between 10 - 16 times per day & got very upset with my weaning efforts.. distractions, delays, reducing time, more cuddles, keeping busy, etc etc didn't work for us. He coped just fine when he was spending the day with his Nan or Grandma though. After about 4 or 5 months I fell pregnant but had made very little progress with weaning and was tired and frustrated with his booby demands every 45 mins or so. So I enlisted support and had him minded monday - friday from 10am - 4pm for 3 weeks to get him out of the habit & break the routine. It worked a treat and he went down to about 3 feeds a day plus 1-2 at night. We nightweaned about a month later (he was about 22 months old by then). The last few feeds gradually dropped off after that. I would get out of bed before the early morning feed and he started going to sleep without boob.. at this point the weaning tactics worked much better (distractions, delaying, keeping busy, etc) until he just stopped asking.

[HollyC]

Things were different for me since I didn't demand feed. Well, I did when DD was little, but she settled into a routine that we then stuck to and gradually dropped feeds. We stopped altogether when she was 15 or 16 months old. The only hard thing was when I said no more night feeds for occasional night wakings.

I got lots of negative comments from my family. This was even when we were just doing a morning and night feed that was a private affair that no one witnessed. It was kinda funny when I was told that I really needed to stop feeding her when I actually had a few weeks earlier! I don't know why it was such a problem for my family.

Anyway..... something I thought might be useful. DD still likes my boobies. She pats them and sticks her hand down my top and cuddles them. She isn't looking for a feed, she just likes them.

Maybe boobie cuddles don't need to include a feed if you don't want them too.