Larger family Chat Thread

[maz]

There use to be one...but its gone

Let's start another and chat about the joys, the headaches and the craziness of having the normal 2.3 kids


Jed and I have been talking about building our next house in about 2-3 years....a bedroom for each kid with a rumpas room between them. God I never thoughts Id be buying a 5 bedroom house lol. To be honest I dont know how what im going to do with myself with so much space

[Freya]

Hi Maz!

Figure this might be a good place to ask a few questions about large families. Hope you dont mind!

I keep thinking Im insane for wanting another one. 3 keeps my plate full enough as it is. How on earth do you guys do it? How did you cope with the change in family life and routine, to a bigger house/car?

Dh is not really keen on it. He feels we wont have enough quality time with 4 kids; that we will be broke; that it would cost us way to much to buy a bigger car. They wont get to do extra curricular activities and so on.

I told him I didnt think any of that would really be an issue (to the dire tragic extent he thinks ).

So give it to me straight. Whats it like being a large family - pro's and con's?

[BekZ]

rhyb - I think you qualify

Not sure if I qualify but I am thinking the same as AnnaT. Although it is my DH that really wants just one more. I am on the fence. Being at home full time for the last 4 years and either being pregnant or having an infant has got me feeling a lilttle over whelmed and isolated. How do mums with more kiddies cope with these feelings?

[Lulu]

Dh is not really keen on it. He feels we wont have enough quality time with 4 kids; that we will be broke; that it would cost us way to much to buy a bigger car. They wont get to do extra curricular activities and so on.

It might be a good idea to add up the potential future costs and see what you think then. It might be hard for you to get your head around it whilst your lot are too young to be participating.

Kinder isn't free x4. Kinder fundraisers x4. You might think well I don't have to buy the stuff but some of the fundraisers are really cute and involve hand made stuff by the kids etc. It's hard not to buy these things for a record of their progress

ie -DD started dancing - $65 per term + $20 for shoes + any sort of concert outfit she might need at the end of the year. $260 for the year x 4 = $1040.
That's pretty cheap, I'm not sure how much Auskick etc are - and don't forget ferrying all them around on the weekend and through the week to the activities.
Any sports club usually have fundraisers too. Those uniforms, shoes, boots, bats etc can be a bit expensive as well.

Don't forget 4x school uniforms + all the school excursions.

This is one of my main concerns as well. I want both the little ones to do a sport as well as music and I know it's gonna cost me a bomb to do it properly - and if one really takes a shine to something, they may need extra there too. Both my sister and I went elite in sports and I'm glad my parents could afford the extra bits and pieces!

I'm sure you will find a way if you really want to - you just might be surprised at how much it ends up adding up to. So crunch some numbers and measure it up against DH's wage - then show it to him if the numbers look good

[Trillian]

Rhy, I think you do qualify hun.

Anna, it's not as bad as he thinks it will be. We are only on a middle income (anything between 70 - 90k depending on the weather - the joys of farming ) and we can afford for the three older kids to do Little athletics, plus the two at school do an after school activities program that is free. It's not costing us anymore to have the car we have than what it would have cost to buy a new commodore really. It really does come down to what you make of it. If you only have 3 kids, you are probably still spending as much as you would if you had 4 anyway. I heard a financial expert on Oprah once say that no matter how much you earn you will still spend the same % of your income each week - so even with your 3 child family you probably still spend as much as my 4 child family only with more children you learn how to make your $$ go further kwim?

Maz in the next 5-6 years we are looking at adding onto our house as well because we are just outgrowing it at a rapid rate. We've only got 3 bedrooms and ideally we'd like 4 - the girls can still share but we would give the boys their own room to accomodate the age gap between them. When DS1 is 16, he's not going to want his 10yo brother cramping his style LOL. Because of the way our house is we are snookered as to building on, but a work mate of DH's just brought a small transportable home and placed it next to the existing house and joined them with a breeze-way so we will probably do that and add on the extra bedroom and family room.

ETA - just to add now that Lulus posted with a bit more info. Auskick was $50 per year for us. They don't need any other equipment for it other than a pair of joggers - they don't really need footy boots and each club supplies jumpers etc. We choose little A's because it's something the whole family can do because they start at Tiny Tots and you get a sibling discount. You don't *have* to buy them the full 'uniform' (for us it is black shorts/bike pants and a red singlet) unless you want them to compete in competitions against other clubs and I know our Little A's resells donated singlets for about half price - same with spikes (proper running shoes). School uniforms get passed from one child to another till they are worn out - especially jumpers and jackets. Having both boys and girls I can't hand down their shorts& skorts, but I can get two years out of their school shirts which saves a lot of money. Again there is usually a co-op that sells second hand uniforms.

For sure it does get tough at times, but with careful planning it is very manageable.

[maz]

People say the jump from 1 -2 is hard or 2 -3.....its the 3 -4 thats hard. Bigger car for starters..(go the disco bus) space in the house, buying food, clothing.

Ive learnt to become a tight wad. I send my kids to the catholic school here (its private) cause everything BAR the uniform is included...and the uniform is pretty easy to get...polo tops with an iron on emblem and shorts in grey that I can get from dimmeys or big W. The school also has after school activities which are free..this term it martial arts on a monday night until 5pm and dancing for girls on a tuesday night.

We've noticed lately that our house is getting to small. we have a normal sized lounge room but its starting to get crowded. 2 bathrooms is a must!!!! We're even considering putting in a 3rd toilet in the new house cause we fight over the toilets we have.

Going on holidays is a pain in the butt as we have discovered lately. finding accomidation for 2 adults and 3 kids is hard enough...let alone 4 kids. Only way we got some was to opt for a portacoat for M and then we took a blow up matress.

Good thing is there is plenty of laughing...even when I scream like a fish wife cause we all start screaming and laughing. There is always atleast one kid that wants a cuddle when I want one, we all do things together which makes time go quicker.
Its also good to be able to sit back and watch the older kids looking out for the younger ones. The love and respect they have for each other melts my heart no end. NO amount of money spent could compeat with that

Ive often said to Jed that if I wasnt fixed up we'd be up to baby number 5 makes me sad but then were do you draw the line?

ETA - Trill...we only live on a small block and cant extend anymore lol. We want N to have his own room cause atm he's sharing with W and its driving him insane and really W needs his own room so he can have down time without N coming in being a loud mouth

like the breezeway idea...jed works for a transportable home company you know

[Trillian]

We've got plenty of land to build on, but our house has already been built onto over the years and it was never really done right to allow for extra adding on in the future. The catholic school here doesn't cover much at all - parents still have to buy ALL stationery including pencils etc from Kindergarten plus their uniforms and at $1000 per term per child I can't see how that is a value for money education kwim?

I don't know that I want an extra bathroom - more cleaning for a start but I grew up in a 4 child family with only one bathroom and it was never an issue. Sometimes an extra loo would be great though.

ETA - hey Bek! I missed your post. I did feel like that a few years ago because I was at the stage where playgroup alone wasn't cutting it for stimulation for me but then we started with preschool and then school so that's kept me busy being involved with the preschool committee and I have found other areas to get involved too - I was a part of a reunion committee for our district and published a book on the area and now that they are older I am looking to go to uni and I'm starting a summer course next month to give me better standing to apply for a degree course in 2011 as the kids will be older then and I will be looking to do something just for me by then I think. Plus going to uni will give me a career just in time to combat the empty nest LOL - by the time I finish it DS1 will be 18 and it wont be long after that they will all be gone.

[AmandaJ]

Maz I was just thinking of that thread the other day, about going in and talking to people that get that the noise level of my house is normal and not something abnormal to whinge and whine about, lol.

My boys all 5 of them are quite noisey and with my oldest having some hearing problems it's even more so when your having to talk at the top of your voice to just get an answer out of him or to do something.

I'm thinking of maybe another but DH is still in two minds, so will have to see how we go with that.

[Freya]

Great suggestions and advice girls

The activities issue isnt a factor for me because they may very well not WANT to play a sport or something once they are old enough outside of school; and considering there would be 6 of us Im sure we would get enough exercise playing 3 on 3 basketball or footy at the local grounds for free. Esp having atleast 3 sons. So there again clothing and the like can get passed down. Dh earns a decent wage and being in the military we get cheap housing and atleast a 4bedder. The only real expenditure would be a new car if we cant get seats added to the Kluger. I already cook a bucketload of food to feed them all so I doubt one extra mouth will be an issue.

As for holidays and stuff; being military we get free holidays by moving around the country so thats taken care of

[Lulu]

Good news on the Auskick Trill! Glad to hear that dp wants ds to play, but knowing my luck he will decide he has to play polocrosse....

Anna, don't ever understimate the value of outside activities! Boys neeeeeeed to play sports, and learning to be part of a team is good for life skills. Also it's very very good to have friends outside school, sometimes the going gets tough at school and if you have friends outside that square all the better.

[Trillian]

LOL Lulu, I am soooo not a horse person and you can add the $$ up pretty quick if they are into Pony Club etc. Actually, what size foot would your DS have? I have a pair of footy boots you could have - we got them because DS played a bit of footy last year and needed them, but they only last one season before they grow out of them unfortunately and they were hardly worn in.

Another thing Anna would be to check out if you have a PCYC or other community based place that may do free activities or at a reduced cost. Our kids aren't overly sporty either, but having them in organised sport has been so good for them because once they go to school you don't want them being the kid who can't play a sport to save themselves kwim? They don't ever have to be world beaters at it, but just so long as they can compete fairly against all the kids who do a million different sports five days a week.

[aussienic]

Jed and I have been talking about building our next house in about 2-3 years....a bedroom for each kid with a rumpas room between them. God I never thoughts Id be buying a 5 bedroom house lol. To be honest I dont know how what im going to do with myself with so much space

First up.. never realised you had 3 little men and a lady as well..

We are going to start renovating our house in the new year. We also need 5 bedrooms.. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be sitting here needing a 5 bedroom house We have outgrown our 3 bedroom house (well and truly) I can't wait to have space. Our house drives me insane. We want a rumpus room too but that won't happen unless we raise the house (only a few mm short) so we have been going over many many plans to find what we like. SO with paying the car off 2 days ago we can finally start seriously looking into it. We have a builder contacting us sometime this week to discuss our options..

Life with 4 can be pretty stressful at time.. More noisy and very very messy. I find I just can't get on top of the housework. Does anyone have any tips? Our house is so cluttered. We have lived h ere for 12 and a bit years so we have an awful lot of *stuff*

The washing is what gets me down. I seem to get on top of the washing then it just piles up again and I can't ever seem to make sure I do the folding up so then I end up with a full days work just folding so then the housework gets behind. It just seems so never ending.. Everyone else around me seems to have nice neat tidy houses and mine just looks so messy all the time..

I even just go out to escape the mess but then I get brought back down again as soon as I walk through the door. Yesterday afternoon I made the kids help me for 20 solid minutes and we managed to even get the floor mopped but today they are messy again.. *sigh*

Well this was kinda long lol..

[Trillian]

Nic, my house is never 100% clean (by that I mean there is always some clutter and stuff on the floor) and NEVER what you would call a showpiece LOL, but it's ours and it's well lived in and loved. What I have found really helps is to get rid of anything once it is too small or worn out to the passed on. We have limited storage space so I just can't hang onto stuff now if its really not needed. Another rule of thumb I go by is if I haven't taken it out of storage for more than 12mths then I can't possibly need it so I donate it to charity. I have loads of those cheap roller boxes to store stuff in too - winter bedding and seasonal clothes. And I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I mop the floor when it's too sticky to walk on barefoot (usually once a month but obviously more often if there is a big spill or anything) and if I can't get everything done in a day I just do it the next day. I make sure that no matter what I wash clothes every two days otherwise it builds up so quickly. My older three are big enough now to help out and each night before bed we do a quick tidy up of the loungeroom and put everything away.

[aussienic]

I try and get my boys to help but they just fight with me about it.. Oh but why do I have to help yada yada yada :/

I am lucky that Dh helps but we are both just as bad as each other and just look at it as too big of a job. I am hoping to try and get my mum here to help me empty my cupboards. We have almost no storage space and we really need to declutter before we rebuild. I looked into hiring a skip and am just going to toss everything that is no longer needed (clothes will go to local charity place) but toys ect that are longer needed or used will go in the skip.. the dump here has a dump shop and they go through everything anyways before it goes in the actual tip so i am fine with doing this.. It is the throwing away of things that gets to me..

I have a silly attachment to things.. I have a cupboard full of books that I can't even get into because the kids lost the key (about a yr ago :blush: )

I have this massive pile of washing to fold (seriously about 5 basket loads) and I just can't find the motivation to do it.. Where would I put it all?

[maz]

I honestly cant remember the last time I mopped my floor..hahhaha and washing OMG yep...mount fold more is calling my name once again and here I thought I conquered it 2 days ago although its better now that ive only got one in cloth.
I sometimes dont know how the hell i do the house, the kids and business.....when all else fail's I run outside lol.
Nic...yep 4 amigo's...eldest is 9 . We've been in our home for 10 years this jan....it was good when we thought it was just going to be the eldest 2..but then the itch for another got to me and then another

N has his first school camp tomorrow. He is so excited..dont know if its cause he's going on camp or getting away from us crazies

[aussienic]

My eldest is 10.. they grow way to fast don't they.. Eekk I am seriously dreading the school camps. I think Ethan has one next year. I am so going to cry

We originally thought we would only have 2 maybe 3 kids so yes when we bought this house we thought it would do us just fine.. how wrong we were I really should be doing my dishes but alas I feel to bla. Kids hassling for stuff so it puts me in a lazy mood cus I just can't be bothered. ( I think tired is another word)

better go kids asking for more food

[Freya]

Oh dont get me wrong; the boys will play a sport of their choice outside of school. They are already sporty little guys, doing swimming lessons and Jett has asked to try out tap lessons. I know that atleast one of them will be in Auskick so thanks for the heads up Trillian! Whatever happens we will make sure we have $$$ for them to do something. I just dont see how one extra kid will really make all that much difference. I got a discount for enrolling all 3 boys in swimming, Im sure there are other extra activities that do the same. I will just have to be savvy in searching them out. PCYC is great idea too, we have one not far away that I was looking into gymnastics at for Jett.

And Nic, I only have 3 kids but I know what you mean about the chores. I always seem to clean up the house and then next min I have piles of washing, the carpet needs vacuuming, another load of dishes to wash *sigh* thats why when Dh says 'oh but you complain about the mess of 3 why want another one?' I tell him whats one more, theyll still be messy and I'll always still be complaining lol

[aussienic]

Anna.. Simon and I didn't realise the workload one child would bring let alone 4. I will admit 2 to 3 was relatively easy but 3 to 4 just about did us in for good. It wasn't till Olivia was over 1 that we were able to get out and socialise with people again. im talking just meeting up for coffee ect. it has made my life a bit easier this year as Isaac has also started school so 5 days a week I only have 2 at home,

I just really need to get my license so I can take the kids out and do things when they are all home rather then waiting for Daddy to be on days off..

We thought about doing Auskick this year for the 2 older boys but a friend did it last year and she was really disappointed. We did touch footy the last 2 years and then we signed both older boys up for it this year but they didn't go to all the matches as we went away for nearly 6 weeks then the season was just about over when we got back.

I go through stages where I would love another but then I get my brain right I have had my tubes tied so 4 is it for us. Dh wasn't sure he wanted a 4th and I almost got my tubes done when I had Ds3 but I just couldn't go through with it so a week out of the C/s I said nope.. lol.. After much talking we decided to try for a 4th and gave 1 yr to fall pg and luckily we did it in 10 months and now we have our little princess..