Unfortunately my closest grandparents have passed, in DD1's (now 4yo) lifetime.
When Nana passed in 2007, we told her "she went to the star" and left it at that. All was well, she accepted she was in the stars and nothing further was said.
Now she Pop passed 2 months ago, and as we saw him twice a week for the past year, she wants to know where he has gone. We tried the "gone to the stars" story but it is not cutting it She has so many questions...
Can we visit?
When will they be back?
Why did they go?
I miss them?
I was wondering what I could tell her? What have you told your children.
I dont know to be honest. Im doing my best to keep my dad in my daughters life as much as possible.
They have/had a beautiful relationship, death cant take that away.
Explain it as best as you can, maybe be as honest as possible? Explain your beliefs to her, heaven etc what ever you believe
Yes we had that problem with DSS when Taite and Seth died.. DSS was 4 at the time and we told him they went to the stars but he asked the same questions, when they coming back etc.. (he actually kept saying "when we see Taite and Seth tomorrow...").. In the end I had to be blunt. I said they are dead darlin and they are never coming back. He understood this as he knows about bugs and stuff dying. Then out of the blue a couple of weeks later after processing this info he asked why they died. I explained they came out of my tummy too early, he asked if there was blood, I said a little bit and that was it.(obviously your response willbe completely different) He mentions them but he seems to understand that they are dead and up in the sky.. I think be truthful, but keep it simple. Only answer as much as they ask.. Hope that helps
When my Grandmother passed in 2007 we simply told the kids the truth. they were 8,4 and 2. the 2 yr old didn't understand obviously (well he was 23 months) We told them GG had been sick (they already knew this) and that it was her time to die. We explained what happens when you die.. Like how your heart stops and without your heartbeating you no longer live ect ect.. then we said GG has gone to heaven. we explained how the body gets buried but the spirit goes to heaven..
just explain it how you think about it.. Like if you believe in heaven ect then just say that.. be open and honest and explain how when someone dies we can no longer see them like we see each other but we can remeber them in our heads. like a dream. remember all the fun times they had with that person..
Firstly, I am sorry for the loss of your grandparents. You must feel that loss keenly yourself, which makes it very difficult to know how to deal with your kids without falling apart.
But I agree with PPs - be honest. It is likely to hurt your child less than the notion that the relative has gone somewhere but just doesn't want to see them anymore, KWIM?
IMO, death doesn't have to be scary. I believe if we are honest and open about it, about how it is part of a cycle of life at the very least, that we can be peaceful about it. I also have faith that there is life beyond death (although if I didn't believe that I probably wouldn't teach it to my kids, I suppose). That isn't to say you have to deny your sadness over it - when someone dies it is extremely sad for us who miss them.
Being open about it can also teach kids compassion for others who lose relatives, and will help them not to shy away from those people if/when something like that happens to their friends.
DH's mate lost his dad in high school and he remembers the worst thing was that no one spoke to him - they were all too afraid, didn't know what to say. He just wished someone would say, "I'm sorry your Dad died. You must be sad," or something.
I have been very open with my kids about death. My very loved mum died when DD1 was 10 and DD2 was 2. I explained that she was in heaven and that she wouldn't come back but that she would always love us and be in our hearts. I talk about her still and I let them know that I was very very sad about her dying and that its OK to cry cause you miss someone.
Thanks :hugs:
My daughter is a thinker so I am worried about giving her too much information.
We have just found a book that talks about dying a little.
She asks me why they died, I told her that they got old and their bodies stopped working. Its so hard.
I read something in the newspaper today that struck me as quite practical. They were talking about how to explain death to a young child and a child psychologist said to take the child's hand and place it on your or their heart so they can feel it beating. Then explain that the person that has died, their heart stopped beating and so they died/went to heaven. It's better than the 'it's like being asleep' comparison. Don't know if that's helpful, but I've stored it in my memory bank.
That's great Jen. I once had a kid in my class whose great grandma died and stupid mother told the 6 yr old that great grandma just went to sleep and never woke up!! WTF- way to ensure the kid never sleeps again.
Registered User
Death and kids
and as we saw him twice a week for the past year, she wants to know where he has gone. We tried the "gone to the stars" story but it is not cutting it She has so many questions...
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks