Would you take advice from a failed VBACer?

[monday]

I've been thinking about it & wondered if anyone would take advice on VBACs from someone who's attempt failed? By that I mean someone that actually went into labour but had a caesarean anyway, not someone that planned a VBAC but had to have a caesarean due to medical issues before labour (breech, placenta previa etc).

I have to wonder now where I fit in the birth world. How can I give advice to people about VBACs when my attempt failed? How can I talk about the benefits when I have no clue in the real world, only in theory? A friend of mine told me the other day that is she was to have a third (1st was VB, 2nd was C/S) she was unsure about how to birth. Two years ago prior to my second caesarean I would have said go for a VBAC without a seconds thought. Now I feel like I'm jaded, like what's the point in trying because there is always the chance that your going to end up like me & having a 2nd casearean anyway. Of course I didn't say that, it's up to her to decide but I feel like I can't give her advice because obviously what I did didn't work.

[Traveller]

Monday please don't beat yourself up. There are benefits to labouring even if you don't have a vaginal delivery (the influx of oxytocin to you and your baby) and as someone who did not have the VBAC she wanted you are in an excellent situation to help others by talking through your story and what, if anything, you would do differently next time to try and maximise your chance of a vaginal birth.

[Lulu]

Yes, because your experience will still be valuable no matter what the end result.

I would want to know what happened both times, so I could still know what might happen.

Don't beat yourself up - you experience is valuable xoxoxo

[Ryatha]

Monday please don't beat yourself up. There are benefits to labouring even if you don't have a vaginal delivery (the influx of oxytocin to you and your baby) and as someone who did not have the VBAC she wanted you are in an excellent situation to help others by talking through your story and what, if anything, you would do differently next time to try and maximise your chance of a vaginal birth.

I agree with traveller. my VBAC attempt in july ended in a c-section but I was really happy with how it ended up. I know what I would do differently next time, I learnt a lot about myself, my body and DH in the process. I found the most important thing about birth is to be happy with what happened, no matter how our little ones come into the world. Yes I would have loved to VB my girls, but i didn't and I have learnt a lot about how to bond after a c-section. There are a couple of groups around, CARES in SA that support women who had c-sections and they have great information.

HTH

[nowivf]

[QUOTE=ryatha;2062535 I found the most important thing about birth is to be happy with what happened, no matter how our little ones come into the world.[/QUOTE]

Any advice is good if it stops the stupidity about c-sections, being 2nd rate birth options when it is a valid and much needed options and choice that get babies here happy and most importantly alive

[~Kim~]

You fit in with your experience of birth Monday.
Same as Ryatha my failed VBAC was an empowered birth. My expereince (and yours) is no less valid in research for someone who is looking to have a VBAC.
Even the best laid birth plans don't always go to plan.
mate.

[*suz1*]

Hi Monday,

I've read every possible experience in preparation for my VBAC and that includes failed VBACs. If you were my friend I would still ask for your perspective. I would ask you what you would do differently if you had the chance to VBAC again. Also, I've learnt that it's not about the VB and more about the empowerment. Because of this my birth plan includes my preferences for a C-Section if I need another one so that regardless of how I birth I will have a better experience this time around.

I'm sure your friend will value your experience and support

[paradise lost]

Hmmm, i give advice on VBAC! I give advice on shoulder dystocia, prolapse, breech birth, OP labour, homebirth, induction... I have had one uncomplicated vaginal birth at home. ALL of my knowledge beyond that is "only in theory". A lot of the time BB s a place for sharing expriences, but equally it's a place for sharing ideas, knowledge, thoughts, compassion.

It must be realy difficult for you to advise on VBACing after trying so hard to achieve yours and it ending in a c-section, but here are the things i would now consider you an expert on:
Finding a supportive care-giver
Preparing for labour
Preparing for VBAC labour (very specific IMO)
A LOT of knowledge about labour and how it's ideally supposed to go
A lot of knowledge on what could go awry and what to do if it does
The benefits for mum and babe of labour (regardless of mode of actual birth)
Recovering PP from a 1st and 2nd c-section, differences each time and best strategies for pain, baby-care etc.
Facing the disappointment of an unsuccessful VBAC socially, emotionally, mentally
Parenting (feeding, dealing with crying, etc. etc.) the babe born through the sunroof X2 (bigger sample size.

From all that CONCRETE experience, not to mention all the "only in theory" things you know, i cannot see you as anything but a real asset to women in the birthing year, HOWEVER they will go on to birth. Keep talking hun, women out here need to know what you know in there!

Bx

[Fleur]

Absolutely. Everyones experience is different, and yours will give you a unique perspective to offer advice.

I'm sorry you didn't get the birth you wanted but don't beat yourself up. As Traveller stated, there are benefits to labouring regardless of delivery. You should be proud of yourself for giving a VBAC a go

[Visitor6]

Maybe if you thought of yourself sharing your experience instead of advice, you mightn't perceive that you are offering anything less than a mother having a successful VBAC.

Every birthing and pregnancy experience can offer another something useful; it's up to the reader of listener to make up their mind.

As jasp said, don't beat yourself up you have much to offer.

[Laranna]

Absolutely, I would take advice from you monday. Just because the end result wasn't ideal, doesn't mean that your journey there isn't valuable. Everything you went through in the lead up to your VBAC (successful or not) is worth so much to future VBACers like myself. Please keep sharing your experience, it's worth more than you think xox

[Nai]

I read a failed VBAC experience and it helped me in that it saved both my DD2 and my life when things did go pear-shaped during labour. If I hadn't read that story, I probably wouldn't have known what I was experiencing and things could have been a lot worse than just an emergency c/s which is what the result was.

So yes, in short, I would think that all experience is invaluable.

[julie_ann_jules]

before reading your post (I'd only read the question "would u take advice from a failed VBACer") I was thinking.... Hmmmm would I have taken someone's advice. ANd before the page had loaded I'd deided.... we'll it all depends on the person. If it was someone who had obviously done her reasearch and believed strongly in the benefits of a natural birth then I rekon even if she didn't have a VBAC she would have loads of important information for me. Once I read your post it was obvious that you are someone who I would have taken verry seriously You had a c-section then didn't just follow the crowed or do what your ob told you too (book for another c-section).

Thats what I did. I'd had one c-section then had a second beause I didn't question or look at any research. It would have been a whole lot better for me and bubs to actually go into labor not just have him pulled out because it was a good time for the dr

Anyway your birth eperience is YOURS! There are no two experiences alike.... everyone's body works differently and there are soooooo many facors to take into consideration.

With each eperience come more knowledge. I had a succesful VBA2C, but there are still many things I would do differently if I had another child. There would have been plenty of things u did right and u may not have even done anything wrong! Thats what makes it so hard and so emotional.... you have a wealth of knowledge!!!! Please continue to share it and encourage people.

[monday]

Thank you everyone, that makes me feel so much better. I just feel like nobody would want to take advice from someone who failed as such. I don't feel like I failed, but to others it may look that way. I had a great labour with my second, so much better than the first time around I think because I was far more proactive.

I think I might just talk to my friend again

[BellyBelly]

Like the others have said, you definitely have lots of valuable things to contribute. One thing I would be aware of is when you're giving advice, making sure you are in the right headspace. If you're grieving or feeling sorrow, you can go down a totally different path than you intended, so I think the best thing to do is gain some sort of healing before you start giving advice. This can be through a proper debreif, counselling etc... you may be at that place or you may not, just something to consider. xx

[monday]

Headspace is just fine I'm fine with how my second birth went obviously I would have preferred it to be a VBAC though, my first birth not so much, but it wasn't the VBAC attempt.