Where does our responsibility end/begin?

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Something I've been thinking about for a while actually, but haven't been able to word up til now

I've seen a lot of 'you choose how you respond to comments' lately, not just on the forum but IRL as well strangely! I just wonder, where does that leave our own responsibility to 'speak to others as we would be spoken to'? To me, the former attitude cancels out the latter, KWIM?

So, where does our responsibility to watch our tongues end, and our responsibility to choose our reactions start?

[MrsFabuloso]

I think where to watch our tongues would be that you treat other as you want to be treated.
As for reactions, well that is hard. sometimes the most inane things bug you big time and the big stuff seems so small.....

[Indadhanu]

I think you need to do both.

You can react and respond however you choose to, but its important to remember to be respectful about what you say. There is a middle ground. Say what you think, but do it in a way that means that others will (hopefully) receive it well. And if you can't say it respectfully, then I'd probably think why you would need to say anything at all (unless of course the poster has asked for a blunt, no holds bars, repsonse, and then go for your life I suppose).

Does that makes sense?

[MrsFabuloso]

Just wanted to add that only we can be responsioble for our own reactions to stuff. We can control ourselves our not in response to others. I think we need to take others feelings/situations into account when we do react though.

[Lulu]

I think the responsibility ends once it's out of your mouth, and the other begins when you hear someones words iykwim?

That said - if someone objects to your words you can review but if what you said was coming from a good place, there isn't much you can do, but if you look back and think -"hhmm, I was feeling pretty cranky when I said it might not have come out right, you can always do something about it.

AND if you hear some thing that upsets you, have a think if that person meant to upset you and if you don't think they did you can write it off to whatever reason. If you think they meant it badly, you can take it badly or think - oooo gotcha claws out today or say something directly in response (along the vein of "speak to others" yadda yadda).

But if you are going to hide under your bed for days over words said to you, I think it's time to investigate your own reactions

Did that make ANY sense???

[Arcadia]

Hmmm...interesting question.

I think we should always show tact and discretion when speaking to others, because no one deserves to be spoken to in an offensive way. BUT. I also think you cannot control other people's reaction to things, and people often have issues they will project onto things you say.

Its hard to say where one stops and the other begins...but I think if we all show the kind of feeling towards each other we would like to receive, then a balance can be found. So if someone does find offense, then perhaps we can then safely assume it is actually their own issues iykwim?

A hug, or some reassurance is not a waste of time, but I think the reason behind why that person feels the need for validation should also be addressed, so they can move forward through the issue.

Interesting topic.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Great answers ladies! I always thought it was a bit of a cop out for people who don't think about what they say, you know, 'Well you CHOSE to be offended, its not my problem'. But I suppose all attitudes can be misused by certain people, and we all need to be half/half with this.

Thanks for teaching!