Playing on own for 30 minutes at 18 months???

[amberj]

Throughout my pregnancy I was involved in an overseas board (before I discovered BB), and it was great. But since having our kids, it has turned into this strange compare and brag fest, and its AWFUL. I shouldn't go there, and I rarely do, but I was a bit bored and strayed over there tonight. Now I am soooo mad!

There was this thread about how long your 18 month old can play on their own. I said "not very long" and then got attacked by this person who said her son (same age) can play for 30 - 60 minutes on his own and she would be worried about my son. All these other people then chipped in about how their 18 month olds can play on their own for like 15-30 minutes.

What???? DS can MAX play on his own for 10 minutes and that is RARE. Usually he wants my attention, input, involvement etc. I thought there was nothing unusual about this. Is this right? Is everyone on that other board just bragging or making it up? Or is my child strange???

[MrsFabuloso]

I think it's fairly normal that a child at 18mths would want attention fairly constantly. My DD was a very demanding child. She still is and want's my attention alot of the time. My DS on the other hand is quite happy to be on his own for a fair amount of time. He is capable of keeping himself entertained where as DD has never been a child to play alone much, she's always needs me to look and at 18mths was always hanging off my legs.
All children are different and have different temperements and attention spans. It also depends on how interested they might be in something. I wouldn't be worried about your little man. He sounds completely normal to me!

[ladybird11]

I doubt he is odd - each kid does their own thing Don't they?

DD was easily playing / occupying herself for anywhere from 5 mins - 40 mins before DS was born. Depends on her mood I guess.

Since DS' arrival DD has been wanting more of my attention - but every now and then she'd still occupy herself / play for about half an hour or so.

[Tan2705]

My child most obviously be 'strange' also! I am not worried at all that he doesn't want to play on his own (not sure if he has ever even made the 10 minute mark) I figure there will come a time where he wants nothing to do with his mummy so I better make the most of it NOW!!

[~MummaBear~]

i would say there is nothing wrong with your little man!!!
My two DS would never have played for that long by them self at 18 months... come to think about it they are 3 and 5 and i dont think they go an hour now lol
My 2 yr old DD does but she is the 3rd child lol she has to play by herself sometimes cause i just have too much to do.
There is nothing wrong with you DS and to be honest, in a few years he isnt going to want anything to do with you so make the most of it now!!!

[Laranna]

Jessica! There is nothing wrong with your DS hun! Each kid is different. My DS can play with his toys while I am cooking or washing or whatever but he still involves me like handing me toys or driving his cars up my leg or pulling all the utensils and plastic containers out of the cupboard and "cooking" with me. So while he is playing alone, he's not really kwim. I'm not physically sitting down with him and playing.

[Powelly]

Hey Jess,

My family day care lady says tots at this age can play for around 12 minutes before wanting to check in with you. My DS plays for around 10 to 15 mins but I will often call out and say "what you up to" and that's enough for him to be happy. He knows I'm right there. Peter is completely fine and I wouldn't bother going on such a negative website again. We put enough pressure on ourselves without having other people telling us what to do.

[DaintreeDream]

I think it depends alot on my DD's mood and that will change alot throughout the day.
Sometimes she wants alot of attention reading books, build blocks etc, sometimes she crawls in the kitchen over and over again wanting me to chase her, but then at times she can crawl off into her play room and will not reappear for an hour, she will happily sit there and occupy herself with her musical instruments and trains.

Last time my Mum visited she mentioned to me that DD is alot like me when I was little, I would happily sit in my room and play with my imaginary friends for hours.
I find it also says alot about me as a person now, I am a bit of a happy loner and very independant. My brother seeked more attention and now he prefers to be around people and still depends alot on Mum and Dad (and he is 3 years old then me).

[~Kim~]

Well he wouldn't be odd here. I don't reckon DD could go for half an hour yet at nearly 4.

[ciara.e]

Hi there

I just wanted to pop in and let u know about my studies in the area of childhood development (psychology components of my degree).

Firstly, my own opinioin is that I'd be more worried if my child was playing on their own too much at this age. As this to me would suggest a form of Autism. My nephew is autistic - and it is believed that at 18mths the signs of this disorder become prevalent. In saying this, many children are very autonomous but do not develop autism.. this is just one of the early warning signs.

Secondly, my favouritie childhood theorist is Erik Erikson who developed the Stages of psychosocial development. Stage 1 of his theory is the Trust vs Mistrust. this stage covers the first year or so of life, from birth to around 1, although it differs from child to child. this stage talks about how utterly dependant the child is upon his or her mother. The basic idea is that a parent with great skills, who is emotionally available for their child at this stage (which not all parents are, even though they don't know it), will create a trusting child who has no fear placing trust in you.

In my eyes, creating a very trusting environment during this stage would tell a child that they have a 'safe space' at home, so they are safe to play with you! If a child was to develop mistrust at this stage of development, it is my opinion that they wouldn't be as likely to want to spend their playing time with you.

It's a critical stage in development as it determines if the child will develop a trust condition later in life.

Well I hope this helps to make u feel a little better?? I don't think you have anything to worry about personally. Keep on doing the great job you're obviously doing! There's nothing at all wrong with spending extra 'quality' time with your kids! sounds like you're a great mum!

take care
xx

[ciara.e]

oh, just me again!

Just wanted to also add that my daughter is very autonomous now at 3.5yrs, but that didn't really start until around 2years old. Around 1yr old, all i ever wanted was to smother her with my love and attention and we were always playing together. Thinking about it now, if i wasn't playing with her, my neices and nephews were! So if your child is abnormal.. so is mine, and all these other ladies'.

We're all different people, and no one has the right to tell us otherwise!

[MamaPan]

there is no way my DS1 would go half an hour on his own - he always wants us to play with him... so maybe 5-10 mins MAX....
dont stress hon, he sounds normal to me...

[danniellabella]

Just remember that each child is different and their needs are different.
I wouldn't worry that your son only plays by himself for 10 or so minutes.
My daughter is 21 months and will still only play for long periods of time by herself if the TV is on in her room. If the TV isn't on then she doesn't play on her own. She brings toys out to the lounge and will play by herself but not for 30+ minutes.
But she's at the age now where she wants to be involved with and "help" DH and I with whatever we're doing.

[Astrid]

Gee I wish my 4yo would play by herself for 30 minutes! She always seems to need some input or help from me. My 19 month is not too bad, she can go for a bit longer than 10 minutes. Sometimes both of them can go for longer if they are playing well together, but that is pretty rare.

I do not think it is a problem at all. The only 18 month old I have known in real life to play happily for 30 minutes on a regular basis ended up having a few problems in area of physical movement. So at the time everyone thought it was wonderful (all I heard about was what a "good baby' she was), but in her case it was not such a fantastic thing.

[amberj]

Thanks all. I totally agree- I didn't think twice about DS's playing until I got all those negative opinions. I am totally never going back to that other board. I can't even believe how mean some people can be! I think I was more mad than worried!

Yes, it would be nice to have a bit more time to get things done, but like mummyof4 said, soon enough he will be off wanting to do his own thing and I will miss him- so I really do appreciate the fact he just wants to spend time with his mummy and daddy now. Organising the linen cupboard can wait

Daintree Dream- its funny you should mention that about temperament. I am a total introvert and have always been happy on my own, but DS seems to thrive around people- extrovert- and I think a lot of it comes down to that too.

ciara- thank you for the interesting psychological perspective, I like the theories of development.

[tan32]

Lol My Ds very rarely plays on his own , and its not much longer then 10 minutes if he does, unless of course he is filling up my toilet with objects or emptying my cupboards bit by bit and placing it in the bin. Then he tends to play for a little longer

[ciara.e]

Lol My Ds very rarely plays on his own , and its not much longer then 10 minutes if he does, unless of course he is filling up my toilet with objects or emptying my cupboards bit by bit and placing it in the bin. Then he tends to play for a little longer

This is soo true!! If they're quiet and doing their own thing for a while, then u know they're up to no good!! haha