I'm having a slightly rough few days, even though I promised myself 2010 would be the beginning of a new start for me and the little one (who is due to arrive in 2 weeks today).
As I said in my last post, XP has just started seeing someone else, and whilst I sent him a few emotional text messages finally telling him how I felt (about us both being her parents and wanting him to make more of an effort), he started sending me daily texts asking how we're both doing and apologising for the hurt he has caused me. I've always tried to keep composure with him and never let it turn ugly and become the crazy X, so my texts are always sent in a nice way.
Since NYE I haven't heard from him, even after sending a friendly 'HAPPY NEW YEAR' text, so I couldn't resist sending a couple of 'dig' texts like 'ok i guess you're with your new girlfriend and she probably doesn't know about the baby and I. Sorry if I disturbed you'. Still nothing so I text again 'Is this how it's going to be when i'm in labour or after she's born? What if I need to contact you urgently?'. Still nothing 2 days later.
We used to talk on the internet, but he doesn't have that anymore and I can't remember the last time he phoned me, so all we do is text. Even as a texting enthusiast, still seems a bit odd to me when we're going to be parents. I phone him maybe once a month just to catch up properly, but not since I found out he's seeing someone, so the next call will be rough I think. Calls from UK-Oz are not cheap when we both only have mobiles.
And, I just caught up with an old friend from high school and told her I was having a baby. She was excited for me at the start, and then when I told her that I was doing it on my own she said 'wow, I can't imagine having to go through that'. I know she didn't mean harm, and maybe it's just me, but do people know that when they make comments like that it feels like i'm set for this awful impossible task? I want to hear something positive about it not being such a big deal, people do it all the time and that i'll still be fine. Is that weird?
Also, I've been living back with my parents for 6 months now and whilst we get along well, I really miss having my own place and independence. People's habits that never bothered me before are now starting to grate on me even though they're doing nothing wrong. I don't want to become a pain to live with, but sometimes I feel like I need space or I will scream.
Sorry for the rant. Thanks for reading if you got through it. Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope it's full of happiness and good health for you all x
Oh hun, try to pull back on the aggressive texts, you are not going to get any solace from that. How do you expect him to respond to them? There is only so much he can do being so far away.
It's an awkward situation to be in for everyone and you have to give him points for the daily texts and if you keep sending 'dig' texts he will might stop communication totally.
If you can bring yourself to apologise for being narky it will open things up again and ultimately that what you want, right?
I know, I should never have sent those texts, usually i'm good at keeping it together. I guess it's just a tough time and I dropped the ball for a minute there. I text him not long ago saying sorry for the texts and that I want us to be friends. I also told him that I appreciate the extra effort that he's making. I just wish so badly that we could sit down face to face and have a proper conversation.
I have had a couple of texts from him. I think we're okay, he still keeps apologising for putting me through all this, and I appreciate that he's finally taken some responsibility. I guess the real test will be how involved he gets after bubs born. I'm due exactly a week from today!
Today has been a rough day. I was up much of the night feeling disappointed and sad that I don't have my own place, independence and a man beside me who loves me and will help me get through the birth. I'm lucky to have my family though, I know that.
I'm feeling pretty deflated after reading a lot today about how much single parents struggle. It's all the strength I have to stay positive that I can do this under these circumstances without losing the plot, and I desperately need to feel it's do-able.
I totally understand that single parents come here to vent, and I love BB for that, but I find myself searching desperately through the posts looking for a shred of hope that mothers can do it alone, and do it well and be happy. I know there will be tough times, but do the good outweigh the bad?
I'm worrying myself sick today. I've been pretty positive until now. I don't know what to do anymore
Single mothers can definitely do it alone. My sister became a single mother at 18yrs old. There are obvious drawbacks to being a single parent, but you need to focus on the positives - and if you think about it long and hard you will see that there are some positives. You will be fine.
I'm in a pretty similar situation. My ex and I seem determined to ruin eachother via text wars. I have found that if you can stay quiet, they usually come to terms with things on their own and will eventually contact you. I refuse to believe that a person can live life without thinking about their child everyday, even if he's never sees her.
To me it sounds like he is trying to be a good guy by contacting you, but then he gets mixed up in his own world and fails at the good guy routine.
I'll tell you what, you're probably feeling pretty low because of the fact that having your little one is the start of a new chapter that you have to go through 'alone'. In reality though, you'll never be alone again...your baby will love you without question for the rest of your life!!!!
Don't worry, you sound very intelligent and devoted to your daughter, you're going to get through this and raise a beautiful, healthy, good person. The reward is in knowing that you've taken the best parts of yourself and the best parts of your ex and made a perfect little human being.
Yes, single parents struggle - but so do many, many couples with a new baby. It's an adjustment either way. You will hear lots of vents in here, but relationship breakdowns suck universally, of course a baby in the picture does make it harder but hopefully that won't last forever.
There are plenty of couples that struggle in the same way a single parent does - financially, special needs children can add stress etc etc etc and imho having a partner doesn't necesarily make it easier. Not all relationships you see are great ones...or even good ones
So here's my (quick) story - I don't think it's all bad!
Single by the time bubs was 5 months (wish it was even sooner in retrospect!), dd was a fairly easy baby. I lived with dad for awhile and moved out when she was 12 months.
I didn't lose too much of a social life, I didn't drink till I was 21 so I wasn't missing out on pubs, DD came to most of the 21sts I went to, I took her pretty much everywhere and at 17 she is (I believe) a very independent girl because of that.
I met a group of other sole parents and we had a great time at each others houses playing cards and having drinks with the kids all asleep in the next room. Babysitting here and there when we needed it.
I worked since dd was about 12 months old, I ran my own business and it went so well I left f/t work and had 2 more babies.
I bought a house 3 years ago, all by my liddle self (well my parents helped me get over the line with the deposit!), I own my car outright.
Looking back myself and my friends had our own struggles but that didn't have much to do with having a partner or not. I did have a large and close group of friends and THAT made all the difference in the world.
I'm struggling a bit financially now, but so are lots of people. It's not all bad - but it is what you make it
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Just a vent...
How do you expect him to respond to them? There is only so much he can do being so far away.
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