My DH & I are TTC #2. We were lucky enough to fall pregnant on our second IVF cycle. My hormone levels were quite low to begin with so I was concerned that the pregnancy wouldn't continue but after more blood tests my bub proved to be a fighter.
We had decided to keep it from our parents for a little while so that we could surprise them. We told my parents on boxing day & it was the best feeling. They were all so happy.
A few days after Christmas we had our first ultrasound. Bub was perfect, good size, strong heartbeat - was so good to see. Then last week I had some spotting was freaked out so rang our IVF clinic & they sent me for another scan last Wed. As I didn't having spotting with my daughter I was freaking out. I had almost convinced myself something was wrong. I was lying on the chair having the ultrasound waiting for the words "I'm so sorry but..." BUT no... bub was there nice strong heartbeat (a little bit of discrepancy with dates) but apart from that all looked great. PHEW. We were over the moon. I was crying I was so relieved. But this was short lived.
The next day, Thurs, I thought the bleeding was a little heavier. I rang the clinic & they said there wasn't much they could do as I had the scan yesterday but they said to monitor it & call if it got worse. And it did. The bleeding was so heavy & I started cramping. I was having trouble sitting, standing, walking so I called DH to get him to come home because I couldn't look after our daughter like this. When he got home I was so sick from the pain & I couldn't take it anymore. We packed up our daughter, dropped her off at my parents & he drove me to emergency.
Luckily we didn't have to wait for long before they took me in & gave me a bed. I couldn't get comfortable cause of the pain & to make it worse the bleeding was coming through my clothes it was that heavy. They sent me for an ultrasound & it felt like I was lying there for hours. The sonographer was fairly quiet checking this & that before she turned to me with tears in her eyes & said what I had been dreading "I'm so sorry but I can't find a heartbeat". I just kept thinking how could this be? Everything was great yesterday???
I was taken back to emergency, put on a drip so they could give me fluids & pain relief. I was admitted overnight & they took me in to theatre first thing Fri morning to do the D&C. I just cried when I was in hospital. I felt so numb, so empty but at the same time I couldn't wait to pick my daughter up & give her the biggest cuddle.
My sister said she told my niece that the baby had gone to heaven. My niece was so upset because the baby hadn't had a chance to have a birthday cake.
I am coping ok, the days are easier than the nights because I can keep busy. I just think it is so unfair. How can I be pregnant with a beautiful bub one day & have an angel the next?
Just know I love you my little angel & I hope you are having fun playing with all the other angels that were taken too soon xoxo
I am so sorry for the loss of your little angel. Why is a great question, one im sure most of us will have asked at some point. Sorry i cant give you any answers or do anything to help you feel better. Please be kind to your self.
XXXX
AC - There is just no fairness in this world...
My love & thoughts are with you & your families. I am so very sorry for the pain you all now endure & hope that the nights soon become restful for you again
I have been back to see my IVF doc which was good because it gave me direction. I found it hard yesterday as I had to go back to see the ob that did the D & C. I thought id be ok until I stepped in to the waiting room & was surrounded by pregnant women. I was teary but then it gave me hope in a weird way that maybe in the not too distant future one of those women will be me.
Thank you for being there even though you don't know me. The support really makes this journey a little easier xoxo
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Why?!?!
to all who have experienced a loss
If only there were an answer....
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