help with weaning mess

[Kmn]

Hi,
DS is 22 months. I've worked full time for the last year, and over the last few months I've been "not offering" as encouragement to wean.
This has been a bit of a disaster - I now have a bub who is pretty much weaned by day unless he's really tired or sad, and feeds 3-6 times a night. Co-sleeping makes it a bit more bearable - but I'm sore and tired.
Last night I tried the "water and cuddles" at 3am, after he had already had 3 feeds in the night and things were pretty empty. Despite every trick DH and I know, we had an awake, grumpy kid until 9am.
He self-settles for naps during the day, and only feeds until mostly asleep at night. And when I leave for work in the morning he'll happily go back to sleep for 4 or more hours. But the nights are a mess!
thanks
Kate

[onthefly]

You must be tired
My guess is he's using the night time as a chance to catch up with mummy.

When you say disaster, is that because he's not fully weaned (and you would like him to be)? I guess it's always a case of two steps forward, and one (sometimes two) back.

One thing you could try is getting your DH to take over night time settling. That's the only thing that worked for us. or else, have you read Elizabeth Pantley's no cry sleep solution (she has one for toddlers too). She has lots of good advice, including stuff specific to co-sleepers and breastfeeders.

Good luck!

[Kmn]

Thanks. I've gone through the no-cry toddler book, and used the not-feeding-completely to sleep from there. But I can't seem to get him to do the next step of going back to sleep without feeding - or more accurately of waking up without then tugging on me, yelling "booboos" and refusing to lie down unless they are provided! I used to be able to feed him and then roll over and he'd cuddle up and go to sleep - but now when I roll over he's pulling at me to roll me back. He also seems to wake up and demand feeding more times a night than he used to.
I would like him to wean fully over the next few months - but in the meantime I would like him to get back to bedtime and morning feeds, rather than all night feeding. And I would like him to not comfort suck so much that I end up sore.
He's strange - he'll settle beautifully for DH if I'm not there (i.e. out of the house), but he has a really strong association of nighttime sleep with me. I think I have got to the point Elizabeth P describes as "your boobs are your child's teddy".....

[onthefly]

Yeah, you're a teddy! (it's a good thing really)
Maybe what you need is a good week or so with daddy doing nighttime duties.

[Jennifer13]

I night-time weaned by refusing the bb, offering a drink of water instead and lots of cuddling in our bed. DD started the night in her own bed and would then come into us when she wanted me (and bbs generally). I had a few nights of an unhappy DD while I refused the bb, but it wasn't *that* bad and I was always with her while she was upset. I still bf her in the morning (I adopted the rule of 'bbs are asleep while it's dark, you have to wait until the sun comes up') and before bed-time, so she wasn't completely weaned.

I think if you're consistent he will get there. I should add that DD's increased night-time bfing came out of the blue at around 16 mths and wasn't something she had always done. I don't know if it was developmental or just a phase where she needed the comfort of me and bbs more, but it did pass.

[Kmn]

Last night I left him at around 2am and he's still asleep....
I think the run-away-mummy method might actually work!