Does it get easier?

[melsa31]

My DS is nearly 15 months old and has just started daycare three days a week because I've had to go back to work. Up until now he's always been at home with me and is a happy, easygoing child.

He's had three days at daycare now and is not coping very well. He cries when I drop him off and continues on and off all day. Yesterday when I picked him up he was crying and judging by how wet his little face was, he'd been crying for some time.
At home he is still having two naps which total about 3 and a half to four hours but at daycare is only sleeping for 35 -45 mins each time. Since he started he has been sooo tired all the time and is quite whingy. I feel so awful! We don't have anyone in the family who is available to look after him during the day and we can't afford for me to stay off work for any longer. I just feel sick thinking about him being there, missing his mummy's attention and not getting the sleep he needs.

My question is, has anyone else been in the same position and did it get better? How long did it take?

I just feel like I'm doing wrong by him...

[Rivlas]

If he is finding this to hard what about getting him looked after in some ones home. That way it would be a smaller group or 1 on 1 and he would be able to get his sleep.
Do you know a uni student who could do it in your own home?

[onthefly]

It's really hard isn't it?
DS was in 2 days a week for a while last year. He never really settled in and we pulled him out after 12 weeks. But that was at least partly because he kept getting sick. When he was finally able to go more than one week in a row, he got better. The second week he didn't cry when I left and waved goodbye. The third week he smiled when I told him we were going and was happy much of the time he was there. Then he got sick again
Anyway, if he hadn't gotten sick all the time I think he woudl have setteld in ok. I still don't think it was right for him, though.
I work from home so have a babysitter come in when I'm working, or my mum does. It's very expensive compared to daycare, but worth it cause he's much happier this way (and so am I).

Anyway, I would give it another week or two, then reassess. Some kids, I've heard, can take up to 6 weeks to settle in. Which seems an awfully long time to me.
You might be surprised next week . All the best

[Oorki Galoorki]

have you checked out family daycare? they are more willing to go with your routine then "the centres' it also means smaller groups

[human bean]

It's really a decision only you can make, and my comments come purely from a childcare background, not a parent one (yet!)

It can take several weeks to settle in, and it can normally get worse before it gets better. Establishing his sleeping routine will probably take the longest because he is unsettled so he's not relaxing enough to have his regular length sleeps - as he settles into the environment his sleeping should settle too. And I would hazard a guess there is probably a few new children in the class at this early a time in the year so there are probably a few unsettled children, even waking each other up (if they share a sleeping room/area), and everyone's still getting to know each other - carers and children. Are your hours/length of your working day flexible at all? We really recommend shorter, more positive days to begin with, than longer days that can be really tiring to start with, but realise not everyone can do that either.

I completely understand how hard this must be on you, and your instinct will tell you what you need to do, but it will take time for him to settle in (if he is going to) so you may need to persevere a little longer (2 or 3 weeks) and see how he goes. You'll know you're making progress when the upset times get shorter and shorter and make sure the carers know you want them to be really honest with you on how he's going. He may continue to be upset upon seperation and collection, but as long as he's settling more during the day you'll know he's easing his way into it.

Good luck and I hope it gets easier for you both - whatever decision you make

[Panda74]

I can't imagine anything harder than this! I'm in the same boat - I have to work so DS has to go in to care. But I have just pulled him out of FDC this past Monday. He started out ok - we did short days (highly recommended) but the environment wasn't quite right for him. Are you happy with the centre? If you don't absolutely love it then chances are its not a match, if you think you've picked the right place then maybe stick with it..(with short days)

Please trust your instincts. DH and I drove away Monday morning as our DS was screaming. We told ourselves its ok, this is what happens, babies cry when you drop them off. Whats ok for 90% of other families may not be ok you! I wish I could go back to Monday and not leave him there. We got a call 11.30am to come get him. This week his Grandma is looking after him while I think about a better arrangement. He is a different boy! He is happy to the extreme!!

I personally think several weeks to settle in is a bit of a worry. It would have to take its toll wouldn't it? Are there any child psychs out there who can answer?

We are on the waiting list for an FDC that is a match for us and I am also thinking of not working and working weekends only or something.. I don't know! Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

[Eng]

I had too had problems when I droped of DD..

The first day I sat and played there for a about and hour.. I sneaked out while DD was playing.. I would watch from the window to make sure she was settled.. (still do) I only left her 5 hours (2 of those were nap time) DD would always be screaming and crying when she saw me in the afternoon..

My mum helps too so she drops DD off too.. From what the daycare tells me, my mum would lead her in with a jelly bean and let one of the staff take her.. Yes she did scream.. Yes it was hard..

I made a point of telling her that I will be back to pick her up after her afternoon tea.. It took between 6 to 8 weeks for her to be ok.. (Plus she got a new career in her room so that helped too I feel)

The only thing I would suggest is on your day off, go with DS to daycare and spend a couple of hours there.. My darecare suggested I take her for a couple of hours a day before..

Its tuff being a working mum..