How do I tell if he's unhappy at childcare?

[amberj]

Peter is in FDC one day a week, and has been for the past year or so. He went through a time of being unhappy being dropped off, but then was ok for a long time. Lately, he is back to being unhappy when we leave him, but its gotten really bad. He cries like his poor little heart is breaking. Its awful. Our FDC lady says he doesn't cry for very long, and he is usually happy enough when we pick him up- actually, he's often so absorbed in his play he only gives us minor recognition.

I just feel so terrible for leaving him when is obviously makes him so distressed. Is this normal, or is this a reflection that he hates his day care and is really unhappy there? Is it harder because its only one day a week, so he 'forgets'?

Guilt, guilt, guilt...!!!

[Netix]

Just a quick reply, my little man is going a bit nuts.

Ryan is, no, was the same, he is getting better when I drop him off for two days a week, but not at FDC. He would scream his little head off, and I would go into the staff lounge and drink coffee until he was quiet. I would ring every day, at least twice, and the ladies would tell me how he was doing. He doesn't cry now (just this week) when I drop him off, and is much happier there now. All I can really say is to go by what the staff tell you, and how he is when you get there to pick him up.

[MrsFabuloso]

Jessica, I would say he might just be experiencing separation anxiety, which peaks anywhere between about 10ish mths- about 2ish yrs. My DS has recently started screaming when I leave ofr work too, and I leave him with DH/SIL/mum. So it's not that he's with someone unfamiliar (especially when with Daddy, he ADORES his Da!), it's just that I'm leaving him. Once I'm gone I'm told he's happy as Larry, but it's just the actualy act of seeing me leave the room that sets him off. Sometimes I can't even go to the loo without him crying!
I would say he's happy but just experiencing a normal developmental stage. If you could, maybe putting him in another day might help with the anxiety?

[stacey83]

my ds was exactly the same!!

I first started him when he was 14months old when i first went back to work. I hated it, he would scream and cry everytime i dropped him off and it would break my heart!! this was only 2 days a week, and it went on for 2 months until i couldnt handle it anymore and just told work i could only do weekends as the cost of the childcare and what i actually brought in wasnt really worth it.
I was so happy when i took him out!

Anyway since then i have moved location, and im expecting baby number 2, so i started him off again at childcare again in beginning of december. I thought he'd get into it as being 2 1/2 now i thouight he'd love being entertained and playing with the other kids. And it would allow me to have a break, and get things i needed done, like the grocery shopping that i cant do with a naughty toddler!!!


However, for the first couple of weeks, things went ok, he got a bit upset when i left, but the teachers distracted him so much with lots of things going on he soon got over me going and when i would come to collect him he was so happy and had a great day. However, in those weeks something happened, cos they closed over christmas and when i went to return him in january everytime i pulled upto the daycare, he would scream and cry No mum! No no no no and be crying his eyes out! and ive also noticed an increased aggression towards other kids when he's playing at the playground, he hits them.

So i thoink something has happened at the daycare, and ive now pulled him out. As much as the carers were telling me "its just seperation anxiety"! i dont think they are right! i think something happned to him, he got into a fight or something because there's alot of other bigger kids there.


So anyway, its hard cos they cant tell you! I just think its a young age for them to be left without you! cos they cant talk properly and it must be so scary for them!
You just hope nothing bad will happen to them, and most of the time they should have good days and its good to have a break from each other!!

I think my little boy will be more ready to go at 3 when he's grown up a bit more.

You gotta weigh up wether the time you have him in the daycare is worth it?
Are you working on that day?or is it just for a break for you?
And is it really good for you to have that time away from you? if so then, i'd keep perceivering with it, cos you said he does have good days its just that first initial leaving him/saying goodbye that upsets him.

But you'll know when and if to pull him out, if he screams so much to the point where you gotta drag him in (like my son did) then its not a good idea to keep him at a place where he is unhappy, as i believe it affects there behaviour and personality.

And they do say, the first 4 years of a childs life, frames who they are for the rest of there life. As this is the rapid time of brain development and developing personality.