Thinking about taking out of FDC and getting a nanny/sitter- know any? (Melb west)

[amberj]

Our little man is getting increasingly unhappy when we drop him at FDC. He is only there one day a week, and dropping him off is a major drama. He cries and screams like his little heart is breaking, and our FDC lady has to pry him off us. It just kills both of us to drop him off that like. I feel like we're breaking his trust every time.

We've decided to look around at the option of getting a nanny or sitter in for the one day a week he would otherwise be in care. We both think he will be much happier at home with someone he can get to know. It will be a whole lot more expensive than FDC, but thankfully we are in a position where we can contemplate it, even if it means using some savings.

So, my questions are:

1. Where do I go about finding this person? I know I can go through agencies, but are there other options? I can picture a female uni student, or a lady who's kids have grown up who probably wouldn't register with an agency. Do I put an ad in the local paper? Do I contact the local uni's?

2. Is there any set rate ("award" rate) for such a sitter? Is $80 for the day (9am-4pm) waaaaay too low? He does sleep for 2 of those hours and I wouldn't really expect them to do any housework.

Any other input?

[luna moth]

For Melbourne, that rate is pretty low. You'd be getting someone with little to no experience or qualifications. If you do a web search on nanny agency, there is a major online one that is a very good option. I have been registered on it in the past and have been very happy (as a nanny, not as a parent)

At Bean Man's age though, it's quite normal to cry at separation, and even to cling to you - it's actually a really good sign that he's formed a good strong attachment with you. The issue is not how loudly he cries, but how long he cries for. Ask his carer. (if you don't feel like you can trust the carer's information, pull him out anyway)

Here's some tips on separation, if you want to give it a try at making it easier:

* If he's happy on arrival, stay with him. Play. Have fun. Don't mention that you're leaving just yet.
* If he's anxious as soon as you pull into the driveway, then make it as quick as possible, like ripping off a bandaid. If you hang around, he will wind himself up, knowing that you must be leaving soon - the longer you stay, the more upset he will get, and the harder it will be for the carer to settle him. This will leave him with memories of being upset there, and make it worse the next time. It's a hard cycle to break, so try to make it as painless as possible.
* Once you have said goodbye, and he is extracted from you, WALK. Go as fast as you can to the door. Do NOT try to settle him int he other carer's arms - it sends a very confusing message - "I have to go, but, oh wait, you're crying. I'll stay a bit." This will make him cry more, KWIM? Quick and painless.
* Only say goodbye once. Then go. Swiftly.
* When you tell him that you're going, tell him when you're coming bvack, in terms of his daily routine. Something like "after you have afternoon tea" or similar is a good option.
* Never sneak off (doesn't apply to you, I know, but for anyone else)
* When you pick him up, remind him that you always come back. Once you have done this a few times, you will be able to use it at drop-off as well, and it will be very reassuring.
* Don't try to justify to children WHY you have to go to work. Don't use lines like "Mummy has to go to work so she can buy you nice toys/take you to shows etc" That doesn't make sense to them. If you want to say something, say "Mummy has to go to work today." End of story. If you cop "Whyyyyy?" Answer in terms of what you actually DO at work, such as "Well, if I didn't go to work, there'd be nobody to answer the emails, or clean the floors, or whatever"

See how you go with that. If nannying isn't within your price range, see if you can find someone who wants to nanny-share. Or a mummy-nanny - often cheaper options.

Good luck hun! Hit me with any Qs...

[onthefly]

We use a babysitter when I'm working.
I have found our sitters through the findababysitter website. You have to pay to join - it's actually quite expensive, especially since it's purely a listing and they don't do any vetting or anything like that, but we have found a few good babysitters that way so has worked out ok.

You could put signs ups. In the end it's all a bit hit and miss - you have to go with your gut feeling on meeting them. Maybe we've just been lucky, but our sitters have been pretty good.

We pay around $17/hr. for 9-4 we paid $120. At the moment we pay $140 for 9-5. She does clean up after him and a little bit of laundry if she gets the chance. Another sitter we had insisted on sweeping and doing the dishes while DS slept, for the same price.

I consider nap time paid break time. These days he's better, but he used to sleep for such short stretches that I figured our sitter had really earned the break, you know? That said, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask a sitter to do a few things around the house while your son is sleeping, it's just something to negotiate between you.

One option since your son is a bit older is getting someone in who has a young child of their own - they will usually charge less since they are also caring for another child.

Good luck!