I feel so guilty.
I feel like I am responsible for my baby's death. She had the cord around her neck 3 times and was breach at 31 weeks. The doctor told me at my last appointment at 30 weeks to get on my hands and knees when the baby was active to give them more room to flip. At the time we didn't know the cord was around her neck.
The night my baby died she had been really active, I was on my hands and knees trying to get her to flip. I even pushed her bum a little bit to help her turn. There was a lot of moving around that night. She was wiggling all over the place. The next morning I didn't feel her anymore and when I went to the hospital they told me she had died.
Everyone tells me it is not my fault but I feel so responsible. How do I deal with the guilt and not having anyone understand it? Even my husband tells me I shouldn't feel guilty but I can't just turn it off. I will always think... what if...
Oh honey I'm so sorry you went through this, I'm not sure what to say to you but just wanted to let you know I'm sorry I'm sure there are other people on here that have been through similar situations.
Take the time you need to grieve, you will go through a lot of emotions maybe you can talk to a professional and they can help you get through this.
Sweeetie, please, please don't blame yourself. It is a very natural feeling though, my psychologist kept telling me over and over until I believed her. When we lose a baby/child, we need something/someone to blame, and of course we look to ourselves first. The thing is, there is nothing you could have done hun. It is a very tragic thing that happened to you, but not your fault.
When I lost my first baby Joshua, I blamed myself for his passing. I went ahead with the pregnancy even though I had a very big fibroid that was living outside my uterus. I sought an opinion and was told that is was less of a risk to go ahead with the pg, than to remove a big, living fibroid. If we were to remove it before I got pg, I could have had a massive blood loss and lose my uterus altogether. So I went ahead with my pg, and then the fibroid inteferred with it, and I lost my litle boy. For a long time I blamed myself for going ahead with the pg with the fibroid in there, but then when I lost Joshua, the fibroid died during his birth, and eventually when they removed it, it was very easy to remove (there was no blood supply to it anymore) and the operation was a breeze and a total success. I then tried again for another baby with a clean slate, and now I'm due in 4 weeks.
Please be gentle to yourself, and as hard as it is to accept our loss, it must be done in order to move forward. Sometimes things are just not in our control hun. Big hugs darling
I am so sorry hun that you are going through this.
My experience was different, for no known reason my body went into spontaneous labour when i was 20 weeks pregnant, medication miraculously delayed the inevitable but by 24 weeks my body just wanted Nikita out. She was perfectly healthy as was my placenta but for some reason my body just wouldn't support her any more.
I have an understanding of the guilt that you are feeling, I still feel responsible for what happened even though all the logic in the world tells me tat I didn't do anything wrong.
I wish I could give you a miracle answer and say "do this and it will all be better and you won't feel guilty anymore" but the fact is there isn't anything other than time and talk.
The more you talk about what happened and how you feel, whether its in here, to a counsellor, to family and friends, the more you heal and the feelings subside bit by bit. I honestly can say that nearly two years on I still feel pangs of guilt but I remind myself that there was "nothing" I could do it happened just the way it was meant to play out. Its a hard stance to take but it is what is and you cannot change it.
my deepest sympathies hun, its a very rough road to travel I do understand and I wish I could just reach in and give you the biggest hug and reinforce that it is NOT your fault, you did everything you possibly could.
You ladies are so incredible. Thank you so much. It makes me relieved to know that what I am feeling is not uncommon. I really appreciate the support and all your kind words.
<hugs>
Thinking about you and your beautiful baby girl. I have complete empathy for the struggle you are going through at the moment.
I lost my daughter in Feb 2009 at 41 weeks at the end of labour, then an emergency section.
One year on, it is still a struggle, although the days do get easier.
As far as the guilt (I have it by the bucket load because of issues surrounding the birth), but do talk it over with people and see a counselor. It doesn't matter how many people tell you it wasn't your fault, it will still occasionally come back and haunt you. Write down your feelings, and the reasons that you know or have been told by others, that it isn't your fault and on bad days you can reread that.
If you ever need to talk please pm me.
Hugs Hun,
RIP sweet baby Girl Clara.
Guilt
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I'm sure there are other people on here that have been through similar situations.
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