Finding it extra hard at the moment....a few words of advice/help would be lovely!!!

[beckoes]

I dont know if its cause we have got used to having DP around so much more in the last few months and now he is working all day again or if DD has just hit a new 'stage' but im really finding her behaviour hard to handle at the moment.

She has started SCREAMING if she doesnt get her way, doesnt want to go in the car seat, wants to put her hand in the toilet, wants to sit on the kitchen counter ALL the time, what ever it may be, and she will just SCREAM full bore, then if i manage to distract her with something the tears and screaming stop instantly and she is 100% normal again....till next time. I know this is just kids her age and its normal but its really getting to me, the disraction isnt working every time any more and the screaming is happening more and more. I do all the tricks i know. but its really getting to me and i actually lost my temper today after trying everything and getting nowhere. i just yelled STOP IT...which of course made her cry more and made me sad.

She has also started getting quite angry about some things, havent really pin pointed what sets her off, but she will get red faced and actually smack DP or me and yell NO MUMMY/DADDY...which is NOT something we do ATALL. the only place i can think that she would have got that from is when she falls and hurts her self DP with tap the 'chair/floor/whatever she hurt herself on' and say naughty.

I guess what im rambling on about it that this is the stuff ive always been terrified of...how the heck do i deal with this in the right way. im trying so hard to respond in the right way, not give in to what she is crying about, picking my battles, explaining stuff to her, talking to her, hugging her, distracting her, giving her boundries but letting her explore her limits, giving her choices and independace within reason. But it just seems to be getting worse and more uncontrolable. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG????? i cant stand these screaming, roll on the floor, hissy fits!!!

TIA

[onthefly]

Yeah, I dunno, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong, just that she's getting very frustrated.
Don't get down on yourself for not being perfect, ok? We're all mere humans and will lose it sometimes

Don't have any actual advice, sorry

[Vixstar]

Oh No! Your daughter sounds full on. My youngest went through a stage of driving me batty form 6 months up until about 2 months ago.....he is 2 in April!

All I can think of (with 2 kids trying to climb all over me) is have you just walked away from her? No audience = no reward.

I have learnt heaps from the Raising Children website.

They have a DVD based on the website for $15 and it has been watched many a times in my home. I even went so far as writing out points and sticking them up on my pantry door as a 'check sheet'.

The website is supported by the Aust Govt. The DVD is interactive and the website has tons of really useful info on it.

I also have used and learnt heaps for Toddler Tactics by Pinky McKay!

I hope this stage does not last long for you. It does make being a Mum hard and the days oh so very long

[Heaven]

I second 'Toddler Tactics' by Pinky McKay. It's great. Reading it now so I'm prepared, lol.

[beckoes]

Thanks ladies....Vix, thats the thing thats really getting to me...She is not atall normally full on, its just the last few weeks...untill now i could count the tanties on one hand!!! she has already had more today than she has had in the last 18 months!!!!!!!!!
Il look at the web site again, have seen it before but will have another look thanks ladies!
She is almost ready to wake up from her sleep, im going in with a fresh head and nothing else to do so hope for a better afternoon.

[Jennifer13]

You might find she's just going through a developmental stage and is having a bit of trouble communicating what she wants to. It's hard for little ones to get their message across when they haven't yet learned to speak comprehensively. Have you tried signs for some things to help perhaps?

It will pass!

[~Kim~]

You aren't doing anything wrong.

It's really tough when they know what they want but don't have the communication/negotiation skills to ask/understand.

Explaining anything when they are doing that is futile in my experience, so what has worked for us thus far is simply saying "I am not going to tolerate that behaviour' in a moderated voice and me putting them in their room. Not as punishment but because it's quiet and child friendly. I tell them that when they're ready to calm down, then I'm happy to deal with them.
Usually within about 20seconds it's over and she's found something else to do than tanty. From about that age DD would say, alright mum I'm ready now....
Out and about again I say that and she goes in the pram/ or we return to the car.

[beckoes]

Thanks ladies, DD is a really good talker, and she does have a few signs but has the words for those things too. but i guess its hard to get more complicated things across. i ordered that book from my local bok shop so hope that will explain a few things.

[whoops]

Another great read is Raising Your Spirited Child. Really helped me with DS2

[BhoysGirl]

Lots of good advice & ideas given already, so not sure that I have that much to add. My DS, when he decides to melt down, is impossible to reason with - it's like he really has to calm himself down, cos hugging him, even talking to him just makes things worse. I find it hard to not be able to help him through in a way, but sometimes the walking away, not in anger, is just the thing he needs me to do. It's something that the carers at his daycare have commented on as well - that he's just a kid that needs to process things for himself for a minute or so, and that once he's had that opportunity, we can go back to him and actually talk about the problem/come up with a solution. Very frustrating at times though.

[Fleur]

You might find she's just going through a developmental stage and is having a bit of trouble communicating what she wants to

I was going to say the same, it could be a phase? She sounds like she's blowing off steam.
Sometimes things get worse before they get better...but it will pass Hang in there

[MummyNaomi]

Awwww, it sounds like normal 'toddlerhood' to me, not that it makes it any easier for you hon!

I hope this passes soon, such a big change in behaviour is often a developmental leap as the other lovely ladies mentioned, so hang in there

Sounds like you are doing a great job, just keep being consistant and distract, distract, distract!

Heaven - you have inspired me to get Pinky McKays Toddler book in advance to prepare also , I really enjoyed her "sleeping like a baby"

[beckoes]

my copy of pinkys book is on order and i cant wait to get my hands on it, although today has been 'a little' easy, i think thats mainly because i have been on her behaviour 500%....the second she is getting a tiny bit frustrated or annoyed or bored or anything really...i have distracted or removed the situation, its been tiring but we have avoided too many major melt downs, although i cant be this fastidious (sp) all the time so i hope its juat a phase and she will at least be able to read a book on her own again soon without chucking a wobbler cause the page got stuck together ...lol, have to see the funny side!
we actually have this little book with all these faces of kids having different emotions..happy, sad, scared...etc....and also 'where is the green sheep'...she loves 'scared sheep' and its helped her to understand different feelings etc and she had a bit of a tantie today and we (DD and I) kinda decided it was because she was excited to see a friend of DPs that she loves.....was pretty awesome to actually get to the bottom of one!
I think it could be a developmental thing now too....a lady in the shops today asked DD her name and she actually answered with her name.....shes never done that before! she normally says 'baby'!
Thanks for all the replies, i really appreciate it!!!

[ElleJay]

Your not doing anything wrong - just wanted to give you big hugs