In the early hours of Thursday morning I woke to lower abdominal pains, I knew this was the start, I woke DH and told him and as I didn't want the children to be woken I drove myself into hospital. I was taken up to the maternity ward and monitored. All day Thursday I continued to have mild contractions, I had breakfast in the morning but by lunchtime I could not keep anything down including sips of water. I was given injections of pethadine which really helped with the pain. I was looked after by the same 3 midwives throughout my 27hr labour, each time they changed shifts they would ask me if I wanted to see my baby when he was born, each time I said "no". I was too scared that if I held him I wouldn't be able to let him go and as we were told he would have deformities I was just too scared. Thursday evening they brought in the scan and I was told my babies heart was not beating anymore, I didn't cry, I knew he was still with me. Around 9.00p.m they decided to induce me as labour was not progressing and they were finally going to give me something to stop me being sick. I decided to go to the toilet as once I was hooked up to IV I knew it would be harder, I had a show and told my midwife. My OB came in and started to insert a canula but because I was so dehydrated she had so much trouble. As she was trying I had the most excruciating pain which I thought this is it, I'm going to birth my baby. I couldn't move my hand as my OB continued with the canula, this pain went on for at least 5min which then my waters broke. Finally the canula was in and the nightmare begun. I really don't remember a great deal about Thursday night I think I was given something stronger for the pain because it is all such a blur. The contractions came on strong and fast, one minute I was fine then bang the pain was so intense. At some point during the night my midwife took my temp and asked me if I was hot, no I said I'm freezing. Then she called for another midwife and asked her to bring in an old fashioned thermometer because she wanted to check my temp again. I must have had a fever, my sheets were soaked and the two midwives changed them by rolling me over a few times. My midwife never left the room the whole night, I remember her telling someone "I'm not leaving her", she was my angel that night. At one stage the contractions were so painful then I sat upright in bed and said to her "the pain is gone" it was such a weird feeling. In the morning at shift change she said goodbye to me and told me "I'll be thinking of you today", I will never forget her kindness. Cindy was on again in the morning and once again she asked me if I would like to see my baby when he is born, she also added that it has helped many women in their grieving process by seeing their baby. I said ok but I won't hold him. I was not so exhausted and just had no energy left, I was still being sick and couldn't eat or drink anything. It was around midday that the pains once again increased but I knew these were the pains that were going to bring my precious angel into this world. Another midwife had opened the door and I just said to her please call Cindy the pains are bad. Cindy came in and did everything she could for me, she suggested I get on all fours on the bed as gravity may help. She placed a beanbag underneath me and it all started. I could feel my baby passing through me and that was the only time I cried throughout my labour. Cindy wrapped up Emmanuel and held him and sat on the bed with me. I took one look at him and smiled, I now knew I needed to hold my precious Emmanuel. I owe so much to Cindy for persisting with me because holding my baby was the best ever. I kept smiling, I didn't cry, it was the most precious moment ever that I will never forget. I didn't see his deformities, in my eyes he was just perfect. He is now in my heart forever.
Hugs hun thank you for sharing your birth of Emmanuel, I am crying reading such a supportive story I am so glad you had such gorgeous caring mw's when it really mattered.
Thank you for sharing Dianne. You are truly a beautiful strong Amazing women with a heart of gold! R.I.P beautiful precious angel Emmanuel I'm thinking of you Dianne xox
thankyou for sharing Dianne - you are amazing to share this with us all. i hope being able to share with us has helped you with your own grieving (as i imagine it will never cease)
Dianne, thank you for sharing your story with me. I am so happy that you got to hold your angel. I will also never forget when I held mine. Those memories are so special. Big hugs hun
Reply With QuoteDianne. I can't begin to imagine how you were feeling.
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Birth story of my angel Emmanuel
I'm thinking of you Dianne xox
~Noah~-2006 (20w5d)
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