She did not just say that..........

[Inertia]

DS1 has been suspended. Its a long suspension. I am extremely disappointed in my sons actions leading to this suspension and have told him for all his life that violence solves nothing. I give him coping strategies and he knows well and demonstrates often - at home at least - an ability to think his words and actions through before he uses them. A week and a bit ago, he is in class and two boys are - as per usual - hassling him relentlessly. They can be cruel as is well known about other kids. He uses every strategy taught to him. Leave me alone. I am not listening, etc etc. They don't let up. Something in him snaps and he turns around and punches them.

The Deputy Principal paints a horrible violent picture and excessive suffering by the other students. However when the police call he to has a story from the vice, far worse than the one he told me and the story that he was told by everyone else, including the medical staff called in by he deputy, was far less dramatic. Does not excuse what DS did, but upsets me also because I do not feel that the level of victimisation he has suffered has even been close to accurately portrayed, so the deputy is making my son out to be someone he is not. Rhe police officer has said that they will not be taking it further as they do not feel that DS should be any further crucified.

Just then I had a call from the local suspension centre. She once again mentions taking DS to a paediatrician and I advise her that we have been informed that a Paed can only look at medical causes and medicate those causes. You cannot medicate bullies away. She then turns around and says to me (paraphrased) "Yes but there has to be more to why DS is being bullied. There has to be a medical reason or a home reason why they are picking on him. And you have to look into these reasons or he is not going to survive high school".......

Hang on. Did she just blame Me and DS for him being bullied??????

What do you think. Does she have a point or are they just doing more buck passing?

[Lulu]

YES, she did just blame you and DH. Complain if you have the strength..

FAR OUT

[diannescruffy]

Firstly big to you, honestly I can't believe what the school have told you. As you said a paed cannot medicate bully's, I'm shocked they have suggested this to you. Why were the police called? Doesn't the school have in place a programe for this sort of behaviour. I would be making an appointment to speak to the principal and tell him/her everything you have just told us. They really seem to be making it out much worse than what it really is. I totally agree on suspension for physical violence but the police and a paed . Wishing you all the best hun.

Regards,
Dianne

[Lulu]

One thing I hate with a passion is little &^$$( like that, that torment others and run crying for help at the first sign of (sometimes well deserved) retaliation.

fuming for you

[diannescruffy]

Agreed 100% Lulu, I highly condone violence but I bet they won't be messing with him anymore.

Regards,
Dianne

[Trillian]

Wow, I wished I lived in her alternate reality with her what does she really think is going on here? Last time I checked kids weren't bullying because of a medical issue and if they did have one and were bullied, then that is discrimination! I would be asking for a meeting with the principal, the deputy (seeing as how she has her big boots on LOL) and the parents of the other children involved, with the kids present as well and try to sort this mess out!

[Trillian]

One thing I hate with a passion is little &^$$( like that, that torment others and run crying for help at the first sign of (sometimes well deserved) retaliation.

fuming for you

That happened to my youngest brother. He was being teased by a boy in the year above him at school and being called a nigger, coon and gin and he put up with it for a long time, longer than he should have and this one day he snapped because there is a bit going on at home for him ATM and he decked this kid good and proper and dislocated his shoulder. Now I don't like that he resorted to that and hurt him as much as he did, but when this boys mother started ranting and raving about her boy being 'assaulted' and getting the police involved the soon backed down when the school kindly informed her at a joint meeting with them, her and Mum that her son was a racist bully and they were recommending counselling for him. But that was a bit different in that the school didn't know that there was a problem for him until this happened and once they knew they were on his side 100% to stop this kid from bullying him.

[westy]

OMG...yes she sure did try and balme you and your DS.

That's terrible im with Lulu...i'm fuming for you! My DS has been bullied at school too both this year and last year and i can assure you there is nothing going on with my child, nor is there any issues at home....i honestly cant believe that!

[Tinks]

What a horrible thing for her to say!!!

They're barking up the wrong tree anyway.... Why doesn't she focus all her energy into finding the 'medical or home issues' the other boys who are bullying him have!!

[CinderToriella]

Unbelievable...

i was bullied when i was at school for a while and i know how hard it is to deal with, i couldn't handle it and the school did nothing despite my mums best efforts, i ended up not wanting to go back to school i was to scared to, so i stopped going i got anxious ,depressed and i was not myself i lost my life my friends and myself at such a young age..Mum put me in home schooling after i saw councilors etc untill i was ready to go back to school( a new school)
Anyway thats off topic

Why were the police even called? No DR can tell you why your child is being bullied , what the heck is that gonna solve by taking him there, it will tell you if he has a medical problem, not solve the problem at hand which is he is being picked on at school, he had enough of it and he snapped, yeah he did the wrong thing , but god how much can the poor kid take ..And the fact that they said it was your fault and your boys my god how dare they.

I would take this to the principle ,tell him/her exactly what has been going on with the bullying ,the school has a moral obligation to you and your child to do something about it.

[NaeNae]

what on earth did you say back to that ??
what a ditz .... how could someone with an obvious intellectual problem become a D.P seriously issues at home make others bully you?? where is the logic in that

[Dansta]

thats just...stupid on the womens behalf! i was picked on from grade 3 right though to year 12. both in and out of school.

so BR i can honestly say i can understand where your son stood. in year 12 i snapped. shoved a girl into a wall, and i reported myself to a teacher. the dept. principal tried to have me suspended. despite the fact i'd reported being bullied to several teachers - they blamed me. the bully? well she walked away with a bruised shoulder and a dented ego. i walked away knowing she'd gotten her come uppance. i dont condone violence, walk away and ignore often works, but some times -sadly- people need that proverbial kick up the bum to open their eyes...and im sure your son has opened these others boys eyes right up.

complain, and very loudly too. no one has the right to tell you that your son is being bullies because of 'medical' issues. let alone "issues at home" if there is none. they need to look into the bully as chances are they have issues. if want some one to talk to, im happy to listen.

[Mak]

Ok so that is utterly ridiculous. I can only imagine how stressed out you are anyway without the doubt that some how it *might* be your fault (which it is not btw).
As a first point can you make a complaint about the statement that was made to you. To my simple mind bullying is bullying full stop. There should not be any looking for reasons to excuse such behaviour - that is how I read her comment. Any medical reasons would be discrimination and looking for other 'reasons' is simply inexcusable. She is not exactly breeding an environment of support and acceptance of others differences is she? Also who would complain of bullying if this is the standard response, I certainly doubt anyone would.
As other people have suggested could you organise a conference with the school, so include some of Ds' teachers to gauge the general consensus before you involve the boys and the other parents. You may get a better picture of what is going on.
I feel so infuriated for you - take care and good luck.

[aussienic]

our principal tried the same line on me last year whe my 10yr old DS was being bullied. and had been for 5 yrs. He said Ds needs to learn how to deal with said childs behaviour and no over react.. I just turned around and said um no he shouldn't have to deal with it because he does nothig to aggravate this child.. He reacts because it upsets him..

I would complain

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

That is far out unbelievable BR - I'm angry for you and DS!

DH got this same reaction in primary school - he was absolutely persecuted for the whole time, but the kids were careful not to leave visible marks. The one time MIL saw anything she took him right back to the Principal and complained loudly. Principal said they were aware of the problem, and DH just needs to stay away from them

[Cassius2]

they are totally passing the buck. and i *think* it has to do alot with the recent escalation of media attention in relation to the stabbing of the 12 year in brissy. there is ALOT of pressure on schools to ensure that bullying is not going on, but because there is little training/time and student to staff ratios are dismal in so many cases there is alot of pressure on teachers/principals to pass the buck and say: 'it wasnt me!'.

it also worries me that the only bullying they appear to be recognising is the physical stuff...it shows that they are really out of their depth in knowing what the kids are up to IMO. verbal and emotional bullying is also incredibly dangerous and damaging (as you are all too aware now!). not that i am minimising what your son did, but seriously, in that situation, what recourse did he really have? would he of actually had support from his care-providers at the school if he were to complain? or, would it be like in most situations that raising a complaint escalates the attacks? (as is what used to happen when we were going through school).

[Inertia]

Thank you so much for your replies ladies. I have been at a drs appointment but I am glad to get home and hear I am not overreacting. I was bullied too, and a lot of the time I heard that the problem is caused by my reacting to it. i did everything they said. I ignored it, I changed things about me to fit in better, I did it all. One night I was looking in the mirror brushing my hair and deciding how to wear it tomorrow and how tomorrow they might be nice to me, when it occurred to me that - no, they wont. Nothing I had done or could do is going to change who THEY are. I was told relentlessly that I have to change how I act, how I react, how I dress or how I talk. Not once was any of those children told to change. TO my mind today that just perpetuated the cycle by pushing the belief that bullying was acceptable - being different was not.

I swore black and blue that no one is every going to tell my children that the problem is them. That they have to change. She is quite lucky she said that to me, and not him - but I have an appointment at the school on thursday so now is the time to stand my ground on this one. They want me to get DS anger management and coping strategies, then I want to know full well that they are working with the other children so that my son NEVER has to use them.

DH is ready to pull them out and home school - and I am not prepared to use my kids emotional wellbeing to change the educational world - but I am not going down without a fight.

[diannescruffy]

Well done, wishing you all the very best for Thursday, let us know how you go.

Regards,
Dianne