weaning my almost 2 year old while still feeding mt 7.5 month old?

[loulabelle]

I'm still feeding my DS who will be two this month and also my 7.5 month old DD.

My DS is very much a comfort feeder and wants it whenever he is tired or upset.My DH is starting to nag at me to wean him, although I want to as well I'm not in a desperate hurry because I know it's going to be so hard while still feeding my DD.Also, I feel bad, he's still my baby.

Anyone have any suggestions on how I could wean him without causing him too much distress? or have any of you been in this situation?

Thanks in advance.

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

it sounds like your heart really isn't in this. Your son is completely within the range of breastfeeding (the normal age of weaning is estimated to be from 2.5 years - 7 years.) there are a multitude of advantages to breastfeeding an older child - including less illness, closer bonding with yourself and your sibling - but what tandem feeding mammas know best - it's easier - a quick way to get them to sleep or to soothe a hurt. think hard before parting with that!
He will wean, in his own time. Absolutely. They don't do it forever. But if you sense that at this time he still needs it, then be confident in your decision to keep feeding.

Barb
(who tandem fed her first 2 sons No 1 weaned at 4.5 yrs, No 2 at 2.5 years (the same week!)

[Jennifer13]

Maybe talk to your DH about all the benefits of continuing to bf your DS for a bit longer, he may decide to self-wean soon enough anyway.

My DD has just self-weaned before she turned four, so I don't have any advice on encouraging your DS to wean. I'd make sure that you do want to wean him, because while there are strategies to do so gently, if you don't want to it will make it hard for you to stick to it consistently! At two he will make his feelings known, and if he's not ready to wean you will be the one having to enforce that.

Have you thought about joining the ABA? I found the best thing for me once I was bfing an older toddler/child was to go along to my local ABA group meet-ups where I could talk to other mums who had BTDT with long-term bfing, tandem bfing, etc. It was a source of great support and advice for me. You don't need to join to visit a meeting or two, but I found I wanted to go along more often.

[loulabelle]

Thank you both of you for your replies and support.You are right, my heart isn't in it.
I just don't know how to get around the DH (and everyone else who seems to have an opinion).
A little history....Dh has a sister who does things a little differently, actually very differently! Although some of the choices she makes, I wouldn't, I admire her 'I don't care what you think' attitude.Anyway she breastfed her son to 5 1/2 and the whole family made an issue about it.DH's main concern is that people will make fun of me and our son the same way.
Every time DS breastfeeds he makes comment, He wants me to wean the second he turns two in two weeks time.
I really can't be bothered having it out with him about it but don't really want to wean either! agh

[Jennifer13]

If you are firm in your decision, how long do you think he will continue to hassle you? Perhaps taking the approach of 'this is something I really want to do, and since I'm the one who'll have to make the change and deal with the fallout, don't you think it'd be better if this was my decision? And I'd really like your support in this. Thank you' might work?

I can see how you really need his support to continue.

[StrawberryMumma]

Hey Laura

I've been in your situation (close to it anyway! My toddler was just a little bit older than your DS).

Husbands can be so funny about these things sometimes can't they?! But really, it doesn't affect them too much so I don't think they should have much of a say! IMO!

We did wean our toddler, but that was because I was tandem feeding and also fell pregnant. It was all a bit much to have 3 little ones feeding off me!
The way we did it was to try and cut out some feeds with distraction, keeping busy, special snacks etc..but at the times when she just wouldn't settle for anything else I just gave her a feed. We weren't strict at limiting feeds, if it got too hard, I would just try and cut out a feed another time.

Something I did find was that there's a bit difference with my DD's understanding at 2.5 years compared to 2 years of age. She was absolutely no where near ready to wean at 2 or before, but months later she had a much better understanding.

Good luck with your decision! I look back and think feeding her was so special and in some ways I miss that special part of our relationship even with all the silly questions and comments that I got along the way! Bf'ing a toddler is so precious.

[feeb]

I have DH telling me that I need to start weaning DS1 as he shouldn't feed after the age of 2. I said to him it would be too hard as feeding DS2 and not DS1 will cause jealousy and resentment between them.

MIL is disgusted that I am still BF DS1 told me that I needed to stop before DS2 was born etc which then caused DH to say things about it to me. I sent him links to ABA info.

Good luck

[Visitor8]

me... well I would be telling your DH to shove it and continue to feed. Crap if someone said that to me I would feed them until they were 4 just to **** them off.

I don't think that is a good reason to wean at all.

[Visitor8]

(who tandem fed her first 2 sons No 1 weaned at 4.5 yrs, No 2 at 2.5 years (the same week!)

WOW Did no 2 wean because the older one did?

[Barb Glare]

Yes- I think so! Wanted to be a big boy like his brother - and I was 12 weeks pregnant - it was getting to be a bit of a dry argument.
I think we all need a page out of Laurab's SIL's book - "who cares what they say or think"? The time they breastfeed is so short - really. Your actions and your SIL will be noticed and positively regarded - you are both living proof - and you will be a fabulous role model to friends and relatives - as well as a great mum to your little ones

[Kmn]

Maybe try and turn the issue around. Don't try and "wean", rather think about encouraging Sam to do some of the things that will help him self-wean:
*eat lots of different foods, including calcium sources
*drink milk from a cup as well as milk from Mum
*find ways of comforting himself that aren't booby based
*have a drink and some food first and then booby
*find a different way of going to sleep (assuming that he feeds to sleep)
Would an acceptable compromise be the "don't offer, don't refuse" option - if he asks for a feed and still wants one once he has had some water then give it to him. This way he's setting his own pace - and he will slowly cut back.